A/N: A nice long chapter for you all! I'm finding I'm really loving revisiting Neil/Addie in their "early days"... Let me know what you all think!
A Different Path: Chapter 8
Christy returned to the Cove the next day with a few of Adelaide's dresses Julia had got expanded. Neil was away, off on an emergency, and Christy dropped by the MacNeill cabin with the clothes in hand.
"I'm sorry, Adelaide" she said as she sat in the chair in their room, rocking Simon, while Adelaide tried on the garments. "I should have been here for you"
"No" Adelaide turned, tears in her eyes. "I should have been more sensitive to your feelings. I'm sorry too. You are my sister and I love you. I don't want you upset with me nor do I want to hurt your feelings. I honestly wasn't choosing Neil over you"
"I'm not upset with you" Christy reassured her, "and I know that it wasn't entirely your choice to marry Doctor MacNeill. And you are making such a difference here. I'm glad you decided to stay. These people need you...and" she looked down fondly at the babe, "Neil needs you too. I think you are good for him"
"Thank you, Christy. That means the world to me" She reached behind her to try to button the dress. "Darn" She sighed, frustrated. "It's still not quite large enough"
"It hasn't been that long" Christy said, her voice gentle, "And you really do look well, Addie"
"Can you help me? I think if I wear my corset again and tighten it, I should be able to button the dress"
"Sure" Christy kissed Simon and put him down on the bed and helped Adelaide tighten her corset. "Now, you don't want it too tight"
"Just a little tighter" Adelaide said. "I'm not trying to be fashionable here, just practical"
Christy looked at her sister in the mirror. "Adelaide, I don't quite think it is either fashionable or practical to wear your corset tighter..."
"I just want to feel like myself again, Christy" Adelaide said, "please"
"Alright" Christy tightened it tightly- Adelaide trying to hold her breath in to make more room.
"Oh, Lord" she groaned.
"Too tight?" Christy asked.
"No" she said, "It's fine. See if the dress fits. Can you get my buttons?"
Christy buttoned the dress. "Fits perfect now" she declared. "How does it feel?"
"Not good" Adelaide winced. She could feel the pressure of the corset protruding into her ribs, feeling like it was crushing her. She forgot what it was like after months of forgoing. "I suppose it's the price we pay as women"
"You know you don't have to wear your corset out here" Christy said. "No one would even notice if you don't"
"True" Adelaide sighed, "and I didn't when I was expecting, but...I refuse not to fit into these dresses considering mother expanded them...and they are made anyway to be worn with a corset"
"You have other clothes you can wear until you fit into it" Christy pointed out.
"Clothes I wore when I was first expecting Simon" Adelaide told her, "I'm done with my maternity clothes. I want to wear normal clothes again"
"I can understand that" Christy said.
"And you wear corsets" Adelaide smiled at her.
"Well, yes" Christy blushed, "David likes my dresses"
Adelaide smiled, "I like them too"
"But" Christy shifted, "Neil would probably rather you be practical about it, don't you think?"
She turned to her, "No, he just likes to think he is above that, but he appreciates it too- I know he does"
"Do you really think?"
She nodded, "I do" Her shoulders sunk forward slightly, defeated. Simon began to fuss and Adelaide went over to the bed.
"What's going on with you? You don't quite seem like yourself, sissy" Christy asked as Adelaide picked up Simon, trying to soothe him again.
"Neil and I..." she bit her lip. "I'm sure you don't want to hear about my marriage"
"No, it's alright" Christy retorted, her eyes full of concern. "Tell me. I know Neil, maybe I can help you"
"Are you sure?"
"Of course" Christy said, "You are my sister above everything else and I want to see you happy. Actually, I want to see both of you happy. What is it?"
She sat down on the bed with Simon, putting him on her shoulder and patting his back. "I expected things to just be natural and they aren't" Adelaide said, "You were right- I feel like I am betraying Simon to be with him, especially what we do as husband and wife"
"No" Christy shook her head, swiftly, "You aren't. I was wrong to ever imply that you marrying Neil was a betrayal to Simon"
"Even if you didn't say it, my feelings on the matter are what they are" Adelaide told her. "I like Neil. I like him a lot"
"Do you love him?" Christy asked, studying her.
She shook her head. "It's too soon for that"
"It's okay to let yourself be open to him" she told her, "I should have never said otherwise"
"I can't fall in love with him Christy"
"Why ever not?" she asked.
"Well, he...he doesn't..." she tried to search for the right words, "he doesn't feel that way towards me"
"I know he cares for you deeply" Christy said.
"That's not love"
"But you don't love him either"
"No" she said, slowly. "I suppose it's complicated...and things..." her face blushed and Christy inferred her meaning, "well, it's a bit awkward between us, which is making everything tense" she admitted.
Christy smiled, "Isn't it always between a husband and a wife at first, sissy? You told me that it would be that way with me and David, remember?"
"Well, considering Neil and I have both been married before, I assumed it wouldn't be" Adelaide countered. "And then the women were talking about Margaret and how beautiful and alluring she was..." Adelaide sighed. "I feel quite inadequate in so many ways"
Christy took her hand and turned her towards her, "What happened to your confidence, Adelaide? This is not like you"
"I was never quite confident" Adelaide admitted, "I was always horribly jealous of you"
"I was always jealous of you!" Christy exclaimed. "Aren't we silly?"
Adelaide laughed, "I suppose"
"Be yourself with him" Christy said, "He cares for you. I can see it. It was why I was jealous at first. Father gave me quite the talking to about it"
Adelaide's eyes widened in surprise. "Did he really?"
Christy nodded. "And sent me back on my way. He supports your marriage to Neil full heartedly. He even said that he saw something special between you months ago and that I should stop being selfish"
"I can't believe he told that to you"
"I needed to hear the truth" Christy said, "And I think Daddy wanted to make sure that my feelings didn't affect your chance at happiness. And he is right- I made my choice"
Adelaide paused, "What about mother?"
"Oh, well" Christy shifted with a small smile, "She thinks you married beneath you"
"I see" Adelaide grunted. "I should have suspected as much"
"She'll come around" Christy said, with confidence. "But as for you and Neil, just relax and be yourself and everything else will fall into place"
"I told him I needed space from our love making"
Christy's eyes widened, "I can't imagine him being okay with that"
"He's not" Adelaide said, grimly. "But he is more patient than I ever expected him to be"
"Neil? Patient?" Christy smiled, "I told you he cares for you"
Adelaide frowned, "I don't know"
"Adelaide" Neil called up. "What are ye doin, lass?"
Adelaide handed Simon to Christy and went into the hallway, "Christy is up here and I'm trying on dresses that mother sent back. Did you need something?"
"No, just wonderin" Neil said. "Take your time"
"No, we are done" Adelaide said as they came down the stairs.
"Hello, Christy"
"Neil" Christy smiled at him. "You look well"
"So do you" he said.
"Marriage to my sister must agree with you" she told him, "treat her well"
"I'm attempting to" Neil looked between the sisters, warmly. "Don't stop your sisterly bonding on my account"
"Stay for lunch?" Adelaide asked Christy.
"No" Christy handed Simon back to Adelaide, "David is expecting me home"
"Oh, I forgot, you wanted to borrow that book. It's upstairs. I'll be right back"
"Here lass" Neil held out his arms for the baby, "I'll take the lad"
She transferred Simon to his papa's arms, "There you go, baby, Papa has you"
Adelaide saw Neil's eyes lock with Christy's for a moment, before she quickly turned around and went upstairs. She returned a few minutes later to Neil and Christy seemingly in deep conversation, talking in low tones, Neil still holding Simon up on his shoulder. Adelaide stood at the top of the stairs, watching them carefully for a few moments before coming downstairs.
"Here it is" she said, handing the book to her sister.
"Thanks sissy"
"Visit soon?" Adelaide said, kissing her on the cheek.
"Of course. See you soon. Bye Neil" Christy nodded.
"Bye, Christy"
She patted Simon's back, "Bye my favorite nephew in the world"
Adelaide laughed, "He's your only nephew, sissy"
"For now" Neil said.
"Oh Lord" Adelaide blushed, "behave, Neil"
Christy blushed too. "Yes, Doctor. None of the birds and the bees talk" She shook her finger playfully at him.
"Plus, it's infinitely more likely for Christy to give us a niece or a nephew..."
Neil raised an eyebrow. "What are you saying, lass?"
"Just that I just had Simon so..." she blushed more, "I didn't mean it the way it sounded...oh, you are embarrassing my sister, Neil MacNeill!"
Christy giggled, "Apparently, not just me"
Neil winked, "There are an awful lot of red faces in here for two grown lasses"
Adelaide rolled her eyes, "Christy won't want to come and visit again with your teasing"
"No, I'm used to him" Christy said. "Have a good lunch. I'll see you soon"
"Bye Sissy"
She left them alone.
He came beside her and traced her cheek, "You and your sister seem back to normal"
She smiled, "Yes, and I'm so very glad" She paused, "Is it okay that I had her up to our bedroom?"
"That's fine" Neil told her, "There isn't a lot of room in the cabin especially when you are doing something like trying on dresses"
She nodded, "That's what I thought"
He looked at her, evenly, "Did your dresses fit?"
She blushed. "Yes, thankfully" she could tell he wanted to say something more, but stopped himself.
"Good, I'm glad" he gave her a kiss on the cheek before heading off to wash up for lunch.
Adelaide winced as she came down the stairs from putting Simon to bed. She should have changed hours ago- her body still not adjusted to her corset after months of forgoing.
Neil looked up, not missing wince or her hand as she went to rub the spot that was giving her so much trouble, confined by her corset. She met Neil's eyes, dropping her hand immediately as she came to the bottom of the stairs. He looked perturbed with her and she braced herself for what she was sure to be a heated discussion.
"Come here, lass" He told her, his voice not brooking argument. He laid aside his work on the side table, stood, and beckoned to her.
She sighed and came over to him. "Yes?" she asked, wearily. "Am I in for a scolding?"
"You know you are" he told her. "Now, turn around" he said.
"What are you going to do?"
"Undress you" Neil said, his voice short.
"Oh" she looked at him, "No thank you"
He raised his eyebrow at her, "I don't think I asked you, do you?"
She chewed on her lip. Neil could be as stubborn, hot headed and passionate as they come- he hadn't demanded her submission ever in their relationship so far, but she knew he expected her to yield to him when the occasion warranted. Still, she wasn't willing to give in that easily.
"I don't need you to" her eyes sparked.
"Do ye really want to go to battle with me about this now?" he asked her, his temper hanging on by a thread at her clear challenge.
"And if I said yes?"
"I would tell you that is unwise to get into a temper over something you are in the wrong about and to save it for when you are actually correct" Neil said, crossing his arms.
"You are in a temper, not me" Adelaide said.
"You are in one too. And mine is getting worse every moment you continue to pick a fight with me" he stared at her, "this is really how you want to proceed?"
"I'm telling you I'm fine" she said.
"You are in pain" he told her, "And I remained quiet all day about it, because I assumed you were not foolish to do something to harm your body for something frivolous as fitting into your dresses, but clearly I was wrong. Turn around now. My patience is waning quickly"
"I don't need you to doctor me" Adelaide said, standing her ground.
"No, but you do need a husband right now" Neil said, "lucky you, you have both"
"I'm not going to just obey your command" she dug in her heels.
"Woman" Neil let out his breath, "Considering I'm being tolerant in other ways in our marriage, you could try to be cooperative- I don't have an endless supply of patience on hand as you very well know. Now turn around"
Adelaide sighed and turned around, "Don't jump to conclusions"
"I rarely jump to conclusions, Adelaide" his voice was low.
"My body just has to adjust to the corset again"
"We will see" Neil said, grimly as he reached to undo the buttons to her light blue dress. "I can't believe that you of all people would be this foolish. If you bruised your ribs, I won't be able to control my temper" he warned. "It's going to explode at ye"
"I didn't bruise a rib- give me some credit" Adelaide retorted. "And I have been wearing corsets for years without any harm"
Neil put the bodice of the dress on the sofa and loosened the buttons to her skirt, sliding it down, placing it on the couch as well.
"Do you usually wear your corsets this tight?" Neil was aghast.
"Don't act superior" she retorted as Neil loosened for her. She sighed in relief. "These new types of ones don't do any damage"
"You are a nurse, Adelaide" Neil grunted, "you know that isn't entirely still true especially when tied this tight" He slid it off. "What were you thinking?"
"I just had to get it a little tighter to button the dress" Adelaide said, "Mother loosened it and it still wasn't enough"
"Then you wait another few weeks and try again" Neil countered, "not do something so harebrained"
"I'm good now, thank you for your help" Adelaide said as she stepped away from him, but Neil caught her arm, turning her around.
"Not so fast" He reached to untie the tie to her camisole. "I want to see"
"I don't want you to"
"Then that should tell you something" he told her.
"No, it should tell you something" she countered.
"Adelaide, stop arguing with me" Neil snapped. "Be cooperative for once in your life"
"Don't snap at me"
"Don't give me a reason to" he told her. "Besides the fact I'm trying to help you, I have every right to look at your body if I want to. You are my wife"
"Silly marriage" she muttered.
He looked at her in surprise and she flashed a smile at him.
"Why do I always insist on marrying the feisty ones?" Neil asked, wryly, his temper abating slightly.
"You wouldn't know what to do with an overly compliant wife" Adelaide responded. "You like being challenged"
"Not too much though" he told her, his voice low, "I have my limits, believe me. I'm taking this off now"
"If you insist" She sighed and he slipped the garment off, it sliding off her hips to pool at her feet.
"Step out of it" he gave her his hand and she stepped to the side, allowing him to pick it up and lay it with the rest of her things.
"Now" He turned back to her and looked at her body, "It left marks" he said, frowning deeply in disapproval.
"I'm sure it's fine" she said, softly, but her body tensed.
"I may be in a temper, but I'm not going to hurt you, lass"
"I know that" she said, "I was just" she sighed, resigned, "I was just anticipating you touching my ribs"
"That tells me a lot"
"Yes" her face flamed.
"I'll be gentle" He moved closer to her and ran his hand along the marks before reaching up and felt her ribs, causing her to wince sharply.
She let out her breath, trying to hide how much it hurt, but Neil knew.
"Damn it, Adelaide, you've bruised them" he cursed. "Wait here" his voice was low. "Do not move"
"I'm standing here completely unclothed in our living room" Adelaide protested, "anybody could stop by"
"They'll holler first" Neil retorted, "Do not move"
"Don't bully me"
"You need more than just me bullying you" Neil said, pointing a finger at her. "I don't know what is going on with you, but you and I will have words about this" his voice raised.
"I'm standing here without any clothes on in our living room" Adelaide hissed at him.
"Aye, I know" Neil inclined his head, "And there is nothing wrong with it"
Her eyes widened. "There is everything wrong with it" she exclaimed.
"And that philosophy is half our problem. You need to learn to be comfortable with your body. It's our home and I want you to remain where you are"
"You simply don't understand" Adelaide groaned.
"That's right, Adelaide, I don't" he told her, his voice rising again. "You can't tell me that you haven't been hurting all day"
"Of course, I've been hurting"
"Have you had trouble breathing as well?" his eyes were lit.
"No, of course not" Adelaide said, biting her lip, her telltale sign of distress.
"Do not lie to me" his voice was low.
"Okay, maybe a bit"
"And you kept it on?" Neil shouted, "Are you daft?"
"Yes, I kept it on" she looked at him, her eyes sparking too, "and I would do it again"
"That's the most idiotic thing I've heard" Neil thundered, "I thought you were different! I thought you had brains in your head. This, wife, is the very reason that women should not be doctors"
She stilled, "Do you believe that?" she asked, coolly.
"No, you don't turn this around on me" Neil grunted, "that's not happening to make me out to be the one in the wrong"
"We can talk about it later" Adelaide said.
"For God's sake, woman" He thundered. "Just stay here"
"Please let me go get my nightgown" she said, her voice softer, "I'm asking you as your wife. I need my nightgown"
"I'll get your dressing gown for you. It will be easier for me to treat your ribs. You can stay here for a few minutes"
"You are trying to shame me" she accused.
"No, sweetheart. I would never do that to you" Neil's look softened and his voice returned to normal volume, "but you should be ashamed- not of your body, but tying that corset that tight knowing it was hurting you"
"It's fashion"
"It's vanity" Neil retorted, his voice become heated again, "and you, Adelaide, are far better than that"
"I'm moving"
"You will not move"
"Or what?"
"Or I take you to our bed and make love to you which I've wanted to do for days now"
"You can't force me to obey you or make love to you"
"Really?" Neil challenged, "both of those are my rights as your husband and you know it. I could demand you yield to me. And believe me, do not push your luck. I'm not a patient man to begin with and you are sorely testing me right now"
"I don't believe for a minute that you would force me to your bed" she challenged.
"No, I wouldn't" Neil conceded, "but if told you that I wanted you to be my wife...you wouldn't deny me"
"How do you know that?" she asked.
"You said vows to me and I believe that you would stand by your word...not to mention your religion tells you to submit and honor your husband and I doubt you would go against that, now would you?"
Her eyes darkened, but she didn't argue anymore and he left her.
He retrieved into the lab and then made his way upstairs, retrieving her silky dressing gown from the bedroom.
He came back downstairs, tossing the materials on the couch.
"Here" Neil helped her into her dressing gown, "Come sit on the couch and let's see to your rib"
He sat next to her. "Turn around and I'll braid your hair to get out of the way."
She turned away from him. "Do you know how to braid hair?"
He paused, "I do"
"How?" her face flamed as he began to gently brush out her hair.
"I would brush out and braid Margaret's hair before bed when we were first married" Neil said.
"I see" Adelaide swallowed hard as he massaged through her hair gently, rubbing her scalp causing her sighing contentedly. "She must have had beautiful hair for you to want to do that every night"
"I find your hair just as beautiful and alluring" he told her as he began to braid it. He tied the end with a ribbon. "Even more so"
He grasped her hips and gently turned her around. He pushed aside the opening to her dressing gown, exposing her to him.
"I find all of you just as alluring" he said, "you freezing me out of our bed is killin me, lass"
She closed her eyes as he tenderly caressed her before dropping his hand. Her body had tensed under his touch and he patted her hip, trying to soothe her.
He unscrewed the lid to the jar and with his fingers massaged a paste into her ribs.
"Smells delightful" Adelaide said.
"Serves you right" he responded, but the heat from his tone was gone.
He slipped the dressing gown down so he could wrap her ribs with a bandage before pulling her dressing gown back up and tying it tightly. He scooped her up to sit her on his lap.
Adelaide leaned against him and they sat in silence for a few minutes, before Neil finally said,
"You are breaking my heart these days, Adelaide" He pulled her away from him to look into her eyes.
"It was foolish"
"Aye, you are smarter than that, sweetheart"
He leaned over to put his head on her forehead.
"Your temper has settled" she murmured to him.
"Aye" he put his hand behind her neck, still leaning close to her. "I'm still upset with you, Adelaide"
"I know"
"Try to wear your dress again in a few weeks" he said, "I'm sure they'll fit soon"
"Neil" her throat was dry, "I should explain."
"You should" he affirmed.
"I'm not quite ready to though"
"I'm giving you a few more days and then I'm making love you again" he told her. "You can explain then. In the meantime, I confiscating your corsets"
"I'm your wife" Adelaide squeaked, "not your child"
"Then act like it" he responded, evenly as he pulled away from her. "No more corsets until your ribs are healed and after that we can negotiate"
She frowned but offered no protest.
"And in the meantime, wife" Neil said, quietly, "I have some case studies that I want you to parse through"
"Case studies?" she asked, curiously.
"About the dangers of those contraptions" Neil said.
"Oh please" Adelaide snorted. "That sounds like a punishment"
"Call it what you like, Adelaide" Neil gently eased her off his lap. "I want summaries. Penmanship, grammar and content all count"
"You are infuriating sometimes" Adelaide glared at him, her hand her hip.
"Takes one to known one" Neil retorted before going into the lab and shutting the door.
"NO! Oh God, Simon, no" Adelaide sobbed. "Please don't die, please don't leave me here. I can't do this without you. I can't lose you. No, please..."
Neil sat up and lit the lamp, then dimmed it. Simon was stirring from the noise Adelaide was making, clearly in the throws of a nightmare. He put his hand on her hip, shaking her gently. "Adelaide, sweetheart, wake up"
She jolted awake, her heart racing. "Neil? What is it?" she seemed disoriented as she rubbed her eyes, which were wet from her tears.
"You were having a bad dream" Neil whispered.
Her dream came flooding back. She shook, unable to stop the tears. Her heart ached so badly as she revisited the night of Simon's death in her dreams.
Simon stirred again and fussed a bit before growing calm again.
Neil reached to ease her off the bed and into his arms, "Let's go downstairs and talk"
"It's the middle of the night" she protested.
"Aye" he said, "And I'm wide awake now. Hush, lass, the babe is stirring"
He extinguished the lamp and carried her carefully downstairs, the light of the moon guiding their path down the stairs. He deposited her on the couch and then lit the lamp on the side table. He eased her up and sat with her on his lap. She sobbed into his shoulder, feeling raw and helpless- first the fight with Neil, then the nightmare about Simon.
"It's alright, lass, I'm here" Neil said, rocking her.
"I'm sorry"
"No" he shushed, "just get it out"
"I'm such a mess, maybe we should have never done this" Adelaide said, "I can't be the wife you need"
"That's not true"
"It is true. I'm broken for you"
"Nah" Neil kissed her tears away. "We'll get through it together, sweet lass, I promise"
"I'm sorry about the corset" Adelaide sniffled.
"Let's not talk about that now. What was your dream about?"
"Simon" she swallowed hard.
"It was about his death, yes?"
"Yes"
He hugged her close to him. "Do you dream of that often?"
"Not since right after his death" Adelaide said, "I don't know where that came from"
"Well, I'm no expert on dreams, but I suppose you were feeling distraught when you went to bed and that anxiety caused the dream"
She sniffled. "I hate that I'm dreaming of Simon when I'm sleeping next to you. It just seems so wrong"
"Don't worry about that" Neil said, "I'm not offended by it. You can't help your dreams"
"Do you dream of Margaret?" She raised her head to look at him, her eyes transparent to her feelings. It would bother her if he said yes.
He paused long at her look, trying to figure out the different signals she was giving him. He couldn't make head or tails of it, but he supposed she couldn't either.
He shook his head, "Not for a long time, lass. But when you lose a spouse, it shatters your heart and makes you weary about letting anyone else in. I was closed off to even the idea, until..." his voice trailed off, not sure he wanted to go there with Adelaide's emotions so raw and her so vulnerable.
"Until my sister came to the Cove?"
"Aye" he rubbed her back as she laid her head back on his shoulder.
"I'm glad you opened your heart up again even if it didn't end well for you, Neil" Adelaide said, "for the record, I think part of the reason why she struggled when we married was she knew that she made a mistake"
"I hardly think that" Neil's voice was low.
"I do" Adelaide responded, softly, lifting her head again. "I think she is happy, but she will always wonder of what her life could have been like. I should have intervened for you. Simon told me not to, but I should have"
"No" Neil leaned her back and put his finger under her chin, "you were right to stay out of it, lass"
"Still" tears filled her eyes, "she would have made you a wonderful wife, Neil"
"Adelaide" he chided.
"It's just...you deserve a love like that. She is so sweet...and she is whole. You two would have been so happy"
Neil rubbed her cheek, "Adelaide, please stop. Your musings are taking us down a dangerous path, one that I refuse to go on"
"I'm sorry" Adelaide said, softly, "Of course you are right"
She looked hurt. Neil closed his eyes briefly and then hugged her tightly.
"Sweetheart" he began, but she interrupted him,
"No, let's go back to bed. I feel better"
"Do you?" he inquired evenly.
"Oh much"
"I see" He massaged the small of her back, his knuckles kneading into it. "Want to tell me why you are dismissing me?"
She leaned her head on his shoulder again, "I don't believe I'm bold enough to actually dismiss you, Neil"
He chuckled, "Oh, mark my words, you are, you just do so in your sweet way"
"I...I feel...out of sorts now and I think it would be better for us to go back to bed"
"Or" Neil fiddled with the end of her braid, "you could use a friend to help you sort through your feelings"
"It's the middle of the night"
"And your defenses are down enough to confide in me, which is why you want to go to bed"
"Yes" She gripped his arms. "Please, let's go back to bed. I want you to hold me while I try to fall back asleep"
He searched her eyes. "Very well, lass" He eased her off his lap, stood and then offered his hand, leading her back to their room.
When she was tucked back up in Neil's arms, his breathing long evened out as sleep reclaimed him again, she lay awake, plagued by her thoughts. He didn't deny it or say that he was glad things turned out the way that they did. And the thought that Neil's heart was still tangled up in Christy's tore her own fragile heart.
"Her lungs sound clear, Fairlight" Neil said as he put his stethoscope around his neck, patting Clara's back gently as she coughed. "an early spring cold, I think"
Fairlight nodded, "I be always able to tell spring is here by the young'uns"
"Let me know if she develops a fever" he told her, "In the meantime, just do what you are doing"
Fairlight looked at him and then picked up Clara and tucked her back in bed as Neil packed up his bag.
"Want to tell me the real reason ye came out here, Doc?" Fairlight said, knowingly as she exchanged a look with Jeb. "And we all know it wasn't because of Clara's cough"
"I was maybe hopin for some advice"
"I thought so" Fairlight shook her head as they headed to the porch, Zady and John watching the children. "What did ye do this time, Neil?"
"Woman" Jeb grunted.
Neil held up his hands, "Nothin, Fairlight. I've tried to be understanding, but Adelaide has completely shut down on me"
"Hum" Fairlight looked at him, knowingly. "Sit down, Doc for a spell"
They settled on the porch.
"Did something happen at the ladies sewing circle, Fairlight?"
Fairlight looked to Jeb, "There was some gossiping before Adelaide arrived that she may have overheard"
"About Adelaide?"
"No" Fairlight turned back to Neil, "About Miz Margaret"
Neil shifted uncomfortably at that news, "What was said exactly?"
Fairlight shook her head, "I'm not going to be the one to tell you especially if it upset Miz Addie so badly, she needs to tell ye why it would"
"She doesn't usually take prattle like that to heart" Neil said, "she is actin differently than she ever has"
"Miz Addie has had a heapful of changes" Jeb said, quietly. "She's learnin how to be a mama, live out in the Cove and now she be your wife and ye be a lot different than Doc Simon"
"I care for her" Neil admitted, "I hate to see her struggling so"
Fairlight looked to him, "Have you told her that ye care?"
"Of course I've told her I care" Neil said.
"As a friend?" Jeb asked.
He nodded, "Anything else will scare her after Simon"
"Maybe" Fairlight said, "or may be right assuring to her that the new man she married is interested in her more than just someone to keep his bed warm at night"
"Fairlight" Neil raised his eyebrows, "do ye think Adelaide thinks that sex is all I want from her?"
"That's all I'm sayin, Doc" Fairlight said, "I haven't talked to Miz Addie about it"
He nodded, "that's not the case, but I suppose I can understand why she might think that way. What do I do?"
"Just show her that ye care, Doc" Jeb said, "Find what speaks to her"
Neil nodded. "It's time to start sparkin my wife"
"Now, that be the way, Doc" Jeb said, slapping Neil's back as Jeb and Fairlight both laughed.
Adelaide wrapped her shawl around her as she walked the short distance to the barn to greet Neil, who had just returned from visiting the Spencers.
"I get a welcoming party" Neil said, with a smile as he unstrapped his bags from the saddle.
"Just me" Adelaide patted Charlie as Neil took the saddle off of him.
"Is the lad sleeping?"
"No, he's in his cradle with a pacifier. He needs to be put down every once in a while or so I've been told"
Neil smiled. "That's sage advice, lass"
"I agree. How are the Spencers?" Adelaide asked.
"I think it is just spring cold"
She nodded, "I'm glad you checked"
"Aye, me too" Neil leaned down to kiss her. "Is lunch ready?"
"Yes, I just cooked up chicken"
"Did you?"
She smiled, "Don't act so surprised"
"I'm not" Neil kissed her again, "How about you and I pack up the chicken and the babe and take a walk and have a picnic? It's cool today so we need to wrap up the lad well"
"What's the occasion?" Adelaide asked, curiously.
"No occasion" Neil said, "We are supposed to be honeymooning and I would like to spend time with you out of this cabin"
"I'd like that too" Adelaide said as Neil wrapped his arm around her waist and they headed back inside to gather everything.
"What is this spot?" Adelaide patted Simon as she took in this new spot in the Cove. Flowers bloomed all around them- blues, purples, pinks, yellows splayed across the grassy hill. A clear view of the beloved Smokies and a stream- a bubbling brook with a waterfall. It was the most perfect spot in the entirety of the Cove.
"One of my favorites" Neil said as he reached out for her hand. "Come along. By the brook is the perfect spot for the picnic"
He spread the blanket down and they sat on it and ate until they had their fill.
"I want to pick some flowers"
"Aye, I thought you might" Neil said, "let's leave the lad here on the blanket. He's asleep. No sense on waking him up"
He helped her up and she began to pick a bouquet of flowers, while he made a flower crown, tying them together.
She sat down in the grassy spot amongst the flowers and he sat with her.
"Lets see then" He put the crown on her head, "Perfect"
Her color was good and her smile lit up his heart, moving him to the core.
"This feels special" Adelaide murmured.
"It is special" Neil said, fingering a stray piece of hair. "It's so peaceful and beautiful. I have never wanted to share this place with anybody. There is something sacred to it"
Her heart skipped beats. "You didn't share this place with Margaret...or anybody else?"
"No" Neil confessed, "Only you, Adelaide. You belong here with me. It feels right to bring you here...like your spirit would understand this place"
"Like it needs this place" She reached up to finger his stubble, running her fingers across it. "I'm touched" her voice broke, "more than I can probably express at this moment" Her heart felt very full...and was responding to his in powerful ways- she couldn't deny their connection.
He saw the opening and he took it, pulling her into his arms and kissing her...full of passion and desire and she responded...her kisses coming from her heart. He could sense the change right away and gently pushed her back amongst the flowers and kissed her until he was aching with need for her.
She pulled away, unsure.
"I like kissing you" he kept his voice light, showing her that he wasn't going to push her into intimacy here. "Especially when you kiss me this way"
He moved her and positioned her so her back was to his front, wrapping his arms around her waist. "I like holding you too"
"Neil?"
"Aye, lass?"
"I like this too" Adelaide said, softly, "Very much so" She paused, her face heating up, "And thank you for sharing this place with me. I do feel so much freer...unburdened here"
"It will be our special spot now" Neil promised, "I plan to take you here quite often"
"I'll look forward to it" she said, her heart nearly bursting with emotion...emotion that she couldn't quite define...or maybe emotion that she was too scared to define.
They returned late that afternoon and had a light supper before they put Simon to bed.
He was in the lab when she came back downstairs.
"I have those articles for you to look at"
Adelaide sat on the bed, pulling her legs up. "Are you really making me read these articles?"
"Aye" Neil met her eyes, "I am actually"
"We had such a lovely afternoon. Are we really going to ruin it by you insisting on treating me like a child?"
"Or will you really ruin it by acting like one?" he challenged.
"Perhaps you have a point" Adelaide hopped up to take the articles from him, "You want these summarized"
"Analyzed is more like it"
"You do know that I will find a way to make these support my claim that corsets are just fine" she told him.
"I look forward to that" Neil said, with a wry smile. "You are too smart for your own good, lass"
"Can I sit here at least with you while you work?" she asked, "If I press onto a book, I can write from the bed"
"If you'd like" Neil responded.
"I would" She settled on the bed and began to read the articles he left for her.
He continued with his work, fighting chuckles at her sighs, grunts and murmurs. He was beginning to understand Simon's constant relenting- when Adelaide applied pressure, it was a sight to see. Still, he wasn't one to back down and he had the added bonus to know that he was completely right in this situation.
"This is ridiculous" Adelaide mumbled, disgruntled.
Neil finally looked up from his vials. "I'm sorry you feel that way. Do you not find the reading stimulating?" he couldn't keep the amusement from his tone.
"There were extenuating circumstances in all of these cases as you very well know" she told him, shaking her finger at him.
"Then include that in your analysis, Nurse Addie"
"Oh, trust me, I will" she grumbled. "I feel like a child, Doctor MacNeill"
"You were acting like one" Neil said.
"Is this how marriage to you is going to be like- with you exerting your authority over me?"
He paused. Maybe it was time to clear the air on a few matters. He put down the vials. "Let's talk about that"
"I'm not going to like this, am I?" she asked.
"Probably not"
She put aside the pen. "Yes, dear?"
A smile danced across his features. It was such a domestic thing for a wife to say to a husband and Adelaide delivered the line so perfectly with her touch of her signature sass, probably to throw him off balanced. In spite of everything challenging and how much of a struggle this had been, she was charming him to pieces.
He reminded himself to focus as he sat down on the bed with her, placing his hand on her knee wanting to ease the way for what was sure to be an area of contention.
"I do expect you to be my wife, Adelaide, and that includes submission"
"I know" Adelaide said, "it's your mountain man in you coming out"
"No, if it was my mountain man in me, then it would be that I demand your submission, not to mention I would have never allowed days to go by without us making love" he told her, candidly.
"I don't particularly like the phrase, 'allow'" Adelaide retorted. "It makes me seem weaker than you"
"Submitting in a marriage doesn't make you weak, lass" he told her, "there has to be a leader"
"Lead then"
"You'll have to allow me to" he looked at her evenly.
"Fair point" she conceded. She struggled.
"What's the issue?"
"I like being in control. I don't want to be bossed around"
"You want to do the bossing"
"Well, yes..."
"Because..."
"I'm usually right in arguments" she said, her tone matter-of fact.
Neil threw his head back and laughed heartedly. "Oh, lass..."
"Don't you think I'm usually right?"
He laughed more, "Not hardly"
"I don't find it funny"
"No, no" Neil touched her chin, "Don't pout"
"I'm not trying to"
"Try harder" Neil advised, patting her knee, "I forget how young you truly are" he murmured. "You still have a lot of maturing to do"
"I rather think becoming a nurse, losing my husband, having a baby has done a lot to mature me" she countered.
"Yes, I agree with that whole heartedly" Neil told her, his voice gentle, "yet, you are naïve at times, Adelaide..."
His censure stung mostly because he was right...and actually it was a kind way of calling her out on the fact that not only was she naïve at times, she did have tendency to want her own way, a stubbornness and sometimes she sulked. She looked down at her hands.
"Did I just hurt your feelings?" his voice was kind.
"Do you think I'll admit to you hurting my feelings?" she asked, examining her thumb.
"I think you should" he told her, "Look at me"
She forced her eyes on him. "Maybe a little...only because I know it is true" she admitted.
"I'm not naïve, Adelaide...but I do stew at times too and like my own way" he turned her to face him. "I have faults too, but if it is a battle between our wills. One of us has to yield"
"That's convenient for you" She said.
"I don't deny that" Neil said, "but honestly, you have to trust my judgment and the fact that I will always try to do right by you and our family. It's not a matter of me ordering you around. I will never be heavy handed with you, but you have to know that your actions have consequences for our marriage"
"I don't understand what you mean" she frowned.
"Let me explain and you try to keep an open mind about you"
"Alright, go on" she nodded.
"If you constantly fight me on things, it will drive a wedge between us" Neil said, "It's what happened with Margaret and we ended up being quite unhappy. I didn't marry you to repeat that"
"I can't just go along..." Adelaide took a breath, "I want a say too"
"You'll get a say" Neil assured her. "As much of a say as you want, but then I want you to submit to me if I disagree"
"Why?"
"I need your respect" he told her, seriously.
"Do I not get respect?"
"You do" Neil countered, "by me providing for you, caring for your needs and not being heavy handed with you" He studied her, "Did marriage not work this way in Asheville?"
She sighed, "No, it did. Maybe, I'm just not made for marriage"
"If there was ever a person made for marriage and motherhood it was you, Mrs. MacNeill"
"You are being sweet again" Adelaide sighed, "It makes me feel wretched"
He smiled. "Does it now?"
"Yes"
"For?"
"Insisting we not make love...among other things..."
"You can change that" he told her, "anytime"
"I know" she looked up at him, tears in her eyes as she wrapped one of his stray curls around her finger, "Neil, we have had a rough start"
"You've made it worse than it had to be" he told her, honestly. "I didn't anticipate it would be this difficult with you"
"Are you disappointed with me?"
"No" he shook his head, swiftly, "concerned is more like it"
"Why are you still so sweet to me?" she sniffled.
"What do you mean?"
"You are being such a wonderful husband to me and a good father to Simon"
"I wouldn't say all that"
"But you are! You eat my burnt meals, you praise me for doing things women in the Cove do every day...and then you give me a bath and rub my back when I'm sore. You challenge me on my stupidity and when you should still be upset with me, instead you take me to your special place and you allow me to have the space I need. I would think you would get frustrated and angry and all sort of things. I wouldn't blame you one bit"
"I did with Margaret easily" he admitted.
"Then why aren't you acting that way with me? Do you think I'm somehow more fragile?"
"No" he shook his head, "you have strength within you that you haven't discovered yet, but I see it. We all see it"
"Then why?"
"I'm trying to be a better man for you, Adelaide. I find that I want to be a better man for you" Neil said, his voice low. "I need you to help me with that instead of hindering me"
Her heart felt full again at his words. She leaned over to kiss his cheek, "I'll try to be a better wife for you, I promise you"
"Good" Neil told her, his eyes on her. "Your day of reckoning is comin soon, my wife"
The quiver returned in her stomach. "Is my reprieve running out?"
"Aye" Neil leaned over to kiss her. "Soon. Finish those articles"
"Okay"
They worked in silence for another half an hour before Adelaide put her pen down. "I'm done, doctor"
"That was quick" Neil commented, "Were you thorough?"
"Aren't I always?"
"True" Neil stepped over to her and she handed it to him, "Lovely penmanship, Mrs. MacNeill"
"I was extra careful" she told him, elbowing him slightly as he sat next to her again.
"Good" he stroked her cheek. "You have ink on your nose" he laughed.
She blushed and giggled. Neil rose to wet a cloth and get it off her nose for her.
"There you are" Neil plopped the towel down on the bed, "You forgot to tell me what conclusions you drew from these"
"Hum" Adelaide looked at him- feeling like she could lose himself in his eyes at that moment. "Not to rub my sore ribs in your presence again?"
"Try again" Neil's voice was deep.
"Not to let you undress me?"
"Woman" Neil grunted.
"Oh was that wrong?" Adelaide asked, innocently.
"Try again" he cocked his head.
"Hum" She sat up on her knees and put her arms around his neck. "That I need to be surer of myself?"
"Closer"
"Corsets are for Asheville" she murmured.
"I can live with that" Neil acknowledged. "If when there, you tie it in a way that doesn't bruise your ribs"
"I usually do" she said, softly. "I had a momentary lapse"
"Why?" he murmured back, them both quite aware at each other's proximity.
"I don't know why"
"Yes you do" his voice was non-judgmental, but she could tell he wanted her to confide in him, "Tell me why, lass"
She paused, "I want to feel like Adelaide again. I need to feel like Adelaide again"
"Hum" Neil responded, taking in that new piece of information. He kissed at her neck before running his hand along her curves and stomach, the post pregnancy bulge still obvious. He rested his hand on it.
She visibly cringed.
"Don't do that" Neil told her, his voice low, his tone accepting. "This doesn't make you less Adelaide. You are a mother now, sweetheart...and a new one at that"
"I'm also a new wife" she told him, biting her lip. "I want to feel like a wife"
"I wasn't aware that it mattered to you"
"It matters so much to me" Adelaide swallowed hard.
"Then why push me away?"
She remained silent, but Neil could tell she was fighting tears.
"I can take you to our bed and make you feel like a wife if you'd allow me to" he offered, "I want that very badly not just for me, but for you"
She sighed, "I don't know"
"Sweetheart" Neil kissed her lips gently, "I gave you your bath a few days ago and I could tell you enjoyed it"
She blushed.
"I enjoyed it too, do you know that?"
She nodded.
"One product of you shutting me out of our bed is that I'm becoming quite eager for you...more than I have ever been before"
Her eyes widened, "Really?"
"Aye" he kissed her again, "But most importantly, I want to know what is going on here" he placed his palm over her heart.
"I wish I knew" she swallowed hard, her throat parched.
"Hum" He kissed her tenderly on the lips then her forehead. "You are confused"
"Yes"
"Will you tell me what about?"
"Not now" she said, softly.
"You used to trust me with everything" Neil said.
"I still do" she said. "It's...it's too much"
"Whatever it is, I won't think less of you" he said, "you have to trust the man you were willing to marry"
She nodded.
"I want you to think about what you want from our marriage" Neil said, quietly, "We will talk in a few days"
"Okay" she responded, knowing that in a few days, she would have to open her heart to him. That thought terrified her, but the truth was she did trust him. She just had to trust herself as well.