VeryMuchAlive . bloggie .com

Logan Henderson

BlogPost 015

Today

As promised, I'm gonna catch you guys up real quick and then we'll go real time, letting you know how my everydays were going.

But let's catch up..

We lost Thomas, and nothing was the same after that. While I filed for divorce, Jax kept declining. Which is why now, almost 3 years later, we're finally in the last stages and things can be official.

He went to rehab not too long after; I told him he couldn't see the kids if he didn't get sober. He got clean and hasn't touched much of anything since. He started acting like the old Jax again.

I moved out and into my parents old place.

My dad passed away about three months after we lost Thomas, and my mom decided to stay out East, she liked it more. I was so thankful she gave me the house, it helped so much. I didn't make very much being a teacher, but enough to get by with it and the little bit of money Jax gave me for the kids when I needed it.

Speaking of..

Jax and I did have a few hook ups after we lost Thomas; as much as we tried to stay away from each other, we were sexual soul mates and couldn't.

And that's how we ended up with our fourth child, another beautiful babygirl. I let Jax be there, but only for our daughter. We never tried to make our relationship work again, he's even dated a girl or two in the past few years. None of them worked out, but he was moved on.

I hadn't dated anyone, but that was a personal choice. I was too busy with work and three kids.

So present day?

My sweet Abel is almost 7.

Nova has grown into a 5-year-old full of personality to match her dark thick curls.

And my littlest? Oh, sweet baby Alexis Jade, we called her Jade, was the smartest 3-year-old I knew.

My children were perfect.

My life? Not so much.

But let's catch up in real time..

It was Monday, the most hectic day of the week in our house. My day started at 5 in the morning, getting up to shower and get dressed for the day. The high for the day was 66, which was perfect boot and cartigan weather.

After I was ready I headed out to the kitchen to brew a pot of coffee and get breakfast started for the kiddos. Abel and Nova would be having waffles and peaches, and Jade was going to eat her oatmeal and some peaches. She wasn't a big fan of waffles or pancakes; weird little girl.

I got everything put into Abel and Nova's back packs for the day and got Jade's bag ready for her to go spend the day with Gemma. Although Jax and I didn't get along too well, I spent a lot of my freetime with Gemma; the kids loved hanging out there and she loved seeing all of us. No matter how much I hated her son, I loved her to death.

After breakfast was ready and on the table, I went back to wake up the monsters. I started with Nova, because she was like her mother; hard to wake up in the mornings and the crankiest monster of all.

"Nova Rae," I turned her light on and heard a grunt.

"Mommy, noooooooo!" she whined. I sighed, walking over and grabbing her blanket. She sat up and looked at me with the meanest blue eyes, the curlers in her hair pointing up like little satanic horns. Ah, the 5-year-old death stare, my favorite.

"First wake up," I told her, grabbing the clothes I laid out off of her dresser. "I'm gonna wake brother and sissy up, but then you have to get out of bed." She grunted again and slammed back into her pillow. God, I was in trouble in about 10 more years.

I went to Abel's room next and flicked his light on.

"Good morning, mommy." he greeted me with sleepy little eyes. He was a spitting image of his father, and I hated it. I loved it, but I hated it.

"Good morning my sweet prince." Like every morning he gave me a big hug and kiss before hopping out of bed and running straight for his breakfast; such a boy. I grabbed his clothes also and then exited, heading back for my third and final child.

Me turning her light on hadn't done anything, so I walked over and sat on her toddler bed, rubbing her bed. She sat up and rubbed her eyes, giving me a smile.

"I'm hungry." Were her first words. I giggled and helped her out of bed. I felt her pull-up and it was dry. "I pee first." Her second sentence to me. She waddled off to the bathroom, scratching her tangled curly blonde hair. I grabbed her bag and her clothes, heading out to the kitchen. I peaked into Novas room and saw she wasn't in there; Abel must have grabbed her on his way through.

"No, Abel!" I heard her yell. "That was my butter!" Oh lord, the first argument of the day was over butter. It was going to be a wonderful Monday.

I headed out, a waddling three-year-old behind me. I got Jade up into her booster seat and she started eating her oatmeal and peaches.

While the kids ate I pulled the curlers out of Novas hair and got it all fluffed out; if I didn't know any better I'd say she was half black cause of her hair. It was so beautiful and long though. I loved it; she hated it. But as long as I didn't touch it with a brush, she stayed happy. That's why Gemma thought of the curlers.

After I got those all out I went over and used my hands to work out Jades curls; her hair wasn't nearly as long as Novas so they were easy to deal with for now, and she wasn't very fussy over me touching them.

It was going on 6:30 when I got them all dressed, teeth brushed and ready for the day. I grabbed the last few things I needed for the day and we were out the door. I was really thankful for the hair day I was having. I was too lazy to do anything so I went for a messy bun and it turned out perfect.

I stopped at T&M first like usual, getting Jade out of her car seat.

"Stay here." I told Abel who was ready to jump out of his seat. "We can stop by after school, okay?" He nodded, a little smile lining his face. He loved hanging out here; He was Jaxs son, no doubt about that. I walked into the club house, Jade on my hip. My stomach dropped when I saw Jax sitting at the bar with his shirt off, eating some type of eggs.

"Daddyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!" Jade yelled, trying to jump off of me. I sat her down and she ran over to him. He smiled big and bent down to pick her up. He smiled even bigger, hugging her tight.

"How's my princess?" he asked.

"Good! I had peach for breakfast!" she told him. He laughed at her broken vocabulary and then looked over to me.

"Well I gotta get going. I love you, Jadey. Mommy will see you later, okay?" She could care less giving me a little wave and then going back to loving up on her daddy. I let out a frustrated breath as I headed back to the car.

Abel and Nova bickered in the back seat, my spit-fire oldest daughter shutting down and winning every argument her older brother had. I pulled up to the Elementary school and walked them into the office.

"Morning, Kathy." I greeted the secretary. She smiled her big fake-white smiled, happy as could be. The kids were always 15 minutes early being dropped off, but Kathy didn't mind watching them until then. She was always so great.

I bent down eye-level with my children. "I love you guys. Be good today, and Nova," she rolled her eyes at me. "No fighing on the play ground. Abel, good luck on your spelling test. I'll see you guys after school today and then maybe we can go to the garage and you can hang out with daddy and Uncle Opie?" They both seemed so excited; I had to follow through with it now.

I got to work just in time to get to my class room before homeroom started. I got my computer turned on and logged in and my things laid out when students flooded in. My hectic Monday was about to begin.

My day was boring and quick, which was an odd mix of things. I didn't stick around long after school let out; I hurried up to the elementary school to pick up my two little sweeties.

My two sweeties who were yelling at each other over the color of a green crayon. I hushed them up and got them in the car.

"How were your days, guys?" I asked them as I drove towards the garage.

"I got all them right on my spellings test. And we started a story about jeans that got made into a shirt and then a scarf and then a nose rag thing and then a button." Oh boy. What an interesting day.

"Yeah? Well I yelled at a boy in my class who said I was a scaredy cat." God, to be that young again. They went back and forth with each other about who had the better more eventful day. I never thought I'd want to be pulling up to the garage, but I did.

"Look!" Nova pointed out the window. "It's daddy!" As soon as I got the car stopped Abel was out of his seat and helping Nova out of hers. I opened their doors and they shot across the parking lot, yelling for their dad. Jax spun around, bending down and picking them both up in a big hug.

It made me sad. I wished they could have the great life they deserved, with two parents who were together and loved each other, but we couldn't give them that with the crazy lives Jax and I both lived. I looked over to Jade who was playing with her dolls, Gemma watching her and carrying on a little conversation. I walked over to them.

"Hey, sweetie!" Gemma gave me a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. She offered me a beer and I accepted. "How was your day?" We sat down on the picnic table, watching Jade play. I lit a cigarette.

"It was alright, boring. Abel and Nova had a more interesting day than I did." I laughed. It seemed to be the truth. "They were so excited to see Jax. It's been, what, two weeks?"

Gemma shrugged. "Something like that. It's his own fault. He knows where they are, and he knows your phone number." She wasn't wrong, it was the truth. He could call me whenever and could come see them or spend time with them, but he never did. But I also blamed myself for that. Maybe he hated having to conversate and get along with me as much as I did with him. Well, that wasn't the truth. I didn't hate it. I hated that I didn't hate it.

See, Jax did this crazy thing, like a ling graph that constantly goes up and down. He goes from this great person to this piece of shit, and then when I've had enough, he just stops. He stops being this worthless person and turns into a grown ass man who is everything I ever wanted. God damn him.

"Abel told me the other day he wanted his mom and dad to have dinner with him, ya know." And over ten years of knowing her and this life and her knowing all the events that had happened she still wanted us together. She still want her son and I to end up happily ever after, the way all of us had pictured; but that wasn't the case.

Abel and Nova came running over, nearly tripping from going so fast. Nova even stumbled and used her little sisters head to balance.

"Hey!" Jade yelled, her bright green eyes staring down her sisters blue ones. "Not okay." she rubbed her head. I chuckled.

"Momma!" Abel and Nova yelled at me back and forth.

"Hey, calm down. What's up?" They took a second to decide who should talk, but Abel finally started to speak.

"Mommy, can we please go with daddy to get ice cream?"

"Please, please, pleaaaase." Nova jumped up and down. Jade got herself up and standing, coming over to tap on my leather boots.

"Moooooom, pwease?!" She begged. I was defensless, all three of them were ganging up on me.

"Of course you can go get ice cream with daddy." I told them. "But it has to be after dinner." They all thre gave me pouty faces and mumbles and grunts, begging me to change your mind.

" Hey!" His voice struck like thunder, hitting my body. 1000 snakes made of satin, smelling like leather and musk, making their way up my spine. I had a cold chill, my body becoming covered in goosebumps. I looked over and saw Jax walking towards us, slipping a t-shirt over his chizzled and shining body. "Your mum said after dinner, so I'll come get you guys after you've eaten dinner." And they straightened up, being quiet and accepting what I had told them. Of course if Jax said it, it was so.

"That being said, how about we go through the drive-through for some happy meals?" Not the best choice, but I didn't feel like cooking tonight, either. I was gonna go home, smoke a bong, and eat a cup of the Italian ice I bought a few days ago. Mm, yeah.

I left the kids there and went to McDonalds, getting them their usual meals; Abel got the 6-piece chicken nugget, Nova got a cheese burger and Jade got a 4-piece nugget. Simple kids, really. I got myself and iced coffee, enjoying every sip on my way back there.

"Dinner!" Abel yelled as I pulled up. I got their meals over to them and got them all set up at the picnic table, where they sat and conversated with themselves. I walked over to Jax while I smoked a cigarette.

"Hey," I looked at the ground as I spoke to him. "I'm gonna head home and get things cleaned up and ready for tomorrow. You can just drop them off when you're done getting ice cream, does that sound okay?"

"Yeah, that sounds perfect." His tone was much more chipper and happy than mine was. " I'll see you later?"

Instead of answering I just walked off, going to tell the kids bye. "Be careful!" He yelled to me.

I gave my babies kisses and told Gemma bye, and then headed home.

I got home and got to work, doing up the dishes and started the load of laundry I had from the day. I got into the kids rooms and picked their clothes out for tomorrow. I checked their back packs and neither of them had anything written in their planners. I sent Jax a text saying if he wanted to keep them a little later, he could; they just needed to be home by 8:30 for baths and bed.

After all of the major things were done I got changed into pajamas; an old SAMCRO t-shirt and a pair of purple SOFFEE shorts. I let my hair down, and it fell half way down my back, full of big curls. I went back into my bedroom and got my bong out from behind my night stand. I grabbed the baggie of weed from my drawer and headed into the living room. I sat indian style on the couch, the bong rested between my legs as I packed I.

God, it felt so good to smoke. I only really smoked before bed anymore; I just didn't have the time. I always had the kids around, and by the time they were in bed I didn't have much energy to stay awake much later than them.

I relaxed on the couch, smoking two nice bong packs. I had such a good head high. I put my bong and weed back away and grabbed my cigarettes out of my purse, slipping on my slippers and heading to the back porch. I sat in one of my wooden chairs, propping my feet up on the porch railing. I breathed in the Earthy scents and let the air sweep across my face.

I was relaxed and was at peace with most of the things going on right now. My divorce only had a little while longer to go before it was final and Jax and I no longer had to deal with any of it. We had done good with this mediation thing the past couple of years, so a custody battle wasn't needed. Whenever he wanted to see them, he called or knew where they were. Nothing crazy had happened with the club in a long while, so I wasn't concerned about their safety either.

I finished my cigarette and put it out in my ashtray. I headed back in, locking the porch door behind me. I sprayed Febreeze all around the house to ensure it didn't smell like weed when the kids got back home. I went to the freezer and got out a cup of Italian Ice, just like I predicted earlier. I stood in the kitchen and ate it, tossing the spoon in the sink when I was finished and the cup in the trash.

I went into the bathroom and took my contacts out and washed my make-up off. I didn't have any blemishes, but my cheeks were always so red and I hated that. I put my glasses on and left the room, turning the light off.

As always with his perfect timing, there was a knock on the door. I opened it to greet Jax holding a sleeping Jade and Abel and Nova standing on both sides of him.

"Hey, sorry. I tried to keep her up cause I know she needs a bath." He walked in and I shut the door behind him.

"No, it's fine. Your mom can give her a bath tomorrow when I drop her off." It was best that she just stayed awake. "Abel, why don't you go get ready to take a bath?"

"Mommy, can daddy stay for bedtime, please?!" And him and Nova started their begging again. For fear of waking up Jade I quickly agreed, and Jax seemed happy with it.

Abel went and got ready for his bath and I took Nova back to my bathroom for hers. I got them both dried off and into pajamas for the night.

"Momma can we please lay in your bed and sleep? Daddy can tell us a story time." I smiled and caved again. I let them go back and hop into my king size bed. While Jax read to them I got the bathrooms cleaned up from my water babes bathing. I was tossing towels and clothes into the washer when Jax came up and startled me.

"Hey," I jumped, spinning around. "Oh, sorry. Didn't mean to scare you." He shoved his hands in his pockets. "Well, uh, the kids are asleep. I'm gonna, uh, I'm gonna head out." He turned around, heading for the door.

And I did something I hadn't in a very long time. "Wait," I told him. "Do, uh, do you wanna stay and smoke a blunt?"

And he accepted. I quietly went into my bedroom, grabbing my weed and a pack of wraps out of my night stand. The kids were out like a light, cuddling each other. I watched Abel breath over Novas head, making her curles sway. So cute.

I made it back out into the living room and found Jax making himself at home. He had his shoes and kutte off, sitting on the couch with his leg propped up on his other leg, comfortable as can be.

"Well look at you acting like you live here." I laughed, sitting at the kitche table to roll.

He jumped up. "I'm sorry, I-"

"Chill," I dumped my weed out on the table. "It was a joke." He walked out to the kitche and took a seat across from me as I rolled. "When did you become this apologetic softy?"

He chuckled. "I'm not. I'm just not trying to piss of the woman who can say when I can and can not see my children."

"But you know I'd never do that." I shot back at him, peaking over the rim of my glasses. He laughed again.

"But it's also never hurt to be on your sweet side." I smirked, because he wasn't wrong at all. I was easier to deal with when you were on my good side, and that's not exactly a place Jaxon was recently. I finishing rolling the blunt and we got up, going out to the garage to smoke.

We sat down in the two fold out chairs I put out there. I lit the blunt and walked over to me mini fridge, grabbing a beer. I offered him one and he accepted. I came back over and handed him the blunt and his beer. I cracked mine open and sipped it. Ro relaxing.

We sat silent for a few hits, but he finally spoke up.

"How's work been going? You, uh, you like the kids you have this year?" I loved when he tried to make small talk, cause he sucked at it.

"They aren't bigger assholes than any other year, if that's what you mean." I laughed, taking too big of a hit from the blunt and losing my shit, coughing my head off. It errupted a big laugh from Jax and I hit him soft in the chest. He just laughed harder. "I hate you!" I told him once I caught my breath.

"Yeah," he took a drink of his beer. "But you didn't always hate me." He took another drink. "You remember your senior year when we helped you with your prank? God, so many fucking feathers."

"So many fucking chickens." I busted out laughing. We spent the remained of the blunt and our beers talking about old memories from high school; the good times.

I walked him out of the exiting garage door to his car.

"So," he got in and started it up and lit a cigarette. He lit a second one off of his and handed it to me. "We're having a cookout Saturday at mom and Clays place, I didn't know if she told you. Club thing, you know. But, uh, I think you and the kids should come."

I thought for a second, but a very short second. "Of course. That sounds great."

"Have a good week."

And he left.

Fuck.

So I had a really good night with my ex-husband. I wasn't sure what to think about it, but the kids were happy and we weren't hating each other.

Who says exs can't be friends?

Pffft.

FUCK.

Next time,

Logan