A/N: Happy 4th! Sorry for the delay in updating. Will work on Love's Abiding Joy next. :) Let me know what you all think!

Chapter 14:

Adelaide's morning sickness did rapidly progress and landed her in bed for two weeks. Three days into it, her mother came over and demanded to know what was wrong. Even Edward's intervention couldn't thwart Julia's insistence that she see Adelaide.

"Is this why you moved to the house?" Julia asked as she handed Adelaide her water glass.

"Maybe" Adelaide bit her lip, "Mother, don't scold. I feel awful"

"Why would you want to hide this from your family?" she demanded, ignoring her pathetic look.

"Well" Adelaide licked her dry lips nervously, "if you must know, I don't quite want Neil to know yet"

"He deserves to know" Julia said, frowning. "You are his wife and this is his child"

"Yes, I know" Adelaide said, putting her water glass aside and then wringing her hands, "but the epidemic is still progressing even after three weeks. Who knows how long it can go on for? Neil must have his hands full with everything. My morning sickness should be the least of his worries"

"I just don't understand the strain between the two of you" Julia wrung her hands as well, "Doctor MacNeill always seemed so attentive to you. A good husband even if his financial circumstances are less than ideal"

"Yes, he is a good husband" Adelaide retorted, taking a deep breath, trying to quell the nausea that was intensifying, "This doesn't mean that I don't think that"

"Now do not mistake me" Julia said, handing her a washcloth, "I don't understand the silence between the two of you. He should be checking on you just like David is with Christy"

"Neil doesn't know about his baby and David does" she defended.

"David would be checking on her regardless" Julia countered, "and you think Doctor MacNeill would also be concerned about Simon, even if he isn't his son"

"I'm sure he is concerned about Simon" Adelaide said, "he loves him"

"Then what is it?"

"I've had some time to think on this" Adelaide said, quietly, "I think Neil is probably overwhelmed and doesn't know what to say to me. We left things so unsettled between us"

"Then you call him" Julia said, "You tell him about the baby and that you are doing well. Let him know you are thinking of him and praying for him. It would probably strengthen him...bolster him up for what he needs to do"

"I'm not denying you are probably right" Adelaide sighed, "but my pride says otherwise"

"Your father could call him" Julia offered.

"No!" Adelaide's eyes grew wide, "he'll never forgive me if he learns about the baby from Daddy" her lip trembled, "it's hard for me as well, mother. Simon never knew about his son. If Neil gets ill...and I'm not there...it will be like I'm living that nightmare all over again"

Julia put her hand on her daughter's forehead, "Why are you here, darling? There are so many memories here."

"I feel like my marriage is in shambles..." she confessed, "and living in the home that I shared with Simon...it's been painful, I don't deny it. I miss Simon terribly...I loved being his wife in this house and the time we shared together, but my heart also aches for Neil."

"You are moving on" Julia commented.

"I think I am"

"Yet, you feel like your marriage is in trouble?"

She nodded, "I'm not sure we can go back to how it was before. It's the first time we hurt each other."

"Marriage is about forgiving one another too" Julia offered.

"I know" she swallowed hard.

"Tell Neil about the child, Adelaide. Tell him you are ill but that you are being taken care of. Tell him you miss him"

"Oh, mother, I wish I could" Adelaide said, softly, tears spilling down her face. "I haven't even told him I love him yet"

"Why ever not?"

Her lip trembled, "I'm so scared that I am going to lose him like I did Simon. I want to protect my heart from that"

Julia reached to affectionately move the hair that was plastered to Adelaide's forehead. "My dear child, you can't protect your heart so much that you miss out on something special, Adelaide"

"It is special but at the same time, I suppose I didn't realize how different we truly are" she sniffled, "I thought he wouldn't ever demand my submission like he did when he insisted I leave the Cove"

"Did he tell you that he wouldn't?"

"No, he said there would be times, but I never really believed him because mother, he is usually so understanding to my feelings and my desire to be valued for a person who can think independently. And then there is the matter of my faith and his lack of one...I love him, but when it comes down to it, I'm not sure our differences can be reconciled"

"You can't just undo your marriage, Adelaide" Julia said, quietly, "We don't divorce in this family and it would completely ruin your prospects for another marriage"

"I never said I would divorce him, mother" Adelaide said, crying harder.

"You act like you are giving up on your marriage, Adelaide, and I must say that surprises me. You usually have much more tenacity than this"

Edward knocked on the door and when he witnessed Adelaide's distress, he said, firmly, "Julia, Adelaide really does need her rest and has to remain calm. She should not be this upset"

Julia nodded, "Of course" she leaned over and kissed her head, "Rest now, sweet girl"

"Thank you, mother" Adelaide said, sniffling loudly.

Edward fumbled in his pocket for a handkerchief.

"There should be one in Simon's nightstand drawer" Adelaide said and Edward went over to retrieve one.

"I will come back soon" Julia said, "In the meantime, I will help as much as I can with Simon"

"I'd appreciate that"

"Stella is with Simon downstairs if you'd like to visit with him" Edward said as he handed Adelaide the handkerchief and then sat down on her bed, reaching for her wrist to take her pulse.

"Very well" Julia left the room to search for her grandson.

"It smells like Simon's cologne" Adelaide cried harder as she breathed it in.

"There was a bottle in the drawer with it"

Her heart ached as she desperately tried to get a hold of her emotions, "How is my pulse?"

"Rapid, you need to calm down now" he said, disapprovingly- reaching for his stethoscope in his bag.

"My mother started talking divorce"

"I see" Edward sat her forward, listening to her heart with his stethoscope, "Have you thought about it?"

"He's a good husband" she defended, "I would have no grounds to do so"

"I didn't say you did" Edward laid aside his stethoscope and handed her more water, "If you can cry, you aren't completely dehydrated"

"That's a good sign" she chuckled softly, in spite of her distress.

"Try not to take things so much to heart, Addie" Edward said, quietly. "And it would be natural if you questioned if you made a mistake by marrying him. No one can fault you for that considering the circumstances"

"I don't truly think I did" she said, "I just didn't realize that marriage was this hard at times"

"You and Simon made it look so natural"

"Simon was the gentlest of souls when it came to me" she said, quietly. "I miss him so, Ed"

"I do too" Edward said, "the memories of him in this house are so strong. I don't know if this was the best idea for you, Addie"

She nodded, "Being here is harder than I ever thought it would be, considering my feelings for Doctor MacNeill. I assumed..." she frowned and shook her head slightly.

"You assumed that your grief for Simon would go away when you learned to love again" Edward said, wisely, "It doesn't exactly work that way, does it?"

"No it doesn't" she bit her lip.

"Why did you think this was best?" he asked, curiously, "you must know Julia would have come like she did today and find out about your condition regardless"

"Yes" she said, slowly, "I suppose I did" she swallowed hard, "Part of me wanted to show everyone that Neil could send us away, but I am capable of leading our family myself"

"Hum" Edward frowned, "I don't think anyone that truly knows that doubts that you aren't capable of independence"

"And then...part of me wanted to be Adelaide again...the Adelaide I was when I was Simon's wife"

Edward reached out to squeeze her hand, "You are less carefree, Adelaide, but you have matured. And you are still Adelaide...just an older, wiser Adelaide." He looked at her gently, "You need rest- all of this self-reflection is just adding stress"

"Yes"

"I'll check on you in a bit" he told let as he let go of her hand. "Do not torture yourself, Adelaide. It will work out in the end"

"Thank you, Ed"

He nodded and she turned back over, but it took her a while to fall asleep, lost in her thoughts of what to do.

"I have a suggested for you" Edward said, as he accepted the tea cup from her hand, "you look so much better than a few days ago"

"Two weeks was enough to stay in bed" Adelaide said, "I get so restless infirmed"

"I know. That is why I think the best course for you is to have limited, supervised activities" Ed's eyes twinkled.

"Meaning?"

"Stella needs some time off, now that you are feeling better" he said, "care to help me with my medical practice part-time?"

"I thought you said I'm supposed to rest as much as possible"

"I did" Edward said, "but if you are working with me, I'll be able to keep an eye on you to make sure you aren't overdoing it. Otherwise, I have to trust your word and I wouldn't put it past you not to stretch the truth a little when it comes to your daily activities"

"I see" Adelaide laughed. "that is probably more accurate than I would like to admit, Doctor Shaw"

"It would only be two mornings a week" Edward said, smiling at her, "but I think it would help raise your spirits"

"I do agree with that" she said.

"And maybe I'll call you in for some surgeries as well" Edward took a sip of the tea, "I know how much you love that"

"I do" she frowned.

"Then what's the matter?"

"Well, I'm expecting...are you sure it is at all proper?"

"You aren't showing much" Edward said, "just a little bit...and the apron should hide it for at least another month. Regardless, I don't mind"

"Is that so?" her mouth hung open.

"Would you have thought I would?" Edward frowned, "I have you know I'm a little more progressive that you give me credit for"

"My apologies, Doctor Shaw" Adelaide demurred.

He smiled warmly at her. "Have you heard from Doctor MacNeill?"

She stared at the tea swishing in her tea cup, "He left a message with my mother last week"

"I see"

"Mother told him I was out which was only stretching the truth a little bit"

"Did you ring him back?"

"I'm gathering the nerve"

Edward stood, "Ring him back, Adelaide. See if he is in"

She stood too. "I confess I'm scared to" she admitted. "Christy thinks I'm being unreasonable"

"Does she?" he asked, lightly.

"She has always had a soft place in her heart for Neil" Adelaide said, quietly.

"I see" Edward titled his head, knowingly, "Things are complicated in Adelaide's world"

"Perhaps I'm making it more complicated then it is" she admitted.

He reached to pat her arm, "Call your husband, Adelaide. You'll feel much better"

"Even if I don't tell him about this baby?"

"I think so"

They were interrupted by the cry of Simon from the other room.

"Simon always has perfect timing" Adelaide said, wryly.

"I'll get him for you. Why don't you call your husband while I watch the baby?"

"Why are you so insistent on this?" she asked, her hand on her hip.

"You being anxious about your marriage isn't good for the baby or for you" He patted her arm again, "Doctor's orders. Go on now"

Adelaide took a deep breath, trying to quell her nerves, "Alright then"

She walked over to the phone and asked to be put through. She was finally connected to the Mission, her stomach twisting. She wanted to hang up she was so nervous.

"Hello" Alice Henderson's quiet voice calmed her nerves just a bit.

"Miss Alice" Adelaide asked. "It's Adelaide MacNeill"

"Adelaide" Alice's voice was soothing, "I'm so very glad thee called"

"How are things? I've been so worried"

"Good and bad, but I think I will let thy husband explain things to you. He is actually sitting right here. I'm sure thee wishes to speak to him"

"Yes, thank you. I miss you, Miss Alice"

"I miss thee too. I'm praying for thee"

"My problems are nothing compared to what you are facing" Adelaide said, her voice cracking. "but thank you. I fear I need your prayers as well"

"We will talk further when thee return to the mission" Alice assured her. "Here is Doctor MacNeill"

She heard shuffling and then Neil's voice,

"Adelaide"

He sounded so weary...defeated.

"I heard you called" she said softly, trying to still her trembling hands enough to hold the receiver to her ear.

"Aye"

"How are things, Neil?"

"Three deaths so far. Five cases occurring now. It seems to be slowing down some"

"Three deaths isn't..." her voice trailed off. Regardless if it was bad or not, it was still three lives that were no longer with them and families' hearts that were shattered. Her throat felt dry as her eyes begin to smart.

"I know. We have been fighting this disease with every ounce we have. Overall we have been lucky"

"Or blessed"

"Or that"

"Is it anybody I know?"

"No, Low Gap primarily"

"I wish I could help you" she cleared her throat. "I wish that so badly"

"I know" his voice was low.

"Not so much for the job of it" she said, "but because I want to help you"

"I know that lass" he said, "I hope it is not too much longer. Five weeks has felt like an eternity. It should be done soon. The cases in Cutter Gap are in recovery and I'm hoping there will not be a new one...if there is..." he stopped, knowing she knew the implications.

"Christy wants to come home"

"Christy does, eh?" Neil asked, his tone neutral.

Adelaide shifted, "Yes"

"We will have to wait and see if no new cases develop here. Even if there are some in Low Gap, I would think it would be safe for her to return"

"That seems wise"

"Do you think?"

"Yes" Adelaide's heart lurched. She wanted to say so much to him, but she knew this wasn't very private. She wanted to ask him if he would allow her to return, to tell him that in spite of everything she wanted to, but her pride stopped her. He mentioned nothing about her return to the Cove. "Tell everyone I said hello and I'm praying for them"

"I will do that"

"I do miss you, Neil" she choked out.

He paused at the strain in her voice, "Are you and the lad fine?"

Her heart raced, not knowing what to say. She paused...and paused...and paused. The silence was becoming awkward, but she couldn't figure out what to say that would not be an outright lie to her husband.

"Adelaide?" Neil questioned. "What is it?"

She cleared her throat, "We are fine" she finally said and they were. All in all, she was feeling better. Simon was healthy. They were fine.

"Anything new?" he asked, picking up on the fact that she wasn't being entirely truthful.

She swallowed hard, "Neil...I...I'm..." she froze.

"Aye?"

She couldn't do it. Not now.

"No, nothing is new" And that was partly true. Her pregnancy wasn't exactly new to her.

"You don't sound sure of yourself"

She bit her lip. "I should let you go"

"Adelaide"

"You need to focus on what is going on in the Cove. You have so much on your shoulders"

"I do have to go" Neil said, regretfully, "I'll call you again soon"

Her heart twisted, feeling like it would shatter into a million pieces at that moment.

"Goodbye Neil"

"Goodbye, Adelaide"

She hung up the receiver and buried her head in her hands. The call was supposed to help heal the rift between the two, but with her distortions of the truth, she knew the divide had grown even larger between the two of them.

"Was that Adelaide?" David said as Neil hung up the phone.

"Aye"

"Did she..." David shifted, awkwardly, "talk to you about things?"

His eyes narrowed, "What do you know about my wife that I don't?"

David picked up the coffee pot from the stove to pour himself a cup. "Christy let something slip the other day and I didn't know whether to tell you. I was going to give it a few more days hoping Adelaide call and tell you herself" He offered Neil the pot and Neil poured himself some as well.

"Go on"

"She is staying at her and Simon's house"

"Christy?"

"No, Adelaide and the baby"

Neil paused, "What?" he thundered. "When did that happen?"

"Apparently, she has for weeks now" he said, "Didn't she say something?"

Neil let out of his breath, "No"

"Christy wouldn't say why, but there seems to be more to the story"

"I'm sure there is" Neil said, his voice curt. "It would explain why she sounded so out of sorts just now"

"It may not be what you are thinking" David offered. "Perhaps she just needed a break from living with Julia"

"Or it could be that my wife prefers being close to the memories of her dead husband" Neil countered, grimly. "Blast it" Neil smacked the doorway, angry that Adelaide would make such an impulsive decision. "I sent her to Asheville because I thought she would be with her parents"

"Adelaide values her independence"

"She's trying to prove a point that she can make decisions for our family without me" Neil grunted.

David took another chug of coffee, "If that was the case, Doc, then I think she would have told you that she was living on her own and doing fine"

"You would think, but mark my words, that's a part of it. I can't even begin to get inside her head now" Neil ran his hand through his unruly curls.

"Doc" David shifted his weight, "it seems like the cases in Cutter Gap are in recovery"

"Aye" Neil nodded, distracted.

"If no new cases happen in a week..."

Neil managed to pull his attention to focus on David, "Then it would be safe for Christy to come home. Adelaide asked about it earlier"

"And Adelaide? Would you let her come home to?"

"Aye, if she wants to" Neil nodded.

"Would you want to come with me?"

"Not until the cases settle in Low Gap" Neil said, "We will have to wait and see"

"But she could come back"

"Aye, if she'd like"

"You don't think she would want to stay in Asheville, do you?" David asked, aghast, "I can't imagine that even if she is living in her old house"

"I'm not so sure. Again, I don't know what my wife is thinking these days" Neil muttered, leaving the room, needing his space.

"Adelaide" David took Simon from her arms two weeks later, "Christy said that you don't want to come home" He stilled, "I see" he frowned.

"Is it that obvious?" she winced.

"Yes" David nodded, "especially when you look awfully similar to my wife right now who is expecting"

"Though maybe a tad bigger" she said, "You see why I can't come home now"

"I know this is scary for you" David guided her to and sat on the settee with her. "But Doc will understand why you didn't tell him right off"

"He won't understand, David" Adelaide's voice was hoarse.

David thought for a few moments, "Because...?"

"I lied to him, David. He asked me if anything was new and I told him no. This is new" she patted her stomach, "he asked me if we were okay and I said yes. I was sick for two weeks- very ill. I didn't tell him about living here. We have always had such trust even before we were married and I have completely shattered what we had"

"Adelaide" David's voice was pained, "I told him that you were living here"

"David" Adelaide squeaked, "how could you?"

"He needed to know"

"But it wasn't your place to tell him"

"I know that, Adelaide" David confessed.

"How did he take it?"

"Not well" David told him.

"Is that why he isn't here?" the hurt in her voice was undeniable.

"No, he has more cases in low Gap that are in recovery"

"But is that why he hasn't taken my calls or called me back?"

"I believe so"

She twisted her hands, "I'm not going back. Not now"

"You can't run from him"

"I can" she said, adamantly.

"He's not going to let you, Addie"

"Why are you so sure when he hasn't made contact with me?"

"Because he loves you too much to let you do that. Once he stops stewing and he has time to think, he'll come around" David said, gravely, "And you must let seek reconciliation, Adelaide. You know that your marriage is a covenant and can't be broken"

"I do" she swallowed hard, "I want so badly to go back and change how I reacted to him sending me to Asheville and to tell him the truth when I found out...which was a lot sooner than everyone thinks"

David gave Simon his finger and the baby played with it, "Do you need to confide in me as your pastor?"

She nodded, "Please don't tell Christy"

"Of course"

"I suspected right before Neil came home. I knew that it was a strong possibility and I didn't give him any indication"

"In all fairness to you, he was practically pushing you out of your home"

"Yes, but then I knew he would really make me leave. It was a strategic withholding of the truth" she said, twisting her hands, "and I should have told him then that I loved him. I left without him knowing those words"

"He knows you love him"

"It's not the same, David, and we both know it. It's about me trusting him enough to tell him those words. And it's also about me trusting him enough to tell him the truth about the baby, which I didn't. And about trusting him to lead our family, which I also didn't. That's why I don't think it will ever be the same again. And I feel so guilty about lying to him...if he is mad about me staying here, he is going to be furious when he finds out the baby"

"Then you seek forgiveness for the ways you wronged him and attempt to make it right" David advised. "Do you not think he will forgive you?"

"I know he will...eventually..." she said, choking slightly, "I just won't be able to forgive myself. I really made a mess of everything"

David gave her a small smile, "I do think if Neil is willing to forgive you for any way you wronged him, then you owe it to him to be able to forgive yourself as well"

Adelaide sniffed, "I owe him a lot more then he will ever know"

"Doc" David stepped onto the porch, "How are the cases in Low Gap?"

"Resolved" Neil said, smoking his pipe, "the epidemic is officially over"

David let out his breath, "Praise the Lord"

"Where is Adelaide?" Neil tried to keep his voice even.

David extended his hand, "She asked me to give you this"

Neil took the letter from his hand, "Thank you" he nodded.

"Neil" David shifted his weight, "I have no idea what this letter contains, but you need to go to Asheville now that the epidemic is over and sort through this with her"

"I can't just leave right now" Neil said.

"Adelaide needs you in Asheville" David's voice was clear. "I couldn't persuade her to come with me, but she will come home with you, if you go to her"

"I'm not going to leave Adelaide in Asheville, David" Neil said, "She is my wife"

"I told her that you would come around and come for her eventually"

"Why were you so sure?"

"Because there is no way I wouldn't go to Christy if the roles were reversed" David said, nodding, "have a good day, Doc"

"Goodbye" Neil watched him leave and then unfolded the letter that David had handed him,

Dear Neil,

Even as I sit here, I can't begin to process how to write this...what I should say to you...what I need to say to you.

I can't come home right now. It's not that I don't want to...I do badly...I'm just afraid. I'm afraid of what I can't say to you right now...afraid that the understanding that we had found in the past few months will be lost forever. And I can't bear that. I allowed my pride and my hurt to control my actions and in turn, I am afraid I will hurt you...that I have hurt you.

When you told me to leave, it was the first time that you demanded my unwavering trust in you...in your character...in your ability to make sound decisions for the good of our family...in your knowledge of doctoring...even when all those things contradicted my beliefs that I should stay. My pride told me that it was because for the first time, you didn't believe I was capable of making those decisions on my own...that I was inferior to you and need your help. I felt hurt that you so casually dismissed my feelings and demanded that I submit. Submission goes against every fiber I have Neil...the same parts of me that tell me that I can be a doctor...that I can live without the confines of how society tells me as a woman to act. It felt that you were putting me in my place, which went against how our relationship has been all along. I can't still wrap my mind around these roles we have and my role in our marriage. Simon never forced me to submit to him though if the time came, I suspect he might have. I know you think I returned to the house I shared with Simon out of some desire to be close to him, but that's not entirely true. It's been painful to revisit those memories, but it is also not for the reasons you might think.

I want to come home, Neil, I just don't know how I can face what is happening with us. You are going to be disappointed in me and I can't bear you finding out exactly the ways I have wronged you these past few weeks. And I am still hurt too. I have been so hurt by the silence between us, the rift between us, that I can't think of anything else. It's become consuming. And in the dark of the night, I feel like maybe you don't want me to come home at all...that what you said about wishing you never made vows to me to be the truth. Maybe that's the reason you haven't called...maybe that is the reason you send David for me. So, I stay here and I will stay here until you give me your reassurances that you actually want me to come home.

Adelaide

Neil folded up the letter and buried his head in his hands. He sensed her angst and it broke him to know that he was responsible for part of it. And then he wondered exactly what she was referring to about the ways she wronged him...was there still more than their fight and her moving into Simon's house?

"Doc! One of the younguns is feeling poorly"

Neil sighed, tucked the letter into his shirt pocket, knowing that he couldn't deal with this right now. "Let me just get my bag" he said, hoping that it wasn't a new case of typhoid or some other disease that was going to take root.

He knew Adelaide needed him, but once again, she would have to wait.