A/N: A short chapter for you all. Please read and review.
A Different Path: Chapter 16
Adelaide felt sick to her stomach as she nervously shifted her weight from leg to leg. She couldn't read the look Neil was giving her, but deep in her core, she knew that the marriage wouldn't survive the loss of their child. She prayed to God that what she thought was happening was wrong.
Neil sprang into action. "You should be lying down. Let me get some towels. In the linen closet?"
"Yes" her answer was a strangled sob. "Bathroom"
He froze at her cry. "Adelaide, sweetheart" he kept his voice soothing, but his look was unreadable again.
"Don't say anything" she sniffled, "We don't know for sure that I am losing our child"
"No, we don't" Neil conceded, "We shouldn't jump to any conclusions without knowing all the facts. Not without a proper examination. Lots of woman have bleeding during pregnancy"
"It's a little more than spotting" Adelaide swallowed hard.
"Aye"
"I just thought..." she leaned against the door frame of the bathroom entrance to watch Neil open the small closet and pull out a bunch of towels. "i thought if I was going to miscarry it would have been before this"
"How far along do you think you are, lass?" he asked as he moved back into the bedroom, Adelaide still leaning against the wall.
"Four months" she wiped at her eyes, "I thought I felt the baby move two days ago. It was a fluttering. I was so sure"
"It could have been" Neil laid the towels down on the bed, trying to ignore the rather sizable stain from where she had been laying down. He looked at her as she seemed frozen to her spot. He moved back over to her and gently took her by the arm. "Lets get you lying down. You shouldn't be standing"
She winced as Neil helped her back in bed. The pain was searing through her.
"Adelaide?" he questioned as she scrunched her face in pain.
"It feels a lot like a contraction" she held her breath.
His arms were around her, "Breathe out" his voice was low in her ear, "Now in. Good. Don't fight it so"
"I want to fight it with all that's in me" the tears flooded her eyes. "I'm losing this baby. I saw how much blood is on that sheet"
"It doesn't look good" Neil admitted. "Your nightgown is soiled. Let's change that"
"There will just be more" she swallowed hard.
"We need to figure out if you are still bleeding or if it has stopped" he went over to her dresser, pulling out a nightgown, "Arms up, lassie" he instructed.
She obeyed, lifting her arms as he pulled her nightgown over her head and put the new one on her. He helped her lay down. "Roll on your side and bring your knees to your chest. See if that eases the contractions"
She immediately shifted, curling her legs up. "Do you want to call Ed?"
"Aye" Neil nodded, "He is your physician"
"Maybe you could check me instead?" Adelaide suggested, her voice shy.
"My stomach is in knots here" Neil admitted, "I need to be your husband right now, not your doctor. Edward has given you care so far, I see no reason why it shouldn't continue"
"Okay. Call Ed" she said, nodding her permission.
He returned a few minutes later, "He's on his way" he sat down on the bed next to her, her back facing him. He could tell that she had been crying. He could hear her sobbing from down the hall but when he entered the room, she had managed to compose herself. He suspected that she pulled herself together when she had heard the sound of his returning footsteps.
"Lass"
"I don't want to talk about it" she gripped the sheet as more pain hit.
"Very well" Neil reached out a tentative hand, putting it on her back. She tensed only briefly before relaxing as he began to rub her back as one would comfort a child. "I called your mother"
She grimaced. "Neil, why would you do that?"
"I thought you might want her here for Simon in case the lad wakes and we are busy"
"That makes sense" she admitted. She hiccuped as more tears fell. She wasn't sobbing like before but she was still obviously crying.
He took a breath and let it out, "Adelaide, crying isn't going to help us now" he tried to keep his tone gentle.
"Leave it be, Neil" Adelaide said, sniffing hard, "You have no idea how this feels"
"I do know" Neil said, his voice low. "Do you not think that I am feeling all the things you are feeling at the prospect of losing our wee one?"
"It's different for a woman" she took another breath. "and you certainly aren't feeling the pain that I am at the moment"
"How much pain are you in?" he asked.
"It hurts" she grunted.
"I'm not trying to be insensitive here, Adelaide" he told her, bluntly, "I am just concerned that if you cannot reel in your emotions, that it is going to make your pain worse"
"And yes, I know that, Doctor MacNeill" Adelaide shot back, still not turning to face him, "but I can't just reel in my emotions right now. I'm trying. Trust me, I am. I'm not sobbing any more, am I?"
"That's true" he conceded, trying to be understanding of her shifting emotions, "What can I do to help, lass?"
"I don't know" she took another breath, "Rubbing my back feels good"
He continued to rub, "Then we'll do that. Let me know when you are having pain"
"Okay"
They continued to wait in silence before Adelaide sent Neil downstairs to wait for Julia's arrival.
"Adelaide" Edward knocked on the door, "Your mother let me in. May I come in?"
"Of course, come on in, Ed" she said, from her spot on the bed.
"How are you feeling?" he asked as he put his bag down on her bed.
"Not good" her voice broke.
He looked at her intently before turning and extending a hand to Neil, who had rose. "You must be Adelaide's husband"
"Neil MacNeill" Neil said, shaking his hand, "Thank you for coming"
"I feel terrible bothering you in the middle of the night" Adelaide interjected, her voice hoarse.
"It's not a bother, Adelaide" Ed said, affably. "It's nice to meet you, Doctor MacNeill"
"Please call me Neil"
"Very well if you call me Edward" Ed said, easily.
Neil nodded, "It's a pleasure meeting you as well. Addie speaks highly of you"
"Adelaide is generous as I'm sure you know" Ed said, "Have you examined her?"
"No, I wanted to wait for you"
"Good" Ed nodded, his tone turning more professional. "Adelaide, tell me what happened"
"I just woke up to use the restroom and I was bleeding and had a few cramps" She responded as Edward helped her sit up and prop pillows behind her.
"Do the cramps feel like contractions?" he asked, sitting beside her on the bed.
She nodded, "I think so. Not as regular. Not as painful"
"Have you felt the baby move yet?"
"Two days ago, I felt fluttering. I was sure the baby quickened, but now I'm not so sure"
He reached out to squeeze her hand, "Let me examine you so I can access the situation"
She glanced at Neil, "What exactly are you going to do?"
"I want to see how much you are bleeding and check your cervix. It should be closed at this point in your pregnancy" Edward answered, patiently, "But I'm sure you know that"
"Of course, that's what I thought" Adelaide grimaced, "I just wanted to double check"
"Are you making sure I know what I am doing?" Edward asked, lightly.
"Of course not" Adelaide blushed.
"She keeps me on my toes" Edward turned to Neil. "Please tell me I am not the only one"
"She always has me" Neil retorted.
Edward laughed appreciatively and patted her arm, comfortingly, "Let me go wash my hands and I will be right back." He stood and walked over to her bathroom to wash his hands.
Adelaide turned to Neil, "What are you thinking?"
"I think we should know after he conducts his examination" he told her, his voice low.
"I'm scared" her voice was small.
"I know" he reached over to touch her face lightly, "Be brave, lass. Whatever comes, we'll get through this"
"Do you want Neil to stay?" Edward asked, walking back into the room. "We could ask your mother to come in if you would feel more comfortable"
She bit her lip. "I don't know" she glanced at Neil.
"It's up to you, Adelaide" Neil said, offering her the out.
"My mother makes me nervous" her voice was small. "But the proper thing would be..."
"Hang propriety, lass" Neil interrupted her, adamantly, "You never put much stock in it before"
Edward dried his hands, "By all means, do what you feel comfortable with, Adelaide"
She looked between Edward and Neil, "By my head, Neil and hold my hand" She told him as Edward helped her lay down again.
"Yes, ma'am" he moved to her head and reached for her hand. She gripped it tightly.
"Okay, Adelaide" Ed pulled up the sheet to access the situation.
"Ed?" she tried to read his facial expression, which had been properly and professionally schooled and Adelaide suspected it wasn't good.
"There is quite a bit of blood on the towel" he commented.
Neil looked over and then squeezed her hand tighter.
"When did you put this down?" he asked.
"Right before Neil called you"
"And were you bleeding before?" Edward asked.
"Yes"
"Is it on the sheet?"
"Yes" she swallowed down the lump.
"Scoot over a little and let me look"
She complied. "Edward, I want to see how much is on the towel" her voice became panicked.
"Adelaide" Ed's voice was soothing, "You need to try to keep calm"
"No, I want to know. I have to know exactly how much is there" she insisted her breathing becoming labored. "Oh Lord"
"Are you having a contraction?" Neil asked, reaching around to rub her head.
She twisted. "Yes"
"Breathe, Adelaide" Neil coached. She leaned her head into his arm. "That's good, lass. Work through it"
The pain lifted and Adelaide looked at Ed. "It's what we think, isn't it?"
"Let me examine you first" Edward said, invading her question for now.
"Ed, I want to know exactly what you are thinking when you are thinking it" she pressed.
"Scoot down a little bit, Adelaide" he told her.
"Edward" Addie pressed.
"I'm thinking I need you to scoot down so I can more easily examine you"
"Edward"
"Scoot down, Adelaide" Edward instructed, his tone patient, "You can't bully me to giving you an answer without fully conducting an examination. It's all conjecture at this point. I know you want to know..."
"I have to be prepared"
"I understand that" his voice was kind, "Just give me a minute and I'll walk through our next steps, alright?"
"Adelaide" Neil interjected, "let the poor man conduct his examination without an interrogation"
A tense moment followed.
"Very well" she let out her breath and scooted down for him to finish examining her.
"Well?" Adelaide pressed as he washed his hands, this time in the basin at her dresser.
"It shouldn't be long, Addie" Edward said, quietly, "I'm sorry"
"Are you sure?"
"Quite"
She released Neil's hand and swung her legs over the bed.
"Adelaide" Edward paused, "What are you doing?"
She held up her hand and took tentative steps towards the bathroom.
"Adelaide" Neil grunted, "you need to stay in bed"
She turned, "I'm losing this baby one way or the other, Neil" she retorted, "And I need the bathroom"
"Let me help you at least" he said.
"I don't need help" she sniffled. "But thank you all the same for the offer"
A few more steps and she managed to click the door closed to the bathroom. After she used the facilities she slid down against her tub, leaned over it and began to cry.
Neil paced the floor while Adelaide was in the bathroom.
"She just needs a minute" Edward offered, drying his hands, "She was attached to the baby from right away"
"I know that"
"I'll go talk to Julia and tell her what is going on." He listened at the sound of her muffled cries, "See if you can get Addie out of the bathroom. Ask her if she wants me to give her something to relax her to get her through this"
"She won't"
"I'm not so sure" Edward said, "she should have to option"
"Of course" Neil agreed.
"I'll be back in a few minutes"
"Thank you" he nodded.
Neil watched him leave, took a breath and then headed across the room to knock on the door to the bathroom, "Adelaide?"
Her cries turned to winces and he swung open the door.
"In my back this time" she mumbled.
"You should be in bed not on this hard floor" he knelt beside her and reached his hand out to massage her back, pushing against it, trying to ease the pain.
He saw her pain lifting.
"I can't do this" She murmured. "Neil" she shifted on her legs so she was facing him. "I can't go through another miscarriage. My first one nearly crippled me and given the state of our marriage..."
"Hold on a minute" he gripped her hips. "I don't want you to worry about our marriage now. We'll be fine"
"How can you say that?" she asked. "This baby was binding us together and now it's gone and all that is left is our problems"
His look was gentle, "I'm not denying that there are things we have to sort the baby was not the only thing binding us together. We did make vows to each other. Ones I take seriously"
"Yes, but surely, you understand what I mean"
"Aye, I do" he responded, "Here lets get you back in bed before you have more pain. This floor cannot be comfortable for you"
She gripped her belly and allowed him to help her rise. "There is blood on the floor"
"Aye" Neil nodded, "we'll clean it up later. It's normal sweetheart"
"I know" she shuddered, "I wanted to give you this baby so badly...in spite of everything between us, I always wanted this for us"
He eased her back into bed and pulled up the covers. "I don't doubt that for a moment, lass"
"What are we going to do?"
"You have to decide if you want Edward to give you something. You don't have to be fully awake for this"
"I don't know" Adelaide hesitated. "What do you think?"
"I didn't think you would even consider it"
"I don't think" her voice broke again, "I'm not strong enough to labor through this miscarriage, Neil" her voice was hoarse with emotion.
"You sell yourself short as usual" Neil reached out to put his hand on her head. "but I think that if you want to, then it is fine"
Her lip trembled and then nodded her consent.
He stood up, "I'll go find Edward then"
She reached out and grabbed his arm, "Neil"
He paused and turned back towards her, "What is it?"
She swallowed hard, "I love you."
Neil closed his eyes briefly, taking in her words.
"I should have told you that ages ago. I never should have left the Cove without you knowing what was in my heart" she told him.
His eyes on her, he retreated his steps to sit back down on her bed with her, "I never doubted your feelings for me, lass. I've known for months"
"Why didn't you press me to say it?"
"The words weren't necessary. I didn't need to hear them. What was in your heart was plain as day"
"Everyone needs to hear them. I'm so sorry"
He pulled her into his arms. "I know you are. But honestly, you needed to say them more than I needed to hear them"
"I was afraid that I would say them and then something would happen to you and I would be heartbroken again. It's so silly"
"No, it makes perfect sense" he stroked her hair.
"Please don't send me away like that again. It felt like I lost you. And those feelings... I couldn't deal with them. That's why I moved back here. I know you think it was about Simon, but it wasn't...you have to believe me"
"Sweetheart" he pulled back, "We have alot to hash over, but now is not the time. Now, we just need to get you through this as comfortably as possible"
"Just tell me our marriage isn't over"
"It's far from over, wife" Neil looked into her eyes, "I love you too"
She sniffled harder, "Go find, Edward"
"I'm here" Edward stood at the open doorway.
She shifted, "Are you sure this is okay?" she asked him.
"Yes, I know you have strong opinions about this, Adelaide" Edward said, "But it is safe for you and I'll never bring it up again if that's what you choose. These are extenuating circumstances"
"You are a good friend" she said, shooting him a grateful look. He rummaged through his bag and measured out the medicine in a syringe.
"You look nervous" Edward commented.
"I like being in control" Adelaide retorted as another pain hit.
"I know" Neil said, soothingly, standing to change places with Edward who rolled up her sleeve, "but sweetheart, you can't control this anyway"
He gave her the injection, "We'll take good care of you, Adelaide" Edward said, quietly, "Try to rest" He eased her back down.
"Everything will be fine, right?" she looked to Neil.
"Of course" Neil soothed her, "Everything will be just fine"
She woke up, groggy, sore and exhausted. She turned to see Neil resting in the chair next to her.
"Neil?" She shifted, "What time is it?"
"Late morning" he said. "Edward has appointments but he should be back in a few hours"
She nodded.
"Do you want to try to eat something?"
She shook her head.
"Adelaide" Neil touched her cheek, soothingly, "Try to eat something, lass. You need something in your stomach, otherwise, the medication Edward gave you last night will leave you nauseous"
"Okay" her voice was hoarse.
"I'll be back" he said.
He came back a few minutes later with a bowl of oatmeal and fruit.
She ate a bite, then sat it aside.
"Adelaide" he chided. "Here, let's get more of this in you"
He began to feed it to her, them silent.
"Drink some tea too. I want your strength back"
She took a few sips and then laid it aside. "I'm so sorry, Neil" her voice broke.
"Sweetheart" he scooted closer to her, "It's completely not your fault. Please do not blame yourself"
She bit her lip. "Do you not want me to come home now? I wouldn't blame you given everything that has happened"
"Adelaide" he kissed her, gently, "Don't be foolish. I love you, woman. You belong with me whether or not you are carrying my child or not. There will be other babies. It was too soon after your delivery with the lad. We'll wait a few months and try"
Her face crumpled, "I wanted this one"
"I know" He put his arms around her, "Go ahead and cry"
"I'm so glad you are here" she admitted, sobbing against him, "I didn't realize how much I need you" she sniffled. "I need you"
"That's good. I'm your husband. I want you to need me"
"I broke your trust by not telling you about this little one"
"Yes, you did"
"Will you ever forgive me?"
"I'm not happy with you about it, Adelaide" he told her honestly, "but I meant what I said last night, we'll get through it"
"I'm afraid..." she pulled back to look at him. She looked ill, "I'm afraid I did it because I was angry at you. I kept justifying it in my head, but I was upset and angry. I am just like her...worse than her"
"Who? Margaret?" he asked, surprised.
"Yes"
"Don't do that to yourself, sweetheart" Neil said, his voice tender, "You are not Margaret. And we are going to have many happy years ahead"
"What are we going to do now?"
"When you feel well enough, I'll take Simon and you back to the Cove"
"I don't know if I can go back"
"I know it's scary to face all of this, but you have to trust me" He pulled out his handkerchief and handed it to her. She wiped her eyes, "Will you try?"
"Of course"
"Good" Neil leaned over to kiss her gently on the lips before pulling away.
"Neil" she shifted, "Will you call my sister? I need her to know and sooner rather than later"
"Aye" Neil nodded, "Don't worry about that"
She bit her lip, still worried.
"Stop fretting" Neil chided, "You need to focus on recovering. Once we return to the Cove, things will seem more normal, I promise"
But Adelaide didn't know how that was possible with the way she was feeling at that moment. The loss of her child made her feel achingly empty and while the strain between her and Neil was gone, she knew it was only being put aside for the moment. It would take hard work to restore the trust and normalcy between them...if that was even possible at all.