VeryMuchAlive . bloggie .com
Logan Henderson
BlogPost 018
Two Steps Back
Things were going really well, I wasn't as restless or as anxious. Jax had been at the house nearly everyday the past week. The kids were really loving it. Abel had been overly excited all day waiting to be done with school so we could have our movie night tonight like promised. Usually we'd be doing more on a Friday night, but Abel requested it, so we was getting it. Jax promised.
I was nervous for a little bit of the day thinking about how hurt our little boy would be if his dad backed out of the plans we made for the night. It would be him proving he couldn't be trusted to come back into our lives already. But I was giving him the benefit of the doubt and seeing were this evening went.
I picked the kids up from school and Jade up from Gemmas, heading to the store immediately after. I got quick stuff for dinner; pizza and cut-wings. I got popcorn and snacks and some drinks for the kids; I had a full case of beer in the fridge for Jax and I. Since all three of me heathens were so well behaved, I let them all pick out a treat.
Abel got gummy worms, of course. Nova, a bag of M'n'Ms, and Jade got lollipops.
I hadn't spoken to Jax since that morning on my way into work and he said he'd be over around 7. We got home close to 4:30 giving me just enough time to do everything I promised the kid I would.
Pillow and blanket fort in the living room? Check.
Dinner cooked and ready? Check.
Movie rented and ready to go? Check.
All three kids bathed and in their pajamas? Check.
I got myself into comfortable clothes and we sat around, waiting. The kids ate the dinner I gave them and waited to enjoy their snacks and popcorn when Jax got here.
"Mommy, when's daddy coming?" Abel sat on the floor, holding his head in his hand kicking his feet. We was looking impatient and sad.
"Soon, buddy." And for Jaxons sake it better be fucking soon. Lying and disappointing me was one thing, but not our children.
7:15 rolled away and I sadly accepted defeat. I started the movie, and not one of my three children even seemd interested in it; they weren't even touching their snacks or popcorn.
Just as the previews were finishing up there was a knock on the floor. All three kinds spring up like Merecats. I unlocked and opened the door to find Jax holding a bouquet of grocery bags, filled with even more snacks and stuff for the kids. I helped him in and closed and locked the door behind him.
The kids swarmed us but I scolded them, telling them to go sit in the living room until we got everything put away and ready.
I put most of the snacks Jax brought with him away, except the cheddar popcorn, it was the kids favorite. I got them all settled in in their blanket fort with the bowl of popcorn and their treats, the three of them cuddling close to each other.
"Can you see daddy?" Abel asked. Of course we could, we were sitting on the couch. But he had to make sure.
Jax laughed and nodded and Abel turned his attention back to the movie. My ex-husband and I both cracked open a beer, sinking back into the couch.
"How was your day?" I kept my voice low, so only he could hear. The kids were quiet and I wasn't about to ruin that; I was hoping they'd fall asleep during the movie so it would be an easy night.
He shrugged. "We had a deal with the Niners. Nothing too crazy. Gonna be a few weeks before our next deal, so I'll have some nice downtime to spend helping you with the kids." The kids were really going to like that and it meant I would have more time to get my finals project put together and finished so my student could get an early start; all of them seeed to be procrastinaters this year.
Jax and I sat and talked about nothing during the movie. By the time the credits rolled all three babes were sleeping. One by one we carried them back to their bedrooms and laid them down, not one of them budging to awake. Perfect.
I went back out to the living room and broke down the fort I had built earlier, putting all the pillows and blanket back in their right full places. Jax walked back out, hovering near the door.
"Well I don't wanna keep you up," he told me jamming his hands in his pockets. "I should be going."
"Well, be careful. Thanks for coming tonight, it really made the kids whole night. They were so excited all day long." He smiled at that. "It made my night too." His smile got even bigger.
He heaed for the door, stopping before he grabbed the handle.
"Oh! I almost forgot to ask. Amanda wanted to know if the kids wanted to come over tomorrow night to stay the night with Toby and Raven." That was a great idea.
"Yeah, absolutely. I can have some me time." Not that I exactly wanted alone me time.
"Uh, would you consider me time hanging out with me tomorrow night? Come to the club house, it can be like old times."
And I really liked that idea.
"Alright, I'll see you tomorrow."
I stopped him before he got out the door.
"Wait," I should have stopped my mouth from saying it, but I didn't. "Stay. Sleep here tonight. The kids will love having you here for breakfast when they wake up."
He paused for a second and then closed and locked my door with a smile on his face. We turned down for the night, packing up and smoking a few bongs. It was going on almost 1am when we decided we were ready for bed.
"Do you have pillows and blankets? Mainly just a blanket, I can use the throw pillows on the couch, it's not a problem."
I raised my eye brows at him confused.
"I just thought I'd sleep on the couch." he shrugged. I grabbed his upper arm, rolling my eyes.
"You stay here, you stay with me; in my bed." And he had no objections.
He undressed down to his boxers and hoppe into bed with me, pulling my body close to his under the blankets.
A short 45 minutes of sleep was broken by a screaming Nova, another one of her nightmares. I went to get out of bed and run to her, but Jax stopped me, hopping out and his feet hitting the ground.
"I got it," he assured me. "Get some sleep." I waited until I heard Novas cries stop and then I drifted back to sandland.
A little after 9am and I was woken up by three beautiful little people I made, jumping up and down on my bed, telling me it was time to start my day. I looked over to see Jax wasn't in bed.
"Mommy!" Abel laid his nose against mine, looking dead at me. Nova and Jade were just as close; they were litteraly all up in my business.
"MOMMA HASHBROWNS!" Nova screamed to me. I sat up, yawning.
"Alright, hashbrowns. We can make hashbrowns."
"No, silly." Nova and Abel hopped out of my bed and Jade crawled down carefully. The three of them were practically dragging me to the kitchen. "We not make them."
We entered the kitchen and I couldn't believe me eyes. Breakfast was made; eggs, sausage, bacon, toast, hashbrowns, oatmeal, fresh fruit and orange and apple juice and coffee. The mess was all cleaned up from him cooking, and our plates were sat out ready for us to eat. Abel and Nova hurried over to the table and I helped get Jade into her booster seat.
Jax gave me a hug.
"How did you sleep?" he asked, taking a seat next to me at the table.
"Really well." And I did. I slept like a fucking baby.
We all sat and ate breakfast together and then Jax helped me get the kids dressed and their bags packed to go to Opie and Amandas for the night. They were so excited to get to spend the night with them, they wouldn't shut up about it.
And I couldn't wait either, cause I was gonna get to drink and smoke and have a really good night at the clubhouse, like the old days.
Our day was a lazy one until around 4 when we dropped the kids off at Amanda and Opies. Within ten minutes they wanted nothing to do with us and wanted us to leave.
Jax dropped me off at my place so I could get ready. I was just going to drive over and meet him at the club house later that night.
I was in a really good mood and wanted to look extra sexy that night.
I used a thick barrel curling iron for my hair, making it full and have extra bounce. I did my make-up dark, how Jax liked it. I wore a tight pair of black leggings with these gold sandals I had worn maybe one time even though I spent about $40 on them. I slipped on a white tanktop that made my boobs extra perky and kept them out, all of Jax to see. I slipped on my lather jacket Jax bought me my first Christmas back; three kids later and it still fit.
I grabbed my purse and two packs of cigarettes out of my freezer. I dug through one of my kitchen drawers, looking for a bag of weed I had hidden. I shoved it and the smoked in my purse, grabbing my keys out. I headed over to the club house.
A few people were outside when I pulled up, but not anyone worth talking to. I kept moving, heading inside. Turning a corner into the bar a few guys started to cheer.
"Well if it isn't our favorite Las." Chibbs was racking up a game of pool. "Fetch a game tonight, love?" he asked, gesturing a pool stick my way.
"I'll play the winner." I told him, wanting to get a few beers in me and talk to Jax first.
I made my way over to the end of the bar where Jax was sitting, already having a crow eater get a beer up for me. I hopped up onto the bar stool, accepting the cold beer from him.
"You look," he leaned back in his chair, his eyes wondering my entire body, up and down. "Just damn. Wow." he took a few drink so his beer. I couldn't help but smirk. I promise you I felt anything but damn and wow most of the time, so it made me feel really good.
"Well thank you." I reached into my purse and grabbed a pack of smokes, packing them down and opening them up. I lit one for myself and offered Jax one as well.
I tried to make small talk, so I brought up material from a conversation the night before.
"So since when are you guys doing deals like that with the Niners? I thought you were in with the Mayans again and I know that weren't too happy about that the last time. And the Irish? I remember them telling you not to deal to the Mayans after all that shit that happened a few years ago too."
He shrugged. "Business is business. None of them seem to have a problem right now."
"Maybe that's because they haven't realized the problem yet." He always concerned me with this shit. Gans around here did not fuck around when it came to this kind of shit; the last time they dealt with two rival gangs they almost had Clay killed.
He looked at me, obviously annoyed and wanting to change the subject. "Club business." Some things never change. But I was strangely okay with it. "What about you? How's that glamorous teacher life going?" he joked at me.
I got defensive. "I happen to love being a teacher. Sorry I could never become a full-time outlaw stay-at-home mother." I shot back at him. His eyes glisended with a twinge of pain. "I'm kidding, Jax."
"That attitude, little girl." He poked at me. I hopped up out of my chair.
"Little girl? Ha. A little girl that's about to kick your ass at pool." I grabbed my cigarettes and headed over to the pool table, Jax following behind me.
10 beers and 4 games of pool later I was having a great time; I had a good drunk going on and was constantly laughing with Jax and the guys, trying to compose myself to finish this game of pool.
It was like the mood changed in 5 seconds; a crow eater caught our attention and things turned blurry, they turned fast.
"Jax," she called worried from behind the bar. All of our attention turned up to the backlot cameras. Two black SUVs rolled up quick, people with gun jumps out of them.
The nex thing I knew we were surrounded by gun fire, shooting through parts of the building and the front door. Jax was on top of me, keeping me pushed against the ground and my body safe.
My heart was beating so fast I couldn't hear the gun fire anymore, just the steady hum of my ticker.
The front door of the club house got kicked in, two men rushing in.
They fired a few shots inside, one hitting off a metal beam and flying back down to graze Tig. When gun fired started back at them, they began to flee. The only words they had said caught my attention more than anything.
"Jax Teller's old lady." And the club house door slammed shut behind them, the SUVs taking off as quick as they came in.
Jax climbed off of me, checking me over to make sure I was okay. I was in shock, sitting up and bringing my knees to my check. I reached forward, grabbing my cigarettes off the pool table and getting one out.
Surprisingly, I had only needed a few minutes and I was composed; maybe I wasn't normal or maybe after this many years I was finally used to the fucking bullshit SAMCRO brought along.
"Are you alright?" Jax asked me, helping me up.
"What the fuck was that Jax?"
Chibbs, who was in a little bit of pain from the bullet graze, spoke up before anyone else. "Guessing by their accents I'm gonna guess it was the Irish sending us a message. No one in hell can we sell those guns to the Mayans tomorrow."
"We already took the cash!" Jax shot back at him.
"And they already sent their bloody fucking message!" Chibbas shouted back.
I couldn't take it. I ran for the door, Jax coming behind me.
"Logan," he grabbed my arm and I turned around. "I'm so sorry."
"No, don't apologize. It isn't your fault." Oddly enough, I wasn't mad. Just shaken up. I wanted to go home, go to bed. Tomorrow was a new day. A nice relaxing Sunday. "I just wanna go home."
"Should I come with you?"
I shook my head. "No, no. It's alright. I just wanna go to bed." I leaned forward and kisses him on the cheek.
"I'll call you tomorrow."
I was in a fucking shoot out tonight and I wasn't the least bit mad or pissed at him or the club. I was just so shaken up. I doubt I'm gonna sleep worth shit.
Next time
Logan