A/N: Thanks to all who continue to read and review! Sorry for the delay!

Chapter 18:

Adelaide anxiously twisted a tendril of her hair. If she was going to go, she needed to leave now. Yet, still, the thought of facing everyone at the ladies' sewing circle made her heart twist.

These past two weeks in the Cove, she had secluded herself in the cabin…only making the promised visit with Opal to pick the fall herbs. Neil was gone often and she was alone…only Simon and her rampant thoughts and emotions to keep her company. She had to admit even though she was lonely, but the loneliness was preferable to being sociable and trying to keep up appearances. She was too exhausted for that…the ache in her heart was too strong. Neil didn't press her to share her emotions with him. He was tolerant of her mood swings. He didn't force her to their bed for intimacy. He seemed content for the moment to let her be, but she caught him watching her carefully at moments when she didn't realize he was around…and she realized that the day was coming when he would no longer be content to simply let them live in co-existence.

"What are you doing still here?" Neil asked as he came in, placing his bag on the hook and headed to the basin to wash his hands again.

"Happy to see you too," she responded, wringing her hands. She didn't bother to hide her anxiety from him, at the moment it was too strong for her to reel in.

"I only meant," Neil looked over, "That the sewing circle is today. Ye are going to be late if ye don't get a move on it."

"I know," Adelaide said, moving to sit on the bench at their kitchen table. "I don't think I am going to go today."

Neil stiffened and then dried his hands with the towel, hanging it back up and going to sit next to her.

"May I ask why?"

Adelaide shrugged.

"I know the ladies would like to see ye, lassie," Neil said, "they have all been asking after ye, but are afraid to visit."

"For heaven's sake, they don't need to be afraid to visit," she responded, exasperated, "It isn't like I bite!"

"Are ye sure about that?" Neil reached out to rub her arm and then dropped his hand when she stiffened in response. "They are trying to give ye time to settle back in, but it has been two weeks and besides seeing Opal that one time, ye have kept to yourself. Christy said she hasn't even seen you around the mission."

"Goodness," she swallowed hard, her emotions suddenly running high, "you have been checking up on me, haven't you?"

"Adelaide," Neil struggled to keep the impatience out of his voice, "you cannot stay hulled up in this cabin forever. You have to face the world."

"It hasn't been forever. It has only been two weeks," Adelaide's voice softened, "I need more time."

"Even to see your sister?" Neil asked, his eyes on her, searching for her motives behind her reluctance.

"Especially her," Adelaide's lip trembled.

"But why? You are your sister are so close," Neil's voice was low, "She could help you through this."

And Adelaide couldn't bring herself to tell him the truth in that regard. "I just…" her voice cracked and she buried her head.

"Can you not tell me what is in your heart, lass?" Neil entreated.

She was silent for a few moments and then looked up, shaking her head. "I can't have you thinking less of me than you already do."

"I'm not even sure what that means," Neil let out his breath, exasperated, that she was once again shutting him down. "Forget about Christy for a moment. She is teaching now. She won't even be there if that is what you are concerned about."

"No, it's the others as well."

"But why?" Neil demanded.

"I left them. I have always been an outsider and me leaving just cemented that in everyone's minds."

"They won't exclude you, Adelaide."

"Why do you think that?"

"Because you are my wife."

She shrugged, "And I left you."

"They know it was me who forced you from our home," Neil grunted, "if anything they are angry at me, Adelaide, for shirking my responsibilities towards you."

"They could never be angry at their hero," Adelaide retorted.

"I'm not their hero," Neil planted his hands on the table, pushing himself up. "I'm going to get the babe ready for you to go. And you are going today. I'm tired of you sulking about this cabin. Getting fresh air and company will be good for you."

"What is this?" Adelaide asked, throwing up her hand in anger.

"This is me loving you," Neil said, simply, "Go get your sewing bag. It will be fun. Don't poke your finger too much and get blood on the quilt."

Adelaide shot him a deathly look, but didn't argue further.

"Adelaide," Miss Alice stood as she approached the ladies's sewing circle. Miss Alice hosted a sewing circle weekly on the porch of her small cabin. She extended a hand, "Welcome back."

"Thank you," Adelaide squeezed her hand, "I do apologize for my lateness," she said, shifting Simon, who was sleeping in his wrap.

"Thee is not awfully late," Miss Alice's look was warm, "I do believe there is a spot by Mrs. Spencer saved just for thee."

"That's too kind," Adelaide gave her a small smile, "And I trust Fairlight will keep my stitching on track."

The other women chuckled as Adelaide took her spot in the sewing circle.

"Miz Addie, welcome back," Fairlight murmured.

"Yes, Miz Addie, it is so good to see ye," Lizzie nodded to her from her other side, her own babe sitting on a blanket beside her.

The other ladies murmured their greetings.

"Thank you," Adelaide said, "It is so wonderful to be back."

Adelaide pulled her needle and thread out of her bag and took her quilting square.

The ladies were chattering for a few minutes, Adelaide focused on her quilting, uncharacteristically quiet.

"Mrs. Doc, we were so sorry to hear about ye and the Doc's babe," Mary Allen spoke from across the circle.

Adelaide startled as she poked her finger. She winced and then sucked on her finger, looking over at Mary.

"I'm sorry if I startled ye," Mary looked at her, frowning.

"No, you didn't," she said, "I wasn't aware Doc told…I mean…I knew Opal knew…but…" she gave them a sheepish look and then schooled her features, "I mean…thank you kindly, Mary."

"Gossip prattles around the Cove," Fairlight spoke up from her side.

"It wasn't truly a secret," Adelaide said, "it just startled me."

"Doc seems happy that you are home though," Lizzie said.

"Do you think?" Adelaide poked her finger again, "I fear I am all fingers today, ladies."

Opal frowned, "Of course he is, Miz Addie."

"There will be other babes, Mrs. Doc," Ruby Mae, rubbing her belly, "Why for as much as you and Doc…"

Adelaide poked her finger for a third time in the five minutes she had been there. She winced again and sucked on her finger. She caught Granny's eye, who was watching her with a discerning look.

"Ruby Mae," Miss Alice intervened quickly, "Perhaps, Mrs. Doc is not comfortable talking about those particulars of her marriage in front of everyone," She stood, "Adelaide, would thee be so kind as to help me with the refreshments?"

Adelaide put aside her sewing, "Of course."

Fairlight did the same, "Here, Miz Addie. Let me take the babe. Ye look tuckered out. No wonder ye are poking yeself something awful today."

"I haven't been sleeping well," she admitted, handing Simon over to Fairlight.

"See what I mean!" Ruby Mae said loudly to Mary Allen. "I don't know why she is a worrin so much!"

"Just hush already Ruby Mae," Opal admonished, sternly.

"But, there is no shame in it," Ruby Mae protested.

"Opal is right, child," Granny said, firmly, "Hush now."

Adelaide gave both ladies a grateful look before retreating into the sanctuary of Miss Alice's cabin.

"I shouldn't have come," Adelaide said, her voice cracking as she helped Miss Alice pour the glasses of lemonade.

"Of course, thee should have. This is thy home," Alice said.

"I wasn't going to and then Neil…he practically pushed me out of the door."

"He is worried about thy spirits," Alice said, softly. "Thee does seem…unlike thyself at the moment."

Adelaide shrugged, her hands shaking slightly, "to be quite honest with you, Miss Alice, I don't think I will ever be like myself again. Maybe I need a distraction."

"Simon isn't enough of a distraction for thee?" Miss Alice asked, knowingly.

"No, and Neil hasn't asked me on patient visits since I've been back!" Adelaide said, "And I'm longing to think about anything besides the baby I lost. I can face going out and seeing people if I am doing it with him and can be distracted by the medicine," Her lip trembled.

"Adelaide," Alice stilled her hands and then turned to her, her look frank, "perhaps, thee should ask Neil if thy can go along with him on patient visits than assume he can read thy mind."

"He'll just tell me no," Adelaide said, forlorn.

"Oh, Adelaide, child," Alice reached out and patted her cheek, affectionately, "thy husband adores thee. Give him a chance to make things right."

"He can't make things right, Miss Alice…not when the blame rests squarely on my shoulders," Adelaide took a breath then picked up the tray of lemonade. "we should get back."

"May thee and I talk later this week? Thee can come for tea." Alice requested, quietly.

"I'd like that," Adelaide responded with a nod.

"How was it?" Neil asked later that night over supper.

"Fine," she said, dismissively, pushing the food around with her fork.

He stared at her long and hard before saying, gruffly, "Stop playing with your food, lassie."

She shrugged, "I'm not hungry at all. Let's go feed this to Charlie." She stood, but Neil stopped her, gesturing to her with his fork,

"Sit back down and eat."

"Honestly," Adelaide protested, though she sat back down, "I'm not your child. You can't force me to eat."

"But I can remind you how fortunate we are to have food on this table," Neil's voice was stern, but not unkind. "And if you feel like I am treating you like a child, then I suggest ye examine your behavior to find where the fault lies."

She slammed the plate down again, startling both of them. She took a breath and then another, her emotions spiraling out of control. "I need some air," she said and then looked over to where Simon was sitting playing with blocks. "Will you see to the baby?"

Neil took his own breath, "Aye, lass, but take ye shawl. The night is cool. Fall is upon us."

She fled without another word.

An hour later, Neil came outside with the baby to find her on the porch. "Feed the lad so I can put him in bed."

Adelaide sniffled, "I'm mortified."

"Don't be," Neil reached down to pull her up and then wrapped his arms around her waist, "It's already forgotten."

He let her into the cabin and took her shawl, hanging it for her, before settling down with Adelaide and Simon on the couch, Simon sleepily nursing before bed.

"Neil," she turned her head towards him, "I'm afraid one day you will wake up and just realize I'm not worth all this trouble."

"I highly doubt that," Neil said, reaching over reach for her free hand. "What upset you so?"

She paused for a few moments, thinking, "They think we are entirely back to normal…that you are so happy that I am here with you…that we are so happy together… and that is not the case. It feels deceptive, but most of all, I think it just feels heartbreaking."

"We are working on it, love," Neil said, kissing her hand, tenderly. "Don't pay any mind to what anyone thinks."

"What do you think?" Adelaide asked, her voice broken, "because I care about that. Do you want me to go home? I will if that is what you want."

"This is your home," Neil answered, firmly, squeezing her hand, "and I am glad you are home. That's not deception. That's the truth. I married you and I love you and your place will always be with me."

He kissed her hand again and she took an uneven breath. Their eyes met and locked. And then the holler from the yard came.

Neil frowned, but Adelaide nodded and he jumped up to investigate.

He came back in a few minutes later, "Don't wait up."

"Yes," she said. Neil reached for his bag and then turned back when she called his name.

"Neil!"

"Aye?"

"Do be careful."

He backtracked his steps to lean over to kiss her soundly on the lips. "Goodnight, Adelaide. Sweet dreams, love."

"Goodnight, Neil." But as he left, she knew that the dreams wouldn't come for ages, and when they did, they would be anything but sweet.

"Hello Granny," Adelaide called out from her spot at the stove, stirring their stew for dinner, "Come on in."

"Is that the babe a hollarin?" Granny asked. "I can hear him from way down yonder."

"I'm just putting in the last ingredients for the stew when Simon woke up," Adelaide explained, almost apologetically. "Neil says I always rush to pick Simon up when he needs to learn to settle on his own."

Granny nodded, "He's right there." She put her basket down on their table and then walked to wear she was cooking, "I'll stir this for you while you see to the babe," she said.

"Thank you, kindly," Adelaide responded, drying her hands on the towel. She went into the lab to retrieve Simon. She juggled him, "He likes to nurse after his nap. Do you mind?"

"Go on with ye," Granny said as Adelaide sat at the table and nursed Simon.

"What do you have there, Granny?" Adelaide asked curiously.

Granny put the spoon down, "This will be fine to simmer a bit on its own." She turned and sat across from Adelaide, "Ye were upset at the sewing circle when Mary mentioned that ye lost the babe."

Adelaide flushed, "I didn't mean to embarrass her or make her feel bad, Granny. It's fine that Neil shared with his friends about us losing our child. I didn't mean to imply other wise."

"I didn't expect ye did," Granny said, reaching for her basket. "I bought you some things to help with ye getting another babe in ye. These will restore ye fertility."

Adelaide looked at the various herbs and concoctions, wearily. "Neil and I…" she looked down at Simon and then bit her lip, "I don't think we need these."

"Just because the babe came easily before doesn't mean that it will come easily again. These can move things along. The soon ye get a babe in ye belly, the sooner ye can forget about ye lost."

"I don't think I can ever forget about the baby I lost, Granny," Adelaide answered, rubbing Simon's cheek tenderly, "It's just…" she frowned.

They were interrupted by the sound of Charlie's hoofbeats. Neil bounded in a few minutes later.

"Howdy, Granny," he said, "what brings you here?"

"I brought Miz Addie some herbs to use to bring about another babe."

Adelaide rose, "I think Simon's diaper needs changing. I will be right back," she said. She looked back at Granny, "It was really kind for you to bring this for us Granny. Thank you."

Granny nodded as Neil hung his bag on the hook and went to wash his hands.

"Neil," Granny's voice was low, "What be wrong with Adelaide?"

Neil turned slowly to her, "Nothing."

"Are you sure she isn't taken to the melancholy?"

"I hardly think it is that bad," Neil said, "she has her moods but she has always had moods."

"I don't seem to remember her being moody," Granny countered. "She got right upset at the sewing circle when Ruby Mae said she would get in the child way in no time…given…how… fond ye are of her."

"Ruby Mae needs to hold her tongue," Neil answered, gruffly.

"It is no secret ye and Adelaide were right active in the marriage bed," Granny said.

"Watch yourself, Granny," Neil chided.

"Son, the cabin walls are thin and ye patients call at all hours of the night. I hear stories."

"I'm sure they are exaggerated," Neil said. "Adelaide and I are just like any couple in the cove."

"Then why did she get upset?"

Neil paused for a few minutes, "If you must know, she felt like she was deceiving people that everyone thought we are back to normal. There is strain in our marriage, There is no denying that. I believe things will even out with time. But it is a stress for her nonetheless."

"Ye must find a way to get her mind off the babe she lost," Granny advised. "With her sister in the baby way, she won't be settled until she has her own."

"She has Simon," Neil said, "I'm sure Christy's pregnancy doesn't bother her."

"Are ye sure of that?" Granny asked, "Miz Christy says she hasn't seen her yonder the mission since she has returned. Have ye stopped and asked yeself why not?"

Neil paused, contemplatively, "But she has Simon. Surely, she doesn't bregrudge her sister her pregnancy."

"And she would have had the new babe right around the time Miz Christy's babe will be born. How do ye think that makes her feel? Why do ye think she is a hiding out in this here cabin all the time?"

"Adelaide is not petty, Granny."

"No, boy, she isn't. But she be full of grief, that one. And she would rather stay away then face what she be feelin." Granny reached out to touch his arm, "Ye be losin this one, Neil. Spark your wife, before ye lose her entirely."

"She won't leave me if that is what you are implying."

"I never thought she would, but ye will lose her all the same."

"I hardly think it is that bad, Granny," Neil insisted. "Adelaide will be fine."

"Ye can't save her yeself, Doc. Only the good Lord can."

"Now, don't you start with that nonsense, Granny. And I'll ask her about Christy. But I wager ye are wrong about that."

"I'm right about that," Granny harrumphed. "I brought herbs for the melancholy as well. And for her fertility."

"Her doctor thinks she needs a few months to get things back in order and we are not in any hurry to conceive."

"Accidents happen, Neil MacNeill."

"Not in this household," he mumbled.

Granny shot him a look and pointed her finger, "I knew something is wrong. She is denying you, isn't she? And ye still don't see that she has a problem?"

"I have the situation in hand," Neil retorted, sternly, "And don't spread our conversation around the whole cove. I don't want Adelaide to be bothered by needless prattling about the state of our marriage!"

"Of course not," Granny nodded, solemnly.

"And you can leave the herbs. Maybe some of them will help."

"Adelaide believes in the power of these herbs."

Neil shrugged. "Adelaide is entitled to her own opinions."

"I'm very glad you think that, Doctor MacNeill," Adelaide said from the top of the stairs, Simon in his arms. Neil bounded up the stairs to take the babe.

"You are spoiling me," she chided, softly.

"I like spoiling ye, lass," Neil said, his voice tender. Their eyes locked again until Granny cleared her throat and they came down the stairs, Granny instructing them on the nature and uses of the herbs.

Later that night, when Simon was long tucked away in bed and Neil and Adelaide were reading on the couch, Neil put aside his book.

"Lass?"

"Yes?" she said, turning her page.

"Can you put aside the book for a moment?"

"Of course," She put her mark back in the book and put it on the side table. "You look serious." She frowned, "Am I in trouble, Papa?" she tried to keep her voice, light, teasing almost, but he could tell that she was putting it on for him.

"Of course not," He reached for her hand, squeezing it gently. "I was just wondering if you wanted to come with me to the mission tomorrow. I need to check on Christy's pregnancy. I was going to listen for the heartbeat and I was wondering if ye would like to come with me."

Adelaide clammed up, her mind racing, trying to figure out a gracious refusal. Finally she opted for, "No, thank you, Neil. But that is so thoughtful of you to ask."

He raised his eyebrow, "That was a Julia response if I have ever heard one."

"Good breeding does come in handy sometimes," Adelaide cracked a smile.

"Indeed it does, lassie," he said, "Care to tell me why that you so politely refused me?"

She bit her lip, "I don't want you to think me awful."

"I doubt that," Neil said, squeezing her hand, again. "I think it is time to fess up where this hesitation regarding your sister is coming from."

She nodded and then took a breath, "It is rather silly," she hesitated. "You'll think I'm ridiculous."

He shook his head, solemnly, "No, I won't. Go on now."

"It's just that we were due at the same time. We were supposed to experience our pregnancies together…and I'm just so…afraid…that it will too hard to see her and not be…sad or jealous…or any one of those things. I'd rather stay away than potentially hurt her feelings or make her feel bad about something that is so special and sacred. And her baby is my niece or nephew and I do love him or her…truly I do…and I would never hurt her for the world, but I can't control my reactions these days, Neil. I am trying." Tears welled up in her eyes and then fell.

"Oh sweet lass," He reached to wipe them away. "You can't hide in here forever."

"But…"

"We'll be together," Neil said, "you won't have to go alone. And forget about helping me examine her. Just go visit her."

"Maybe in a few weeks," Adelaide said, softly.

"That's too long. She is your sister, lass. Maybe we can invite her and David for supper. Reconnect with your sissy, lassie. You need her. And she is longing for you."

She squeezed her eyes shut, "Okay," her voice was hoarse. "If that is what you think is best."

She tugged her hand out of his, "I need to go to bed. I'm tired."

"Adelaide," his voice was almost a plea, as she stood, "please don't do this."

"Do what?"

"Confide in me and then push me away. It is not going to help our marriage."

"I'm not sure anything will help our marriage," she said, her distress clear.

"But why?" Neil said, rising again, "you have to tell me what is going on in your head. Apparently, I'm missing a lot here."

"It's nothing," she said, quietly, "forget I said anything."

"Lass," Neil reached for her but she stepped back away from him.

"I am really fine. You are right. We should have David and Christy over for supper. Can you arrange it for me?"

"Of course, but…"

"Please, Neil, not now. I'm getting a headache."

"I will say only this then," he held up his hand, "One day you will push me away so hard and so far that not even my Scot stubbornness will be able to bridge the gap between us. Is that really what you want?"

She bit her lip, hard, tasting blood. "No," her voice was hoarse.

"Then allow me to love you. Tell me what is in your heart. Allow us to reconnect."

"Physically?"

"I certainly wouldn't deny you," Neil quipped, but though he said it in jest, she could tell that he was hurt by her actions. She was only adding to his hurt and she had already hurt him so much. She knew now more than every that she was destined to lose him. Her heart twisted. She loved him so.

She moved towards him and reached up her hand to twist his curl, "I…I can try tonight, if you want," she said, almost shyly.

"Don't toy with me, Adelaide," Neil said, his voice low, "if you can't follow through."

"I promise you, I'm not," she said, quietly. She reached for the buttons of his shirt, her hands fumbling. She stopped for a minute, her hands clumsy. She ducked her head, trying to take breaths, as the panic was pressing down on her chest. She could do this with him.

Neil tipped up her head and saw the tears forming in her eyes, "You aren't ready. There is no use forcing yourself, lass. Not tonight."

She squeezed her eyes shut, "I hate this. I'm so weak."

"I don't want you to force yourself through the motions. I want you. All of you."

"When we were first married, forcing myself to do this with you was what you wanted." The tears fell.

Neil thumbed them away, "and then I tasted the sweetness of your kisses and your caresses that you so freely gave…and experienced the passion we have when the two of us connect in this way. I could never go back to you going through the motions. That is not what I want."

She dropped her head so she was burying it in his chest. He rubbed the top of her head.

"It's okay, lass, don't cry," he said as she tried to stifle the tears.

And then it was when she realized that she must become stronger, at all costs. It was hurting them too much. But she really wasn't sure she could do this. But still she allowed Neil to take the lantern and lead them to their bedroom. He helped her change and then he held her for the longest time in his arms. But he succumbed to sleep much sooner than she did, she plagued by her thoughts.

A/N2: Up next, Bird's Eye enters the picture.