Chapter 20:
Adelaide stared at Neil, her mouth open.
"Well, say something," Neil said, amused.
"Besides the fact that I think this is a horrible idea?" Adelaide retorted.
He shrugged, "I think it is a quite brilliant idea myself. A few days alone communing with nature with my favorite person on this earth…channeling my highlander ancestry to help my woman survive," he winked at her.
"I'm glad you find this so amusing," Adelaide crossed her arms, "What about the baby?"
"Christy said she would be happy to watch him for a few days. David said they are eager for the practice before their babe comes and since ye have weaned him, ye should be fine for a few days without the babe."
"And your practice?"
"Edward will be in town for the week."
"Edward?" She raised an eyebrow, "Is that so?"
"Aye, does that surprise you?" he challenged and titled his head.
"A bit," She cleared her throat, "How did that come about?"
"We've been in contact these past few weeks since returning and he offered."
"I didn't realize you two have become friends."
"Ye have been a bit distracted of late," Neil answered, wryly and she couldn't deny that was true. "What is this about?"
"It just seems like a week is an awfully long time."
"Well, maybe not a week. A week at the most. Mostly likely a few days…just as long as it takes."
"As long as what takes?" Adelaide asked, incredulously.
"Ye know very well what I mean, lassie."
She did know what he meant- as long as it took to repair the strain in their marriage…a repair that she wanted to fix, but also one that she was terrified of. A few days alone with Neil seemed more like a curse than a blessing at this point in their marriage. She couldn't hide the anxiety from her features.
"Are you afraid to be alone with me for a few days without the often blessed escape of a baby crying or a holler for medical help?"
He hit the mark as usual, but not like she was going to admit it, "Of course not," she forced a small laugh. "I just think this is going to open a whole can of worms."
"That can of worms needed to be open weeks ago. We are having it out…you and I, Adelaide."
"Having it out?" Adelaide asked, her mouth hanging open again.
"Aye, mark my words. I don't know what day it will be-not the first, I'm sure, for ye are a stubborn one, but the third, the last…but we will have it out…a good roaring row. And that is when we can began to heal."
"I'm not going to fight with you," she said.
"Aye, ye will," Neil said, knowingly. "And if will feel so good to the both of us just like last night did."
"Look, I'm sorry for the things I said," Adelaide said, trying to keep her tone contrite, "but it doesn't mean you have to go to this extreme. We could stay at home for the week…"
"So you can fiddle about with this or that or escape into the other room when things get tough. No, that will not work."
"Neil," Adelaide's tone hinted at a whine.
"What is objectionable to you?" Neil asked, his eyes searching her.
"Besides the fact there is no outhouse?"
Neil threw back his head and laughed, it rumbling deep from his belly.
"It's not funny."
"It's completely funny, lassie."
"Look, I can deal with the outhouse and no running water…but even that was a rather large adjustment…but this? no, thank you."
"It's not a big deal," he laughed more, "just find a nice spot in the woods…"
She held up her hand, "Enough."
"I didn't know you were so…"
"So what?"
"Delicate in your sensibilities," Neil teased.
"Stop it," she chided. "I am not.
"You are too. What else are your objections?"
She opened her mouth and then paused…
"Aye, lassie?" Neil pressed, with a glint in his eyes.
"I was just going to say…" she paused again.
"Aye, go on…" he knew he had her trapped.
"That…" she paused, "We are going to get dirty."
Neil was nearly rolling off the couch in laughter, "Aye and maybe even wet if it rains."
"We will both get pneumonia and Simon will end up an orphan."
More laughter from Neil.
"Stop laughing at me!" Adelaide put a hand on her hip, "Or I'm not doing this at all."
Neil sobered up. "Aye, ye will, lass of mine."
"Who says?"
"I do…as your husband and leader of this household…"
"Oh, good Lord!" Adelaide stood. "Are we back to that again?"
"Aye, we are," Neil stood, "And I suspect that will be the issue that breaks the camels back if ye catch my meaning."
"Oh, it's caught," Adelaide grunted. She reached for her shawl, "I'm going out."
"Are ye now?"
"Yes."
"And whom are ye going to complain to about my plan…Opal? Christy?"
"I haven't quite decided," Adelaide declared, "but i dare say they will think you just as addled in the mind as I do right now."
He waved her off, "Off with ye then. I'll watch the babe."
She glared at him and reached for her shawl. "When will this little adventure take place?"
"After the working," Neil answered.
"Lovely," Adelaide retorted, flipping her shawl over her shoulders but as she left she could hear more laughter coming from the cabin.
Neil was in good spirits all during the working as Adelaide convened with the other woman in the cabin, preparing the food. The baby was sleeping in her wrap and the children running around playing when she heard Neil holler at one of the O'Teale boys, the youngest who had decided to explore the contents of Doc's medical bag.
"Confound it, ye little rascal!"
Swannie was no where in sight and the poor child looked terrified of the Doc's wrath. The other men stopped to witness what was happening, knowing that Doc would be well within his rights to punish the child.
Adelaide stepped forward, worried that Neil looked like he might take a switch to the boy.
"I should have ye pick a switch," Neil said, his eyes lit with anger and frustration.
"Go on and do it, Doc. The boy needs to be taught," Jeb said, quietly.
Adelaide stepped forward and Opal reached out a restraining hand on her arm, "Ye better let the men folk handle it, Adelaide," she advised.
"I'm not going to let Neil lose his temper with the boy," Addie said, aghast. "Will you hold the baby for me?" she unwrapped Simon.
"Of course," Opal replied, "but ye are surely gonna to regret interferin like this. It's just not done...not in front of everybody. Talk to him alone at least."
She handed the baby to Opal. "It will be too late that."
"Ye know the Doc is just gonna do what he wants," Fairlight stepped beside her. "Opal be right."
"I can't just not say anything," Adelaide said, honestly.
She approached where Neil had the boy by his shirt collar and cleared her throat.
"Neil, I'm so sorry. I had moved your bag and left it down by mistake," Adelaide said, loudly, "I should have been more careful. I feel terribly about it. To think that he could have gotten hurt over something that was entirely my fault," she reached to pat the littlest O'Teale's back, him still hanging in Neil's grip.
"I don't recall ye moving my back," Neil said, quietly.
She frowned and shrugged, "Perhaps, you forgot."
There was dead silence.
"Woman…" Neil grunted under his breath, "watch yourself."
But Adelaide was not one for restraint or to heed Neil's warning to remember her place. "I can take him inside for you and watch him until Swannie returns," she reached to put her hands on Neil's, trying to pry his rock solid hand away from the poor boy.
"The boy needs to learn…" Neil's voice was low, his hand still firmly on the O'Teale boy, Adelaide's strength nothing to move Neil's hand away from the boy.
"He is only five," Adelaide retorted, dropping her hand when she realized that she was just serving to scratch up Neil's hand, though in her mind, it served him right.
"Old enough for a switching," one of the men declared.
"Go back and tend to our babe, Adelaide," Neil's voice could barely contain his anger, now directed at her.
"I will, if you hand over the child," Adelaide said.
"Seems like the boy be not the only one that needs a right fine hiding," one of the other men shouted with laughter and Adelaide turned to glare at him.
"From the look of things, the Doc would only be too happy to oblige, though I'm sure Mrs. Doc would put up a right fine fight," Jeb said, amused.
"That woman ain't much one for submission," one of the other man joked and there was another round of hearty laughter.
Neil handed the boy to Jeb and then reached for Adelaide's arm, "Excuse us." He leaned down to tell the O'Teale boy sternly, "I will be back for you."
More laughter from the men as Neil took her around back the cabin.
"What the hell are ye doing, woman?" Neil's eyes held his frustration.
"You cannot switch that child," Adelaide said, whispering.
"He could have hurt himself," Neil retorted. "The children all know not to touch things that are not theirs, especially my medical bag. You know that."
"He's so young."
"Old enough to know better," Neil hissed back. "Go into the cabin with Opal."
"No, I will not. You cannot just dismiss me like this. I will not have you throw your weight at me, just because you think you do know better."
"I do know better, but it is not because I am a man and ye are a woman, it is because right now, ye have no sense in ye bonny wee head!" Neil's face turned red, "You and I, woman, are having it out, during our time away. I'm so tired of all of this."
"So you say."
"So I know," Neil said, "I'm adding this to the list and watch yourself or I might just turn you over my knee before the week is over."
She pressed her fingers to his chest, "I'd like to see you try!"
"Oh, ye push me too far and I'd try! You claim I treat ye like a child after all."
Adelaide looked at him and crossed her arms. "You will not switch the boy."
"You have no control over this situation," Neil retorted.
"I will not have a boy abused in front of me."
Neil looked hurt, "Do ye not know me at all?" his voice had lowered significantly.
"How are you turning this around on me being wrong?" Adelaide asked, aghast.
"Just….go…I'm done talking to you now, but if ye follow me and interfere, I will put ye over my shoulder and drag ye home and if I have to do that, ye backside is far from safe," Neil said, turning his back to her. "In fact, I'll have quite the good aim for it if ye are over my shoulder."
Adelaide stared for a few more moments at an impasse. She knew Neil would truly never hurt her, but he was so exasperated, she really wasn't in the position to doubt his word.
She left him to find Opal.
The other women were oddly quiet when she walked in the room. Opal handed the baby to Firelight and took her hand. "Come with me for a minute, won't ye, Miz Addie? I need help with this over here."
Opal pulled her outside and around the side of the cabin. "Ye need to know how things work around here, Adelaide."
"I…" Adelaide frowned. "I do know."
"Ye shamed the Doc in front of his friends," Opal whispered to her. "And that cuts to the core of who he is. Ye can't repair ye marriage like this…not if you announce to the whole Cove in your actions that ye don't respect him as the head of ye household."
Adelaide paused, "I wasn't meaning to do that."
Opal nodded, "Just be careful with ye around the others."
"Do you think I was wrong to interfere?"
Opal paused and then answered confidently, "Yes. I told ye that before."
Adelaide bit her lip. "You are a good friend, Opal."
"Ye were just raised up differently than us," Opal said, "I know ye heart be in the right place, but Doc is right- a switchin never did lastin damage to anyone. It be better than Nathan findin out later and beating the poor boy senseless like he is apt to do."
Adelaide's face flamed and Opal put her arm around her waist.
"Don't be frettin, Miz Addie," Opal said, "It will soon be old news."
And when she came around the cabin with Opal she saw the little O'Teale boy wiping tears from his face as Neil hugged him and then swung him up to sit on his shoulders as he worked.
Neil was uncharacteristically quiet on the way home from the working and Adelaide knew she should apologize, but she didn't quite know exactly where they stood.
"When do we leave?"
"Late afternoon. We are both tired from today," Neil said, gruffly, the babe in his arms.
"And are you sure we shouldn't take anything with us besides the things you packed?"
"Aye," Neil said. "I am. Do ye have a problem with that?"
"Yes," Adelaide retorted, "I think we should take some beans at least. Maybe some of that bread. And a change of clothes. We are going to be helplessly dirty by the end of the week."
"What makes you think that I am not packing some of those things?"
"Well," Adelaide paused, "I don't know."
"Aye, you don't," Neil retorted, heatedly. "And by the end of the week, I want an apology for your behavior over the past few weeks and especially tonight."
"Don't get your hopes up," Adelaide's temper snapped.
Neil stiffened and walked quicker leaving her to lag behind.
"I have never heard you this silent all day," Neil remarked, over the crackling fire. They had dropped off Simon late afternoon and ridden to their special spot- Neil's favorite place in the Cove. He had fished for their dinner and Adelaide cooked the fish over the fire.
Adelaide shrugged, "I miss Simon," her voice cracked.
"Ahh, lassie," Neil put his hand on top of her knee, "Of course ye do. Ye have that sweet mama heart."
Adelaide wiped the tears from her eyes, "This all seems hopeless."
He rubbed her knee. "Ye have to give it a chance. You have put a fortress up around ye."
"I'm not ready to talk, Neil," Adelaide sniffled, "I don't know."
"Aye, I know. That is why I said it will take a few days. Patience."
She shifted, "Are you mad at me because of the last night?"
Neil lifted her hand to kiss it, tenderly. "Of course I am."
"How can you kiss me so sweetly and then admit you are mad?" Adelaide put her hand to head, "I don't understand about any of this."
He kissed her again, "I know," he said, empathetically, "I confess I don't either. Pretty sad for two people who have been married before, eh?"
She laughed in spite of herself and then shivered and pulled her coat tighter. "It's cold tonight."
He nodded, " A bit. Here. I have something for you to keep you occupied while I fish tomorrow."
She watched him untie a bundle from Charlie.
He shook out a plaid and then put it around her shoulders, instantly warming her. "Taken all the way from Scotland so many years ago."
"Is this what you wore for our wedding?"
He nodded, "Aye. Keeps ye quite warm, doesn't it?"
She nodded. "It does. Thank you."
"Each plaid was designed with the clan colors- this one blue, greens and reds."
And then he knelt before her and placed a bible in her hands, "The clan family bible for my wife. There were a few…this one is in English and one that was passed down in my family."
"Oh Neil," Adelaide fingered the ancient book. "Thank you."
"Se do bheatha."
"I didn't know you could speak Gaelic."
"It's been lost to us…some phrases are still around the Cove." He stoked the fire, "I learned a lot when in the Highlands. I learned a lot about me there, too. About why I am the way I am."
"And how are you?"
"The MacNeills are known for their tempers and tenacity."
She grinned, "I could have to you that, Doctor."
He laughed, "Aye, I believe it." He paused, "And they were quite the warriors though I am not much of that."
"I disagree," She paused at Neil's quizzical look, thinking for a minute how to explain it the best, "You still fight for your people just as your ancestors fought for the clan so many years ago…except instead of with dirks, you have your medical knowledge and your skill. You have a fighter's heart, that's for certain."
"I never thought of it that way," he answered, "but I suppose I am."
She smiled and wrapped the plaid tighter around her, "And you are fighting for me," she said it so quietly that he had to strain to hear her. He turned to her, his face illuminated by the fire.
"Aye, lass. Gus bas a dheanamh dhuin pairt…Til death do us part"
She fingered the plaid fabric and then the bible, hugging it towards her. They were silent for a few moments, save the crackling of the fire.
Finally, Adelaide cleared her throat. "I'm tired."
He nodded, "Let's get sorted for bed then."
They rolled out the blankets to make their makeshift beds to sleep under the stars. Adelaide fought to get comfortable before rolling over to her side. They were in silence for twenty minutes and Adelaide knew from his breathing and lack of snoring that he was still awake. "Neil," her voice was low.
"Aye, lass. What is it?"
"Would it be a terrible imposition if you…" she paused and then began to struggle, "I mean I understand you are still mad…and I'm still out of sorts….but…that's just it…all day I have felt completely out of sorts…which is why I have been quiet…and…would it be a terrible imposition if you…" she paused again.
"If I what, lass of mine?"
"Hold me tonight."
Neil shifted to his side and opened his arms, pulling her close and tucking her into the safety of them. "No imposition at all."
And it was in the warmth and comfort of Neil's arms, that sleep managed to find her.
Adelaide was stewing. And Neil knew it.
"One step forward, two steps back, eh, lassie?" Neil asked, with a hint of amusement. He knew exactly why she was perturbed at the moment.
"None of this is funny! I'll be back," she called over her shoulder, heading into the woods.
"There is a patch of ivy ye should watch out for," Neil called over his shoulder.
Adelaide stilled and then turned, irate, "If I get poison ivy in my private areas over this…adventure…I will personally box your ears."
He laughed so hard, he was nearly rolling on the ground, "There's my spunky lass."
Adelaide threw up her hand in frustration, but went off into the woods.
She came back, even more frustrated.
Neil glanced over to her, "Everything okay?"
"No," Adelaide went to the creek, "Every patch of ivy looks the same."
He put down his fishing rod and doubled over his hand on his side in pain from the laugher that consumed him. "Did ye at least find a place?" he managed to say between his laughs.
"No," Adelaide bit her lip.
"Do ye want help?"
"No!" Adelaide tossed her head, stubbornly.
Neil sobered up, "What are you going to do?"
"Hold it…" Adelaide shot back, "Forever."
He frowned, "You are going to give yourself an infection, lassie, if ye aren't careful. You must be bursting…"
She shrugged. "That's why I am not drinking water."
"So ye can be dehydrated to boot?" Neil grunted. "A fine idea if I have ever heard one," he said, sarcastically.
"But…"
"It's nothing to fear," Neil chastised and then reached over to take her hand.
He led her to the ivy patches in the woods. He bent down, "if they have three leaves and red stems, those are the ones, you want to look out for…like these." he pointed and she looked over his shoulder.
He beckoned to her. "Now, see, four leaves, brown stems…perfectly suitable. How do you not know this? I know you and Opal have been picking herbs together for the past year."
She shrugged, "Herbs, not ivy, Neil."
He chuckled, "I see. Well, here you go. My God, Adelaide, ye look panicked."
"What if someone comes by?" Adelaide asked, her voice strained.
"We are really isolated up here, Addie," Neil said, "I wouldn't concern yourself over that."
"But…"
"Do you want me to keep watch for you?" Neil asked, his eyes lit with amusement at Adelaide's horrified look.
"No, thank you!" Adelaide grunted.
He laughed, "I'll just go back to my fishing and leave you to it."
A few minutes later, Adelaide came to wash her hands in the Creek with the soap Neil had brought.
"And how did it go?" Neil inquired, winking at her.
She dried her hands with a towel. "I see that you have changed tactics this week."
"What do you mean?" Neil inquired, puzzled.
"Now you just tease me over every little thing…" Adelaide reached for the plaid, throwing it around her arms.
"I always teased ye, lassie. You usually don't get your feathers so ruffled over it."
She twisted her ponytail, "I know you think me a helpless female, but I really don't care."
"Not helpless. I do find it amusing that a woman who can put her hand in a body cavity without a second thought is squeamish about doing her business in the woods."
"Entirely different things," Adelaide retorted, sitting on the grass near where Neil was fishing.
They sat for another few minutes before Adelaide stood again. "I'm going to go find something to do."
"Ye can't sit in silence for even a few minutes," Neil turned to her, frowning.
She shrugged, "I sat in silence yesterday and it is getting tiresome."
"The silence is supposed to help ye think about things."
"Thinking about things makes me nervous."
Neil paused before finally saying, "Aye, I see."
She reached for a basket that she had brought with her. "I'm going to pick herbs or something."
"Don't get in trouble," Neil said, and then added, rather wickedly, "and mind the ivy."
She shot him a deathly glare before heading off.
There was a few apple trees in the glen and Adelaide thought they looked well for picking. She stared up at the tree…climbing it would be a challenge, but then again, it would prove to Neil that she wasn't completely given into female sensibilities.
She hiked up her skirts and worked to climb up the branches, her foot only slipping a few times. When she got there, she began to pick a few apples, but then made the mistake of looking down.
She was higher than she thought and while the path up seemed clear, the path down seemed perilous…mainly because she was unsure how to maintain her footing.
She dropped the basket and then just sat there, trying to work it out.
She was up there about twenty minutes when Neil cleared his throat, "ahem, what do we have here?"
"What are you doing here?" she asked.
"Silence helps ye think about things, remember?"
"Um, yes, you have mentioned that," Adelaide said, her hands gripped on the tree.
"So, I was thinking on things and then I realized, when I told ye to stay out of trouble even though I was joking, I thought maybe ye would use it as an invitation to get into trouble. I see my instincts were correct. What the hell are ye doing, lassie?"
"Picking apples," Adelaide said, her face flushed.
"I can see that," Neil countered. "And tell me…how many trees have ye climbed in your life?"
"Christy was more of the tree climber," Adelaide admitted, wryly. "I was more of the bookish type."
Neil laughed. "I'm not surprised, actually. I can spot ye. Come on down."
"Um, no," Adelaide shook her head. "I'm great up here."
He looked at her knowingly and easily climbed up to sit beside her. "Hi, lass."
"Hi."
"Feelin a wee bit scared, are we?"
"Maybe."
"Then what possessed ye to climb up here if ye are scared of high places?"
"No particular reason."
"No," Neil reached for her hand which was still clasped on the branch, "not to prove a point that ye aren't some helpless female since I teased you earlier."
"No, of course not," Adelaide retorted, but then at Neil's firm nudge she amended, "You know me well."
Neil dangled his legs, "Aye, I do. Ye just need to get your mind around it. I'll go down first and give ye a hand."
"What if I fall?"
"Well, hopefully, I'll catch ye and if I don't, the worst that can happen is that ye break ye neck….but most likely just a sprain or broken appendage. Good thing we have a doctor here."
"You are taking pleasure in this."
"Perhaps a little," Neil said, "but it is only because you are entirely safe. If you were really in trouble, I would take no pleasure in it."
"Comforting," she said, dryly. "Show me how."
"Ye just have to find places to grip ye foot. See?" Neil climbed down and then back up half way. "Come on, wife."
Adelaide took a breath and managed to untangle her hand from the branch.
"That's a good first step," he nodded, encouragingly. "Now balance yourself up."
She managed to crawl off the branch, "I'm so darn clumsy," she said as Neil put his hands strategically on her bottom to try to help her balance.
"Neil MacNeill," she snapped.
"If I can't take liberties with my wife, then what is the point of being married?" Neil teased, "and I have such a good view…"
But then Adelaide's foot slipped.
"Careful there," Neil's strong hand moved to steady her by the waist. "Get your foot in that groove, there. See?"
She nodded and willed her leg to got there.
"That's it lassie. Keep ye wits about ye."
Adelaide continued until she was even with him. Neil hopped down and then said, rather wickedly. "You can just drop yourself from here."
"No," Adelaide grunted, "maybe for you, but not for me."
"I'll catch ye."
"Um."
"Do you not trust me?"
It was always the elephant in the room-whether or not Adelaide would trust and defer to his judgement.
"I do," she said, her voice shaky, "I just don't trust me to fall right."
Neil chuckled, "I see. Well, there is another groove for ye to place your foot and once there, ye should be fine jumping down yourself. I'll steady ye."
Adelaide was relieved when her feet were both on the ground again. "Thanks for rescuing me."
"My pleasure," Neil responded, "and now we have apples for lunch."
"I was trying to do my part to provide for us."
"Well, I best get back to doing my part. The fish are waiting." He began walking and then turned to look over his shoulder, "Come on. I don't trust ye to stay out of trouble left to your own devices."
Adelaide sat on a rock watching him fish. She was bored and more than a little embarrassed that Neil had to come to her rescue yet again. And her mind kept wandering to the differences they shared- irreconcilable differences and that just made her more frustrated and upset. She must have sighed for the hundredth time when Neil turned to her, "I bought you the bible to read," Neil said.
"Oh yes, so I can read all the passages about how wives should obey their husband…or wait…" she held up her hand, "how about the one about spare the rod and spoil the child?" she shook her finger at him, "I know exactly what you are up to in that regard."
"You wound me," Neil said, with a stray glance at her, "I know how you usually find solace in your faith. I wanted to help."
"Likely story," Adelaide shot up from her spot.
"Adelaide," Neil's voice was low. He put down the fishing rod and turned towards her. "Are we doing this now?"
"Might as well get on with it, since you are intent on us having a blow up." Adelaide pulled the plaid closer to her as if it created protection around her.
"Yet, I'm not the one starting this. You seem angry."
"I am. So very angry!"
"And in what right to you have to be angry, woman?" Neil asked, quietly, his tone edgy. "Do you realize what I have put up with in the past few weeks let alone two nights ago where it took every ounce of my being not to throttle you in front of the entire cove?"
She fisted her hand, "I don't agree with beating children."
"Damn it, Addie," Neil strode over to her and pointed his finger at her, "I don't either and for you to imply otherwise, is an egregious assault to my character and one that I am having a hard time forgiving you for now…."
"It's not that at all," Adelaide responded, "It's the fact that I questioned you in front of your friends. Why was that such a great assault to your pride? Is it because I'm just a woman? What the hell do I know?"
Neil raised an eyebrow at her curse. He knew his wife was far gone in her temper to resort to improper language…she was raised by Julia Huddleston after all. "Is that what you think?"
"I absolutely think that!"
"Well, you are wrong! This is not about my pride! This is about that you, my wife, think me capable of abusing a child. Do you not know me any more or did you always think me to be this way?"
"I don't think it is necessarily your fault," Adelaide retorted, "it was the product of the way you were raised."
"So, I'm just as ignorant as all of them…is that your verdict?" Neil's voice raised, significantly.
"No, of course not. But because you were raised this way, it has made you less sensitive to it."
Neil's jaw dropped. "You are out of your mind, woman."
Adelaide went over to sit on a rock. "Oh, I know that's what you believe! And don't deny it. You and Miss Alice and Granny have been whispering about that for weeks now."
"Aye, we have," Neil thundered, "for good reason. Do you even comprehend how you have been acting?"
"I lost our child, Neil!" Adelaide stood up again and yelled at him. "And it was my fault! All my fault! Do you even comprehend how that feels?"
He looked as if she had struck him. "What are you talking about?"
"It was my body who failed our child, Neil. And a rather large part of me thinks it was just for punishment because I didn't tell you the truth about the baby to begin with," her voice trembled as tears began to fall. "So, if I am a little out of sorts lately, it's for good reason!" She swiped at her tears, angrily, "Damn it, Neil. Stop pushing me! I don't want to talk about this! Can't you leave it be?"
He stared at her for a minute and then took to pacing around for a few minutes, lost in his thoughts as Adelaide stood to the side of him, watching him.
Finally, he settled himself and then came to stand in front of her. "Sit down now." he pointed to the rocks.
At his expression, she didn't dare not. He sat down on the ground below her. "Now," he sat up on his knees and put a hand on each of her knees, "I know ye don't want to talk about it, but ye can't just drop that on me without us talking it over, especially if that has been the source of your anxiety and temper. Tell me, lass. Is that really what ye believe?"
She bit her lip, "I do. I really do."
"Very well. And that makes you angry at me?"
"Not at you…at myself."
He nodded his acceptance.
"Sometimes I transfer it to you though…for sending me away in the first place. You put me in that position."
"I did what I thought was best for you…I did what I thought I had to do to protect you…because I love you…" he patted her knees, "and the very thought of losing you tears my heart out of my chest…do you understand?"
"I do…" Adelaide's voice cracked, "because leaving you…tore my heart out of my chest…can you understand that?"
"Ye seemed to rebound," Neil countered. "Ye were just determined to prove to me that ye know better…that ye don't need me…that ye don't need any man to survive this world."
"I don't."
He paused and then his voice was low, "If you say."
"Do you disagree?"
Neil let out his breath, but didn't respond.
"Well?" she pressed.
"Ye were awful dependent emotionally on Edward, Adelaide, lassie."
She froze. She couldn't deny it. She did lean on Edward.
"And ye had the wealth of Simon's that allowed ye to be more financially independent."
That was also true. "Why are you doing this to me?" Adelaide asked, aghast. "What is your point besides to shame me?"
Neil stood to sit next to her on the rocks. He reached for her hand. "My point is that there is no shame in needing or wanting a husband, Adelaide. This is how our world works. Women have yet to have the same rights and privileges as men. I know it makes ye feel inferior and that rattles ye teeth, but the truth is, besides the physical strength differences between us, I see ye as quite my equal."
"Yet you throw around your weight and demand that I obey you when we disagree."
"One of as has to be the head of our family, Adelaide. And when ye took your vows, ye pledged that ye would put yourself under my leadership. Ye made the choice. I don't feel I'm heavy handed with ye over it unless ye outright defy me…or shame me in front of others…but perhaps ye can see the reason why?"
She did see. "I can't just blindly submit to you."
"Who said it was blindly, woman?" Neil chuckled, squeezing her hand.
She paused again.
"Do I ever just dismiss you?"
"But you did…that day!" Adelaide's voice rose again, "I asked you to please talk it over with me and you just snapped at me."
Neil released her hand, placing it back on her knee and then ran his hand absently through his unruly head, "I did talk it over with you! And when I didn't change my mind, you refused to see that we had already talked about it and kept going on. I wasn't about to talk with ye into circles and that is where it was going."
She paused.
"The truth is…ye can't accept that your point of view is flawed. Or that ye are ever wrong. Your pride is killing our marriage and that is the truth of the matter."
She frowned, his words hitting her full force. She buried her head in her hands, the plaid, still in her hand, wiping her tears.
"Adelaide, lassie," his arm around her shoulders, comforting her, "Tha mi dullich. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings."
"No," Adelaide gave a small laugh, "It's so true. But oh, does it hurt."
She pulled away from him and buried her head in her knees and Neil moved to begin to rub her head, gently.
"You are so young. I forget some days. I'm sorry if I am not being sensitive enough to your feelings. I just want you to be the best you can be, Adelaide." Adelaide moved to slide down to the ground off the rocks. Neil followed her movement, not allowing her to pull too far away from him. He continued, "And if you need me to call you out on your behavior, I want to feel able to do so without it being so agonizing for you and the reverse is true, by the way."
She raised her head to look into his eyes. Finding truth and sincerity there and so much love, she leaned forward to bury her head in his knees, crying. "It's only because I so desperately want your approval."
"My approval?" he chuckled, softly, "You may not always get it, but if I disapprove, I will certainly tell ye so and why. But ye will always have my acceptance and my love. And that is so much more powerful than my approval."
He continued to stroke her head. "It's not entirely your fault, Adelaide. We both bear the burden for the strain in our marriage. I should have called you more when you were at your parents. That was my responsibility to you…to make sure things were right between us. And I shirked in my responsibilities and I am sorry that caused you to run from our relationship. And ye going to Simon's and not telling me about our babe, was running. There is no use denying it. We both know it to be true."
"I know," she sniffled.
He nudged her shoulder and then pulled her upright to look at her. "Look at me, lassie."
She forced her eyes on him.
"I want ye to listen to me now and really listen. Are you ready to do that?"
She nodded.
"You losing our babe was not your fault. Your body did not fail our babe. Nor is it retribution or punishment for keeping that secret. Ye have never believed in an unyielding God…and I will not have ye start believing in the ways of the Cove and lose your faith."
"Even if believing in God is foolish to you?"
He shrugged, "It's your truth, Adelaide, and I respect it."
"Do you blame me?"
"I have never once thought that miscarriage was your fault, Adelaide," he answered honestly.
She threw herself in his arms. "I don't deserve you."
He pulled her away again, "That's another thing. You don't have to earn my love, Adelaide. It's mine to give to ye…and I freely give it to you despite your actions or your words. Ye can choose to honor it with your actions or your words or dishonor it, but it will always be there. Do ye understand?"
She nodded.
"We all make mistakes. It's how we move on from there is what matters, love. And you got stuck in them. You must learn to wrestle through them without it paralyzing you.I can help ye with that, but ye have to let me. We need to be a team here."
"You're right," She reached to put her hand on his face, rubbing it over his stubble, causing his eyes to chose and his breath to sharpen. "Will you, Neil MacNeill, my husband, forgive me for not telling you about the baby and allowing myself to draw away from you?"
"It's forgiven," Neil smiled, "And will ye forgive me for not fighting for you sooner?"
She leaned over to kiss his cheek, "Yes. All forgiven."
"Good," Neil smiled again, "But things are not quite settled."
"Hum," Adelaide frowned, "What do you mean?" she hopped up to sit back on the rock.
"You and I…lass…we have fundamental differences."
"Well," she twisted her ponytail, "I thought we just talked about my difficulties with submitting to you."
"We did," Neil nodded, "But is it really resolved?"
"What do you mean?"
"Talk to me about the other night."
"Oh," Adelaide's frown deepened. "I don't think you were in the right."
"And you don't have to," Neil said, "but you can't shame me in front of the Cove or show me such lack of respect. I gave you the courtesy I expected from you that night."
"How so?"
"By not laying into you in front of the whole Cove like I was want to do."
Her mouth dropped, "Oh. I suppose you did," her face flushed.
"Aye," Neil said, grimly. "I can't have you undermining me especially when Simon gets to that age."
"You can't…I mean…"
Neil's eyebrow rose. "Am I the boy's father or not?"
"Yes," Adelaide looked perturbed, "but can't we just agree to use…other methods of discipline?"
He shook his head and then looked resolute, "It is a matter of trust."
"I do trust you," Adelaide said.
"Do you?" Neil said, "because your words and your actions contradict each other. Take this morning for example. You couldn't even force yourself to trust me to catch you when you fall."
Adelaide sighed and bit her thumb, "I don't believe in that type of punishment."
"I promise ye a switching never hurt anyone if done correctly and under the right motives. A sore bottom for a few hours, but no lasting harm done. And a right fine way of correcting behavior."
She hesitated still.
Neil fiddled with a blade of grass and then looked up, even more determined. "You can't reconcile that I might be right in this regard…but have you ever been switched?"
"No," Adelaide reluctantly acknowledged.
"Then how do you know?" he challenged.
She pursed her lips, disturbed because she knew he was right. She didn't know. She only thought.
He flicked at her lip she was currently chewing on, the tell-tale sign of her anxiety, "Stop that," he chided. "We will work this out."
She released her lip and commenced fiddling with her hand. He could tell that she was processing everything, trying to work her mind around her next move and the solution to their impasse. She frowned and then looked up at him, determined. "There is only one solution to this that I can see," she rose.
Neil looked at her, quizzically, "Which is?"
She held out her finger, "Just one minute. I'll be back."
"Ye aren't getting into more trouble, are ye lassie?"
She laughed and turned around over her shoulder, "Not exactly."
She came back a few minutes later to dump a pile of sticks at Neil's feet.
He laughed at her, "What do ye mean to do? Build a fire?"
"I just wasn't sure which one would work…" she frowned. "So I brought a bunch."
"Work for?" Neil inclined his head, quizzically. "I don't catch your meaning."
"You say I'm the one who is uninformed. So show me what you mean. Exactly."
He laughed at her when he realized that she was absolutely determined, his eyes full of mirth from his wife's spunky, surprising move, "The way your mind works never ceases to surprise me."
"I am your equal," she said, bending down to pick up one of the sticks, tossing at Neil, narrowly missing his head. "You were supposed to catch it."
"I gathered," he said, dryly, "I would if ye aim were better."
"I think my aim is just fine," she said, her eyes sparkling.
"I'm sure you do."
"So, pick one," Adelaide gestured.
He rose, "Wait, lassie," he laughed again at her matter of fact demeanor. "Can't you just trust me on this?"
She shrugged, "I could, but then I would always wonder. This gives me a firm understanding."
"So let me just…" Neil paused, "let's just talk candidly here. You want me to do what exactly…" he paused. He knew perfectly well what she wanted, but he needed her to say it.
"Wow, you are usually much sharper in your deductive reasoning," Adelaide said, with a grin. "I must have shocked you senseless."
"Well, you have to admit this is just unexpected," Neil defended. "It's not every day, your wife asks you to…" he paused again. "What do you want to call it?"
"Wallop me…or whatever you want to call it…I'm not sure what all the terminology is here," Adelaide said. "What you would do to our children to punish them…I want to see for myself what you mean."
"Adelaide," he put a hand on her shoulder, "I'm not sure I feel comfortable doing that," he admitted, becoming serious. Her reaction and determination was so amusing, yet when it came down to it, Neil wasn't quite game for walloping his wife, especially when he knew it could backfire on him quickly.
"You have been wanting to wallop me for days now. Admit it." she poked a finger at his solid chest.
That was true. He had been frustrated and often thought she was in need of a right good spanking. No use denying it because they both knew it was true.
"ah, for weeks now," Neil affirmed, "but wanting and doing are two different things."
"Listen," Adelaide swallowed hard, "I don't have a reference point. Daddy never switched us…or strapped us…a few swats with the hand was it and even then it was only when we were awful. It just sounds…wrong…to me…but it is perhaps because I didn't grow up with it….and if I did, then like you, I would feel differently…I don't want to always think in my head that you are in the wrong and then somehow communicate it to our children even with my best intentions not to…do you understand what I mean?"
"Aye," Neil frowned. "It's that analytical mind of yours coming into play here."
"I suppose," she shifted. "It's like you tell me with the surgeries…there is a difference in understanding that comes from reading about something and experiencing something. If you think I am wrong that this is abusive, then you are going to have to show me why."
"And if after all of this, ye think ye are still in the right?" Neil asked. "What happens then?"
"Well," Adelaide let out her breath, "I will submit to your leadership but at every chance I get, try to make you change your way of thinking. I can be quite persuasive and persistent when I believe I am in the right."
"That's an understatement," he gave her a knowing look, "And when ye realize I am right?"
"Then if and when that happens," Adelaide looked him squarely in the eyes, "I will never ever question your discipline methods with ours or anybody else's children again. You have my word."
He searched her eyes, "Are ye quite sure ye want to go here with me?"
She faltered, "Well," she laughed, "no, not really if you must know." She put a hand on her nervous stomach, which was fluttering something awful in anticipation.
"Nervous, eh?"
"Yes," she reached up and twisted one of his curls, "but this is the one and only time you get to do this…minus the occasional good humored smacks here and there, which I think we both appreciate greatly."
He laughed then, "I do appreciate those swats. I just didn't know you did."
She gave him a look that could only be described as flirtatious causing Neil to grin widely.
"So," she poked at him, "I'm giving you full permission here. But make it realistic, Neil. I want to feel the level of pain or discomfort they will."
"That means smacking ye a little harder to get the same effect," Neil said, a worried hand through his hair.
"Right, good thought," Adelaide said, encouragingly.
"Are ye really sure ye know what ye are asking me here?" he looked at her skeptically.
"No, that's the whole point. But I know you have been wanting to do this for a few weeks now to snap me out of my surliness."
"Aye, I don't deny it, Adelaide. If ye were my child, it would have happened weeks ago. If ye are struggling, express it, just don't go around in a storm cloud and take it out on everyone around ye. And especially the other night, when ye full well knew what ye were doing by questioning me in front of the whole cove."
Adelaide winced at his blunt and correct assessment of her behavior, "And for all those reasons, I am very glad to be your wife, not your child," she laughed again. "Papa was not happy with me these past few weeks."
"No I was not," he thumbed a smudge off her cheek, "You know I love you."
She nodded, not trusting her voice.
He offered his hand, "Are you certain?" he asked one more time.
She took his hand, it feeling warm and comforting in her own. She took a deep breath, "Aye."
His eyes sparkled at her Scottish yes.
Neil put the plaid around her shoulders and then rested his hands comfortingly on her shoulders, "Well?" he pressed.
"I'm," Adelaide sniffled, "thinking."
"Think aloud, lass," Neil said, firmly. "How do you feel?"
"Disciplined," she said, wryly, her face flushed.
He pulled out his handkerchief, "I really didn't want ye to cry, but ye said to make it realistic."
"I did," Adelaide waved him off and then took the handkerchief, wiping her eyes, "Would it have bothered you if our children cried?"
"All children cry during a smacking as stoic as they try to be."
"Apparently, I am the same way," Adelaide gave him a small laugh and then shifted and rubbed a sore spot on her posterior. "I asked you to be thorough, I didn't realize exactly what that meant."
"Here," Neil leaned her up, "ye are sitting on a hard rock," he rubbed her bottom for her and then went to get their heavy blanket to put over it. "It really will only hurt for a little while. I promise. Just enough of a remembrance but gone before ye know it…"
Her lip trembled again, "I don't know why I'm crying."
He studied her, "Are ye okay?"
"Yes, I really am. It stings…alot and it was very…uncomfortable…," she admitted, "but not unbearable especially if you mind to keep it at a reasonable length like you did. It's not abusive or excessive if done properly."
"Nay."
"And you won't use the belt with our children?"
He shook his head, "Maybe for the most grievous offenses and even then just two or three strikes before going to my hand."
"Good, because that was too much," she said, seriously.
"I'll keep that in mind," Neil said, nodding. "I concur mostly with that assessment. It would be mostly for the shock."
"It was a little shocking…the sound of it at the very least." Her face flushed again as she shifted, awkwardly, but his hands began massaging her shoulders, trying to put her at ease with him again.
"I can't believe ye," Neil said. "You are the most determined…strong…spitfire of a woman I have ever met."
"I will take that as the highest compliment, coming from you, love," Adelaide gave a small laugh and then took a breath, "And I'm sorry I didn't trust you right off."
He leaned forward to kiss her cheek, "I forgive you."
"Yet again," she murmured.
"Always," Neil rubbed down her hair. "Are we okay?"
"Of course," she twisted his hair again. "You look perturbed."
"I feel awful about doing that to you," Neil admitted, "much like I will feel awful about doing it to our wee ones."
"Research aside, I did kind of deserve it," she offered. "I was awful to you these past few weeks and if I am being true to myself and honest with you, a lot of it was done on purpose, just to get under your skin."
"Aye, I know," Neil looked sympathetic. "I didn't mind taking it from you, Adelaide. I knew you were struggling something fierce. I just wish you told me exactly why weeks ago, so I could set your mind at ease."
"Me too actually," Adelaide's face flushed more. "Sorry about that."
He nodded his acceptance. "Now, if you were my wee one," he said, stroking her hair more, "this is when I would plop you in my lap for a cuddle to make us both feel better and back in sorts with one another."
She bit her lip and then smiled, "Well, what are you waiting for?!"
He sat on the rock and patted his lap and she eased on to it.
"Are you that sore?"
She laughed, "A little, but I'm sure you are right and it will be gone soon."
"Just enough of a remembrance," Neil nodded. "Now, when ye are tempted to go about in a surly state and antagonize all you hold dear, will ye think twice about it?" he teased.
"Yes, sir," Adelaide laid her head on his shoulder as he rocked her. She immediately felt better in Neil's arms."Good Lord, you give the best cuddles, Neil MacNeill." she sighed, contentedly in his arms.
Neil laughed, "Thank you, I think."
"So, is everything settled between us?"
He nudged her back, "Almost."
She looked at him, confused, but then at his look, reasoning dawned, "Intimacy."
"I need you again. I've been patient, but my Lord, woman, I am not a monk."
She took a breath, knowing he was being fair. "Maybe…could we start with kissing just to get reacquainted and then….maybe…tomorrow…we could…if that's okay with you."
"Aye," he said, right away. "Whatever you want."
She giggled. "Okay," she shifted on his lap, "how should we…"
His mouth was fully on hers before she could finish her sentence…coaxing her lips opened to kiss her more deeply. She moaned almost right away and after a few minutes of deeply kissing, his hands up and down her back and her hands on his arms, squeezing them, he reluctantly yanked himself away.
He was trembling as he pressed her against him, trying to respect her wishes but fighting the desire that was welling up in him rather painfully.
"Do you need to jump into the stream?" she asked, teasingly.
"Aye, I might," Neil took a shuddering breath, "Is this payback for me agreeing with ye bloody plan to spank ye? If so, it is right effective."
She threw back her head and laughed deeply. She reached to brush his curls away from his eye. "No, but…" She almost looked shy and then whispered in his ear, causing his mouth to open in shock yet again. He leaned back again, "Are you certain?"
She gave him a small, shy nod. "Would that be okay until I can work myself up to you touching me tomorrow?"
He took her hand and kissed it tenderly, "More than okay."
He watched her wash in the stream and then beckoned her back to him, opening the plaid to wrap it around both of them.
She didn't say much, but did lean into him.
"You are pensive."
She laughed, "I don't know what embarrassed me more…you walloping my bottom or me…being so…forward with you."
"Well," Neil chuckled, "I see lots of bottoms in my profession, though yours, in my completely biased opinion is truly the best…"
"Oh, Neil," Adelaide cringed.
"I enjoy your body, Adelaide," Neil said, honestly, "I worship it. You are stunning to me. I can't wait to become reacquainted with it again. As for the other, you gave me so much joy in your willingness to be open with me. Please don't fret, though I am wondering something."
"What is that?"
"What in God's name inspired you, woman?"
Her face grew red, "Nothing in particular," she clearly lied.
He poked at her, "Ye are lying through your teeth. Now tell me the truth and shame the devil."
She looked completely sheepishly, "Well, remember that book of Simon's that caused me so much grief when we were first married?"
He nodded. "Aye."
"I found it at the house and began reading it again," She blushed more. "So, well, there you have it."
He put his cool hand on her hot cheek, "You are so red."
"It's all a little mortifying as much as I want to be confident in it, Neil," she admitted.
She was silent and then Neil said, "lean your head against my shoulder and let me hold ye until ye feel in sorts and not so embarrassed again."
She nodded and did as he asked.
"You know…I think I love you all the more…for taking one for us today," Neil said, quietly.
"What do you mean?"
"You…my sweet wife…sacrificed yourself…your pride…to attempt to understand my point of view…so you could support and not undermine me as a father…and as a man. It took such courage, Adelaide. And spunk. And my God, I do adore you."
"And now when the wee ones come inside after you disciplining them, I can give them a cookie and a snuggle and ensure them that their Papa is just doing right by them…and believe it too."
He kissed her head again but said no more.
Adelaide looked up at the stars. "Neil?"
"Aye, lass."
"It's warmer tonight."
"Aye,' he ran his fingers lightly along her arm, tickling her and alighting her senses. "Glad I packed your nightgown."
"Yes, it is cooler than all my clothes," she admitted. "I would have been hot."
His fingers moved to massage her waist. "How does your…um…posterior feel?"
"All better," she affirmed.
"Good," Neil smiled.
She inhaled sharply. "Um…so, I have a…proposition for you."
"Which is?"
"Would it be okay…" she paused and then poked at him, "I guess what I am trying to say is being this close to you by the fire and under the stars…could we…make love? I know I said tomorrow, but I'm…"
"Feeling amorous?" Neil asked, holding his breath.
"Yes."
Neil let out his breath, at the implication of her words, "Are ye sure?"
"Yes."
He reached to place a neck and then tenderly work his way down under her nightgown to cup her breast, causing Adelaide's insides to squirm with desire. "It's been a while," she said, her voice shaky.
"While we are talking," Neil continued to touch her, "I saw these past weeks. You clearly wanted me and there is no shame in that, so why would you hold yourself back?"
She inhaled sharply as he hit a sensitive spot, "Well," her voice was strained, "I suppose it's because I felt like if I did this, my heart would burst and I would fall to pieces."
"Isn't that what we want?" Neil asked amused.
"Yes, but…" she shifted again and Neil stilled his hand to listen to her answer. "I felt that you might not be there to pick me up again and that my heart would just be left in pieces."
His sound was intelligible, some sort of a heartfelt groan of sorrow and regret, sharing in her pain.
"I was wrong. So wrong," Tears sprung to her eyes, his touch feeling exquisite, marveling in the connection between the two of them that it brought. "I'll die inside if anything happens to you Neil and it was easier to run from that truth than face it…but you, my stubborn Scot of a husband won't let me. I might as well give into it."
His response was to meet her lips, stroking her cheek with his other hand. He then leaned over to whisper in her ear, "While i have breath, lass of mine, I will always pick you back up. Don't fear."
"I'm not afraid," Adelaide said, pulling him closer to her again.
And she wasn't…in fact for the first time in a long time, fear or shame was no where in her heart…only replaced by security, desire and so much love. And when her heart did burst, his did as well as he held her securely in his arms. And they both slept better than they had in the longest time.
A/N: I felt like this chapter was vintage Neil/Addie and so fun to write. More to come.