A/N; This chapter was largely written to and a little inspired by a song called "Say Something" by A Great Big World. It's an amazing song, and a perfect match and tempo for this chapter. Anyway, enjoy :)
Chapter 22
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Everything suddenly just went in slow motion. I couldn't believe it...
I screamed, running towards the burning room, but Ithiell grabbed me, fighting to pull me back and away as I screamed Donnie's name over and over.
No, not him... not Donnie... please not him...
I half expected him to come out of that room, coughing and slightly burnt, but...
No... that room had exploded, and...
"Jade, we need to move... otherwise we're all-"
"No! Not Donnie! Please... I need to help him! Please..." I wailed miserably, aware that tears were streaming down my cheeks, and I fought Ithiell's hold as he pulled me away, feeling the whole ship start to tip slowly, the creaking almost downing out my cries.
"Donnie! He needs us! Please, let me go!"
"Dammit Jade, we need to move! Everyone, evacuate! This ship's going down!" I heard Ithiell saying, but I fought to get to that room, finally pulling myself free of his grasp and running towards the room, my heart aching horribly as I reached it, looking-
"Jade!" Suddenly I was tackled to the ground, another explosion blowing up something above our heads, Ithiell covering me as best he could as the supports above us started to crash down.
I knew thought... he couldn't have... he couldn't have survived...
I screamed, feeling Ithiell hold me closer as the hallway crashed around us, muttering things I eventually started to make sense of out of the chaos around us.
"I'm so sorry Jade, I'm so sorry we couldn't save him! I'm so... I'm so sorry..."
Something suddenly exploded through the wall beside us, making us both cry out, and I grabbed onto Ithiell as I saw a light shining from outside, something large and purple appearing above us, seeming to almost cover us from the falling debris.
Before we could move to find out what, a large tentacle wrapped itself almost gently around us, picking us up and pulling us out of the crumbling ship.
Donnie... no...
Some crazed, panicked part of my mind was determined to get out of the hold I was now in and going back to get Donnie, but another part knew... it just knew...
I sobbed madly, unable to hold it in, feeling sick as well as broken, knowing the love of my life was... was...
I felt the tentacle place us gently down, and Ithiell moved to get up, trying to pull me with him, but I just... I couldn't move.
I curled myself into a ball on the floor, holding myself and crying uncontrollably. I couldn't believe... how much loosing him hurt.. I couldn't move... I couldn't-
"Jade" Ithiell's hands were on my shoulders, but I barely felt them. My heart was hurting so bad-
"Oh my god, Jade!" Suddenly someone else was there, hitting the floor next to me and trying to move me, but I was curled up too tightly.
"What happened? Is she okay?"
"What's going on?!"
Voices... just... voices...
Nothing else mattered...
"She's okay, she's not hurt"
"Where's everyone else?"
"I... I don't...Sequae! I need to commnunicate-"
"Already done, you won't believe-"
Everything kind of vanished in the background. My mind was now going over everything... we shouldn't have... I should have been there... why-
Jade Creature
A voice, in my head...
Jade Creature... I can feel your pain...
Sequae? I wondered, feeling it touch my mind, it's sorrow and sympathy almost hard to bear at a time like this.
Jade Creature, I have... I have found...
Suddenly I was snapped back to the real world, hearing the voices around me cry out now. I managed to tear myself from my misery, looking up and seeing another tentacle coming down towards us.
"Should we move?" I finally realised it was Serah asking. I stood up, noticing something in that tentacle-
"No" I managed to get out, tears welling up in my eyes as I noticed the purple bandanna...
Some stupid part of me hoped against hope that Sequae wasn't just bringing me his dead...
Donnie...dead...
I let out a horrid sob as Sequae finally placed Donnie down, and I ran to him, collapsing on the ground next to his... next to him, seeing the cuts and burns all over his body... he was badly hurt...
"Jade, please move" I felt hands tug me gently, but I grabbed Donnie and held on, making a strangled sound as I shook my head.
This was my Donnie... he couldn't... no...
Hope in me was fading as I saw how bad he actually was.
It wasn't fair! Giving me hope, and then... and then...
Gradually, Rtaia found a way to move around me, checking his pulse, and I looked up at her.
The look on her face was hard to read. She finally let out a small breath, closing her eyes before looking back at me, then at the others behind me.
"He is alive. But... he is barely holding on. He... Jade, I do not believe he will make it..."
"No... please... please don't... I moved her away, wrapping my arms around his shoulders, pulling his upper half into my lap and starting to rock, the ache in my heart getting worse"
"Jade... even with-"
"No"
They couldn't just tell me he was alive, but they weren't going to even try to help him...
He was going to die anyway? No... no...
This couldn't be happening! Why give me hope and then take it away?
Life was so...so cruel...
I stared blankly at the others as they argued over it, part of me finally seeing the huge creature named Sequae towering above us. To my surprise, he was staring back down at me, sorrow in those huge eyes of his. I noticed... in spite of his size... Sequae really wasn't as terrifying as I had imagined.
He had skin something similar to the turtles, and his body seemed to be made of a strangely rounded head, with the red eyes and almost thin mouth just below them. His skin was a soft kind of purple with black streaks over his body, almost like a tiger, seeing what I guessed was about eight legs. But... his face... for some reason I now knew it was a he... he wasn't really scary at all. Just... he looked lost. Young as well, like the rest of us...
A sudden horrible laughter had everyone stopping, all of us turning to see the one person I didn't really want to see at a time like this.
"What the... how the..." Kristiana stuttered, half pointing at Jake in disbelief as he continued to laugh, almost reminding me of Visser Two...
Jake just laughed harder, all his attention now on me. His laughter just cut straight through me, especially... now that...
"Look at you! Look at your freak lover now!"
Emotions just exploded through me...hate... anger... hurt... fear...
"He's dead!" Jake slapped his leg, bending down from laughing so hard "He's dead and look at you!"
"Who are you calling a freak!"
"What the hell do you think is funny here!"
"Jake, you better stop or it won't end well for you" Ithiell growled, he and the two girls rounding on Jake. But nothing... nothing seemed to matter to him. He just... he just kept laughing...
"He's dead! Jade, he's dead!"
Why... why won't he... stop... not...
Pain shot through me, tears welling in my eyes again as I finally dug my head into Donnie's cheek, unable to stop the well of emotions and just sobbing madly.
"You're pathetic Jade! I warned you! I warned you, and now you're like this! Ha!"
"Jake, cut it out!" Serah roared, and I felt someone touch my back, unable to move or respond, the hurt just becoming too much...
Jade Creature... look...
I felt Sequae pulling gently at my mind, trying to ease the torment I was going through, even for just a moment. I managed to take a deep breath, looking up towards him, and then at Jake, who was still laughing and yelling out obscenities...
The ground shook, and everyone started to cry out. I noticed... well...
Jake seemed to be frozen in place. In the middle of a hefty laugh, but that wasn't what drew my attention.
It was the huge tentacle that was now lifting into the air behind him, and I realised what Sequae was going to do, my mind to shattered to respond in any way.
The others gasped, but no one went to move him or help him, and I noticed Ithiell scowling, his hands clenched tightly as he watched the scene before him, almost nodding at Sequae.
In seconds the tentacle came crashing down, crushing Jake under it.
"Hooooly crap!"
"Did that just really happen?!"
"Well... now we have one less idiot to deal with" Ithiell growled again.
I would have been relieved, except now my attention turned to Donnie, who I held more tightly...
Please don't die...
Before I could protest in any way, the tip of a tentacle touched Donnie's forehead, and it felt like Donnie sucked in a deep breath, but then it was gone. Sequae moved away, and I looked back up at him.
He may survive. The rest is up to you and your friends.
I felt tears spring to my eyes then, looking up at him gratefully Thank you Sequae, you've done... so much...
You are... worthy... Jade Creature...
I... we need to...
Yes. Was his answer, and I managed to focus my eyes on Rtaia, who was looking quizzically down at me.
"Sequae thinks he might survive... please... please help..." Tears sprung to my eyes again, and she half looked at Sequae, before joining me on the ground, then over at the other girls.
"Get my medical bag, I will do what I can for him here, then we must take him back to the base for treatment"
"I'll stay here and help Sequae" Ithiell and Rtaia shared a look, both nodding. I noticed Serah had taken off, but Kristiana was still here.
"I want to help... uh.. Sequae too"
"You just want to learn about your powers" Ithiell half rolled his eyes at her, but then his focus was instantly back on me.
"Are you going to be okay?"
I was instantly back in tears, looking down at my beloved turtle and biting my lip.
"Only if he will be"
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We'd almost lost him three times. Each time... my heart was torn to pieces. It was touch and go... and each time Rtaia and Mihra had barely been able to bring him back...
Rtaia didn't know how much longer we could keep him alive for. He was fighting a battle none of us could help with. He was on the very edge, and all we could do was watch... and wait.
I stared at him from my place on the chair next to the bed, my eyes sore from crying, and my head hurting from trying to keep awake for as long as possible. I couldn't sleep.. every time my eyes closed the image of Donnie finally loosing the battle sprung to my mind, and my eyes snapped back open. I had to be there... for whatever happened. I had to...
Leo had been kind enough to get me a bucket, for the times when I had to be sick, so I didn't have to leave the room or make a mess on the floor beside me. He had tried to get me to leave the room, to go rest or even just get something to eat, but I refused. My body was now reacting to everything that had happened by trying to remove anything that was left in my stomach. After a while... it became less frequent, at least.
I knew Leo, as well as the other turtles and Splinter, must have been hurting just as much if not more than me. They'd just lost April, and the thought of loosing their brother as well...
One turtle, or Splinter, took turns being in the room with me. I don't think any of them wanted to be far from him, or...
I rubbed my eyes, looking at the turtle that was now with me. Leo's head kept dropping, then jerking back up. He looked exhausted. Finally... his head dropped one last time, and I moved my aching body towards him, grabbing the blanket from the floor beside him and putting it over him, then moving to curl back up on my seat next to Donnie.
I'd found out that the ship that had attacked us was actually a Chanaiben ship... the Aerionna, to be exact. Lowri's ship. Rtaia's older brother had picked up a distress signal from the planet, but it had taken him months to get to us. Where the distress signal had come from though... none of us really knew.
He had seen the Pool Ship hovering over the city we'd once lived in... and had taken the initiative to attack it. He thought... he thought we were trying to take it down... so he was trying to be the cavalry... the hero...
Anger burned in my chest, looking at my unmoving Donnie, knowing if he hadn't... if he had tried to contact us first... Donnie wouldn't be in this position...
Safe to say, he had steered clear of the medical bay ever since we'd arrived back here. His actions... had actually cost the lives of two more people...
Ax and Cassie. Neither had made it out of that ship alive. Ax tried to be a hero himself, trying to keep the ship from going down... if Amanda and Robert hadn't left when they had... they would be among the dead as well.
The Animorphs were probably faring about as well as the turtles were. We were all broken...
For the moment, we were all taking time to regroup and rest. Well... the others were. From what I could piece together... we'd taken the city back. Yeerks were now dying inside their hosts, due to the fact that it seemed like all the Kandronas had been poisoned in some way or another. Ithiell had surmised that Jake had a part in it... although how he'd managed it, none of us really knew. Now he was gone as well... we couldn't really ask him or-
"Hey" Came the soft voice from the doorway, startling me out of my trance. I was surprised to see both Kristiana and Serah there, Serah going to check on Leo as Kristiana came to me.
"Hey" I responded, my eyes back on Donnie again, unable to stop myself from reaching over, slipping my hand into his unmoving one. His hand... was so heavy and cold... so lifeless...
"You doing okay?" She asked, a hand on my back making me look up at her. I felt tears spring to my eyes again, my head feeling like it was about to explode.
She sighed, rubbing my back a little before turning to look at Donnie. Tubes were sticking out of him, and a machine was down his throat, breathing for him. We had taken all his gear off as well, so he now looked... well, to me... he just didn't look right. Even though I'd seen him without his mask and glasses countless times now... just seeing him like this...
I missed his smile, I missed pushing his glasses up on his face... missed his arms around me...
I started to cry again, putting my head down on the bed, knowing what I missed most was his voice. All I wanted was to hear his voice again... hear the funny high pitches, and deep low tones when we spoke... his laughter...
What I wouldn't give to hear all that again. And knowing I might never be able to... was ripping my heart to shreds.
"Guess he hasn't changed?" Serah said, and I felt Kristiana move away from me, probably going over to look at the monitors.
"No, no change. For better or worse" Kristiana's voice was solemn.
"Do you think you can use-"
"I dunno. I can try"
"Hey, Jade" Another hand on my back forced me to look back up, meeting Serah's eyes again and seeing her almost look like she wanted to cry as well, instead seeing her force a smile.
"Sequae taught me a little something after he got back to his original size" Kristiana half smiled at me, making me turn to look at her "I'm going to try it on Donnie... okay?"
"I... I don't think.." My words came out hoarse.
"Are you sure it won't make him worse, or kill him?" Leo's voice startled us, and we all turned to see him getting up out of his chair, his brow furrowed as he looked from the girls to me.
"No, it won't. Sequae would do it himself, if he could fit in the base. For now... he's just outside, and..." Kristiana closed her eyes for a moment, half looking towards the door, before opening them again.
"He thinks I should try. He's going to mentally guide me"
"Try what exactly" Leo looked about the same as I felt.
"A little uh... how does he... ah, something like... mental healing. I tried it on Splinter... he seems to be doing better already"
"You did something to Splinter?" Now even I was annoyed.
"He's okay guys, really. Rtaia did her check over and even her results agreed" Serah jumped to Kristiana's defense a little.
"Whatever you do... it better help" A voice from the door way, all of us surprised to see Amanda there, leaning against the door with her arms folded. Her eyes were narrowed at the girls, before landing on me.
"I don't want Jade or the boys hurt anymore than they have been... understood?"
"That's the last thing we want" Kristiana assured her, and I watched as she moved around to the head of the bed, Leo offering the chair he had been sitting on, feeling an arm go around my shoulders and looking up to see Amanda there, smiling halfheartedly down at me.
"All right, let's do this" I saw Serah was near Leo, linking her arm through his and resting her head on his shoulder as he looked worriedly from Donnie to Kristiana. I turned to Kristiana, who had now placed a palm on each side of Donnie's temple, putting her head down and closing her eyes.
Her brow furrowed, and she looked like she was focusing on something, making a strange kind of grunt. I saw a strange kind of light almost being emitted out of her hands...
"Whoa..." Amanda muttered, making me realise I wasn't just imagining what I was seeing. From the looks on both Leo and Serah's faces, I now knew I wasn't.
Kristiana made another sound, almost straining it seemed, and at that moment I saw an image flash through my head.
It was of Donnie. He was standing in the middle of a white room, confused it seemed. Another flash, and a door appeared near him...
Then it was gone, and I saw Kristiana jerk, moving her hands away and then grabbing her nose with one hand. It was then I saw the blood...
"Kristiana!" Amanda and Serah were suddenly both beside her, and she shooed them away, getting up a little.
"Just a nose bleed. I'm okay" She grabbed a tissue, half jamming it up her nose as we all looked at her expectantly.
"What did you do?" I managed to ask, staring at her. I wasn't sure if it was the mental link I still strangely shared with Sequae, but... I knew, that image...
No one else but me and Kristiana had seen it.
"Yeah, what was the light around your hands?" Leo folded his arms, looking confused and yet hopeful all at once.
"I... well... I tried to guide him..."
"How do you even know how to do that?" I wondered, looking back down at Donnie. He still didn't look any different... but...
"As I said, Sequae. It's been interesting spending time with him over this last week or so. He's... actually not a bad alien at all"
I nodded, sighing " All he wants is to just go home"
"And we'll get him there" Ithiell was now there, coming into the room and looking at all of us. Even he looked exhausted.
"First we need to find or build a ship big enough to take him home" Leo muttered, rubbing his eyes.
"So... did it work?" I looked hopefully at Kristiana, who was half holding her head back now, with her eyes closed on the chair.
"I... Sequae is telling me wont know for a few days at least. I thought it had, but..."
She looked at Donnie, sighing.
"He doesn't look any different"
Leo's heavy sigh made us all turn to him, seeing him pinching the end of his nose. He looked defeated...
"I really... don't know how much more of this I can take" He finally admitted, looking like he was barely holding on.
"Let us girls make you and Jade something to eat... okay hun?" Serah moved, to give Leo a quick hug, kissing his cheek before leaving the room, with Amanda and Kristiana in tow, still holding the tissue to her nose.
"I think it's Mikey's turn to clean" I heard her say as she left, turning to now look at the boys.
"You guys all right?" Ithiell asked, sharing a look with Leo. Leo himself looked beyond tired, and I knew he'd probably shed his own tears in private... or with Serah.
"Yeah, I'll be fine. I just..." He stopped, turning to look at me, then Donnie. I was still holding onto his limp hand, cradling it with both of my own.
"I'll make sure Rtaia doesn't give up on him" Ithiell patted his shoulder "Why don't you go get something to eat?"
"I don't think I can-"
"As one leader-" Ithiell shook his head, then looked up at Leo "As one brother to another... please go get something to eat. I don't want you crashing out on me too"
Leo looked a little torn, looking at Donnie again.
"I'll be here until you come back, okay?" Ithiell assured him, smiling up at him. Finally, he sighed, nodding and leaving.
Then he turned to me.
"I'm not going" I told him flatly, surprised when he shook his head.
"I wouldn't even try to ask you now. I know... I know how much it..." He sighed, finally coming over and pulling the second seat beside me, sitting down and looking at me apologetically.
"But... I'd like you to start trying to eat a little from now on... okay? Pia knows what I'd do without you Jade..." His eyes had now turned pleading.
"Ithiell, I don't know if I..." I turned back to Donnie, feeling another surge of emotions as I brought his hand up to my face, pressing it against my cheek and feeling tears start to well up again.
"All I ask is that you try" He said, a hand on my back before he took it away.
All I could do was nod, and the two of us fell into a comfortable silence, both of us staring at Donnie's quiet form.
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Time went past so quickly, but so slowly. Another week, from what I could guess.
I had kept my word to Ithiell and tried to have some of the soup the girls were now making me, knowing I probably wouldn't be able to eat anything solid at the moment. I wouldn't be surprised if they had laced some of it with sedatives, because every now and then I just became too tired to keep my eyes open, falling asleep in the chair I sat in.
The problem was... when I slept... my mind made me dream of horrible things... finally loosing Donnie...
I was able to snap awake a few times, but others...
I was having another dream, one which I found harder to wake from. I was at a funeral.. it was Donnie's funeral...
Eventually, I managed to shake myself awake, finding I had woken up into a cold sweat, shivering a little as I did. Instantly, my attention was Donnie, having a moment of utter panic as I looked up at him, then the monitors. Then the nausea hit, and I tried to suck in a deep breath as I fought it down, leaning back on the chair and closing my eyes.
Thankfully, I was able to keep last nights dinner down, and I opened my eyes, now aware of another presence in the room.
I turned slightly in my chair, finding Lowri of all people there, noticing my movement and looking at me sadly. Behind him, Raph was in the chair by the door, snoring slightly. One of the girls must have placed a blanket over him...
"What do you want?" I almost hissed, turning to look back at the motionless form in front of me.
"I came to see how he is doing" Came the deep, mature voice I had once loved listening to when I was younger. Lowri was at least ten years older than the rest of us, and unlike Ithiell, he was tall and built for a Chanaiben. He was once a very strong, positive person for me growing up through all the years of war. Now...
Now all I could see was the person who caused me to loose the love of my life. The hatred I now felt for him...
"Well, now you've seen him, so you can leave again"
"Jade, I-"
"Lowri, don't. Just... just don't"
If I had been thinking logically, I would have known that Lowri didn't mean any of this, and it was stupid to blame him. But the rest of me...
The rest of me couldn't even look at him. I hated him, and I hated him because... in my mind... he'd done this to Donnie.
"I am sorry Jade. I know... I let you down-"
"I said... stop" I growled, turning to stand, glaring at him. He met my eyes with his own, looking determined, and shook his head.
"No, I am going to make-"
"Well you cant!" I yelled, unintentionally waking Raph up in the process, who turned to look at the two of us.
"Jade, I-"
"STOP! JUST STOP!" I screeched, not caring anymore, going to shove him roughly, but he barely moved at all.
"This is your fault! Donnie being hurt is your fault! So just... fuck off!" I smacked his chest, surprised to find a clawed hand wrapping itself gently around my wrist as I pulled backwards.
"Jade?" His voice was so calm, so level, it just seemed to fuel my anger more.
"No! Stop! Let me go!" I tried to punch him with my other hand, finding he'd grabbed my other hand when I went to pull that back.
"Jade, please calm down" His plea was in such a level tone, and I finally just lost it.
"NO! I WON'T CALM DOWN! DONNIE IS PROBABLY GOING TO DIE ANY DAY NOW BECAUSE YOU FUCKED UP! YOU SHOT FIRST AND ASKED LATER! YOU DID THIS TO HIM! IT'S YOUR FAULT! IT'S YOUR FAULT!" I screamed as loudly as I could, thrashing violently to get out of his grasp, finding he wasn't letting me go.
"I know, but I-"
"No! I won't listen to anything you have to say any more!" I tried to kick him, finding he'd blocked me with his tail, finally letting out a frustrated scream and just twisted madly.
"Come on sis, you can't-" Raph trailed off, probably at a loss as to what to say. I knew Raph had to agree with me! I knew-
"I cannot change the past, but let me at leas try and help you!" Lowri finally got out.
"No! You can't help me! I can't-" Something in me finally broke, and my legs collapsed under me, half hanging before Lowri joined me on the floor. He was still half holding onto my wrists.
"I can't... live without him" I finally admitted in a sob, my heart aching at the thought of trying to live without him.
I couldn't. That was the only thing that came to my mind. I couldn't live, or go on without my sweet turtle...
So I sat on my legs, crying uncontrollably with Lowri in front of me, and Raph by my side.
I couldn't... I couldn't... I couldn't...
He was my world. He was my everything. He pulled me through the darkest times... been there for me... loved me for who I was...
Imaged flashed through my head as I cried. The good times we'd had...
The first time I'd seen his face above me. That scared... surprised face behind those big glasses as he realised the animal that had been about to attack Splinter was actually just a girl.
The day we'd first kissed. That sweet smile as he pulled me close to him...
The night he'd surprised me, and we'd finally told each other how we'd felt. Then the giggle as he realised he now had a girlfriend...
Our first night that we truly gave ourselves to each other. Feeling closer to him than I ever had...
I had loved every moment of being with him... the laughter, the stupidity... the hope... even the fear and the bad times. Every moment with him had been so precious.
All of that... all of that was gone. And... I'd probably have to say goodbye to him... to my Donnie...
And I couldn't do it. I couldn't...
I screamed at the ground wordlessly, tears and snot and whatever else streaking down my face as the last of my hope broke inside.
"Jade, please" Lowri let go, and big arms went around me now, pulling me close to a hard chest... like Donnie's chest...
I couldn't answer him, continuing to cry as my turtle brother held me, trying to calm me, but I was past any point of calming down.
So I cried, and he held me, until I couldn't cry any more. I just dug my face into his shoulder, hiccuping every now and then. My head and chest were aching horribly.
"I think-"
"Not a good time" Raph grunted at Lowri, who fell silent, moving away from us and getting up.
I heard others come into the room, a couple of them muttering something as others I felt move beside Raph, hands on my lower back and shoulder, wherever Raph's arms weren't wrapped securely around me.
I couldn't say goodbye to Donnie... I couldn't think of-
More muted voices, and I heard some of them talking behind me, but I didn't care.
Then... as if a lightning bolt... a dry and raspy voice cut through all the others. A voice that said my name, above all others. A voice... a voice I never thought I'd hear again.
"Jade" He said.
x -x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
Hmmm, I wonder who it is?
Review and you shall know!
Constructive criticism appreciated!