A/N: Here again! Suppose this is the first Author Note, I've added to this story. The 'abstract' timeline concept has finally taken form. It only takes a little bit over 10 years before the events of the canon. The precise location where the story takes place is actually an area where I have been at in real life. The story hints in the first chapter with the hospital at Shibuya-ku.

Anyways let me know your thoughts; love and hate! :3

Chapter 2: Hope

A beeping sound kept repeating over and over again. I had probably held the phone in my hand for hours, maybe days. I lied on my bed, staring at my own reflection through the mirror. My mind was astray and my chest was torn apart. I couldn't feel hunger, but I knew I was starving.

My skin had gotten sweaty, my hair was tangled and my eyes had been painted gushing red against the black sclera. My only amusement for the days to come was to look into my demonic eyes. It felt like I was staring into the soul of a total stranger.

Because of the RC cells, glimmering crimson was at least offering some form of illumination in the dark room. I had kept all curtains shut for who knows how long. Every now and then a car would drive by and its lights would bring a shadowed light through the dark curtains.

As my hunger grew, I couldn't keep wallowing any further; I had to eat something.

I got up from my bed. There was a sinking in the bed where I had laid. This was not the home that I used to know. It was dirty and thick dust covered the surfaces. I couldn't find the motivation to do chores. The stench of rot lingered from the kitchen. The house appeared from the inside forsaken.

Wandering around the house, all I could see from the mirrors was the red-eyed monster that I couldn't even recognize as my own image. The sounds of laughter were an erased memory, eclipsed by the horrors that happened during that day.

The answering machine was filled with messages, but I couldn't put myself to listen through them. Mails piled on my door, yet I couldn't face the outdoors. The horror to touch the doorknob was an overwhelming obstacle. It had been almost easier to just break the doors with my kagune.

Rummaging through the freezer, I pulled the last slab of meat. I was going to run out of supplies. Because of my forced hunger, I couldn't wait for it to melt. I simply started chewing the frozen solid block, slowly chipping it down piece by piece. A feat impossible for human teeth maybe, but it was trivial for a ghoul.

It did not have a taste, but my nose picked off a light tingling sensation that it was food. Though this might have been just a phantom image in my head, coming from a memory.

I was pathetic.

I didn't even hide that fact. I kept wallowing in self-pity. At least the city arranged my brother's funeral, but I couldn't push myself to attend. The rainy season was long past and a light touch of snow and ice coated the streets of Tokyo. Glancing outside from the window, I couldn't distinguish if Christmas had come or not. Perhaps it was past the new year.

There used to be a lot of food in the storage, but I had now efficiently consumed all of it. At least before I didn't need to get the food myself. That was the perfect excuse to stay inside four walls.

But being halfway through on chewing this frozen block, I knew I had to pull myself up from this void and just try to live. If not for myself, then for the memory of my brother. Just thinking of him made tears fall down my cheeks. To cry or not-it made no difference. I was devastated from the inside; any thought related to him was an excuse to shed tears.

Though not every day had been that terrible. On better days, I would punish myself by reading the diary and notes of my brother, over and over again. It hurt, but it was a bridge for me to know about the red-eyed creature that I saw staring back at me on the other side of the mirror. Everything my brother accumulated about ghouls or the CCG was in those scribbly notes.

A small candle, burning for revenge, was the reason why I kept reading through them. Still, most of the time, I was in denial, as facing the reality was too painful.

I knew, that if a dove would show-up, I wouldn't make any excuse or retract my kakugan. In fact, a part of me screamed, hoping for this to happen. I even fantasized about going into the main office of CCG and with open arms, reveal my kakugan.

After I had finished eating, I shambled back into my room. In fits of desperate anger, there were wooden splinters and parts of some of the furniture in most of the rooms. The door to my room was hanging on its one hinge.

I hadn't even put the heat on, but I didn't care. The cold on my naked toes did not bother me. If I laid long enough on the bed, it got warm.

How could the elements make you feel cold, if you had lost all warmth in life? I questioned.

. . .

"Knock-Knock"

I snapped awake. I had had a nightmare, but I couldn't remember anything about it. There wasn't even time to think about it, as I could hear the same knocking sound. I kept ignoring it, but it didn't end. Because of the broken door, I could hear a faint shouting coming from the entry. I couldn't catch on the words, but it was persistent and the knocking only became more vigorous.

I had no choice; I got up on my feet and started walking towards the door, wearing nothing more than a white shirt, with drunken buttons and panties. I had used the same clothes this whole time.

Outside the bedroom, the knocking on the door sounded more like pummeling with fists.

Before opening the door, I checked my eyes. My kakugan was suppressed, but I felt that if it was a dove knocking on the door, I would just let it show.

I pressed my hand on the doorknob. Putting my force into it, I twisted the mechanism, unlocking the door and pushed the door slowly open as suddenly it was yanked from my hand and the door slammed open. I slipped from the force, falling forward down to the floor.

I was staring at the shoes of someone.

"Oh my god, Aki!"

Warm hands pressed against my shoulders and quickly pulled me up. The voice belonged to a girl, but my mind was too cloudy to recognize her. She closed the door and invited herself in, against my volition. However, I lacked the resolve to put up a fight.

"Click." The lights turned on. The bright light irritated my eyes.

"This smell, oh … Aki, I'm so sorry," she hugged me. My memories were slowly coming to me. She was in the same year-class as me.

"You haven't been in the school for months! You already dropped from all the courses... Everyone has been worried for you. I've been worried for you."

I wanted to answer her, but it had been such of long time since I last spoke. I had lost the touch needed to be with people. The sweet smell of her flowing blood invigorated me. Despite my wallowing, the ghoul's predatory instinct woke me up from the apathy.

"Aki... You look terrible," she looked into my eyes. My memories were slowly being organized, piece by piece.

Her name was Sachi; she used to be my best friend.

"S-s-so-so … rry" I whimpered, with barely a whisper. If my house hadn't been ghastly silent, nobody could've heard what I just said.

"It's not your fault. I'll help you. It is the least I can do for you," she patted my shoulder.

I walked to the sofa on the living room. I was too exhausted to care for what Sachi was doing. She turned on the heat and almost screamed when she got into the kitchen.

I was staring on the white ceiling until she came back.

"Aki, come with me." She yanked my hand. She guided me into the bathroom.

The tiling was warm blue and we had a small fake onsen next to the shower. It was slightly more decorated than rest of the bathroom.

Sachi pulled my shirt off, and she noted that I had almost no willpower to do anything for myself. She joined me in the shower and washed my hair and body.

"I brought some amitriptyline with me, if you need it. It should alleviate with the PTSD symptoms," Sachi said with a low tone.

"Sa-sachi. It's just," I groaned. Despite of my melancholy, I couldn't deny that the water wasn't feeling nice on my skin. I tried to gather up my thoughts.

"Done," Sachi nodded. She then pulled me down to the fake onsen. The water was so low that, you almost had to lie down if you wanted to become submerged.

I loved bathing; it was one of the things that made me happy in this world. I used to do it daily, but this was the first time since my brother had died. Those triggered memories made me cry, but the company of Sachi-the moment she warped her hands around my chest and comforted me, it felt like the deep hole that resided within my hollow chest had something in it.

"Shh, it'll be alright. It'll be alright."

It took me awhile to wash away the painful memories of my brother in this context. And even more of that courage to talk about it with Sachi. And the sooner I did it, the better.

"My brother. Was killed by ghouls," I had to lie. Then again, this lie was what I was told by the police when reports came about my brother. They had to cover it, because he was a prestigious doctor. It would have been a media scandal otherwise.

"I'm sorry."

"It is not your fault... I don't need drugs. I just need some time, because..."

The pain bursting from my chest was intolerable as I tried to finish the sentence; I really tried, despite it hurting like hell.

"Because... Because..." Sobbing twisted my words

"Because, I saw it," I managed to say it. It was the truth. And at that point I completely lost it to the hole in my chest. Not even Sachi's best attempt to comfort me could fill that hole in my chest. The momentary relief I had received before felt like an illusion, but it was better to have someone to share the contents of my heart.

. . .

By the nightfall, the house did not have a horrible smell lingering in the hallways. Sachi had worked her best to clean the kitchen and the house. It also was a lot warmer; the radiators were heating the house with full power.

When it was time to go to sleep, Sachi barged next to me, to keep me comfortable.

Because I was a ghoul-well, because I am a ghoul-I never had experienced a normal sleepover. It helped me cope with the sadness. Even though it was through pajamas, the intimacy and body warmth felt safe. I struggled far less with my ghoul-side than I had feared I would.

Still, even though I did not jump on my best friend and start eating her alive, I was teased by the lingering scent of a feast-that I knew for a fact-would taste heavenly.

Luckily, I was able to consider the scent more like a perfume that she was using than a piece of meat to be consumed. I really did not want to feed on my best friend.

Besides of my fears of letting her so close to me, I was too frail and vulnerable to say no for her protection. I was too greedy for having someone near me. To hug and hold hands, it was my first social contact for as long as I could think. The fear of being alone was far worse than the fear to eat her.

It didn't take long for my eyelids to start feeling heavy and there was no resisting.

. . .

It was dark. In the darkness, I could feel movement, hear malicious laughter and maddening whispers.

"Why are you doing this!" I screamed. There were dark silhouettes around me. A group of faceless people stood in front of me, hiding in the shadows.

I turned to look on my right where I saw that my brother was being taken from me. He was enveloped by the embrace of a kagune, his face stricken by horror. Red tears poured from his eyes.

"Because you are a murderer..." Dark voices tormented me. The group of faceless people started twisting into a more concrete shape. They were the men from that night. They took the faces of the dead.

"No!" I screamed.

"It is because you are a ghoul."

I tried to run away, but my limbs were frozen by terror. I couldn't move an inch.

"Even a human who is a murderer is more than a ghoul." The man in front of me had a kagune grow from his back. It was my brother's kagune. It turned scarier by the moment.

"Thud-Thud-Thud." My heartbeat was getting louder, faster, louder, faster.

When the kagune struck forward, I snapped awake, screaming loudly.

I could feel movement coming from next to me and I managed to restrain myself from releasing my kagune. I could feel Sachi's hands wrapping around me. I closed my eyes and rolled my head to press my face against the pillow and cry.

I couldn't turn around to face Sachi and look at her; I knew from the familiar sensation that my kakugans were active. If she were to stare my face, my best friend would turn on me. She would learn about the monster that I really am.

"It's alright. It was only a bad dream," Sachi whispered into my ear.

"I know..." I sobbed. I wasn't sure if she could even hear what I tried to say as I spoke to the pillow.

She pet my hair and cheek.

"... I miss him. It is hard so hard to cope without him. Thank you for being here for me."

Sachi let out short and mellow hum in my ear.

"You should try to sleep," she whispered.

I turned on the bed and faced away from Sachi. She pushed her chest against my back. It felt safe when she was facing me like that. Eventually, I could feel that the kakugan was suppressed and I could open my eyes.

I stared into the dark room. Sachi's presence felt like she was a sister to me. And this time, I didn't even struggle with my ghoul aspect. I felt hunger, but she smelled like Sachi; not food, but a person. It was a little similar to the way how I recognized the scent of my brother.

. . .

In the morning, I slowly woke to the sunlight basking on my face. The winter sun colored my skin a pale blue-white texture. I felt a faint smile on my lips; it was a pleasant awakening. In the air, lingered the sweet scent of food. And coffee-it was definitely the aroma of freshly grounded coffee beans.

I pulled myself up, looking on my side. There was nobody else in the room and floor was cleared of clothes and trash. Besides the bed, there was nothing else but the tatami on the room. Everything had been organized in an orderly fashion in the closets.

I dressed up lightly before walking past the door hanging on its hinges. The sun cast eerie bluish rays from every window and dust motes danced in the light. With the white interior design, this gave an impression that the house was older than what it really was.

"Good morning," Sachi smiled at me.

"Morning," I gave a bothered smile which triggered Sachi to leap on me.

"You smiled!"

Her mood turned overwhelmingly cheerful after she noticed that I gave some form of emotional response. But even though I was bothered by it, it was welcome.

"Coffee?" Sachi asked with a wide smile.

"Yes, please!" My reaction was like a man who had been wandering in desert for days without water and then someone was offering a water bottle. I almost spilled the coffee. It didn't matter if I burned my mouth-it was like heavenly nectar.

". . ."

Sachi stared at me with round eyes.

"More! Please!" I bowed my head down reverently. She hadn't prepared more coffee than two cups, but she gave me her cup.

"Glug-glug-glug." I emptied the cup like it was water.

Sachi was baffled. My behavior had probably struck her as odd, but she started making more coffee. Because it didn't strike me as appetizing, I noticed only now that there was the sizzling sound of things being fried. She was battering some vegetables and frying them in oil, making a tempura.

The thought of eating food was already making me feel sick. I knew I was about to have no choice in this matter. If I tried to run away, she'd force feed me like I was a baby.

"It's almost ready. You must be starving."

Yes, but human food is poisonous for ghouls.

"I am," I gave out a fake sneer. It was almost like stereotypical moment from a manga where the girl was making a bento for her crush and when the boy opened it; the contents looked more like an attempted murder than something you'd give to your loved ones.

Sachi placed the foodstuff on the plate and gave me chopsticks. I pictured myself as the senpai from those mangas. Trying to joke about it was the only way to keep up a poker face.

"Itadakimasu~!" Sachi said in a cheerful tone.

I'm going to die now.

"Itadakimasu," I took chopsticks in my hand.

She started eating, while I prepared myself. I extended my hand, took a piece with my chopsticks and dipped it in ponzu sauce.

I held my breath and placed it in my mouth. I tried avoiding it from touching my tongue as much as possible, before swallowing the piece.

Sachi gave me a mischievous smile.

That's it. I know for a fact that she is trying to murder me.

"It's g-good..." I was not sure if I was a good liar on this topic. I drank some coffee and washed the bad taste in my mouth with it.

"Glad that you like it."

I'll never make fun of those boys that have to eat god-awful bento's from girls with no talent in cooking.

. . .

After the dinner, I felt like throwing up. I sent Sachi away to the closest konbini store, asking if she could do me a favor and bring me my favorite coffee flavored snacks.

As she left, I sprinted to the toilet and systematically emptied my stomach. It felt sad that I couldn't enjoy the food that Sachi had made. Only because I was a ghoul.

This time, I did not fall on my knees and started crying. I had a desire to stand up. The flame was rekindled inside me. Thanks to Sachi, it was no longer a weak candle that was easily snuffed away; it had transformed into a brightly burning flare.

My brother always said that brain defeats brawn and that it's true even with ghouls. If I wanted to become strong, I'd have to learn to master my kagune. The biggest issue was how to overcome the weaknesses of an ukaku user.

I squeezed my hands together.

I didn't want to hide from the world anymore. I wanted to fight.