Chapter 3: Flickering

The seasons changed and soon the white snow was black. Only an occasional white mist from the sea crept through the streets of Tokyo.

I had changed, and I wasn't the only one who had noticed. The cold black and white kept my emotions in check. However, when the royal blush of the petals of blossoming cherry trees washed over the land of the rising sun, I couldn't help but to look back at what I had lost.

To be physically far superior to the humans, it was ironic that I had become a rat, playing in the pockets of the low-ends of society. There was a dark pact between the underworld and some of the desperate ghouls. I wasn't the predator that could take the life of another easily, so I shadowed those who could.

The Yakuza and their ledgers were far too red and gushing on this district. The ghoul investigators were corrupt with blood money within the district; behind their backs, the Yakuza played a fiendish game at the mirror's edge . We-the ghouls-were the ones taking out the garbage, eating away the sins of men. But it was us to blame wholly.

There was no black and white between them and us, no middle ground. All the blame fell on our shoulders, and I couldn't but commend my brother for how tightly he had wrapped the blindfold around my eyes.

My sleep was cut short every night due to my new lifestyle. I couldn't just lie down and die. I was going to fight for the sake of my brother. Every night was relentless preparation. I had to be trained, if I were going to live on.

So how was a wannabe ghoul like myself going to change anything?

I couldn't give an answer to that question.

My grades went crashing down, but at least I had somehow managed to return to my "usual" life. On the other side of that coin, I was piling up soda cans every night, practicing my accuracy with my Ukaku.

Following the wisdom of nature, conserving as much energy as possible usually meant survival. I taught myself how to use the ranged capacity of my kagune like an arrow rather than a barrage of loosely hailed shards.

My path for survival was far from easy, but I had no choice. I was sure that failing to outlive my brother would destroy everything that he had worked so hard for. It was the only way I knew how to express my gratitude.

"That ends this lesson. Gather by the observatory in thirty minutes before the autopsy lesson."

The ringing bells and the boring teacher going on with his teaching woke me up from a half-meditative sleep. I was more concerned with my other life than keeping up the facade of a good student.

"Huh – it was today?" I shook my head.

"Huh, we've been talking about this all week." Sachi brushed my shoulder.

"I know it's just..."

"You should learn to let go."

I looked at her and her worrying smile. I could sense somewhere deep within her that she was getting tired at seeing me like this.

"You don't have to worry that much about -"

"Aki, your grades have been dropping and I can't remember since last you've ..."

"Sachi, I'm way better than what it seems to the outside." I gave a slight nudge on her shoulder, interrupting her speech.

I tried my best to appear awake and cheerful as we walked the stairs down and headed down to the basement of the medical school.

"Look, it's only my sleeping that has been getting to me lately. I keep seeing nightmares of you know what." I tried to sound as convincing as possible. Maybe I was a little worried about her constant concern.

"We haven't even had a proper night out in a long time." I pouted, turning my head over my shoulder to look at Sachi, standing on an upper stair.

"I … I'm sorry." Sachi gasped. I moved instinctively to grab her hand, because experience told me too well what was about to happen. Instead I followed her to the toilet.

"I didn't know you that you felt like that. I should have known better." Sachi sobbed.

"No, I'm sorry – I should have kept you closer." I twisted my lips.

"A lot happened..." Sachi muttered.

"Ha-ha … look at us. It's hard to say which one of us had their life turned upside-down." I winced out a half-cherished grin.

I looked at Sachi, wiping away her tears. She looked like she was about to bow her head down and apologize. However, instead she saw my old grin and laughed

"We'll be late from the class." I boldly stated.

"Aww, shut up..." Sachi pushed my shoulder.

We walked outside the toilet when Sachi's footfalls ended abruptly.

"... This was the first time that you have smiled this year." Sachi's voice was weeping and weak. I hadn't even realized that fact about me.

But before I could even make a sound, a heavy push fell on my back, cushioned by soft skin. I was wrapped by two feeble arms that pulled me backwards with all their strength.

For the first time, I felt a rekindled warmth in my chest. It was happiness. An emotion that I thought was lost forever, or so it had seemed.