Chapter Four

One Cherrio

Piper barely made it back to her bunk without opening the note. She turned away and scooted into the only private place she had anymore, the little cave of her bunk. She turned on her small lamp and shined it so it flooded the yellow paper with light.

She smiled seeing Alex's blocky- capital handwriting. She had read all of the letters she had sent Piper while she was out living in Queens. Each one was written in the same manner and Piper loved it.

PIPES,

WHEN I FIRST PROPOSED SETTING THE RULES WITH YOU, I ADMIT I DIDN'T PUT MUCH THOUGHT INTO THE COMMENT. I FIGURED AT THE TIME THAT I WOULD MAKE IT DIFFICULT ON YOU SO I COULD FEEL SOME SORT OF RETRIBUTION. HONESTLY THOUGH, THIS ISN'T ABOUT THAT ANYMORE. THIS ISN'T ANOTHER VERSION OF 'HATE FUCKING' THAT WILL DISTRACT US FROM THE SUXINESS OF OUR LIFE HERE TOGETHER...AND THE FACT THAT WE ARE BOTH HERE BECAUSE OF EACH OTHER.

THAT IS SOME HEAVY SHIT FOR US TO WORK THROUGH HERE. SO THE RULES TOOK ON A DIFFERENT MEANING FOR ME AS I THOUGHT ABOUT IT. YOU'VE BEEN GREAT...YOU'VE BEEN GIVING ME SPACE. I ADMIT AT FIRST I DIDN'T WANT TO COMMITT TO YOU AT ALL BECAUSE I WAS HALF CONVINCED ONE OF US WAS GOING UP THE HILL. WE DIDN'T NEED ANYMORE SHIT TO FUCK UP OUR ALREADY COMPLICATED LIFE, BUT THERE IT IS. I AM NOT SURE I'M DOING YOU A FAVOR BY PRESENTING THESE RULES TO YOU BECAUSE I SOMETIMES FEEL LIKE MY BEING IN YOUR LIFE WAS THE WORST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO YOU.

WITH THAT BEING SAID, I CAN'T SEEM TO SHAKE HOW VERY MUCH I LOVE YOU. I THOUGHT ABOUT IT AND HERE THEY ARE- BY THE WAY...DON'T LET ANYONE ELSE SEE THESE PLEASE, I DO HAVE SOME DIGNITY LEFT.

RULES

1. NO INTIMACY BETWEEN US UNTIL IT IS INITIATED BY ME- I NEED TO FEEL SAFE AND CONFIDENT THAT IF I HAVE A BAD DAY OR A BAD TIME OF IT, THAT YOU WILL NOT JUMP SHIP TO ANOTHER PERSON

2. NO DISCUSSING OUR FUTURE OUT OF LITCHFIELD. ALL OF THESE RULES APPLY TO OUR RELATIONSHIP WHILE WE ARE BOTH INCARCERATED HERE.

3. IF EITHER OF US FIND ANYONE THAT WE WANT TO FUCK- WITH OR WITHOUT LOVE OR FEELINGS- WE WILL TELL EACH OTHER BEFORE WE DO ANYTHING

4. WE WILL NOT MIX ANY BUSINESS WITH US. EACH DAY WE WILL TRY AND SPEND TIME TOGETHER WITHOUT PRISON BULLSHIT AS OUR FOCUS (YES I KNOW YOU GOT RID OF THE SIDE PROJECT BUT I THINK THIS IS JUST GOOD PRACTICE ALL THE WAY AROUND FOR US.)

5. IF FOR ANY REASON WE FEEL TOO MUCH OR IT JUST DOESN'T FEEL GOOD ANYMORE- WE CAN CALL "Time out" AND TAKE A BREAK OF ONE WEEK BEFORE WE COME BACK TO TALK ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED AND DECIDE OUR FUTURE-TOGETHER.

YOU AGREE TO THESE TERMS AND WE CAN START OVER AGAIN. YOU CAN WRITE BACK OR TALK TO ME ABOUT ANY RULE, DISCRETELY. TAKE YOUR TIME AND DECIDE BECAUSE THINKING IT THROUGH ISN'T ALWAYS OUR STRONG POINT.

AV

Piper read it again. She looked them over and couldn't help but think about all the pain she caused Alex and how hard it was for her to come up with this second chance. No...third-no fourth chance. She put the rules in her nightshirt and stared at her wall thinking until it was lights out.

The next morning they sat across from one another at breakfast. It was really early and Piper didn't sleep well the night before. She kept her head down and picked at her oatmeal with disgust. Alex reached over and tapped her tray. Piper looked up and saw a look of concern.

"I didn't sleep well," Piper explained.

"Am I the cause of your lack of sleep?" she inquired quietly. Yoga Jones pretended not to hear their conversation. She was the most discreet of all the inmates so Piper nodded softly. Alex leaned back and nodded slowly. "You don't want to try again this way...I get it. You yourself once said that rules were no fun."

"I said that because I was desperate to get your pants...desperate to be in your life because you were all I thought about. Still are actually...it is a lot to think about," Piper admitted. Alex smiled and the shared a memory together. They had been so full of need to be with each other then. It hadn't changed that much over time. She didn't have the libido of a 22 year old girl anymore but her heart still raced when she saw Alex and her body craved her touch.

"That was some night," Alex whispered softly and Piper smiled back at her. They ate for a bit more and Yoga Jones struck up a conversation about transcendental meditation. Alex told her the story of how she tried to meditate with Piper once in India.

"I thought she was so deep and into this stuff...she was so quiet- then I heard it-"

"For the millionith time, I didn't snore. I had a bit of congestion that day is all," Piper shot back.

"Fuck no Pipes, you were snoring. You had been sleeping for at least an hour. You were 'so refreshed" while my knees hurt and I felt like an idiot for trying to be a ZEN as you were!" Alex replied.

Piper smiled. She had never said how she felt, just giving Piper shit about falling to sleep. She realized the old Alex would have never admitted that she was trying to be like Piper and to have something in common with her. Piper reflected back and realized that Alex had only gone to that Ashram up in the Panchagiri Hills because Piper had read about it in a magazine. She was up to going to or paying for anything Piper wanted then. She could see that in a different light now. She knew that what she wanted more than anything was Alex's time.

"It meant so much to me that you went with me...I don't know if I ever mentioned that," Piper said suddenly. Alex blinked and looked at her like she had said something amusing.

Yoga Jones smiled and leaned it to tell her, "It is never too late to say thank you when it is someone you love. That was beautiful Chapman."

"What is beautiful is when you do Yoga. Are you going to go back to doing Yoga...because I can always arrange another meeting during that time," Alex said with a grin.

"Oh that's right, you're in charge of that now," Jones clarified.

Piper was still confused. " In charge of what?"

Alex rolled her eyes and shifted some in her chair. "Caputo asked me to set up a time for Narcotics Anonymous meetings. I didn't want to but with Miss Rosa and Nicky gone...no one is leading them." Piper smiled at her. She didn't like being the leader of something she considered lame like a drug counseling group. Now ask her to sell a shit ton of heroin and she'd boss around anyone to get her way.

"You'll do great. Do you need a sponsor from the staff?"

"Healy is the counselor he will book the room for whatever time I set. I hope he doesn't join in and make it fuckin' weird," Alex mumbled. Healy tried to relate but came across as the ancient asshole he was inside.

"I think you'll do great...and I'll start back at Yoga. I'll work it in between runs. You can watch from the door like Boo," Piper suggested with a grin. Alex snorted and the guards barked it was time for the next shift to eat. They got up and got in line to empty their trays. With all these new girls, everything took longer...there were lines to do everything, even to clear away your tray.

Alex leaned up close to her and whispered," You want to talk about the paper later?"

Piper felt her stomach twist. It was all she thought about. "I...yeah...I'll come to you," was all she managed. Alex nodded and seemed to accept that as a legit request. They seemed easy now...joshing about the past and talking about their daily lives in prison. It was so nice after she had avoided connecting to her for so long. She could tell that Alex wanted to know how she was taking the rules and was nervous about them. It is a scary thing to put things in black and white. It was juvenile to some degree. Piper was caught thinking it was stupid more than once over this period of time. She didn't really expect Alex to write it all out but her words kept bouncing around her head.

I NEED TO FEEL SAFE AND CONFIDENT THAT IF I HAVE A BAD DAY OR A BAD TIME OF IT, THAT YOU WILL NOT JUMP SHIP TO ANOTHER PERSON

Piper hated that line. She was a cheater and though she pushed all of that aside to kiss and mess around with Stella...it is true. She had never cheated on anyone in a relationship before she did it to Larry with Alex. She thought that Alex [and their prison situation] was the exception to the fidelity rule. Piper would date men and women after she left Alex...sleep with whomever she wished, but once she committed to someone she didn't cheat. Or so she thought...she was just like her father and seeing Alex actually write out her fear that she'd do it again if they fucked right away or even touched- well it really hurt.

But would she have done any of this is she wasn't in Litchfield? She kept going back and forth in her mind over this point. It felt fucking fantastic to not care. She let herself fall into her self-absorbed existence and didn't care who she hurt. Piper always tried to do the right thing or at least justify what she did as "right". Not now, she just tossed that out and started to survive...no thrive in prison. She convinced herself that this was the place she was supposed to be so doing whatever she wanted to survive was justified.

However, the cost of that selfishness was nearly the life of the one person she couldn't stand to lose forever. Even when she was with Larry, Piper always imagined Alex running her own drug ring and living large in Europe with girls falling all over her. Now she knew she was a messed up ex-junkie that broke parole and ended up back in prison. She was this flawed individual that almost got herself killed for telling the truth. Piper was at fault. Her selfish bullshit put Alex directly in Kubra's line of fire. It also brought them back together and she felt like shit for being happy about that.

Piper worked in silence all day. Black Cindy tried to get her to talk but she just smiled slightly and said she was listening. Piper wasn't prone to depression so it was weird for them to see her so quiet. Flaca was complaining a little that her partner had to find another way to get the merchandise out of the prison.

"Your guy is gone right?" she asked Piper quietly.

"Yeah...but I'm sure you will think of something," Piper smiled back at her. Flaca seemed to take it as a compliment and was quieter as they worked through the afternoon. Her back and fingers were killing her as they walked back to the dorms after work. She was a bit surprised to see Alex standing by the door to the building, half ass holding a rake.

"Hi," she said as she approached her.

"Hi...there were cops here...I saw them walk up from the parking lot. They left about a hour later," she said in worried tone. Piper nodded and felt a stab of worry herself.

"You didn't do anything wrong- I think we're covered-"

"Piper we buried a body...one we helped-"

"No! We acted in self defense and crazy ass Lolly did the rest. Just try to stay calm...Aydin wasn't where he was supposed to be and everything was crazy that day," Piper whispered back to her. She didn't want Alex to spiral down into paranoia again.

"No one will believe that Piper."

"Yes they will...I've got us covered...you go put up your stuff, I'll see you later at dinner," Piper suggested. Alex nodded and left her there, walking slowly back to the yard shack with the rest of the grounds crew. Piper went inside and as her eyes adjusted she felt the worry slam into her body. Kubra could have just called in an anonymous tip about the missing Aydin. Piper hoped they would inquire and be told he walked off the job with about twenty other employees that day. She tried to think back to what she knew about Aydin. Alex told her that he was from Kubra's hometown and he worked with Fahri most of the time. She didn't know if he had a family or not. Everyone does though, right? Piper got back to her bunk before Red was headed back to the cafeteria. Her back was hurting her again and Piper had made her some more jalapeño lotion- this time with better tools Red provided from the kitchen. She was rubbing it on her back as Piper came inside.

"Is it helping?"

Red stood and nodded some. They had tossed out her board when they added the new bunks. The mattresses were worse for some and others loved them. Piper was feeling it in her lower back so she knew Red was really hurting.

"Hey um...have you heard anything about some cops here?" Piper inquired lightly. Red looked over at her and gave her a meaningful stare.

"Just so happens I was talking to Healy when they came by...they were inquiring about a missing person. He led them in to his office and then they went to see Caputo. I had other things to do. Oh...before that he told me I might be getting a surprise...they interrupted the conversation before I could get him to tell me what it was," Red offered. It was a lot. She was guarded with Piper ever since she lied to her about her shop. They had slowly worked their way back to some form of friendship when their bunk was invaded by the new prisoners. This was the most she'd said to Piper in a long while.

"It sounds...exciting," Piper offered. She knew Red was playing at something with Healy but it was kinda cute. "What do you think it could be?"

Red shrugged. " I have to go put out tonight's industrial slop. However, I will be cooking a veggie lasagna for tomorrow's special dinner. I hear The Diva, wants to attend." Piper's eyebrows shot up. She had never really tried to eat at the great meals because well, she figured Red didn't like her enough...but she'd like to see that one. "You know I've never asked to-"

"I have a seat for you and your Vause...just make me some more of this lotion when I run out," Red offered in a gruff tone. Piper smiled big at her and for the first time...ever Red really smiled back. After count, Red put on her glasses right after and headed off to the cafeteria with all the swagger in her step of a master chef.

Piper couldn't wait to tell Alex about it. Maybe it would help distract her from the information that they were looking for Aydin. She felt panic run through her body and she took a deep breath to suppress it. She knew if she could find this out, so could Alex. Yet, Red didn't offer information for free usually. Alex could do nothing what so ever about this investigation. She could worry with Piper. She wanted someone to worry with her...someone to scheme and maybe come up with a plan of what to do if they start searching the grounds.

What could they do? Piper was as certain as she could that only three people on the planet knew what happened to Aydin. She wondered what would happen if they were interrogated. How certain could she be that Lolly wouldn't rat on them or turn things around? How certain could she be that they wouldn't sell each other out for less time?

She wasn't. She could totally see why Alex was so reluctant to really trust her again. Her mind was racing with a whirlwind of thought. Her head started to pound and her breath got a bit short. She got up and quickly walked out of the dorm. She heard Alex call her name but she kept walking like she had to be somewhere. Piper walked blindly to the Chapel. She didn't even think for one moment she wanted spiritual guidance. She wanted to be alone. She heard some sounds from the alter area and turned to scoot down to where she hid the tat gun. She was certain that the girls behind the altar had no idea she was there. They were talking low and moaning. It was a distraction and usually she would have left to give them some privacy but Piper wasn't sure she could get up and go anywhere. She was going to miss her shift to eat and that was fine. She preferred her noodles to that slop anyway...but most of all she didn't want to see Alex. She'd look at her and know something was wrong.

She curled up on the floor between the auditorium chair and the wall. She stared at the hidey hole for the gun and thought about Stella. She stole from Piper and she paid her back. It wasn't kind. It wasn't humane. It wasn't taking the higher road. Piper had simply retaliated. Lolly had simply retaliated. If it came to it, she would not talk. Physical evidence that could possibly tie her to the killing could be found and used...but really the two people that worked on grounds crew had more of a chance. She had to think of a way to protect Alex. The truth was one option. She had her statement, the photos and all of that safely tucked away with her lawyer. Jennings was professional but had no idea that Aydin was dead. Piper told her that she ran with Alex and left him in the shed. She didn't mention Lolly at all.

Piper had stuff on Kubra as well and it could put him away. It was something to think about because she was pretty sure if she had to, she could use that to get them out of this mess. Piper looked over to see Poussey and Soso getting dressed and laughing. The picture of young love hit her so hard. Brooke had bothered her so much because she could have easily been that girl. She met Alex though and something inside of her changed. She had more depth and understanding of the world. Oh, not enough to keep from fucking up over and over...but more. She had surprised Piper with her dedication to the hunger strike thing...but Piper had tried to trade her for a blanket. It was a turning point she had to admit. Maybe if she hadn't ever went to Chicago and felt the excruciating pain of Alex walking out the door...Piper shook her head. She knew that pit. Her mind would circle and circle the 'what ifs' and analyze her life until she was numb. Piper took out her tool and plugged it in...the same needle and black ink was on it. It wasn't sanitary but she didn't care. Piper just started to trace the white ink tat on her forearm. The pain was welcoming and she seized on to it like a lifeline. She gritted her teeth and let the pain wash over her. She stopped eventually when she felt too light headed to continue. She had made a black bar, like a scan code out of the "no" and "bitch" part of her tat and now she had traced the trust, so the white was outlined in black. It was a large ink and she knew it would be hard trying to keep it covered as it healed. She didn't care.

Piper wiped away the blood with her other sleeve and sighed at the burning distraction. "Trust", she said to herself. She may never earn it back. Yet she had to choose whether to worry Alex with what she learned from Red or take it all on and fix it if need be-by herself- shielding Alex from any repercussions her actions may bring. Piper knew there was a way. It was just the last resort.

She got up and staggered back to her bunk. Everyone was just coming back from eating. She dodged out and took a hot shower. It felt good to clean her tat in the water. She had some ointment in her cabinet that had worked well on her other tat. She now had three and couldn't help but laugh at the reality that her body was now a true reflection of her life. She was a tattooed con.

Piper got dressed in the shower and emerged carrying her towel around her neck. She heard a commotion then everyone got quiet as she passed. "So, you turn into a stone cold business woman while I was away and ya can't even give me a decent hello. I thought better of you blondie-"

Piper stopped in her tracks and spun around to see none other than Nicky Nichols leaning up against Gina's cube wall. Piper smiled brightly and ran over to give her a hug. She heard Red laughing behind her and Nicky yelped because Piper's hair was wet and dripping on her.

"When did you get back here? What the fuck happened?" Piper asked.

"Well some nosey bitch got in Caputo's face about making things right with me and he had me transferred back," Nicky said. Piper stopped for a moment and realized what she was saying. Piper just shrugged it off and hugged Nicky again.

"In the grand scheme of things you are one Cherrio in the bulk box of life, but you tickle me and I'm really glad you're back," Piper repeated to her and they locked eyes for a moment. Piper felt something shift inside of her and she recognized the feeling. Her friend was back and just maybe things would be okay.

***I've been delayed in writing lately. Please have faith that I will not abandon my story or my readers. A wedding is an amazing thing but it is filled with all these...DETAILS. Things I am having a hard time doing thanks to no internet at home since a storm knocked out my cable. Please, please review and tell me about your summer thus far. BTW I finished this chapter on July 11- anniversary date we all know and love. Peace Fae***