Chapter Twenty
Piper and Neri were sick buddies together. She wasn't having an easy pregnancy so they sat together and binge watched Netflix. She liked her. Neri wasn't "normal" but she fit Cal perfectly and that made Piper like her. She had a few more months until the baby was supposed to be there. She was an active woman and this down time wasn't easy for her. Cal, bless his heart, was really trying. He ran errands for her, fetched her whatever she wanted and cooked for the both of them. He had even helped Piper get a top notch security system installed. He hired a doorman for their apartment as well and he made sure he had a background in security. Piper had told him enough so that Cal understood she would be testifying against some bad people.
Her lawyer worked with the prosecutor to get her statement just wright. She signed her statement and was told she would be contacted about having to testify. They gave her no more information about Alex and it wasn't fair. She knew that there would be a time when she didn't know how she was...if she was even alive...but the reality of it hurt so much, Piper had a hard time distinguishing if the aches were from her surgeries or heart. Danny came by to visit her after she'd been home for about two weeks.
"You should put your energy into something productive now Piper. You've the money now not to have to get a job...you can actually find out what type of career you really want...not flit from one thing to the next...but really focus on what it is you want to do. Do you know?" He said, leaning back on the couch, sipping some tea that Cal made. Neri didn't know what to think of him because she only met him a few times and Piper knew that Cal had issues with their older brother. She did point out to Neri that it was Danny that Cal called when he was scared. Big brothers are always that...your big brother. Neri was an only child but she was trying to understand for her husband's sake. She did excuse herself to rest not too long after Danny arrived.
"I...want Alex and I can't have her. So...I want to make a difference to the women in prison. I want Solitary Confinement to cease being used as a way to intimidate people out of speaking their truth. I guess you could say I want Criminal Justice Reform ," she said quietly. Danny nodded some and sipped his tea again. Piper could tell from his expression that he was genuinely surprised.
He shifted in his seat and then looked her in the eye, "Then do it...you're a very persuasive speaker and writer Piper. You could make a difference...use some of your Smithy alum friends, write a book or articles about criminal justice reform and then speak your truth." He reached out to take her hand and held it for a long while. Danny wasn't affectionate like that so Piper was in a stunned silence. When they were young she and Cal would cuddle up on the couch to watch TV but Danny would always sit alone. Piper had some vague memories of a time before Cal when Danny was more...well sweet, but she didn't remember them in great detail.
"It's okay, Danny. I have a plan," she said. She then explained how she was going to volunteer with the Women's Prison Association and start her own blog. "You're right there is a Smith alum friend of mine that runs a political online magazine. I've been emailing back and forth with her about telling my story or the stories from my time at Litchfield as a focus for criminal justice reform. I'm working on my blog voice..so I'm not too preachy but passionate enough to actually grab a variety of people's attention."
"So you are trying to learn how not to regurgitate progressive slogans but actually write your argument enough to persuade people that would perhaps never think about prison reform?" Piper smiled at her brother's understanding of her plight.
"Yes, she gave me notes reminding me that a political blog is not a rant at a yuppie party," she smiled when she read that. She recalled telling Alex that she her story wasn't some conversation piece at a yuppie party. Now she was trying to learn to reach different people, with varying views and educational levels. Her brother surprised her more by asking to see her latest work.
As Piper logged into her laptop she felt some trepidation. Her brother was a notorious conservative. He visited her but she noted his kids were always busy with his wife and he wasn't exposing his nuclear family to the family pariah- convict. She decided to write about her own crime first. She wrote about how she didn't know what she wanted to do after college and when she stumbled upon the sophisticated "Trisha" ( the name she was using instead of Alex as she wrote) she thought it would be a grand adventure. She went on to describe her one crime and how her relationship fell apart. She was trying to stick to her own facts and leave the reader at the point she was to self surrender. She mentioned Larry- though she called him simply 'my boyfriend' and wrote about how the mandatory sentencing laws forced her to go to prison when she would have done so much more for the people she harmed but working in the community to pay back for her crime.
It wasn't a short post. She had only shared her words with her friend, Paige, the political editor so she was a bit nervous. He read quietly and Piper refilled his tea as it got cool. When he looked up to thank her, Piper could see his eyes were shining with tears. She swallowed and walked back to the kitchen. Cal was bringing muffins out of the oven and did a double take at her expression. She didn't elaborate but he was suddenly more interested in what their big brother was doing. Neri was napping upstairs and as they all sat around her Grandmother's apartment, Piper couldn't help but relish it being just the three of them there. It helped her nerves to think about how natural it felt and probably always would feel for the three of them to be alone working in a room.
He finished and handed the laptop back to Piper. "I haven't edited it completely yet and I think there are a few states that have done some work on releasing prisoners that may have data-"
"No Piper I think it is perfect as it is….it is very personal but universal. You've...explained your worst day without making excuses for your mistakes. I can't wait to read this and the next hundred or so blogs you do," he said with a thick emotional voice.
Piper had to speak up. "Danny, where have you been? I mean I know your career is high stress and takes much of your time...but for the first time in almost twenty years...I have my big brother again."
"I second that," Cal called from the kitchen as he carried the muffins to the coffee table. Piper reached for a hot lemon and poppy seed muffin and inhaled the sweet aroma. Danny seemed uncomfortable when directly faced with an emotional question. He was quiet for a long while and Piper started to eat her muffin. She about to regret asking him when finally he spoke up.
Danny cleared his throat and Piper looked up to watch his face as she spoke. She was struck at how much he looked like their father. "I've always been here but it just seemed to me the two fo you didn't really need or want me. You two just...clicked. All of Cal's personality traits that confused me, you just accepted. All of your temper or stubborn streaks, Cal celebrated. I...wasn't sure what I could really offer so I just set about making my goals a reality."
"You've done a fantastic job. I'm really proud of you big brother. I mean it, you're smart and the top of your field...your kids are beautiful and you're a great dad from what I can see," Cal answered quickly. Piper was still stunned that her brother actually felt left out of his own family.
"Wow, Danny….I always thought I was the outsider but I think maybe we used our parent's device of not really talking to each other to conduct our adult relationship. I'm glad you didn't listen to those thoughts when Cal called you for help," Piper added.
He nodded and smiled softly. "I was worried about you but...really for the first time I felt needed. I couldn't believe it when Cal's number flashed on my phone."
"I needed you….we needed you...and I"m really glad you were there." Cal responded and Piper seconded the statement. They talked for awhile longer and Danny asked Cal many questions about Neri's health. Cal told him and then asked him a ton of questions about diapering and how to assemble a crib. Danny admitted that his wife and their housemaid did most of the diapering when his kids were small. He was busy working his way up the ladder at the Hospital. Danny works a total of about 60 hours a week, more if he is on the ER rotation. His wife, lived to be a mother and housewife so it worked out for him. Piper found her to be a rather cold fish, but when Danny talked about her, his face softened and she knew he loved her.
"So, when are we going to get together with the kids?"
Cal looked at him when he asked and Piper wished he hadn't pushed that topic. She was afraid their great time together would be ruined. Danny smiled though.
"Soon, maybe when the new baby comes. They're excited to have a cousin on the way," he replied. Cal grinned and PIper exhaled a breath she didn't even know she had held. Maybe the combined experience of being a father would bring her brothers closer together. She felt a twinge in her heart when she thought of Alex….and the fact their future most likely wasn't together. She wanted to experience motherhood but not alone. She wasn't sure Alex even wanted to have a kid...it didn't fit her idea of Free Falling through life.
"I know that sad face. She's thinking about that Vause chick again...I can't blame her, she is quite the looker Bro...and tall!" Cal supplied. Then Danny asked him questions that embarrassed her but made her smile. Eventually she had to slap Danny's arm to make him stop.
"Hey, I'm a felon, remember that!" She threatened with her best Piper 'gangsta face". He was startled for a moment, then Cal threw a sofa pillow at her and smacked her upside her face. They laughed and the good mood carried through the rest of his visit.
Time passed along and Piper's first blog post to "Political Justice" was a raging success. HuffyPost picked it up and she was hired to post regularly. She took the pay but put it in a general account for the household. Piper slipped into a routine of volunteering at halfway houses and events sponsored by the WPA for four of five hours a day and writing on her blog at night. She posted it twice weekly. She kept telling her story, changing names and mixing some people together to tell a personal story about her time in prison, while hitting on topics she was passionate about. Soon she got invites to appear on different radio or TV shows in NYC and all around the country. She declined some due to her energy levels being low still from her time in the hospital.
"You're overdoing it Piper. Stop volunteering so much until you're completely healed. Maybe you should take a holiday?" Her mother suggested when they met for lunch in Brooklyn. She had just told her daughter that she was proud of her for her "online writing". She told Piper that her Wednesday forum group had used her latest one as a talking point. Yet, she was still her mother and she had to criticize Piper for something.
"I'm fine Mom. I like being busy...it helps me not to worry," Piper offered. Her mother made a face that told PIper she didn't want to hear about how she was worried about her former lover. Piper sighed.
"I know you love her. I'll always be thankful to her for making them get Cal so he could give you blood. I know it put her at risk," her mother said. PIper was flabbergasted. Her first impulse was to push for more...to make her see how much she loved Alex, but she held back. ONe of the things she was learning by volunteering with families of inmates and parolees is that you have to let people come to realizations on their own. It was like she was learning more from her blog than she was teaching others.
"Thanks Mom," was all she said. Her mother patted her hand then asked if she thought the salmon would be cooked correctly at the restaurant. Walking back to the subway, Piper was amazed at how far her family had actually come in such a short time. She guessed almost losing a member made the family unit better. She hoped they could keep growing. She spoke to her dad every other day and saw him at least twice a month. He worked too much in her opinion and she was hinting to her mother that maybe he should retire.
Neri went into labor a whole month early. Cal was a wreck and Piper had to hail the cab. Two of them took off as soon as they saw Neri but the third one stopped and got them to the Downtown Hospital. After the issues with her pregnancy they tried to wait for her OBGYN but the baby was determined. Exactly twenty minutes after Neri arrived, Cal was holding his daughter. Piper was trying to film, but she was crying tears of joy. IT was Neri that finally got a nurse to videotape her husband holding his daughter for the first time. She was bright faced as though her screaming from just a few minutes before didn't actually take place. She was the most beautiful child Piper had ever seen. She may only be her niece, but the family connection could be felt.
She left the room to call their parents and Danny. They were all on their way. They admitted Neri and got them both settled into a nice room. Cal was running around signing papers and trying to get Neri flowers. Piper sat with her and watched as the nurse coached her on how to get the baby to nurse. She couldn't help being thankful that she stopped her panty business before Neri got caught. She knew from her research and evidence she saw at Litchfield that female prisoners are shackled still during labor. The blog she was working on now outlined this practice and shared her story of how they all bet on when Maria's baby would come and she won a Twix.
Her parents arrived shortly after Neri's OBGYN and both of them were getting a thorough exam. They all looked at PIper's phone and her father laughed at how she shook trying to take the video. Her mother started to cry and Piper actually hugged her close because they actually shared a reaction. Danny arrived right before they were let into see the new family. Neri was sitting up in the bed and Cal was standing beside her beaming with pride beside pink bear balloon and flower arrangement.
Her father walked over and slapped him on the back in a fatherly way. PIper knew it was because he was too emotional to talk. Her mother went around the other side and straight to look into the face of her new granddaughter.
"Oh Neri, she's perfect," she said to her daughter-in-law. Piper noticed how her mother reached out to smooth Neri's hair back. Piper snapped quiet pictures of this moment because she had a feeling Cal wouldn't really remember much more than the glory of his daughter's face.
Danny asked " So have you chosen a name? Is it going to be Sunflower or Prudence?" Those were two names they fought over for weeks.
Neri looked up to Cal to tell. He smiled and shook his head. "Nah...Neri changed her mind. Her father's name was Daniel and it's Dad's middle name….and yours of course, so we decided to call her Danielle Piper Chapman," he said. Piper couldn't believe it.
"Cal...you sure?" Piper asked automatically. She didn't realize how she felt but she didn't want her niece to feel like she got the family convict's name.
"Absolutely, I love your name and you..you're my sister now and it seemed right that our daughter carry the names of our siblings," Neri answered. Piper burst into tears and her mother hand to comfort her. She soon dried up her tears when Neri told her she couldn't hold Danielle if she was blubbering. Danny was more reserved but swallowed hard when he shook his brother's hand. It was a lovely afternoon together with the newest member of their family. Piper's sorrow was deep but she kept it hid. She wanted to share this news with Alex and the fact she had no idea where she was made Piper ache all over again. She smiled though and focused on the joy of her lovely namesake.
Since the baby came a bit early, Cal's house wasn't finished. Their dad actually took off work to help him with the contractors and doing landscaping around the place. Neri and the baby came home to her apartment and PIper was grateful. She rarely slept all the way through the night without waking to call out for Alex. Her dreams were startling and often ended with her stabbed in the showers. Piper didn't want to think about how much worse they will get when she is all alone in her apartment. Her mom came over to help Neri with the baby during the day. She wasn't all the way healed yet but was getting around well on her level. Danielle was already spoiled by her doting grandmother and PIper knew that her mom didn't really get to help out much with her other grandkids.
Piper took that time to go help with the WPA again. She felt she had to fill her hours with something so she didn't dwell on worrying about Alex. Each former inmate she helped Piper would hope that someone was helping her Alex the same way. She put together goody bags of personal hygiene items and delivered them to three halfway houses around the city. While she was at one in the Bronx, she saw one lady with long dark hair and from the back she looked like Alex. Her throat tightened and for one glorious second she thought that maybe it was her. She turned around and looked nothing like the love of Piper's life. It was a crushing disappointment and Piper was kicking herself for day dreaming. She knew Alex was in protective custody someplace…she hoped it wasn't in max segregation someplace. On her good days she imagined her in a safe house in some Midwest town..on her bad days she saw her being raped in the SHU.
Later in the week she volunteered at a mommy class the WPA was hosting for parolees that didn't get to really bond with their child before they went into prison. There were a lot of toddlers and she helped manage them for five hours while instructors helped the young mothers with organizing utility or diaper bags and how to go about daily activities with their kids in tow. She took some notes for Neri but knew she had a support system that these ladies totally lacked.
She was picking up a large toddler when she felt her would tug too hard. PIper ignored it and danced around with him to calm him down. He wasn't settled with his mom yet. She was afraid of him and it was noticeable. PIper ignored her pain for as long as she could and finally she had to leave before each of the ladies had left. Usually, she would help clean up the center they hosted the class but she was bone weary. She took Uber rather than the subway. She still wasn't used to having money. Her mother had suggested she get a car service. Piper was actually considering it. The driver was nice and didn't say anything when Piper dozed off in the back. She thanked him and slipped out, completely exhausted. The doorman/security guard, Rolo, took one look at her and actually walked her inside. He motioned to Cal to come help Piper. He had to hand Danielle back to her mom.
"You overdid it again didn't you?"
Piper started to protest but her wound hurt and she was totally exhausted. "Yeah...um maybe Neri could help me check if I tore open my wound some," PIper suggested softly. Cal sighed an exasperated sigh and helped his sister up to her room. He left and Neri came upstairs with her pillbox and a big glass of water. She helped Piper out of her shirt and they looked closely at her wound.
"It is really red. I bet you tore it on the inside...there is no blood though so that is good. You have to sleep Piper. The body doesn't heal if you don't sleep. Now that I'm up feeding the baby more, I hear you at night. Do you ever sleep all the way through?" Neri asked as she helped PIper slip off her bra and slide into a big baggy SMITH tee shirt.
Piper just shook her head. "Well you will tonight. This pain pill they gave me to take before I insisted I was breast feeding, well it will knock your ass out and help the pain." Piper didn't take pills often but she was so sore and tired she took it. Neri literally tucked her into her bed and slipped quietly out. Piper took her other pillow and hugged it close. Sometimes, the only way she could fall to sleep at night was to pretend it was Alex holding her. It was so childish and sappy she embarrassed by it. It did work though. Piper was imagining how Alex always smelled fresh, clean and distinctly Alex when she heard some commotion downstairs. She felt woozy and thought for a moment about getting up to go see what was going on but she was just too damn tired and that pill was really starting to work.
She dozed off for a minute and woke to voices in the background. " She overdid it today and had to rest. She is really much better don't let her pale face fool ya." Cal said. Piper tried to open her eyes and yawned.
"What's goin' on?" She slurred and tried to turn her head. Her eyelids were so heavy, she clutched her Alex pillow more and nuzzled into it like she would Alex's hair. She didn't want Cal to watch her sleep like a big baby clutching a pillow. She frowned.
Cal laughed, " Um Neri gave her a pain pill and as you probably know, she is a light weight."
Piper heard a voice reply and she was convinced she was hearing things. "May I stay with her, just..I just want to-"
"Hey you don't have ask permission anymore. I'll leave you be….just try to see she sleeps through the night, Neri said she never does," Cal answered and he seemed to be moving away.
"Shut da door, Cally" Piper murmured. She felt sleep overtake her again but woke with a start when she felt weight on her bed. She wanted to tell him to go on but she couldn't, if she was quiet enough the voice would return.
"Can I have this?" She heard and then the pillow she clutched was pulled from her arms.
"That's muh Alex," she slurred out then felt stupid for admitting it. She tried to open her eyes some and argue with Cal for taking her pillow.
"How about you replace the pillow with the real thing?"
Piper felt her heart twist and ache. " I can't...all I gots are dreams, they start so good….as long as I imagine being held by my Alex."
"Oh baby, I know what you mean….let me slip off my shoes and then I'm going to hold you Pipes. Hear me kid?"
Piper started to cry some because she was confused and wanted that so much. She heard shoes dropping then comforting and soothing sounds. It wasn't really until she felt the warmth of her arms around her and smelled that clean, fresh smell that Piper began to realize who held her. She pushed closer and buried her face in the thick black hair of her love.
"No...no...stupid pill…I..can't stay awake. Alex? Alex? Am I dreaming?" Piper slurred. She pulled her head back some trying to look. She was surrounded by silky black tresses.
"I don't think so, Pipes. But you need to sleep...we both do...oh baby, I've looked all over for you. I did what you said. I never gave up and now I'm never letting you go," Alex said to her as she kissed each eyelid tenderly and pressed her forehead to Piper's. Alex's arms held her close. Piper felt euphoria and drifted into a deep sleep, hoping that this dream, if it was one, lasted forever.
**** I finally got some time to finish this chapter. Let me know if you'd like to read how the story ends. Happy Spring, Happy Easter and Peace to everyone. Fae***