Time felt like it was not moving, he waited anxiously to hear from anyone. Donna had come and gone taking the imbecile Trevor with her. She promised to return as quickly as possible knowing there was no way Harvey could deal with this himself. He didn't even no where to start. The best closer in New York City couldn't actually close something.
He paced the floor continuously a hot coffee clenched in his hand. He feared going up to the nurses desk again, worried they would ask him to leave. In fairness he argued to himself it shouldn't take this long to realign a broken nose. How difficult could that really be?
When the doctor did finally appear, he was informed all had gone smoothly. Well you certainly took your time Harvey thought irritated beyond words. He was more concerned than he really felt like admitting, especially because Mike would deny he even cared. Harvey didm't like to show just how much that actually hurt. He tried to displace his anger. He worked even longer hours sometimes not even making it back to the apartment, even just going to the bar after work and picking up the odd one night stand. He knew that it wasn't helping but he just couldn't change. Old habits seemed to die hard. He turned his attention back to the surgeon.
"The nasal bones were out of place and broken in more than one location so it wasn't as quick as we initially thought. He was put under as you were aware and is still quite groggy and out of it but you are more than welcome to go see him?" The surgeon said clapping his hand against Harvey's back and leading him to Mike's private room.
Harvey stared through the glass in the door for a few minutes Mike seemed to be sleeping. He looked so peaceful and his young age was so evident. His hair had grown long and was falling over his eyes and almost curling at the base of his neck. Harvey's heart swelled with love and heartache, he was so like him but then these moments of his mother really came through. Harvey had never loved Mike's mother, Nina. She had failed to mention Mike existence for the first two years of his life and when she did, it was to drop him of on his doorstep, no warning and instruction, other than if it doesn't work out take him to his Grammy's.
Mike had been this adorable chubby two years, so curious and adventurous and then he would suddenly change becoming silent and thoughtful. He was definitely the smartest kid Harvey had ever met. Not that that was a long list. By three he was fully reading and reciting passages despite the fact he was still in a nappy. Initially, it was hard trying to balance his need to work and his drive with the familial responsibilities. He told himself repeatedly he had no clue what he was doing that he wouldn't be good for Mike. He looked at that slip of paper with Grammy's details more then he liked to truly admit. Mike had worked his magic though, he was in love with his baby day from the start. Everything Mike did made his heart swell until he finally thought there was no way he could love him anymore but then he did.
The transition from Harvey to 'Dada' had been fast but merciless. He could no longer go out or even work as long hours but he accepted that he loved Mikey. He even hired a full time nanny, a hot young student from Spain, Belen. The kid went to an exclusive pre school during the day. The brightest in his class, which would forever more the norm. Shortly Belen and him began a fling. He couldn't help it, it wasn't like he could really pick girls up at the bar anymore, not now. Belen was sweet and innocent and it drew Harvey like a moth to a flame. She was built like a model, smooth tanned skin with perfect wavy light brown hair highlighted blonde from the sun. She loved Mikey and Mikey loved her.
The problem came one Saturday morning, Harvey didn't actually have to work. He was giving Mikey his morning bath. His small hand tried to wrap around the rubber duckey but it kept slipping out of his too small grasp.
"Duckey," He would gasp each time it did, followed by a resilient, "Mineeeeee." When Harvey picked it up. His small hands outstretched and looking at Harvey in a traitorous way.
"I know Mikey, I going to give it back to you know," He responded laughing as he gently washed the boy's fair hair and shielding his eyes as he poured the water over him. He picked him up, wrapping him in a warm fluffy white towel.
"We're going to dry and get change, then we can have some yummy pancakes and go to the park. Huh Mike" he said stroking the two year old toddler's chubby cheek with the front of his finger. At that moment Belen walked in smiling down at the father and son duo. Harvey bent down picking up his son, encircled in the towel, to bring him into the bedroom to put on his clothes.
"No Mummy," Mike protested reaching out his arms towards Belen instead. She readily turned a bright shade of pink but reached towards in response to his request. Harvey stared shocked, mouth gaping and he looked from the baby now in her arms to him. He watched mouth open as she walked away.
Later in the park, Harvey had bought ice-creams sat Mike down on the edge of the bench to talk to him. He watched as his son contently licked away although he would swear there was more ice-cream on Mike than he had managed to get in his mouth.
"Mike," he began, "you know Belen isn't your Mummy?" Harvey said gently looking into Mike's large round blues eyes that seemed to cloud over with confusion at the statement.
"But in pwe school, they said Mummy and Dada live together with the baby and waise and love the baby." He said pointing his small finger from Harvey to himself. If it hadn't been anything else Harvey would have laughed at the adorableness and how much Mike's language had advance and how far he was ahead of other two year olds. Instead he felt rotten, he had confused his son and knew the only remedy would break Mike's heart.
"Daddy loves you Mike. Belen loves you but she's not your Mummy. Your Mummy lives somewhere else, and maybe one day you will see her." Harvey added not knowing what to say about her. Mike's big eyes scrunched up and he looked so sad.
"But Mason told me his Mummy and Daddy shawe a wroom too." Now Harvey really felt like kicking himself. "And they kwiss. He said only big boys could do that."
"Uh huh and how old is this Mason?" Harvey said only half realising he was trying to change the topic.
"He's fwour. He's a big boy." Mike said matter of factly.
"So are you Mikey." He said pulling Mike close into his side as he finished his ice-cream.
That night Belen packed up her things and left, promising Mike they would see each other soon but knowing they wouldn't. Mike cried for a half an hour thinking she was just going for a night but spent the next week crying when he sure she was gone for good. Harvey felt so evil watching his son beg and cry, knowing it was all his fault. He vowed never to cross that line again but he had already lost some of Mikey's trust.
Mike had begun to act out for a while after that terrible two's became terrible threes and Harvey struggled to replace Belen. It became impossible, Harvey torn between work and Mike. He finally picked up that piece of paper with Grammy's name and number and dialled it.
"Hello, Edith Ross?" he said standing on the old women's doorstep, holding a sleeping Mike in his arms. She nodded.
"Oh isn't he strapping," the old women gush. "Just like his Daddy." She smiled at Harvey and he just looked down, guilt already consuming him as she ushered them in. "You know, I must say I'm surprised Nina gave you my number, but I'm glad I have missed Mike for this past year. I haven't had much company since Nina left state and I was horrified to know she had left Mikey." She said shaking her head, clearly having no idea what those last words did to Harvey. Wasn't he about to do the same. No he convinced himself he wasn't, as he sat in the small kitchen and readjusted Mike on his lap. He would visit all the time, as much as possible, all weekends, he convinced himself in a rush. This way was better. Mike would be provided for and have a loving supportive parent that would be around twenty-four seven.
"I'm sorry, I should have called sooner, even so Mike could have just known his grandmother." Harvey said actually ashamed he hadn't. Knowing how he felt missing those first two years. Wouldn't he miss so much more now, he thought. No he assured himself he would visit, constantly.
"Are you sure you will be able to manage him?" Harvey asked awkwardly.
"Yes don't worry yourself." Edith waved a dismissive hand.
"Well I'll provide everything. He's already in pre school in Manhattan but I'll find a good one closer to here as soon as possible and of course I'll cover food and rent and anything else you can think of." Harvey started.
"Harvey, don't worry Mike will be in safe hands when he is away from you and maybe you'll have look finding a nanny so he can stay with you soon." Edith assured knowing this should only be temporary.
"Yes, well I should really get going it's late and no doubt you want to sleep." He couldn't stop rambling. He woke Mike up gently.
"Mikey, baby," He whispered softly, voice thick with stirred and his eyes blinked at Harvey's touch. "Mike wake up sleepy head." Mike finally rubbed his eyes and gazed up at him confused and looking grumpy and upset, miraculously he didn't cry or whine though.
"Mikey, remember Grammy. Remember we talked about you staying her for a little while and Daddy would come visit and do lots of fun stuff." Harvey said fighting off the emotion. Mike just nodded. "Well Mikey, we got here and now Daddy has to say goodbye. Only for a short while. I'll see you so soon. Okay Mikey. Daddy loves you so much, your his big boy aren't you." Mike just nodded again staring up at Harvey. "Okay, let's put you into bed," He said standing and following Edith into Mike's small room. He hugged Mike tightly before laying him under the covers and tucking him in. He leaned over pressing a kiss into this head and ruffling his hair. "I love you so much. I have to go though, okay?"
"Daddy, can we have pancakes in the morning?" Mike asked innocently. Harvey could feel his walls crashing down and the tears blurring his eyes and knotting his throat.
"Mikey, Daddy won't be here in the morning or the next morning but I'll visit and some weekends you can come back to your old room." He tried desperately to explain.
"No Daddy, don't go." Mike said beginning to understand and remembering his old Mummy and Belen and now his Daddy. "Pweese," He begged through tears reaching for Harvey.
Harvey leaned in kissed him once more before standing up and leaving. He watch the tears shake Mike's tiny body, and anguish building up inside him.
As he walked out the front door after telling Edith if they needed anything to call. He turned to take one last look at the house, he saw Mike's tiny fist curled hitting the glass window beside the front door, tears rushing down, his red face from crying. A part of Harvey died seeing him but after whispering I love you, he turned and got into the car and broke down. Tears pooled his own eyes and began to stream. He cried for the first time since his father's death.
Sorry I have finally come back to this story... this chapter is mainly a flashback but will go back to the present in the next chapter, just setting up some background details. Hope you enjoy.