Back Again
I wake up as usual, alone and cold in my bed. I'm lying on my side in a fetal position. My eyes blink open, grasping sight of a small vase on top of the bedside table. The vase clear, is curved up and filled up to halfway with water. Its rims are full of blue pearls that match the color of the beautiful flowers that sprung out of it. The forget-me-not's blossom beautifully, adding color to the plain room in which I find myself.
Instantly I am reminded of a conversation I had had with my father time ago. On one of the occasions we had visited my mother in the cemetery, we had taken a bunch of red roses and forget me not's. The red roses, from my father had meant his undying love for her, even though she no longer was with us. My forget me not's were a sign that I'd never forget my mother and that I'd always remember her.
My only guess is that my father had left these for me, as from the silence that comes from below I can only assume the house is empty, unless Kyle is playing babysitter again.
Right now, I find myself in a state of blankness. I can´t remember much from what happened. All I remember is Kyle leaving and then being attacked. I remember the cold hands that brought me to safety, and then I remember the blood.
I remember the blood as I feel healed. My breath tastes of him and he still lingers on my lips. It all makes sense now - the cold hands that had brought me from the jaws of death to life. He had saved me again.
It was Eric.
I try to sit up, but nausea hits me. The room spins, but my eyes momentarily linger at the bottom of my bed, instantly locking with the figure there. Eric. I smile, bringing my hand up to reach out for him, but he moves away, sadly smiling and dropping his head. The room, still fuzzy and blurry takes him from me, his beautiful body becoming nothing more than a blur.
I close my eyes, rubbing them and attempting to fight the nausea but when I open them again he's gone. He's left.
"Tell me that it was Eric who helped me last night?" I say, alarming Kyle as I run down the stairs.
"Yes," he says, not even pretending it wasn't. "Eric helped you, but it was two nights ago. He hasn't left your bedside. I'm sorry if you had to face him now that you're finally up."
"I thought I'd imagined him, but I guess it really was him then. When I woke up he disappeared. I didn't get a chance to speak to him," I mutter bluntly.
"I guess it's for the best. Your heart doesn't have to break a second time around. I mean, I told him staying with you was a bad idea, but he just insisted."
"Do you realise how unfair this is? He has access to me whenever he wants," I say, trying to control the urge to shout. My heart skips a beat. "He can watch me sleep. I bet you he's always there, lurking in the shadows and I can't as much as touch him."
"Hey, maybe it's for the best, you know. That way you'll always be safe. Besides, it's not like he's getting much of a kick from watching you sleep."
I scrunch my fists up by my sides, angry at Kyle. He doesn't understand. He obviously doesn't notice my foul mood, as he just continues to talk.
"By the way, your father doesn't know anything," Kyle continues.
He´s clearing up in the kitchen, scrubbing down one plate that looks like it has leftovers of spaghetti. I reflect on what he's just said; I've been unconscious for over a day, meaning my injuries were far from normal - still my father is oblivious to everything happening here.
"Thanks for covering with my dad," I mutter, taking back all the hatred I had for him only seconds ago. After all, Kyle is just like Eric - trying to protect me. He smiles warmly and returns to the dishes. He rinses the last one and then begins drying his hands.
"Did Eric say anything?" This time it is I that continues, but as the words leave my lips, I gulp.
He passes me a glass of orange juice from a new carton he´s just opened. I chug it down; it tastes glorious and refreshes me, whilst washing away the taste of blood in my mouth.
"He was pretty mad that you were hurt. He was all like 'I trusted you to keep her safe Kyle, but look at her'." He says, impersonating and mocking Eric's voice. Though I know it should concern me, Kyle just makes me giggle. "I mean, I don't blame the guy. You were covered in blood, your clothes were ripped, you wouldn't open your eyes, you refused Eric´s blood. He was so mad."
"I'm sorry he took it out on you," I say, with an apologetic smile.
"Hey, don't worry," he says back, shrugging. "I understand where he´s coming from. Neither of us want you hurt and he cares a lot about you. I mean, the way he handled you? He sealed every one of your injuries without even being affected by the blood – never seen anyone like him."
I smile at the thought of Eric holding me one more time. However, my second of happiness is washed away with doubt and fear. Are situations like these the only ones in which I´ll see him? When I´m ill, hurt or dying? When I am in desperate need of him and of his blood – doesn´t he know that I am always in desperate need of him?
I remember him sitting on my bed only moments ago. Why did he have to disappear and leave so quickly? All I wanted was to talk to him, tell him I missed him… just a minute-long conversation. Why does it have to be like this?
"Thanks," I say.
I get up, and before I get to the stairs, Kyle says, "So, he was really in your room when you woke up?"
"I blinked and he was gone."
Kyle pauses as if he doesn´t know how to reply. Then he smiles and calmly says, "It´s the way it has to be."
His words soothe me and help me accept my life more. I miss Eric, but I know we cannot co-exist.
I run up the stairs, but again I am stopped as his voice interrupts me. He reminds me of something Isaac had whispered before he died.
"Ronnie, do you know what a Healer is?" he whispers, as if someone was listening in on us. "Isaac called you a Healer."
"No," I mutter truthfully. "Did you not ask Eric?"
"He knew… he just wouldn't tell me. It´s ridiculous, right?"
"Completely. I´m human."
And with that last affirmation, I continue up the stairs, back to my room.
I´m up in my room, or shall we say, the room that has become mine after the way I´ve been hogging it recently. I smile at the bed and sit at the front, where only minutes ago Eric had been. I spread my arms on the bed, touching every corner of it and then moving onto touching the floor around me, relishing in the few things he would have touched.
"Eric," I whisper into the nothing. "Eric," I whisper again.
I glance out of the window, hoping that he is nearby watching me. Maybe he can hear me call for him. I'd do anything just to see his face again, touch his hands and kiss his lips.
She sits there, sat where I had whilst I had waited for her to wake from her sleep. But she is more beautiful than me and now, she is healed. There is light in her face, warmth in her cheeks and her large eyes stand out boldly from her face. Her teeth nibble and bite on her wet pink lips, whilst her hands run smoothly through her brunette locks.
Once again she has needed me and selfish as I am, I hope for more moments in which she´ll need me, so that I will be forced to get closer to her and no longer dream of her from the distance. Instead I´ll be able to touch her human skin, caress her soft brunette hair and embrace her in my arms.
She whispers my name. "Eric, Eric." My name on her tongue is as delicious as she is. I jump forward, clinging on to the next tree, wanting nothing more than to reach her and comfort her. She has need of me. She is so beautiful, so perfect but I restrain myself from moving again. I struggle to stay by here, hidden and suspended amongst the trees.
I think of her now as I do every other second of my life. Would she want me if I were human? Would we have met? I banish those thoughts – we wouldn't have met and she wants me, just as I am. But it is what I am that stops us being together.
I hate myself for it – I need her, and I need to be with her. "Ronnie," I whisper around me, playing with the name on my lips. "Ronnie," I whisper again.
She looks around her, as if she can hear me call her name. She looks out of the window into the trees that house me. She can´t see me, but she knows I am here.
Oh how I want to touch her, kiss her, and tell her I love her and that I need her and that I can´t stop thinking about her. That my everyday revolves around her – that I wake up thinking about her, go to bed thinking about her, and dream about us, together in a distant life. That I'm sorry about Isaac, about being late, about not getting to her in time.
I can't do this anymore. I can't sit by and watch her – I need to talk to her, to see her, to touch her. Oh how I want this, how I need this. I promise myself I won´t wake her, but tonight, when she's asleep I will get closer to her and embrace her; feel her once more in my arms.
Now that I see her, I see her more beautiful than ever. Her face is translucent, clear from tears and wounds. Her face is pale, hiding emotions, though her slowly beating heart transmits sadness and loneliness. Her eyes, deep, stare into the woods from which I wish I could just jump out from. I skim the rest of her body. Her light brown curls run down her back and some down her front, magnifying her beauty by what seems like a million. She is stunning. She´s dressed in an old dress, and though it does nothing for the beauty of her body, it makes her look like an angel. The soaring sensation, and the white against her brown curls makes her look desirable, and me a demon, trying to steal this angel from the heaven she´s in.
The word 'heaven' though questions me. Is she really in heaven though? Does she miss me? She must – the last two weeks were a nightmare. I couldn't hang on without her, and every time I looked at her, I could see she couldn't deal being without me either. Always when I looked at her, I would battle with myself, lining up pro´s and con´s of why I should and shouldn't visit her. And here I am once more, staring into my girl´s beautiful features, and realising that there´s nothing I wouldn't give to see her smile at my sight.
That's all I want - and that´s what I'll get. I jump down from the tree I was perched on, and run forwards towards her.
She notices me move before she really sees me.
I run, jumping onto the ground beneath me, only to then climb back up the tree by her window, sliding smoothly but without a noise inside her room. I look at her. She´s so beautiful. She smiles the smile that´s reserved for me; a real smile. I look into her eyes, glinting with joy. My heart beat speeds, matching hers that now beats loudly and off beat. Her skin reddens and her skin heats up, radiating warmth towards me.
"Ronnie," I whisper, and I know I´d rather die a thousand deaths than have to leave her again.
"Eric," I whisper, my breath trapped as I choke on my words.
I launch myself at him, wrapping my arms around him, knowing that where he is, I am, and we're safe and one together.
"I love you," he whispers. "I've missed you." He says, wrapping his arms tightly around me, never wanting him to let go off me.
"I love you and I´ve missed you too," I reply. He sighs, as if he had doubted my feelings.
He lifts my head from his chest and kisses me finally, passionately and softly. It´s a kiss that explains everything: all our feelings, all our sadness, and all our relief at seeing the other.
He grabs my by the hips and drops me on the bed, taking care of me, his arms still on my back. He leans down over me, and kisses me more, this time letting his lips explore the rest of my body whilst my hands draw patterns with my fingers on his hair.
"Don´t leave me again, please," I whisper as I enjoy his touch and his lips.
He doesn´t answer, and I know that deep down he will have to. I know that he´s thinking it over and over again, contemplating every other option but the path we're both set on. I just won´t live through it – if he leaves me, I´ll go back into the poor state I only managed to step a millimeter from today.
He continues to stare down at me, not answering my question. Instead he replies a "Thank-you," and rewards me with a shy smile.
"For what?" I ask.
"For loving me, for wanting me – just like I love and want you," he says.
What he says, is so beautiful, romantic and sweet that I can´t help tears of joy escape my eyes. I stare at him wildly, finally acknowledging that he really is here. He is here. It's not a dream. I smile at him, helpless and then close my eyes, feeling him climb up my body so that his lips are now kissing my lips and my tears.
"Your lips are soft," he whispers against my ear.
"And wet," I laugh. All the emotions I've been holding within me these past long days explode in and around me as he laughs with me. i realise just how much I've missed and loved him.
"I´m sorry about Isaac," he says. "I´m sorry I didn't get there in time to save you."
"No," I shake my head. "You saved me… you saved me."
He smiles at me, a sad look evaporating from his beautiful face. I bring my hand so that I can feel his face; so I can know that this moment is real.
"Now let me save you," I whisper. "Let me love you."
We have finished on the floor, entwined and tangled in each-other like climbing plants. I love this feeling; skin to skin, equals though I am nothing more than a mortal and him a beautiful immortal.
"How can I leave you now?" Eric´s voice comes from somewhere under the bed sheets.
I turn to see his face, staring right up in a pensive state. He is contemplating every option, but the one where he stays with me will be nothing more than a futile dream. I can see it in his eyes... every decision running through them.
"Don´t," I say, smiling up at him. "I don´t want to be without you, ever."
He finds me in between the sheets, and kisses me. I kiss him back, and once again, he sinks into me, making me cry out his name.
"God, I love you so much!" I shout at him, but even these happiest moments aren't enough to prevent one solid tear escaping my eyes. I think of the next time I'll be alone in this room.
"Trust me, I won´t ever even think of leaving you if I know it gets this good," he says bluntly, smiling down at me with a cheesy smile.
Ouch! I slap him gently and playfully. I cannot believe he has just said that. He turns and then is leaning over me, covering all light so that I can only see him and his beautiful eyes.
"I love you," he says, smiling with a loved-up look in his eyes. I think back to the last time I've heard him say those words and it seems an eternity. But then, I don't need him to say them. I know he does. Just like I think of him when he's far, he must think of me. He really does love me, doesn't he? When will I finally believe it?
"What's wrong?" he says, noticing the frown on my face.
"I just can´t believe you love me," I say honestly.
"I can´t believe you love me either," he says back, truthfully.
"Well then," I say, kissing him quickly on the cheek. "We compliment each-other!"
"Besides," he says, looking darkly and sexy down at me. "You taste mighty fine Ronnie," oh no! "So there´s no way you´ll escape me."
And with that last sentence, our conversation is finished and I am rewarded with a gentle peck on my neck, before he sinks his fangs into me.
I wake up snuggled by his side, his hands stretched around me holding me close to him. He´s fast asleep beside me, but the small amount of light outside the room hints at me he won't be for long. Dawn is closing in, we've slept through the day and soon we´ll be up for the night. I smile at the thought of spending twelve glorious hours with him.
I sit up from the floor-bed, aware that I am completely naked, so try to grab one of the bed sheets from beneath Eric. I wake him.
"What. A. View," he says, chuckling up at me.
"Shut-up," I laugh. "Give me the damn sheet!"
"No, I don´t think I will," he says, giving in so that I can cover myself with the sheet. I blush red, and he caresses my cheek as if trying to get rid of it.
I get up, walk over to the bed and recover the few clothes I can see. In total, it is my panties, my skirt and my top. No bra and no shoes. Well…
"I´m going downstairs for a minute," I say, but as he begins to eye me warily I decide to give him more of an explanation. "To get a glass of water," I continue. "Would you too like a drink?" I giggle.
He eyes me warily, and scans my body up and down. His eyes then dart to my neck and he lowers his head, only to bring it back up holding a perfect smile. He says nothing.
I stop by the door and as I turn to look at him again, he passes his eyes over my body a second time. He looks up at me and frowns, most probably because I haven´t yet left the room.
"You´ll still be here when I come back, right?" I ask, my voice barely audible.
The frown turns into grief the second he hears my words. "I´m not going anywhere," he says. "I can´t, you've got me under your spell."
I see the smile creep back onto his face, and I smile as he does. I clutch the door, and turn the handle. Before I go, I wink and whisper back to him "Abracadabra – stay there."
I hear him burst into laughter, and I head downstairs, jumping down them with joy and love, emotions that I haven´t felt in weeks.
I chug down the glass of water quickly, eager to get back upstairs to Eric. I look around me, shocked that there's no-one at home - not even Kyle - even though it's night-time.
I sprint across the room, but I am stopped by the ring-ring of the house phone. I grab it.
"Hello, Ronnie speaking," I mutter with gloom into the phone.
"Ronnie! Hey, it's Kyle – thanks God you´re finally awake. I've been calling all day," he mutters.
"Oh, sorry." I've been asleep all day. I haven't heard the phone.
"Well, anyway, listen. I know Eric came back, is he still there?"
"Yes, why?"
"Oh, nothing. I´m just calling to let you know that your father and mine are still on that job, and I´m heading towards Seattle - there is another problem there," he mutters once more.
I pause, and say nothing.
"That means you have the house all to yourself for the next two days at least," he says. "You can thank me later. Just be careful, and don´t be afraid to use the silver!"
"Kyle!" I scream down the phone, but I can´t help but laugh at what he´s just said. I hear him laugh darkly just before he hangs up.
So, Eric and I have the house all to ourselves for two days, maybe more. Mmm… Before I can dwell too much on the idea, I have to get back to Eric first.
I chug down a glass of water and then sprint up the stairs, happy that for once, nothing is standing in my way. Before I know it, at vampire-speed as I like to call it, I'm jumping trough the door.
I look around me, and it takes me minutes, if not hours to realize Eric has gone. My eyes first glance over to the floor where we had been only minutes ago. The sheets that we had used now lie on the bed, splattered with blood from the feeding. My eyes then turn to the window, that has been left wide open. The curtains make an attempt to fly with the wind out side the window, but I grab them. At least I can keep them from leaving me too. Mirroring the wolves' cries in the distance, my heart stops.
It hits me. He has left me. Again. No. He said, he said he wouldn't! He said I´m not going anywhere. But he did, he´s gone.
Is that all he wanted from me? To make love to me, take my blood; make me fall in love with him… He can´t have gone.
"Eric," I scream, around me, expecting him to pop from behind the door, or from under the bed, or from within the wardrobe. "Eric!"
I fall onto the bed, clutching my broken heart. I shake as tears begin to spill from my eyes, but I bring my fingers to grab on to the sheets at the bottom of the bed. I clutch them close, hugging them close to me. Eric's scent still lingers on them.
I try to rock myself to sleep, but I am unable to. His scent as well as the memory of him infest my mind. I want to forget. I want to forget everything, but it has been so real that I cannot trick myself into pretending it hasn't been.
The reality is that he has left me again, lied to me and not even loved me. Every little doubt I've had of us suddenly burst all at once, tearing more and more at my heart. How can he love me after all? I am nothing but human, I laugh to myself.
In another attempt to fall unconscious, I reach up to clutch my pillow. Instead, my fingers come to touch an object most certainly not a pillow. As I grab it, I realize I have retrieved a piece of paper. I recognize it at once; it´s a page from a book. Kyle and I had used last year when writing down information on vampires. It had been a test my father and his had given us to test our knowledge and I, unprepared had torn a quick page from a storybook in order to be able to write our answers down.
On the bottom right-hand corner, the paper has unfamiliar writing on it. Posh, elegant, old-fashioned writing. It says,
My love Ronnie,
Do not fear – I have not left you. I have been immediately called away and do not know when I will return.
I have unfinished business with Sienna. She believes you to be dead and still confides in me. I am taking this as an opportunity to finally end her life. You will be safe.
I will return to you when the time comes. Remember I am yours.
Stay safe. I love you,
Yours,
Eric
I breathe out, these words slowly reassuring me. He´s left me, but not in the way I had imagined. I relax, but then tense again at the thought that I may be alone for weeks, months or even years. No! I banish these selfish thoughts from my head as I come to realize that Eric is this time the one in danger. Every time I have fallen ill or been attacked, he has always been there in the shadows to help me up. But I have no idea of where he's gone and without my blood...
Eric is strong. He has hundreds of years of experience. It won´t take him that long to finish Sienna. It can't. Kyle and I can take down a vampire effortlessly and Eric is stronger than Kyle and I; seconds should be enough.
Still, Eric believes Sienna still respects him and if there are others around, Eric will have to play his part in keeping her trust, before he can strike when they are alone.
As I think up all the different possible scenarios, one thought endlessly sticks in my head. Will he return to me as soon as he's finished - as he promises - or will he take this as another chance to stay away from me, persuading himself that it is for my own good.
How will I know if he is okay? What if she doesn't actually confide in him and this is all an ambush?
Tears begin to threaten at my eyes, because once again I've been left worrying and with little hope of his possible return. I mean, is this what it will always be? Us apart?
"I love you too," I whisper to the piece of paper, as I clasp it and scrunch it against my heart.