Lights Out

I clutch my heart and fall to the floor, the pain irresistible; more pain than I have ever felt before. I call for his name in between sobs, but I know that he is not merely in the other room; he is gone and I feel the emptiness consuming me.

My father never talked of my mother. He hated the topic because it hurt him to remember. Once, she had been his life, his purpose, his reason for existence, but the memory of the night of her death had poisoned all his other memories of her. She had solely become our justification for what we did. Rarely however, he would mention something about her and try to explain the emptiness in his heart.

"You only realise what you have when it's not there anymore Ronnie," he would say to me. Never had his words meant as much to me as they mean now and I know, more clearly than ever, who my heart truly belongs to.

Why hadn't I seen this before? Why had my lips frozen and not given a reply? Why had it taken this long for me to realise that I couldn't be apart from him? We had tried… he had tried to stay away, I had tried to push him away but we were inseparable, stronger together and a part of me had known it from his very first touch. Even then I had felt safe with him; it had felt right. I replay all of my memories with him, and my heart speeds up, clinging onto every memory of Eric for survival.

"You've brought me to life Ronnie."

"I love you."

"Remember I am yours."

"Together we are stronger."

I had accepted to join him on his way here because I knew that my heart would not tolerate us being apart anymore. Yet, I had been unable to fight for our love when he had asked me to, because I hadn't realised what I had. Now, he had slipped away.

I try to order my thoughts as I remember that Alexander is also in the room and now crouches over me, trying to soothe my crying.

"I'm sorry," I sob. "I'm sorry that it's not you," I continue to sob as he rubs his hand on my back. He hushes me and I collapse into his chest, calling out Eric's name.

Alexander continues to hush me and I lift my eyes to his, which are sad and hurt. I know that I'm responsible, but as I look into them I know that they are not the pair of eyes that I want to wake up to every night. My love for him is of a different kind, and I understand this now. I could never love him the way I do Eric, or let him kiss me, or let him touch me in the ways Eric does. What Eric and I have is passion, a relationship fuelled by danger but also humour, we can't be separated, we give willingly and inspire each other; I could never see a future like this with Alexander. It would be a life of love, but not passion.

"I'm sorry that it's not you," I repeat, as I get up from his hold.

I know what I have to do, but Alexander is one step ahead and reads my mind, keeping me from running by grasping my hand.

"Ronnie, he's long gone now. Wait until tonight and I will take you to him myself. The sun is almost gone, but I can't protect you yet," he murmurs, desperately begging me to stay.

"I can't wait. It's so clear to me, he has to know. I need to find him. We're vulnerable apart," I mutter. "I'm sorry," I say as I kiss him on the cheek as a goodbye.

I run out the doors, not looking back, not knowing when I'll see him again. He calls after me, but I don't want to look back because I know that it'll slow me down and I know that I am headed in the right direction. But would Eric ever want to return? Who was I kidding! Would I even find Eric? Would he take me back? Would I be too late?

My fears plague my mind, stimulating my feet as they try to run faster, trying to increase the chances of finding him. I run out of the castle and it's almost dark; I have no torch, nothing, so I immediately slow down, calling his name in an attempt for him to hear me.

"Eric!" I yell, realising that my voice is still croaky and that my lips are still wet from crying. "Eric! Where are you?"

I continue to run; it feels like hours but I know that it's only been five minutes or so. I stop calling his name and fall to the ground, my sobs returning as I know that this is helpless. He could be miles away now. I don't turn back though, I continue to walk through the darkness; I promise myself to walk all night and all day until I find a road or anyone and then, to go home and continue to search for him there. I promise myself to do the impossible to find him and tell him that he's the one who I want. It's always been him. It was never a choice.

My thoughts are interrupted by the sound of a twig breaking in the distance. My feet halt and my breathing ceases as I watch out for the animal that could have done it. Maybe it was a mouse, I reassure myself, running across the forest floor. But if it was a fox… Ronnie, there's no need to be afraid. They're more scared of you! I remember my father's words when I was young, back when my mother was still alive and the biggest of my worries were foxes at night.

My eyes squint as I try to look harder, to make out the figure metres from me. I take one step further and instantly regret it.

"Did you hear that?" A voice says. It's a male voice, and my gut tells me that I've heard it before.

"No," another says.

"Aren't vampires meant to have enhanced senses or something?" the first one asks, and the familiarity of his voice calls for me again. "I'm telling you, I heard something move."

"I can't hear anything but I can smell whatever it is. I want it," the vampire adds, and I instantly know that they're talking about me. About my scent.

"We should be getting back," the human says.

"Did you not hear me?" the vampire shouts, pinning the human against a tree. The earth beneath me shudders and I find myself gasping and instantly holding my breath. "I want it; that's the best scent I've ever caught. Did they never teach you to never get in the way of a vampire and its prey?"

"Did they never teach you to listen?" the human retaliates and I hear the sound of chains as the vampire screams with pain. "I said we should be getting back. We're under firm instructions to check the grounds and return, so there's no time for you to feed."

"Fine," the vampire grunts, hissing at the human. "But unchain me. I can get us back quicker." The human does as he's told and they leave before I can catch a glimpse of either of their faces.

My mind tells me to run back to Alexander, partly because I'm not safe out in the forest, not if there are others, but partly because I have a bad feeling about this all. Why would a human be collaborating with a vampire? I want to run back quickly, but I'm tactical about it. I fall to the ground and begin to rub mud from the forest floor over my face and arms and then proceed to do the same with my clothes. I know that it won't completely cover my scent, but it could help diminish its strength. All I need is to get back to Alexander; Eric can't help me now.

Knowing that the two men had run in the other direction, I start running in the direction that I had come in before. Before I had been careful with my steps, but panic takes over me and I continue to run despite the uneven ground beneath me. I try to count the seconds in my head; I must be a six minute run from Alexander's castle, but if I continue to run at the pace that I am now, I could be out of danger in four minutes. I try to push myself harder, running as if someone is chasing me, as if there are someone's eyes on my back. I think of the vampires' words again, he wanted to feed from me. Alexander was right; it was stupid coming out into the forest at night.

My fear calms as I see lights on in the castle ahead of me. I'm so close. I pick up the pace, now sprinting at full capacity, wanting nothing more than to put this distance between the castle and me behind me. I continue to run but I don't see a rock in front of me and trip, falling on the floor and grazing my knees and elbows. I get up quickly, knowing that this can't stop me, but I can feel my knee wetting up. I hold onto my elbow as I try to run again and it's only half a minute before I make it to the castle.

The castle doors swing open with Alexander's shocked face greeting me. He covers the short distance on the drawbridge immediately and pulls me towards him; he lifts me before carrying me into the castle.

"Ronnie, what happened?" He gasps, looking from my knees to my elbows to my face covered in mud.

"I'm okay," I say as I try to catch my breath. "I'm okay Alexander," I continue, trying to reassure him as he disappears for a moment and reappears holding medical supplies.

He forces me down onto a chair and begins tending to my knees and I am amazed by how little my blood affects him. He is strong.

"Alexander, there are others out there," I say and his hands stop. He looks up at me, expecting me to continue, so I give him the only other news I know. "I saw a human and a vampire. They said that they had to get back to the others, that they had only been instructed to search the grounds."

"They told you this?" He asks me, with worry clouding his face.

"No. They didn't see me, but the vampire could smell my scent. It's why I covered myself with mud."

"Fuck Ronnie! Your blood will be all over that forest floor," he says, his head falling onto my legs.

I run because that's what I am best at. I try to put as much distance between her and me, trying to block her out of my mind, trying to forget her scent, trying to keep myself from listening to her heartbeat. But despite the distance, the silence of her reply still pierces my ears.

I am not Antoinne. I am not my father. If Alexander is who she wants, then I will not keep her from love, because I love her. If Alexander is who she was made for, then I will not keep her from destiny, because she was destined for him.

I have to be strong. I have to accomplish what Antoinne was not able to do himself. I need to put distance and time between us, and I will heal; there will be a time when it will be almost bearable. I think. To put distance between us, I run, and to put time between us, I will maintain my distance.

I run because that's what I am best at; what I have always done. Antoinne had taught me a nomadic way of life. It wasn't in vampires to stay in one place. We didn't grow attached to a 'home', we didn't settle; we just kept moving, we kept running, discovering new places. 'Home' for us was with our makers; wherever Antoinne went, I would go.

Only recently had my knowledge of 'home' changed. I had begun to think that Ronnie was my 'home' but I had been mistaken. As much as I wanted her and needed her, she had found someone more deserving of her, someone who would always protect her; I had let her down so many times.

Now I find myself homeless. Antoinne was no longer here, but if he were, would I be running back to him? Could I forgive the man who gave me life after knowing what he had done? No. I could not, not after what he had done to Ronnie. Ronnie is who I want to be running back to, but I find myself running in the opposite direction. I can't run back to her. Not this time. Not ever again.

Ronnie is not yours anymore, my mind reminds me and I hate my mind for it. I've tried to keep myself apart from her, but I've always failed because I knew, I thought, that my heart truly belonged to her. We were inseparable, stronger together and I had known it from the very first time I had touched her. She had felt right in my arms. The touch of her lips invades my mind, her smile plagues my eyes, her laugh is all I can hear around me and her scent… I force myself to stop, slowing my legs as my senses deceive me with memories of her.

"ARGH!" I scream, holding my head and falling on my knees, giving into the complete control she has over me, even now when she has clearly chosen Alexander.

I occupy myself with other thoughts, thoughts of my surroundings. I start to feel the earth through my fingers as I pick a handful with my hand, I begin to see the different plants and trees around me, I begin to hear the sound of night animals… but her scent is still vivid.

My body betrays me and I am weak; my senses try to fight the memories, but I find myself invaded by Ronnie again and I find myself running again, but in the wrong direction. My legs pick up speed, as if they know that this is the right direction to run in, but they quickly stop as my worst nightmare is revealed.

Her scent is getting stronger. But it's not just her scent. I can smell her blood. FUCK. She's hurt.

I run and run and run. Running from her had seemed so hard, but the way back, knowing that she's been hurt is beginning to seem ten times longer. I follow her scent which strengthens every second but I still feel too far, as if I'm running in the wrong direction, as if I'm going to be too late. It is only when I start to see the lights from the castle that I know I am close; I can almost feel the blood dripping from rocks to the ground and I see it before I arrive at the scene.

"Ronnie!" I yell, but I can't hear her breathing anywhere near.

She can't be far though, not unless… not unless they've taken her. I begin to panic but I know that I must see if she's with Alexander first. I set off quickly and within seconds I'm at the castle. I burst through its doors.

The doors to the castle burst open and Alexander's instincts kick in as he pushes me behind him. I feel a hiss erupt from within him as I clutch on to him, but it fails to escape and voice itself. Instead, Alexander breathes a sigh of relief and reveals me to the intruder by moving to one side.

"Eric!" I say as I look up and see that he's here, in the castle, in the same room as me, looking at me. "Eric!" I say once again as I get to my feet and run towards him.

I walk into his arms, where I belong, and hug him, but he is cold and distant and doesn't hold me in the way he used to. I glance up at him and meet his confused and hurt eyes, which register my beaming smile and lighten up a bit.

"Eric, I'm sorry that I couldn't give you an answer before," I say, and it all comes out rushed as I try to battle against the tears. "I was just so confused; I couldn't believe that my blood had had the same effect on Alexander. But the moment you left, I knew that it was you who I wanted. I ran after you! You are all I want, all I need. I would give up everything in this world, just to see you for a second. I'm sorry that I couldn't give you an answer before. I'm sorry, I'm –"

"Shh…" he cuts me off as my eyes give way and tears start to fall. "Is this true? You're choosing me?" He asks, clutching my hands to his lips and with hope filling up his eyes.

"It was never a choice. It's always been you!" I say, laughing in between tears and he smiles down at me, moving to wipe my tears with his fingers and then clutching my face in his hands before kissing me passionately on the lips.

Our lips barely touch before he stops, leaving me wanting more.

"What's wrong?" I say as he holds me close in his arms. My eyes are still closed, expecting him to kiss me again.

"The lights have just gone out," Eric and Alexander say.

This is finally it guys! The calming before the storm... the beginning of the end... however you wish to describe it! Hopefully this will set some of your hearts at ease, but don't get too excited! You should know by now that Ronnie and Eric are always quickly separated! New characters to come next chapter, and they'll be... interesting... if that's the right word for it. Trish x/em/strong/p