Heading uncertainly towards the small, empty hangar, Ben attempted to keep all of his senses aware, disabled as he felt. He struggled to breath against the pain writhing within him. His thudding heart felt constricted within his chest as he strode into the barrack, unable to tear his thoughts away from Rey.

He'd been planning to leave her on Trora ever since Snoke had gotten ahold of them both; as long as she was with him, Rey would always be in danger of being found and used by Snoke. And Ben would do everything in his power to keep that from happening—even if that meant separating himself from her, which had been even harder than he could have ever imagined. He felt as if he had left a very piece of himself behind in the woods, and he felt dazed, lost.

He followed the Force as it pulled him forward, but halfway into the hangar he stopped, attempting to root his feet to the ground, to make sense of things, to push past his morose feelings. What am I doing? He thought, leaning back on his heels. I can't go further. My mother doesn't love me anymore. I'm probably just a bitter memory in her mind.

But his deep-rooted and long-repressed pain resurged, and he let out a shaking breath. But what if...I'll see her, just look at her, just once. Ben bit back his apprehension as he forced himself forward again, following the Force's path. After turning into a small hallway leading inside the building from the hangar, Ben paused as he spotted a rack of worker's clothing on the wall beside him.

Ben didn't think anyone at the base would actually recognize him—even if they'd known him in his childhood, he doubted they would recognize him as an adult after all of these years—he decided it best to disguise himself. He hastily pulled off his own shirt and unwrapped the black fabric from his arms, stuffing his own clothing under a bench with his foot. He put on one of the olive uniform shirts along with an orange tool vest and hid his lightsaber in one of the vest's large pockets. He also decided to put on a pair of worker's glasses, wanting to obscure his face, although they blurred his vision.

Picking up a determined pace, Ben continued down the hall before he could rethink his decision again. As he turned down different corners and hallways, allowing the pull of the Force to guide him, Ben began to pass by various people, all in uniforms different than his own. He pointedly avoided eye contact with all of them, keeping to the path of the Force and trying to appear as if he knew exactly where he was going.

Ben's heart raced as he felt the presence of his mother grow stronger. He quickened his pace in anticipation, but just as he turned a corner he nearly crashed into another man in similar dress, and they both stopped in their tracks.

"Why aren't you at your post? Wait—who are you again?" The man asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I'm...Matt," Ben said flatly.

"Matt? I don't remember training any 'Matts.'"

Ben shot him a black glare, and the man decided to change the subject.

"But, that's besides the point—you should be at your station, an Empire shuttle somehow got through our radar security."

"I know," Ben snapped, frustration building within him.

"What were you doing over here—" The man crumpled to the floor, immediately unconscious at the wave of Ben's hand. Ben stepped over the man's figure as he continued down the hall towards a clear glass door that read Medical Ward.

Pushing through the door with the Force, an attendant behind a check-in counter stepped back at Ben's hurried entrance, staring at him confusedly as he marched past the counter.

"Um, Sir, where are you—" Ben again used a Force faint to knock this man out with a dismissive wave of his hand. Moving further, he continued to do so to every person that passed him in the ward's central hall.

Ben slowed his pace as he sensed he was nearing his mother's room. Leaning around a corner, he saw several attendants with clipboards standing outside of her room, talking, and the door was closed so he could not see inside past them. Ben held out his palm towards them, pressing thoughts into one of the nurse's heads.

"Oh, my—we're needed in another room, it's an emergency!" She exclaimed, rushing down the hall. The other two looked at each other confusedly but then rushed after her, straight past Ben.

Ben cautiously made his way towards his mother's door, eyeing her name etched into a slot on the side of the door: Leia Organa-Solo. A sudden ache gripped his chest as he stared at the name, his former last name. His head spun and his breathing became increasingly shallow as he placed his hand on the door. What am I doing here? He thought again as he gingerly pushed it open as he removed his glasses.

Standing in the open doorway, Ben felt light-headed as he stared across at his sleeping mother, an IV in her aged arm. A flashing mix of compassion, contrition, and longing flooded him as he stood staring at her prone form. He struggled to remain standing. She looked so different, yet altogether the same.

Taking in a deep breath, he took a trembling step forward, closing the door halfway behind him, afraid to wake his mother. She appeared so frail, so fragile. Feeling unmitigated contempt for himself, he turned to leave the room but froze as Leia's head shifted, her eyelids quivering. Ben was paralyzed, his body unable to function, his breath caught in his throat.

"Have you come to bring my water?" She asked, slowly blinking. "It's odd, I thought I sensed—" Her eyes narrowed as they began to focus on him. Ben remained frozen in place as he stared at Leia, and she at him. He watched as recognition spread across her features,her mouth opening in shock.

"I'm dreaming...my...my…" she stammered, struggling for words. She began to tremble, a tear sliding down her face, and Ben's heart skipped a beat as he struggled to figure out whether she feared him. He didn't dare break into her mind to find out, so he waited. "My—my son...it can't be…" she breathed, shifting upwards against the pillows on her bed.

Ben opened his mouth to speak, but he found no words. He had no idea what to say. Taking in her fragile form again, his eyes began to remoisten with tears, his heart pounding as he waited in worried anticipation for her reaction. Could she ever accept me again?

"Ben...my baby," Leia said. Ben's face quivered at the fondness in her tone. She sat up straighter as her teary eyes studied him. "My boy...come here, let me look at you, oh, let me touch your face," she coaxed, reaching out towards him. Ben hesitated, then moved slowly towards the side of her bed, lowering down towards her with a mystified expression. Does she still feel love for me?

Tears trailed down Ben's face as Leia placed her hand to his flushed cheek. He closed his eyes at her motherly touch, sinking his face against her hand. She pressed her other hand to his forehead, moving it back through his hair, cradling his head, feeling and studying him as if he were a small, foreign child. Ben blinked his eyes open, searching hers. "Mother," he merely breathed.

Leia choked out a sob but smiled, pulling his face towards hers as she pressed a long kiss to his forehead. She held his face at length again, studying his features, her smile fading.

"So tall, so handsome," she breathed, tracing her fingers over his face. "So much like your father."

Ben pulled gently away from Leia's grasp, his brows furrowing as he was reminded that his mother didn't know the truth about Han.

Leia read the pain on Ben's face, and she looked at him with maternal concern. She took in a long, shaking, breath. "Do not leave me, not yet," she urged, reaching out to him again. He stared down at her hand a moment before gently taking it into his own, observing her pale skin, the veins that shown through.

"I love you, Ben, I love you so much," she said, and Ben's heart skipped a beat at her words, taken aback. Leia urged him back to her, pulling his head to the top of her chest, and Ben knelt down as she rested her head atop his, rubbing her hands along his hair, softly crying. Ben allowed himself to relax against her, wrapping his arm around her far shoulder to comfort her. He marvelled at her affection, her longing for him. He tried to recall the last time his mother had held him like this, but he couldn't; it had been too long ago, many of his childhood memories having been repressed into the back of his mind.

After a few long minutes, Ben slowly pulled his head from Leia, remaining on his knees at the side of her bed. "Mother, I'm sorry...I..." he trailed, unsure of where to even begin.

"No, don't...don't apologize," Leia said, fresh tears sliding down her face. "This—everything...it's my fault. I was the one who decided you should go to Luke, I never should have done that, against your will...I know you didn't want to go," she said, taking one of his hands into hers, clasping it tightly between her hands. "Why couldn't I have just listened to you?"

"It's not your fault, it's all mine," Ben said, upset at her self-blame.

"No, if we hadn't sent you...we could have kept you from...it's all my fault, and I'm so deeply sorry," she sniffed. "I've failed you, my son...my baby." She stroked his forehead, brushing the hair from his face.

Ben shook his head, his brows furrowing. "No, Mom, if I hadn't listened to Snoke—"

"Snoke," Leia hissed. "I am to blame, but he's the root of all of this. He was in your head earlier than I ever realized…I realized too late," she trailed, searching his eyes. She brushed her knuckles against his cheek, and Ben closed his eyes again for a moment, absorbing her soothing touch. She pulled his face towards hers, pressing another kiss to his forehead. "You've come back to us—to stay?" She breathed, hope in her eyes.

Ben hesitated to answer, shaking his head slowly as he met her pleading gaze. "Mother, I can't," he whispered despairingly. "After all that I've done? It's too late. I can't stay here."

Distress crossed Leia's face, her mouth trembling. "It's never too late...you can't leave me again...Ben, all can be forgiven. I do not blame you for anything, and Luke—" she paused "—he will come to understand," she pressed, looking at him seriously.

Ben remembered he needed his own mother to understand everything, first. "I need to show you something…" he said softly, searching her eyes. "It won't be easy, but I need to show you the truth...about...Dad," he said. He had almost said 'Han Solo,' so accustomed he had grown to using his father's full name as Snoke had instructed to detach himself from him. "Can I show you?"

Leia's eyebrows quivered as she studied his face. "Yes, show me," she said, grasping his hand and pressing it to her forehead. Ben remembered when he as a young child had figured out how to share memories and thoughts with his parents in this way, and how he would always replay for his mother his dreams and nightmares.

Ben closed his eyes, concentrating. In his head he replayed Han's death, how his father had been the one to turn on the lightsaber switch. He did his best to keep the memory brief, not allowing Leia to see much of Han's pained face, and blocking out his fall from the catwalk completely. But Ben wasn't able to keep his thoughts from turning to Rey, how he'd looked up after Chewie's bowcaster blast to see her watching him, appalled. Ben was flushed in his memory and in the present with the remorse and despondency not only of his father's death, but of the fact that Rey had watched the incident, how she had thought that he had killed his father until he'd shown her the truth.

Kylo Ren.

Confusion suddenly swept Ben as his thoughts and memories began to distort in his mind, hazy and swirling as if going down a drain. No, Ben thought. Impossible. How could he possibly—

You thought you had escaped me. You were wrong.

Ben shook his head, dazed at the presence in his head. He suddenly couldn't open his eyes, couldn't remove his hand from his mother's forehead. He was paralyzed. And now you will pay dearly.

Ben's mind shifted into a overwhelming white haze as he felt a powerful current of the Force surge through him, traveling quickly from his head, down his arm, through his hand into Leia. He thought he heard a distant shriek, but his senses were dulled, his body unresponsive as he struggled to tear his hand from his mother's forehead.

Willing all of his strength, Ben surged into his deeply mixed pain and love of his parents, his love and devotion for Rey, his fear for his mother. He was abruptly able to tear himself away from Leia, and he staggered back into the wall behind him, breathless. Blinking, his eyes slowly refocused on his mother, who was silent. Too silent.

He stumbled back to the edge of the bed, hyperventilating, observing her unconscious self. His hands shook as he hovered them above her, in shock and unsure of what to do, wanting to feel for her heartbeat. But Ben was too petrified to touch her again. What...what have I done?!

Ben backed away from the bed, staring in horror at his mother's still body. He struggled to formulate coherent thought as he stumbled backwards through the doorway of her room. As he backed into the hallway, he stopped, breaking his gaze from his mother and eyeing his trembling hands before him. How could I have let this happen, he lamented.

Shaking his head in numb disbelief, Ben jogged blindly back through the hospital ward, shoving through people as he made his way back through the building. Gone. Both gone. They're both gone, he repeated in his head, trying to wrap his mind around what had just happened. Both because of me, it's my fault, my fault…

Ben felt the pull of the Force, and he followed it without thinking, jogging down unfamiliar hallways amidst confused stares from passersby.

He dashed around a corner, struggling to breathe, to maintain his grasp on reality. He slid to am abrupt stop as he entered an open courtyard, where an aged man stood at the other end.

Ben shook his head at the sight. No, no, he thought despairingly. How could I not have realized who the Force was leading me to?

...

In her small hospital bed, Leia gasped awake, struggling for air as her head and chest pounded with incredible, singing pain. She groaned, pitching forward in flooded emotion, not at her own condition, but at the images, sounds, and feelings that reverberating in her mind from Ben. As she fully came to, Leia realized she had seen the truth of Han's death—and had heard the voice of the one that had ripped her son from her.

Bad Luck Brian? More like Bad Luck Ben—he can't catch a break! What will happen between him and Luke, and when will Rey wake up? I decided to add the last paragraph because I wanted to assure everyone that I hadn't killed Leia off—I believe she needs to live, considering all that she's been through in the Star Wars world. That, and I didn't have the heart to leave poor Ben parentless. Bonus: I was always planning to throw in a Matt the Radar Technician reference somewhere, and I finally found my opportunity. Thank you for reading!