For a very long time Ailsa believed that she was dead. She wandered through dreams, thinking that the afterlife had been nothing like any religion had described it. It was a hazy collection of memory and it was touched with colors of pain and lights of laughter.
She saw herself as a child, her own face blurred somewhat as she played with a dark haired boy on a windswept hill. They were so happy, so full of joy and life. They had been just the same when they met as young adults, only in a more grown up way.
Or so she had thought.
The pain in her side stung viciously. Her mouth tasted of copper. It felt as if she had been running flat out on an icy day, moving without pause until her lungs were raw and her interior frozen.
And then everything got disoriented; it grew blurred and mixed and no line could ever be drawn solidly.
Back in reality a medic of The First Order was administering painkillers, still on that barren planet of sea-grass and bitter winds. Hux had been attended to first and was already on the ship that had brought him hence, but there had still been some life in the girl and, for some reason, an order had been made to bring her to the base for interrogation instead of leaving her to the elements.
The whites of her clothes were stained with blood, and thus far she was the only one bare faced in the wind. Even General Hux had been given some protection, but her own goggles had been shattered by the blast of the troopers, and her scarf had been pulled from her mouth in an attempt for air.
They moved her without much mercy, simply shifting the woman from one point to the ship. Hux spat distaste at her presence, his figure prone and furious as a small team worked to remove the blade from his side. He had a cracked rib and a rather decent gash in his torso, but he would live.
Ailsa was set unceremoniously upon the floor, the single medic she had attending her continuing to work. Kylo Ren hovered like a shadow. She saw him in her drug soaked dreams; he stood there and blocked out the light. Just stood. So silent.
Her wounds were far more grievous than those she had delivered upon her target. Three ribs broke upon impact with the tree, one puncturing into her lung. There was massive internal bleeding. That much they could tell so far. The blast from the trooper shot had given her a concussion too, and no doubt there were further injuries that a simple emergency kit could not detect.
Air from her lung leaked into Ailsa's chest cavity instead of into her system. Blood soaked under the skin and when the medic folded her garment up to get to her ribcage her skin was already purple and black with bruising, slightly misshapen for the breaks beneath.
There was not much formality to putting a tube in to drain the air as they moved. Ailsa had not realized how heavy she had felt until suddenly the pressure was relieved. Her chest felt light and she floated up to the ceiling, her mind at face height with Kylo Ren, looking at General Hux as he started to fade out a little.
A simple blade was never enough. A little poison went a long way. The mission might yet be completed.
Time began to fade again, space drifted. Coherence had already been thrown to the wind, as had any attempt to call for aid. She lay in her own body and felt every inch of pain, all of it moving in waves that were only ever dulled by the low tide of the painkillers.
For a long time, she continued to think that she was dead and her ghost had come to haunt Kylo Ren. Such a thought amused Ailsa in her dreams. She would wait until he was asleep and then turn all his lights on. Hide his lightsaber. Put liquid soap in his boots. Pain killers were so poor with pranks.
But soon she was drawn to a depth. Her body was low on oxygen, barely breathing. She'd been to such a place before. There had been no blood that time; all she'd tasted was water. Ailsa felt herself falling over that waterfall with greater acuity than ever before. It had not been a long drop, but she remembered how it plunged her into the lake. The water had been black in the night. It made her nerves wake and scream louder as she fought to grip the rock face. She'd felt every graze and bruise delivered by the river. She'd known the pain of being airless.
She knew that pain again now, only this time she kept drowning over and over again in her own blood, held just on the side of life by an order given by a mask.
When she did wake her head hurt, her eyes were sensitive to the lights, and her skin was marred by scrapes. Someone had cleaned the blood off; medics tended to do that. Her chest was wrapped tightly, restricting her breathing, holding together her ribcage as the bones were re-set.
The ceiling was a cold grey. The walls were slightly darker. No windows. No bedside table. No counter. Not even a drip or droid or any medical equipment. They'd stripped everything else away; removed anything that might be used as a weapon.
Ailsa tried to move a hand and found it bound by a metal cuff to the railing of the bed. The other was held just as securely and her feet were held together by a device that was much the same.
She blinked hard, pain radiating through every limb. She felt physically ill, head spinning, stomach reeling. Her ears hummed slightly. All leftovers from the blast. They'd all fired at once; a useful tactic. The Force had kept her alive but had not been enough to keep her on her feet.
"You're awake." The voice was distorted, harsh. "Good. We'll begin."
He'd been standing there, just beyond her periphery, up against the wall behind her head. Ailsa tried to turn to look at him but sparks of pain flew through her vision and she grew dizzy once more. There was little to do except lay there and watch as Kylo Ren made himself visible at the bedside.
"Don't resist. You cannot escape this place."
Ailsa said nothing.
He watched her through his mask. He had not seen her face with his own eyes yet. He did not know that her eyes were the same colour, her skin the same hue. Her hair was a bit longer, and a little darker. She seemed a little leaner too; trained harder, worked longer.
"You are supposed to be dead."
"You would know." They were the first words that left her, each sounding rasped and every one coming out slowly as they robbed her of what little air the one working lung could manage.
"How did you survive the attack on The Jedi Temple? Did others make it out?"
She stared at that mask, looking at it as if she might see right through him. "Besides Skywalker?"
"What do you know of Skywalker?"
The corner of Ailsa's mouth turned up a little. She returned her gaze to the ceiling. So Kylo Ren was after Luke. Of course he was. But it was confirmation that the Jedi Master had indeed survived.
"You can tell me, or I can find out." Kylo mentioned stoically, leaning down toward the woman. He reached his hand forward and the The Force trembled.
Ailsa felt him touching her mind and she brought herself to defend against the assault. He had gotten in briefly but was forced back, barred from seeing more than a blur.
"Don't." She turned her head ever so slightly to stare at him more closely, to memorize that mask and its every mark.
"I am stronger than you, and you are weak – weaker now in this state. You owe me your life."
"No. I'd say we're even now after the first time you tried to kill me." The longer sentence had her feeling breathless, body already growing weary. "Take that mask off. You look ridiculous."
Kylo leant back and stood over her for a long moment. She half expected him to leave the room. Half expected someone else to be under there. But his hands unclipped the helm and there he was. He was older, he looked tired. But his eyes were the same. The curve of his mouth was the same. No doubt he smelled as he always had and tasted like the man she knew. You can change a mind but shedding skin is different. It is why the body was still so important, even in an age of such technology.
"You always had such beautiful eyes." Ailsa spoke softly.
Kylo tightened his jaw and held his helmet under his arm, back rimrod straight and gaze hard. He saw her clearly now. She was in a lot of pain. She had a lot of secrets. Without another word he reached out again, eyes on Ailsa's as he touched her mind.
She threw him back again, this time the effort leaving her feeling drained, spinning her head a thousand times and giving the room an unnatural haze.
"Ben Solo is dead. Why love a ghost?"
The woman swallowed, eyes closed as she tried to get her mind back. "That is what you found? Is that what you went looking for?"
Kylo Ren was silent. "You are afraid I'll discover something. I can turn your mind; I can look at it all."
"So do. Is that not what you saved me for?" She opened her gaze to him again, watching that face, finding it to be just the same. Faces rarely changed. They just got lost sometimes. "Scared of what you'll see? I remember you. I remember all of you – ever single piece." Ailsa took a breath, words all so slow and covered in pain and exhaustion. "I know who you are under all…that. I know what your laugh sounds like. How long since you laughed, Ben?"
"Don't call me that!" He roared suddenly, gripping the railing of the bed with a gloved hand and leaning in close to the woman. She did not deviate from his hard glare, but he could feel how hesitant she was to hold such a gaze. She did not want to see him like this. Not again. "My name is Kylo Ren."
"So look into my mind. See the night you threw me into that river to drown. Ben Solo died that night, and Ailsa of Skye did too. But we didn't, did we?" She could barely manage any sound above a whisper. She was thirsty, her mouth tasted like blood and sand. "I'll show you other things too. I'll show you the first time you kissed me. Remember? Up in that tree. You burned it down, but it's still there in my head. What about Skye? All those little adventures…"
His hands nearly ripped the bedframe apart, his mouth letting out a yell of fury before spinning away from the young woman. Kylo Ren could not look too closely; he would see Ben. He was already tempted by the light, already drawn to it, seeing it in his sleep calling him back. Ben Solo had experienced so much light with this woman. He had found such joy in her.
It would be easier to let her die. To cast her into space and leave it at that; leave her to the darkness.
But that little sliver of light would not let it be. He convinced himself that it was the information he needed. He had to know where she came from.
"Who sent you?" Kylo turned back to her, demeanor cold, distant. "Who ordered you to kill Hux?"
Ailsa inhaled carefully. "Is he dead?"
"No." A smirk found his features. "Disappointed?"
"He probably feels as poorly as I do." The poison of the blade was excruciatingly unpleasant. "But yes."
"Who. Sent. You?" He drew out each word, just about hissing them. "The Resistance? Are you working for The Resistance?"
Ailsa shook her head smally. "No. Or maybe. Maybe I work for The First Order. It is not so black and white."
"Ah. So we might turn you after all?"
"Did your Supreme Leader tell you that?"
Kylo blinked. "You know a great deal of The First Order, don't you? I wonder if you know just as much about The Resistance…"
Ailsa could not bring herself to say much more. Her body was yelling at her, moaning for a break, creaking at every joint. She wanted to roll over and sleep for years but her hands were bound and she was stuck upon her back. She drifted a little in her mind, guard down and then suddenly back up as soon as she remembered not to leave an opening for this man. She hated this man. This…Kylo Ren.
"I was so mad at you." Ailsa did not speak to that mask. "Did I believe a lie back then, or are you living one now?"
"You are weak. You are a fool. You always were."
"And you were bright and beautiful and the bravest man I'd ever met."
The mask went back on after such a comment. "I need you alive…for now." The voice was changed. "You may not be so lucky when I am through getting what I need from you."
Ailsa swallowed and watched him leave, still half believing that she was dead and that the afterlife was a bitterly disappointing place to be.
A/N: Hi all. If you are reading please be sure to leave a review! I'd love to hear from you and know what you think fo the story so far. I dont bite and constructive criticism is more than welcome!