Alec felt like he was walking on air as he strode to the kitchen. The tantalising smell of freshly cooked bacon wafted through the hallway, a good sign that Izzy hadn't got hold of it and burnt it. He felt a slight flutter within his chest when he recalled last night.
Am I really getting married?
He could hardly believe it. So much so, in fact, that he had to check with Magnus this morning it hadn't all been a very strange dream. This had led to a lot of blushing and embarrassment followed by a steamy (in more ways than one) shower. They had decided to not tell anyone yet, partly because they really didn't want to steal Helen and Aline's thunder. Today, Helen was going to propose to Aline and as this whole marriage thing was really Helen's idea, Alec didn't feel right announcing it before they did.
But mostly, they had decided to keep it quiet because of the domestic situation they currently faced. That lovely fluttering feeling disappeared all too quickly and Alec suddenly felt his stomach lurch with anxiety over the prospect of encountering Peter and Paul Hawkswood this morning.
"Good morning," Alec announced as cheerily as he could as he entered the kitchen. Aline was stood over the stove, frying bacon whilst Helen fiddled with the coffee pot. Isabelle was laying plates out on the table where Peter and Paul Hawkswood were sat. Only Helen replied with a "Morning!" back at him. Aline nodded in his direction, though she looked like she was concentrating on the cooking. Isabelle completely ignored him as she set about her task.
"Thanks," Peter said glumly as Isabelle placed a plate in front of him. His face flushed furiously and his eyes were downcast, his head bowed so that he was mostly closed off from the rest of them. He was in gear already, though Alec could not see Isabelle wanting to take him training today.
The atmosphere in the room could have been cut with a knife and Alec quickly sat down next to Paul without another word. His sister dropped a plate down before him, but she didn't look at him or speak to him.
"Thanks, Izzy," he said to try and get her attention. She grunted back at him and walked over to the refrigerator and Alec sighed, knowing he wasn't going to get anything out of her until she calmed down.
"Good morning Paul," he told the small boy sat next to him who was currently absorbed in a book. Paul looked up and gazed at him blankly.
"What are you reading?" Alec asked and Paul offered the book to him. "Ah, the Codex. Well, it makes sense I suppose because you are starting your training." He smiled and handed the book back to Paul, who took it silently and continued reading.
"Talking of training, where is Jace?" he asked, directing the question to the entire group.
"He didn't want breakfast – said something about going to meet up with Clary," Aline answered, taking the frying pan off the heat.
"He's probably gone with her to Takis for breakfast, then," Alec observed.
"Where's Magnus?" Isabelle asked suddenly, breaking her apparent vow of silence and bringing over a carton of orange juice to the table.
"He's over at the loft – he's got a load of appointments today because he didn't work yesterday."
"What does he actually do?" Helen asked.
"You don't wanna know…" Isabelle interrupted. Alec gave her an exasperated glare.
"Magnus is pretty private about all that. He does a few spells for people, mainly Downworlders, though he does get the occasional Mundane or Shadowhunter asking for his help. Mostly though, from what I can tell, he's a sort of Advisor. People go to him with problems and he tries to help them. He doesn't always use magic."
"Oh my God, he's an Agony Aunt!" Helen exclaimed. Isabelle snorted a laugh and Aline tittered into the bowl of eggs she was scrambling.
"I'm not sure what that is," Alec admitted with slight chagrin as he hoped they weren't making fun of the Warlock.
Suddenly, there was a mewling sound coming from Alec's feet. He looked down to see Chairman Meow sat there, looking up at him wistfully, demanding attention.
"Morning Chairman," Alec greeted the tabby brightly. Before he could reach down and scoop the small cat up for a scratch behind his ear the Chairman slinked away under the table and reappeared in Peter Hawkswood's arms a moment later.
"So this is your cat?" Peter asked him, no trace of hostility on his face any longer.
"He's more Magnus' than mine," Alec conceded with a smile as relief spread through him that Peter Hawkswood was cuddling a small cat rather than attacking anyone. Peter tickled the tabby behind his ears, which he knew from experience the Chairman loved, and then the cat snuggled against the boy, affectionately marking him with his scent. To Alec's surprise, Peter chuckled.
"He likes you," Alec told the boy.
"You think so?" he asked, petting the Chairman under his chin. Alec could hear the cat purring from the opposite end of the table.
"He's not a big people person. Usually he goes into hiding if new people come around. He must sense you are a cat person. According to Magnus, Chairman Meow is an excellent judge of character. I'm not saying I agree, but he can definitely sense which humans will make a fuss over him."
"Mum and Dad would never let me have a cat," he replied and suddenly Peter's expression dropped, his eyes filling with tears as he placed the Chairman carefully back down on the floor, as if holding him was too upsetting.
"Well you can play with the Chairman whenever he's around," Alec told Peter softly. Peter looked up at Alec and smiled at him sadly. Finally, he was able to see that Peter was just a boy who had had his world tipped upside down. He wasn't evil or had any hidden agenda; he was just scared and confused and grieving.
"As long as he promises he won't be violent towards the poor thing," Isabelle observed harshly. Peter bowed his head, the shame clear in his gesture and he blushed a deep crimson.
He blushes worse than me...
"Don't be ridiculous," Alec told her. Isabelle looked at him with consternation; he was sounding more and more like his mother every day and if he was being honest with himself, he found it alarming too.
Aline dished out the bacon and eggs and they all ate in silence, Peter barely touched his food but he was obviously making an effort now. Alec even noticed him passing a bit of bacon to the cat who was now sat at his feet and not taking his eyes off the elder Hawkswood boy. Paul wolfed down his food silently and then quickly and quietly returned to his book.
"The Chairman has never gone over to Izzy for a cuddle," he told Peter in a mock conspirational whisper, mostly to try and break the awkward slience. Peter smiled at that, which Alec took as a tiny victory.
"What are you guys whispering about," a familiar voice announced from the doorway and Alec turned around in his chair to greet his parabatai.
"Morning – we were just talking about how Izzy scares Chairman Meow. Hey Clary," he said as he spied the red-head hovering just behind Jace.
"Hey Alec," she told him warmly. There was a moment of silence before Alec realised everyone was waiting for him to say something. He turned and looked at his sister quizzically.
"Aren't you going to do introductions?" she asked him a little icily.
"Oh yeah, sure!" he stuttered. "Clary – this is Peter and Paul Hawkswood," he said, indicating the two boys.
"I'm Clary, nice to meet you both," she told them brightly, nodding at each in turn.
"You're Clarissa Morgenstern," Peter stated blandly, though his eyes shone with a powerful emotion Alec couldn't quite identify. He could see Clary flinch a little out of the corner of his eye.
"It's Fray actually, or Fairchild as far as the Clave is concerned," she told him sternly.
"You killed him, didn't you?" Peter asked, clearly fascinated. The entire room went deathly silent and Clary's face went very dark, like a storm cloud had just passed over her head.
"Actually, that would be me," Jace interrupted cheerfully, a smug smile on his face. Jace hadn't spoken about it much, despite Alec trying to get him to open up. He and Izzy knew about as much as everyone else: Clary had marked Sebastian with a particular rune and Jace had burned him with heavenly fire. Jace hadn't wanted to talk about it and had so far always seemed a little saddened and despondent of the whole situation and very un-Jace like.
Until now…
"So, Paul," Jace announced loudly, causing the small boy to look up at him in alarm; the poor thing looked like a rabbit caught in headlights, clearly not expecting anyone, let alone Jace, to address him. "Let's go up to the training room and go over some of the weapons you'll be using, yes?" It wasn't really a question.
Paul only stared at Jace blankly, not making any effort to move and follow him to the Training room, his book flopped open at his lap. Jace, who was always so confident, suddenly looked lost and very puzzled.
"Ummm…"
Alec couldn't help but find it the tiniest bit amusing. "Go on Paul, you'll have a great time. There's no need to be scared," Alec encouraged, but Paul didn't even register he had spoken, his gaze still fixed avidly on Jace as if he was some miracle.
Surprised he isn't enjoying every second of it…
"Go on Paul," Helen repeated. "Jace is a brilliant Shadowhunter, you'll learn a lot from him."
"Aw thanks Helen!" Jace beamed. "Alec, she can stay. None of you seem too interested in boosting my ego so now she is my official favourite." Clary punched him in the arm, almost lazily and Alec found himself being thankful to Jace for lightening the mood so much. However, Paul was still staring and not moving. Maybe the kid was deaf or something?
"Paul," Peter stated loudly, causing his little brother to snap his head around sharply and look at him. Alec could see clearly now how frightened the younger boy looked. "Go on with Jace –it's ok," he told him seriously, his voice soft and comforting though his angular face still appeared harsh. Paul didn't need telling twice and he got up immediately, his book dropping with a thud to the tiled floor. He made no effort to pick it up but instead walked over to Jace and grabbed his hand. Everyone else looked on in an awed silence.
"Uh – ok… It's this way, come on," Jace said as he led Paul from the room with a great amount of uncertainty.
"You want some breakfast Clary?" Aline asked once they had left.
"I'm good thanks – I'll just grab an orange juice," she replied, sitting down in Paul's vacated seat at the table next to Alec and poured a glass of the sweet pulped fruit. "You're not wearing your ring," she observed nonchalantly, nodding towards Alec's hand. He felt his heart stop.
"Ummm… No, I'm not," he replied, finding it difficult to force the words out past the lump in his throat. Isabelle looked at him quizzically before rising to help Helen with the dishes. Clary eyed him suspiciously, reeling a little from his nervous reaction.
"I've – uh – got to make a phone call," Alec announced as he stood quickly and clumsily, knocking his chair backwards and only just managing to catch it before it tumbled to the floor. He began to walk hurriedly, practically running, from the kitchen when he remembered something he needed to do.
"Um, Peter – can I have a word with you after you finish your breakfast? In the library?" he asked, feeling awkward and really hot as his all too familiar blush spread furiously across his cheeks.
"Sure," Peter replied, looking confused.
Clary started to smile knowingly at him and he knew he had to escape quickly.
What was it with that girl? How come she seemed to guess everything that was going on with him? She had realised within a few hours of meeting Alec that he was gay and had feelings for Jace, and now she had spotted the absence of his Family Ring, which, of course, he had given to his boyfriend the previous night.
Fiancé
He mentally corrected himself, causing a tingle to pulse down his spine and make him shiver. He left the group in the kitchen, who all looked thoroughly bemused and jogged to the library. By the time he got there Alec had to sit down and catch his breath. Was he really getting that un-fit? More likely the prospect of almost being found out had exhausted him. And did it matter that anyone found out about what had happened? People announced engagements all the time and they would have to tell his family at some point.
But then Alec was confused about his and Magnus' discussion last night. It hadn't been a real proposal of marriage. Until yesterday, Alec hadn't even thought about getting married. He always had assumed it was a bit of a joke as far as he and Magnus were concerned; he hadn't thought it entirely possible that as two men they would be allowed to marry.
He loved Magnus and knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with him, but that didn't mean they had to get married. What did marriage really mean, anyway? An embarrassing ceremony, an even more embarrassing party and the ability to call each other 'husband'. Giving someone your family ring to wear was a big deal in his world – it was as good as getting married wasn't it?
Alec took a deep breath and sighed heavily. How could he tell Magnus about this? He didn't want to hurt the man he loved, and he supposed he would like to get married to Magnus someday, so that they could show the world what they meant to each other and inspire other Shadowhunter and Downworlder unions. Plus, it would demonstrate to the Clave that it was ok for two men to get married and that would hopefully mean that more young Shadowhunters would be able to be true to themselves and not feel they had to hide. But shouldn't two people get married for themselves? Shouldn't it be a selfish act all about each other – a decision shouldn't be influenced by the rest of the world?
And he was only nineteen. That was pretty young to get married, even by Shadowhunter standards. True, Magnus was older than him – a lot older than him – but the Warlock had only just lost his immortality and started to age, and physiologically he and the Warlock looked about the same age.
Suddenly, his thoughts were interrupted by the looming figure of Peter Hawkswood, standing nervously at the entrance to the library.
"Hey, come in," Alec invited. Peter looked troubled and anxious, despite Alec's best efforts to be warm and welcoming. He walked towards the desk slowly, casting furtive glances around the room and inspecting his surroundings like he was planning an escape route.
"Take a seat," Alec told him eventually when the boy had stood in front of him for a few moments, clearly awaiting the invitation.
"Is this about my brother?" he asked darkly as he sat.
"No," Alec replied, a little taken aback that this was Peter's first thought. "I wanted to talk about yesterday in the garden…"
"I already said I was sorry," Peter interrupted.
Alec took a deep breath. This was a lot harder than his mother had made it look.
"Look – I'm not very good at all this," Alec told him honestly. "I'm not good with finding the right words to say and I have no idea what I am meant to say to you right now. I'm only here right now because Isabelle told me I needed to do this."
Peter stared at him blankly.
"I suppose I have to berate you for your behaviour or something…"
"You don't sound so sure about this," Peter observed a little puzzled. "You're meant to be the adult here."
"I know," Alec sighed, slumping down in his chair. "But I only turned nineteen a few months ago. I know that I'm an adult, but I don't often feel that I am. I've always tried to take care of Jace and Izzy the best I could because I'm the eldest, but I could never be a replacement for our parents. We lost our Mum and Dad in the Battle too, you know."
Peter nodded slowly in recognition.
"You're almost fifteen – I have no right to tell you what to do or how to act just because I'm a few years older than you."
Peter's head was now lowered and his eyes downcast and Alec suddenly wished he hadn't mentioned parents. If they were going to help the Hawkswoods, though, Alec was going to have to make sure that Peter was aware that his behaviour was unacceptable and if he pulled anything like that again Izzy, Magnus or Jace were likely to hurt him.
"But I do have the right to tell you when your behaviour is unacceptable because I am the Head of this Institute and because you live here." Peter's head snapped up sharply and the boy stared, his eyes wide and starting to fill with tears. Alec felt doubt and uncertainty wash over him – he was clearly doing this all wrong. "Peter, please tell me what happened yesterday. Help me understand?" he asked the boy softly.
Peter Hawkswood lowered his gaze and wiped his right sleeve over his misting eyes. In this light and clouded with tears they were the same colour as a summer sky and displayed all his innocence, all his grief, and all his youth.
"Paul hasn't said a word since our parents died," Peter suddenly announced. He looked up at Alec, his face sad. "I've tried everything to get him to talk to me. I – I – I guess I lost my temper with him yesterday. I didn't mean what I said and I didn't want to hurt him. He's just acting so strangely and I am so scared for him. He never used to be like this – he was always running off, going on adventures and getting lost. He always went on and on at me to show him some of the training I had learnt so he could get a head start. Now he just hides and he's frightened all the time. I just don't think this place is best for him. He should be back at home in Alicante."
Alec took a few moments to process the information. "You know that going back to Alicante isn't an option," he reasoned.
"Yes, I know." Peter told him sadly.
"I know this isn't your home, but maybe you both need the distance for a little while. I am not planning on keeping you prisoner here, so when the time comes that going back to Idris is an option for you then I will do everything I can to make it happen. I promise." He smiled at Peter, who dropped his head, as if it were a little too heavy for him.
"We watched them die. I tried to make sure Paul couldn't see but he was struggling and we had to keep quiet so I just let him go in the end. I just held his hand because it was all I could do. I should have helped them, but I was too scared. I'm a coward." Tears were now streaming down Peter's face and he looked utterly broken. Alec tried desperately to find words to respond, but it wasn't one of his strong points and he started to panic.
"My mother died in my arms," he blurted out – it was the only thing that his mind apparently wanted him to say at that point. "She died because she was protecting me. She sacrificed herself so that I would live. I tried to save her, but I couldn't."
Peter gazed at him as they shared their pain and their guilt, a strong connection forming between them.
"My father was turned. Isabelle killed him. I cannot imagine what she must feel or be going through. For me, my father died when he was forced to drink from that Infernal Cup. But for my sister, who stared into his eyes as she claimed his life… I don't know. I wanted to protect her from that, but that was just how it happened."
Alec looked intensely at Peter. "Your parents died because they were protecting you – they fought because they wanted to keep you safe. All that would have happened is that you would have died too and Paul would be all alone."
Then they sat there in silence for a while, each contemplating and each soothed by the presence of the other with whom they had shared such personal feelings of loss.
"Isabelle hates me," Peter eventually said, sounding very glum.
"Isabelle takes a while to warm to others, but she'll be ok."
"Do you think she will still train me?"
"Well, she doesn't really have a choice. She has been appointed by the Council to train you and Paul." Alec smirked conspirationally at him. "Besides, she sort of has to do as I say – she'll come round, I promise."
Peter smiled weakly at him, which was a considerable improvement.
"You need to stop worrying as much Peter. I know - I'm a worrier too. But you must start to grieve for yourself and let Paul do his grieving in his own way too. Eating properly would be a start."
"You think Paul will be ok?" he asked in a small voice.
"I don't know. But I do know it is way too early to tell. We need to give him time and just be there for him when he eventually wants to talk about it. Now, why don't we go up to the Training Room and see how he is getting on with Jace?"
Peter nodded enthusiastically before standing up.
They walked to the Training Room in a comfortable silence for most of the way, until Peter looked up at him questioningly.
"Are you and Magnus… Um?"
"Magnus is my boyfriend," Alec stated.
Fiancé, he corrected mentally for the second time that day.
"Oh, right," Peter said awkwardly.
"I'm sorry; I guess I just assume everyone knows after what happened in the Accords Hall," Alec shrugged apologetically.
"What?" Peter enquired, his cheeks turning pink when he realised his curiosity had gotten the better of him.
"I kissed Magnus in the Hall of Accords just before the battle against Valentine. In front of everyone – my parents, the Clave. Everyone," Alec could feel his own blush spreading over his cheeks as he said it. Even though he was long past any embarrassment over his and Magnus' relationship, recalling the event seemed to remind him of the way he felt at the time.
Peter was silent again for a few minutes, before stopping abruptly and turning to face Alec square on. "I really am sorry for what I said to Magnus," he announced.
"Magnus can take care of himself," Alec told Peter with a small encouraging smile. He understood now that Peter had just been frightened the day before for his brother; he had panicked and didn't really know what he was doing.
"Well I am sorry nevertheless. I would like to apologise to Magnus when he gets back too. The truth is, my parents thought Downworlders should be treated the same as everyone else. They used to say that Downworlders need our protection just as much as Mundanes and that we are all connected to each other because we have to share this world and we must all be responsible for it and protect it from evil. They believed in the Accords."
"They sound like they were really great people," Alec told him in earnest.
"What I called Magnus yesterday – I don't know where that came from. My parents would have been livid if they had heard me talk like that. I feel so ashamed." Peter bowed his head and stared at the floor.
"Hey, Magnus has been called a lot worse than that before; I am sure he would accept your apology. And I am sure your parents would understand. We all say things we don't mean because we are angry or scared sometimes – you were looking out for Paul, there's no need to be ashamed about that."
"You said you weren't very good at speaking to people… but you are. Thank you for talking to me." Peter smiled at him – a genuine, real smile that lit up his face and made him look young and carefree.
"Come on," Alec said as he walked off, indicating for Peter to follow him because he couldn't think of what else to say.
Although Paul still hadn't said a word, it was clear that he was enjoying his training. When they began watching him in the training room trying to hold various weapons under Jace's instruction, his face was a mask of concentration, but there was no sign of anguish or pain. Paul had beamed happily when Peter joined them. Alec had had to give Jace a 'look' to let him know to just leave behind any hostility towards Peter, but thankfully Jace just rolled his eyes and complied rather than making any fuss.
Jace had been demonstrating a high wire to Peter and Alec was teaching Paul how to hold a bow properly when his phone began to buzz in his pocket. The caller ID flashed up as Helen Blackthorn. Alec felt a slight panic rise in his throat: he hoped that all had gone well with the proposal.
"Hey Helen," he answered apprehensively, stepping away from Paul and leaving him to practice drawing back the string properly on the bow.
"She said yes!" Helen squealed down the phone.
"Congratulations!" Alec beamed back, trying to be quiet so the others wouldn't overhear him.
"So we want to take you guys out tonight to celebrate – you think Magnus would be able to work his magic and get us in somewhere swanky? No pun intended…"
"I'm sure he will if that's what you guys want. Are you ok about everyone knowing now?"
"Well, I think we would like to do the announcement ourselves, but you can let Magnus know, that's not a problem."
Good – because I've already told him…
"Not sure when he'll be back yet, but I will try to get hold of him. What time do you think you two will get back to the Institute? Or do you want us to come meet you somewhere?"
"No, we'll come back – should be there around four I think because we want to do some shopping."
"Right – well I'll see you then!" Alec told them, feeling excited himself now.
"See you soon! Oh, and Alec?" Helen said.
"Hm?"
"Thank you." Alec was about to ask why she was thanking him, but she cut him off. "See you later Alec!" And then she hung up, leaving Alec in a bit of a daze.
"What was that about?" Jace asked him, jumping gracefully to the floor from high up in the rafters.
"Nothing – it was just Helen."
"Sounded like you were gushing like a little girl over something. Anything interesting?"
Alec scowled at him. "Helen and Aline want to go out for dinner tonight, so thought that would be nice."
"Yeah sounds good," Jace finally conceded after staring at him for a few moments suspiciously.
"I need to call Magnus…" Alec mumbled, trying to get away as quickly as possible. Jace always knew when he was hiding something and he really didn't want to spoil anything for Helen and Aline.
"Hello beautiful," Magnus answered after only two rings. "Everything ok?"
"Everything is fine. Just calling to let you know that Aline said yes."
"That's wonderful!"
"They want us all to go out to dinner together tonight so they can announce it and then we can all celebrate. And they wondered if you could get us in anywhere nice?"
"Nice? Hmmm… Only nice? Not totally and utterly fabulous?"
"You're the expert," Alec chuckled. "It's up to you."
"I miss you," Magnus whispered.
"I miss you too – when do you think you'll be finished?"
Magnus gave a dramatic sigh. "No idea, sayang. I wish I could be there with you right now. I may have to text you with details of the restaurant and meet you there. What time do you want me to reserve the table for?"
"Ummm… Not too sure. Helen said her and Aline will be back around four."
"Right – I shall book a table for seven then. That should give me and the girls enough time to get ready. Do you want to say anything about the two of us yet?"
Alec felt his heart skip a beat and his stomach flip.
"I don't want to steal their thunder!" he announced to Magnus, perhaps a little over-enthusiastically.
"Are you ok sweetheart?"
"Yes! I'm fine!" Alec practically screamed down the phone, clearly indicating he wasn't.
"You know I hate it when you hide stuff from me," Magnus told him sternly, sounding more than a little angry. Alec suddenly felt awful. How could he tell Magnus what was wrong when he didn't even know himself?
"I'm not hiding anything," Alec mumbled.
"Look, I have to go now, but you can bet your ass we'll be discussing this later. And that is not a cue for you to go off and think up a convincing lie."
"I wouldn't do that!" Alec sputtered.
"I love you. See you later."
"Love you too," Alec told him rather glumly before hearing the call end. He was certainly not a liar, though when he thought about it 'the truth' had been a recurring theme of their relationship. They had both hidden things from the other in the past and it had almost destroyed them. They had vowed to not keep any secrets from each other so Alec supposed, even though he thought Magnus would get hurt by him admitting he wasn't sure about the whole marriage thing anymore, he would have to come clean. Magnus was too important to him.
A/N: Apologies for lack of Malec in this chapter - it was originally going to go on to the scene in the restaurant but ended up being way too long! So next chapter will have lots of lovely Malec moments, I promise!
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