"Who is the father?"
"You can't ask things like that!" Magnus berated.
"She is my sister," Alec told him through gritted teeth. He could feel something close to anger bubbling up inside him. Not at Magnus, not at Izzy. In fact, he wasn't sure who the anger was for.
Isabelle looked horror-stricken. "I don't want to say," she whispered fearfully.
"Please don't let this be a cliché 'I don't know'," Magnus pleaded with exasperation. Alec glared at him angrily. "OK, that was meant to be a joke. Shit, you do know don't you?"
"Of course I know," she bit out. Alec went over to her and hugged her in a protective way and she began to weep. He knew his sister: these were not exactly tears of sadness. She was frustrated. She didn't know what to do.
"I guess you don't have to tell us if you don't want to," he reasoned, stroking her long silky black hair comfortingly, "but the Clave will want to know. You know that, don't you?"
Isabelle abruptly stopped crying. "Why would we have to tell the Clave?" she asked, confusion and panic clouding her dark eyes.
"The Clave always need to be informed if a Shadowhunter is pregnant. They will want the Silent Brothers to see you. It's the law Izzy," he tried to speak calmly to her. She knew the law as well as he did, but she seemed to be a bit out of it at the moment.
"I mean I haven't even thought this through myself yet. I don't know what I'm going to do."
Alec stroked her arm lovingly, trying to comfort her. "Well the first thing we should do is get the Silent Brothers to look at you. You have been so ill lately and we want to make sure you and the baby are ok."
Magnus placed a hand delicately on Alec's shoulder. "She means she doesn't know if she wants to keep it," his husband said quietly, solemnly.
Alec sputtered whilst his brain tried to catch up and process this.
"There is absolutely no need to react like that!" his sister exclaimed and jumped up from the bed. He thought she was going to hit him for a moment, but then she ran to the bathroom in a flurry and threw up.
"But – how is that even an option?" Alec whispered feverishly to his husband, hoping Izzy would not hear him.
"Why wouldn't it be? She isn't in a relationship and she isn't exactly in an emotionally stable place right now with Simon being back."
Alec was stunned at his husband's seemingly casual approach to the idea.
"She's Nephilim," Alec insisted, but then instantly regretted it when he saw his husband's expression.
"You don't have to remind me how precious Shadowhunter children are," Magnus told him, no hint of bitterness in his tone.
"It's against the law," Alec argued pathetically.
"Well you're just lucky being gay isn't against the law any more. Though it's not exactly encouraged by the Clave." Isabelle was standing at the door to the bathroom, wiping her mouth with the back of her wrist and looking at him with an expression that would have turned Medusa to stone.
"Well that was uncalled for," Alec muttered.
"Uncalled for? Are you actually freakin' serious?!"
She was angry. Mount Vesuvius angry.
"Look, we can't exactly pretend to be 100% law-abiding members of the Clave. Well, I can't anyway. Not that I would want to be. But I have to stick up for your sister – this is her decision." Magnus looked sternly at Alec, his cat-eyes intense. Most people would have found this particular; 'just leave it there' look a bit scary from the Warlock. Alec was mortified and a little bit hurt that Magnus was using it on him. Well he certainly wouldn't be silenced for this.
"You're taking her side?!" He couldn't help himself; it was a natural response when someone sided with a sibling in an argument.
"Get out," Isabelle said. Her arms were enveloped around her body, her eyes cast down, deliberately not looking at him.
"I will not," he responded stubbornly. He stared at her pointedly and she met his gaze with defiance. They had argued like this thousands of times. It was a natural process for brothers and sisters. But then he noticed again how ill she looked. He saw that in her iron gaze was a definite flicker of insecurity and fear.
"Izzy," he said, pleading with her, his resolve breaking. He held out his arms to her and she accepted his embrace without another word.
"Besides, I think we can all guess who the father is," Magnus said. He had sunk his hands into his pockets, like he did when he felt awkward. You couldn't get more awkward than this, Alec supposed.
"Oh you can, can you?" Isabelle looked up at him, daring him to say something and Magnus stuttered in embarrassment.
"Well, it's Simon, isn't it?" Alec ventured. Magnus nodded his agreement.
She sighed deeply and turned her head away from him. "No," she admitted. "Me and Simon… we haven't… since he's been back… you know."
"Oh god, we're going to have to go on Oprah, aren't we?" Magnus moaned.
"I don't understand – who… who is it then?" Alec was puzzled. He realised he was probably being insensitive but he desperately needed to know. Simon was expected. He wasn't exactly happy about it – Isabelle was too young to have a baby, but it made total sense. He needed to know who it was that had done this to his sister. He was beginning to get very angry.
"It's Peter," she squeaked. It was barely audible and yet both he and Magnus heard it clearly; there was no way they would have not heard it.
Magnus whistled through his teeth. "What? Peter? As in, our Peter? Peter Hawkswood?" Alec wasn't sure why he said that. There was clearly only one Peter she could be referring to.
"Obviously that's who I am talking about," she said exasperatedly. "I… Know it's wrong. Disgusting even…"
"No. It's a bloody great mess is what it is. But you are both consenting adults. Nothing wrong, nothing disgusting. Stupid on a gargantuan level. But not wrong. We all make choices, and some of them are not as simple or easy or well thought out as others. But it's done now, and there is no use dwelling on it. You need to decide what to do next. What will be your next choice?" Alec was grateful for Magnus' input. He seemed to be the continual voice of reason, cutting through the tangle and the haze. But Isabelle looked like a rabbit caught in headlights. He wanted nothing more than to hold her and tell her everything would be alright, but he couldn't quite bring himself to do this. What if everything wouldn't be alright? What if Isabelle decided against keeping the baby?
"I don't see what choice I have," she said pathetically, her voice quavering and her body shaking. "I made a mistake. I love Simon. I always have and I always will. I – I can't have Peter's baby. I can't do that to him or to Simon."
"There is always a choice Isabelle," Alec told her firmly, trying not to let it sound like he was panicking.
"Yes, but the choice is hers, not yours Alec," Magnus told him.
"So I keep the baby? What then? Me and Peter get married and I live the rest of my life in regret, hating my child and hating Peter for the life I have when it isn't really his fault. Simon leaves me again… forever. I… I couldn't do that. I would rather die."
Her words stunned them into silence.
"It doesn't have to be that way," Alec reasoned after a long pause, where silence filled the nothingness like a vast tidal wave crashing around them as the world broke apart. "You could keep your baby and not marry Peter. Why couldn't you be with Simon? Do you think he would change his mind about you?"
Isabelle nodded, tears tumbling down her gaunt cheeks. "And what would the Clave say? What would they do to us? They locked Simon up. We still don't know why. How can I tell him that I betrayed him?"
"You didn't betray him!" Alec told her. He hadn't meant to shout it. Emotions were running high. "He died, Izzy. He did die."
"And now he's back."
"And it's a miracle. He's back and he still loves you. He would love you whatever. Is that what you're worried about?"
"'Worried' doesn't quite cut it. I feel like the world has ended."
Alec squeezed her hands. "You wouldn't have to do this alone," he reassured her. Magnus strode over and sat the other side of her, sandwiching her between them both. She smiled, for the first time in what seemed like ages.
"Will you tell Peter?" Magnus asked her.
"I – I honestly can't say right now. It's helped, telling both of you. When Alec told me about you two and Helen and Aline, that's actually when it clicked for me. I went to get a pregnancy test. And now I feel like I am stealing your thunder. Ridiculous really."
"Yeah, completely ridiculous," Alec agreed with a grin.
"But I can't tell anyone else yet. Maybe Jace and Clary. But I want to do it myself. So would appreciate you keeping your mouths firmly shut on this one, ok?"
"You know, Peter should be told about this, whatever happens," Alec proposed. Isabelle looked at him determinedly.
"No, not yet. I need to think about what I want to do. I need to think about the rest of my life, so don't expect an overnight solution."
"And you have us and our support whilst you think about this," Alec told her.
"And also when you decide what you are going to do and for the rest of time, of course," Magnus interrupted. Nice save, Alec thought.
They left her there significantly less distressed about an hour later. Alec still felt like he had stepped on a land mine though. Magnus grabbed his hand as they walked away, as if he was frightened Alec would run off.
"Hey, what's up?" he asked his husband, entwining their fingers.
"Are you alright?"
Alec shook his head. "Not really, no. I don't understand why anyone would want to get rid of their baby, least of all Isabelle. So many people would do anything to have a family. I'm not naive; I know this sort of thing happens. I just never thought it would happen to my family. Am I just being stupid here? You seemed completely fine with the idea she would decide to… get rid of it." He swallowed hard, not entirely sure what he was saying.
"Ok, let's get something straight. I do not 'support' an abortion. I support Isabelle and I support whatever decision she makes. It's far too complicated for there to be straightforward answers and solutions."
"So you would be fine with her doing this?" He was incredulous. Nothing had prepared him for Isabelle's news, but the idea that she would not want to keep her baby was even more unbelievable to him.
"It doesn't matter at all what I think, Alec." His husband sighed and stopped in front of him, looking at him sympathetically. "All that matters is that it is your sister's decision. We should be there for her."
"Of course I would be there for her," Alec countered. "But I am entitled to my opinion. I don't want her to do that."
"No, you aren't entitled to your opinion on this one. It is Isabelle's decision. If she wants to know your opinion and consider your position then she will. But it is all on her. Her body, her life, her rules. How would you feel if Jace and Isabelle told you that you couldn't have a baby with Helen?"
"That is not the same thing," he argued. "It's the total opposite. We want to create a life, not take one away." He felt strongly about this. He felt in the pit of his stomach how scared he was that Isabelle would even consider this as an option.
"It wasn't so long ago that most people would have thought it preferable for a child to die rather than being raised by homosexual parents. There are still people who think this way. Hell, Alec, you can remember a time when a baby being raised by a Warlock and a Nephilim as its parents was considered sacrilege by the Clave. There will be some who still feel like that. So it is comparable. Isabelle isn't even saying that this is her plan, she's still working through everything."
Alec considered his husband for a moment. "This is too scary for me. I don't think I can cope with something like this, if she did decide to… You know. I understand it is her choice. And I would never ever tell the Clave about it. I'm her brother and I will protect her to the end."
"I love you. You know that, don't you?" Magnus sounded almost sheepish. He pulled the Warlock towards him and nuzzled into his neck.
"Of course I do. And I love you. More than anything."
"I have a confession."
Alec stopped dead, his mind racing. He nodded for Magnus to continue.
"I saw you in the library, with Mathieu…"
"Magnus, it wasn't what it looked like!" he realised how cliché it sounded, but it was the first thing that came out of his mouth. He had been too shaken before to realise how guilty he was about the whole thing. And then Isabelle had dropped her bomb and he had briefly forgotten the incident. He had to try and at least explain to Magnus that although it was partly Alec's fault, he never intended for it to go as far as it had.
"Shhh," Magnus told him, silencing his attempts at coherency. And there Alec was again, in that subway tunnel with his heart being broken in front of his eyes. He felt the sting of tears as he searched Magnus' eyes for mercy.
"I am so sorry."
They both said it at the same time, followed by a moment of puzzlement.
"Ok, I know what I am apologising for. What the hell are you apologising for? You cannot honestly think that what Mathieu did to you was your fault?" Magnus had rushed towards him, as if he were concerned Alec was about to collapse on the spot.
"I didn't mean for you to see that. I had had an inkling that something like that was going to happen. He's been coming on to me for weeks now and I have been too polite to tell him to back off outright. I'm sorry; I will make sure it doesn't happen again, you can trust me Magnus…"
The Warlock cut him off in a suffocating hug, "My Alec, my poor Alec. Oh my word, what have I done to you?"
He knew Magnus was crying; he could feel the warmth of his husband's tears trickle onto his shoulder. But he couldn't for the life of him think why this would be. Alec held him close, unable to say anything.
"I am so sorry my darling. I am so sorry I did not believe you. I… I was jealous. I thought you wanted him when I saw you and I didn't help. I will never forgive myself."
It was chaotic. He had known Magnus to cry, but he had never experienced his husband in this state before. Alec was usually the emotional wreck. Magnus regularly made fun of him for crying at TV shows.
"Magnus, please. What's going on? Why are you so upset?" He sounded pathetic, but he couldn't fathom out how else to help.
"I saw you – in the library. I watched. I just stood there, Alec, and I didn't rescue you."
Alec raised an eyebrow, emulating his husband. "You think I need rescuing?"
Magnus smiled at him through his tears and then giggled nervously, wiping at his eyes with a sweep of his hand.
"Did you see everything? Because if you did then you would have seen me choke that piece of dirt"
Magnus laughed nervously and smoothed his hands down Alec's arms protectively. "Yeah, I saw that."
"So you know I'm fine. I didn't need rescuing."
"That's not the point. I should have charged in. I should have tried to protect you. Even if it hadn't been you in there with him – if it had been anyone – I should have done something. I feel despicable."
"Well, luckily you have a kick-ass husband. And I'm fine. I mean, I feel a bit guilty because I guess I must have led him on. But I'm fine. He will be leaving as soon as I can source another trainer for Paul."
"No," Magnus said with a booming authority. "You do not feel guilty over this. Over him. He did this to you. This is in no way your fault."
Alec bit his lip.
"Look at me Alexander."
His eyes snapped up to meet his lover's strong and unwavering gaze. Where only seconds before there had been tears, there was now a fiery, shining resolve that reminded Alec of why he had fallen in love.
"You are gorgeous and you cannot help that. No one wants you to be anyone but yourself. You did nothing wrong. Do you understand me?"
Alec hugged his husband, taking in his scent. No doubt his altercation with Mathieu had shaken him up a little, but he knew he had never been in danger. He could handle himself. He didn't want Magnus to feel bad.
"So you forgive me?"
Alec smiled warmly at him. "There is nothing to forgive, but if you need me to say it then yes. Yes, I forgive you for not being my white knight in shining armour this one time. I love you. Now stop going on about it and let's try and get to the bottom of resurrected vampires."
"That sounded way more disgusting than you probably intended," Magnus told him with a smirk.
"Yeah, only realised as I was saying it."
Magnus tapped his toes impatiently on the cracked stone steps. It was freezing and he had to do a little jig to keep warm. Why did she insist that he come outside and wait for her? Why couldn't she just use the doorbell like a normal person? Of course, he understood that Downworlders, and particularly Warlocks, didn't usually like just going into Institutes. Usually, there were too many stuffed heads of distant relations everywhere. But this was pretty much Magnus' place now; Catarina really didn't have to stand on ceremony. She had joked when he moved here permanently how he was 'letting the side down'. He did miss his apartment. But Alec was worth it. No question about that. And the Institute wasn't all that bad when you got used to it, even with its odd freezing drafts in the height of summer, glum interiors and depressed looking Angel statues everywhere.
She had a glamour up but he noticed her immediately. They had been friends long enough that Magnus could recognise the gait in her walk. "Hurry up I'm freezing my ass off here!" he called out to her. A couple of passers-by looked around, puzzled, convinced they had heard someone yelling.
She bounded up the steps and gave him a quick peck on the cheek in greeting. "How are you?" she asked in a friendly, comfortable way , and let her glamour drop as they walked through the Church doors together, her sky-blue skin instantly cheering the place up.
"Surprisingly emotional," he told her truthfully.
She looked at him dubiously. "That wasn't really the response I was expecting. Usually people just reply with a 'fine thanks', or a 'could be better' or something like that. You know, something a bit more leading and less insightful and philosophical, but ok. Go on, I'll bite."
"Whatever. I am having to deal with all of the family issues right now. I mean, I knew it wasn't going to be a smooth ride marrying into the Lightwood family, but I am having nightmares about appearing on Jerry Springer."
Catarina laughed, which she not-so-subtly changed into a cough when Magnus glared at her, indicating he was telling the truth and it was in no way amusing.
"And besides that, Daddy dearest is causing a shit-storm."
"Did you find out how Eris was involved in all of this?"
Magnus looked at her grimly. "Best I just show you."
He led her to the Sanctuary and held the door open for her.
"Uh… Magnus?"
"Yes?"
"Is that Camille lying on the bed singing the overture from Le Nozze De Figaro?"
"Is that what that's meant to be? I thought it sounded a little bit like Fledermaus."
Catarina eyed him with discern. He attempted to smile and try to make a joke about it, but his friend's death stare made him feel like a naughty schoolboy. "Yep, that's Camille. Or, well, this is a creature that used to be Camille," he admitted solemnly. Catarina's eyes went wide; she focussed her attention to Camille once more, and approached her carefully. She touched Camille softly on her shoulder.
"Vous etes bleu," Camille observed thoughtfully, her pretty green eyes bright for a moment before she continued to sing quietly to herself and she glazed over, back into cloudiness.
"Wow, she's as mad as cheese."
"Well, at least the two of you have stating the obvious in common…"
"Oh no you don't Bane," Catarina shot at him, backing away from the gibbering Camille.
"Think of it as practice?" he suggested helpfully, but she just glared at him.
"Practice for what?"
"Babysitting!" he informed her cheerfully. He amped up his smile, which usually worked on most people. Granted, it only worked on Catarina about 40% of the time, but these were good odds considering the circumstances.
She was about to yell at him, but then stopped short. "Wait. Who is having a baby? You are having a baby?"
"Well, me and Alec." He didn't realise he would be so nervous actually telling someone about it. His heart stopped beating for a moment whilst he waited for Catarina to catch up.
And then she jumped on him, squealing like a pig. "Oh my god!" she kept saying over and over. He wasn't sure he had ever seen her so enthusiastic about anything before.
"Congratulations!"
"Thanks."
"So, when is the date? Are you adopting? Mundane, Downworlder? Ooooh I have so many questions!"
"I do appreciate you have many questions, but I do need to go and check on something pretty urgently. Do you mind watching Camille?"
Catarina continued to beam at him. "Yeah whatever. But come back here right away and give me all the details!"
Note for future: mention babies to get your friends to take on horrendous and difficult tasks on your behalf.
"Will do!" he promised as he left the room gratefully. "Try and work out what's wrong with her? She keeps getting bitey with me."
"Yeah, no worries!"
Easy as pie. Now to sort out Isabelle.
Alec clutched his bow a little bit too tightly and wandered gingerly into the training room. He was not looking forward to seeing Mathieu, but he didn't want him training alone with Paul. It wasn't that he thought Mathieu would hurt Paul in any way… No, that was exactly what he thought. He had had a gut feeling about Mathieu from the moment he met him and his gut was telling him to not leave him alone with Paul.
He was clearly the first to arrive. He was about to panic when Paul, followed by Mathieu bounded into the room, full of energy and fun and laughter. He felt a wrench at his heart. Mathieu had really helped Paul, and the youngest Hawkswood boy had seemed so much happier since he had been here. And now Alec was taking that away from him.
It was difficult to be an adult sometimes. He just hoped Paul would understand.
"Oh hey!" Paul greeted him with enthusiasm. "Wasn't expecting to see you here, you haven't been training for ages!"
"Yeah, sorry about that," Alec told him sheepishly. He hadn't been regularly for months, what with planning the wedding.
"We were all concerned you were going to get too fat."
"Uh-huh. And Jace told you to tell me that, right?"
"Well, yeah, but I wasn't supposed to let you know that he had."
"You didn't, I guessed," Alec informed him and set up an arrow ready for target practice. He loosed quickly and hit the bullseye with ease. He clearly hadn't lost his touch.
Mathieu dragged out a weapons chest silently, not really looking at Alec. Probably best they ignored each other. It wasn't until he was on his third arrow that he noticed everything had gone a little quiet. Mathieu and Paul were stood in the far corner, whispering to each other furiously. Paul was smiling excitedly.
"What are you two gossiping about?" he asked reflexively.
"It was meant to be a surprise," Mathieu informed him with a smirk that made Alec feel entirely uncomfortable.
Paul hit Mathieu on the arm and rolled his eyes. "What?!" Mathieu exclaimed and laughed.
Alec saw it then. He felt cold, suddenly.
That look in Paul's eyes when he had touched Mathieu's arm and the slight flush on his cheeks when Mathieu had laughed.
He recognised that look. He had owned that look. It was the same look he used to get whenever Jace had shown him attention. Paul had a crush on Mathieu.
The realisation jabbed at him, almost winding him.
"It's just some high wire moves – you don't have to look so concerned!" Paul joked. He noticed Paul's breath quicken when Mathieu helped to adjust his harness.
Alec watched and waited patiently for Paul to finish the trick. He tried to concentrate on what Paul was doing but found himself distracted by Mathieu, who kept looking directly at him. He was certain that Mathieu knew about Paul and that Mathieu wanted Alec to know. It was a sick game and it mad Alec's skin crawl.
"Well?" Paul asked him dubiously.
"Looked great!" Alec tried to enthuse. "You have got loads better since the last time I saw you."
Paul looked concerned and was about to say something when Jace appeared and happily interrupted.
"Try keeping your head up as you come out of the turns, otherwise you can pick up nasty strains. Also, lead with your eyes – look first, then move, so you always know where you are going and you don't get demons springing out and surprising you. Hey Alec."
Alec shot an arrow that flew past Jace's head, causing his parabatai to instinctively clutch at his ear as the bolt flew past. Alec was careful though, he hadn't even touched him. "Not bad for someone getting too fat right?"
Jace scowled at him but Alec smiled sweetly back.
"Paul, can I have a word?"
Alec strode out of the training room as confidently as he could, ignoring Jace poking his tongue out. Normally, he would have retaliated, but this seemed too serious a situation. Paul was clearly ruffled. Well, no one likes to be asked, "can I have a word" by someone in authority. It is usually bad news.
"Is anything wrong?" Paul asked him innocently, though Alec suspected that he had an idea of what was coming.
He led him to a quiet corridor and sat on a sill in a casual way. Paul sat down next to him. "You really like Mathieu don't you?"
"Well yeah – he's great. He's a great trainer and he knows so much about the history of weapons. I'm really interested in that stuff."
"Are you?"
Paul nodded. They were getting off topic.
"Yes, he seems like a great trainer and you two seem to get along. But when I said 'like' I meant… well, I meant you like him don't you?"
Paul looked at him, wide-eyed. Alec was about to apologise for making a mistake, but something in his stomach twisted and he held his ground. After what seemed like years, Paul sighed and looked away.
"I think so," he told Alec quietly. "What shall I do?"
He hadn't expected a confession to happen so easily or so frankly and it grounded him a little. If someone had asked him the same question about his crush when he was fifteen he would have probably died from embarrassment.
"Do you think you might be gay?" He felt like it was an appropriate question to ask whilst also nicely sidestepping the plea for advice. He was pretty sure he shouldn't just rush in and tell Paul to leave Mathieu alone because Alec didn't trust him.
"I don't know," Paul admitted, sounding like he was a little surprised by the thought. "I hadn't really thought about it like that."
"When I was your age it was the only thing I thought about most of the time. Especially about being found out."
"Found out? Didn't everyone kinda know?"
Alec couldn't help bark a laugh. "Is it that obvious?"
"It is to me, but then I didn't know you before you were with Magnus, so I don't know."
Alec smiled at Paul. Paul had always been able to make Alec smile. He reminded Alec so much of Max. He saw in Paul everything Max may have been and he would have been lying if he had said he hadn't tried to be the big brother to Paul that he felt he missed out on with his own little brother.
"And why wouldn't you want anyone to know? What do you mean by 'found out'?"
"I am going to take that as one of my greatest victories. The fact that you just had to ask me what would have been so bad if everyone had found out I was gay."
Paul just looked at him, a puzzled expression on his face and the dying light of the late afternoon bouncing gold and copper off his dark wavy hair. He looked so much younger than fifteen for a moment. Alec had been off with Jace and Izzy when he was fifteen, killing demons, trying to prove how adult he was. He had no idea back then that being an adult didn't just mean running off into danger and fighting demonic forces.
"Not so long ago, being gay and a Shadowhunter wasn't really a thing. No one talked about it – it was a taboo subject. It was definitely frowned upon. I was always worried that if anyone found out I would be stripped of my marks and cast out. They were the horror stories I had heard growing up. They aren't true, obviously."
Paul looked slightly relieved.
"I… I think I am in love with him," Paul said after a while, the quietness and uncertainty in his voice almost bursting Alec's heart. How was he going to break it to Paul now?
"Look – I am just going to have to tell you and hope that this won't be too hard on you. I got a note from the Council and Mathieu has been re-assigned. They didn't tell me where, but I think he may be going back to Paris. You're going to get a new tutor and I am going to train you in the meantime. I'm sorry."
Paul didn't say anything, but considered Alec's words glumly.
"Maybe I could go and train in Paris for a while. I want to work up enough courage to tell him how I feel, but if he's leaving then I'm worried I won't get the chance."
Alec wanted to be sympathetic; it was like talking to a fifteen-year-old version of himself. If only it had been anyone but Mathieu.
"Paul I'm sorry, but I can't let you do that. You need to stay here."
"But you can authorise a transfer can't you? You are a Head of an Institute," Paul reasoned with him.
Alec thought about lying, but he always seemed to have a mental block as far as lying was concerned. "No, it isn't that I can't do anything about it. I won't do anything about it. I can't let you go with him, and please don't ask me why. It will be better this way, I promise."
He knew how pathetic he sounded and it didn't help when tears suddenly sprang up in Paul's powder blue eyes.
"You don't know anything about it. You don't know what it's like!"
Alec had never seen Paul like this. When he had first arrived, the kid was frightened and timid and wept all the time, but in a sort of quiet way. He hadn't spoken for a good six months when he had first come to the Institute. Eventually, as he recovered and had come out of his shell, he turned out to be a pretty laid-back and easy-going child. Magnus often observed that Paul was so laid back he was practically horizontal. He was usually chilled and very little bothered him, so to see him speak with such passion and vehemence took Alec aback.
He sighed sadly. "Actually, I know all about it. I practically wrote the book," he admitted. Something like curiosity flickered over Paul's expression for a moment, but then faded quickly away again back to anger.
"No, you're lying. You pretend to be all wise and responsible but you are just a kid with an inflated ego. Sure, you got given an Institute because you killed a few Shadowhunters. That doesn't make you the Angel himself."
His words hurt more than Alec had expected them to. He didn't say anything, just tried to keep looking at Paul, hoping he would recognise that Alec was his friend and not his enemy.
"How could you understand? You always had a family who loved you. You had Magnus. You know nothing of what it's like."
"Paul, please. Let me just talk to you about this."
He distinctly felt like he was trying to wriggle his way up-stream.
"No!" Paul yelled, tears streaming down his face in angry rivulets. "I don't want to hear about you! It's always about you!" His face and eyes were red with frustration and the blue of his irises looked stark and hopeless in contrast. He ran. Alec tried to follow him, but the shock slowed him down and made him pensive. He needed to think this through because he actually had no idea of what to say to Paul when he caught up with him. If only Paul would listen to him. He had been there. He totally understood how the poor kid felt. He was sure he could help.
Except that Paul didn't want to listen. Because Alec was sending Mathieu away.
Perhaps he should have just told Paul the truth? He pondered this all the way back to his office, tucked neatly in a not-so-small room next to the library. The only person Paul would always listen to, without question, was his brother.
He hesitated slightly before sending the messages to Peter.
Isabelle he thought.
This was messy and having Peter here was not ideal right now. But under the circumstance he felt there was nothing else for it. He sent a fire message and then a text, always conscious that a fire message was a bit formal and it would probably unnecessarily panic Peter when he got it.
Suddenly, Alec became aware of something not quite right in the room. He felt like he was being watched and the hairs on the back of his neck stood on end as he felt his heightened senses prickle and his body tense for battle. There was the faintest smell, barely there. More a sweetness on the air than an actual smell; something similar to flowers, but with a bitterness to suggest they were dying. Alec sniffed and reached for the blade in his pocket – the one he always carried around (it was Shadowhunter habit).
And then there was a thump and darkness. That was all.
Magnus knocked gingerly on the door. He waited for a reply. Probably along the lines of 'go away', but it never came. He was about to knock again, a little more forcefully, when Isabelle swung the door open.
"Oh, it's you. I thought it was Alec back to give me another lecture about the sanctity of life. You wanna come in?"
Magnus smiled and nodded and she moved aside to let him through. "You know, he does have a point. You shouldn't be so hard on him. He thinks he is helping."
She hmphed and slumped onto her bed like a moody teenager. "Yes, but he isn't the one in my shoes. He doesn't understand."
"You know," Magnus mused as he played with a speck of blue light between his fingers. "Everyone always assumes that Alec is naïve or socially-handicapped in some way. No one sees him as he truly is, not even you. He is the most empathetic Shadowhunter – possibly human – that I have ever met. Alec knows how you feel because he feels it too, on your behalf. Maybe you don't see that side of your brother very often, but I do."
She looked a little stunned. "You don't have to remind me how kind he is."
"It's more than that. Just because he isn't extroverted it doesn't mean he doesn't notice other people. He is incredibly observant. He sees things even I miss, and I am extraordinarily perceptive. Comes with the territory. He sees everything, he recognises everything. He feels everything. Especially the things his family and friends have to go through."
"So you're saying I should feel sorry for him? This isn't even about him!"
"No, I'm not saying that. I'm saying, don't be so harsh on him. And don't assume he doesn't understand because he does. Or, he will. Alec is always stuck between what he feels in his heart is right and what he thinks he knows is right. Common Shadowhunter affliction that one."
He sat next to her on the bed, close enough to her to be comforting but not actually touching her.
"I came to see how you are."
"I'm fine."
Magnus raised an eyebrow, as only he could.
"I mean, I can't stop being sick. But I seem to have stopped crying now. I haven't cried in at least an hour and half."
"You don't have to go to the Silent Brothers, you know. And Alec won't make you."
"Huh. Are you offering?" she said, her attempt at a small joke.
"Actually yes, I am. I am not very good at healing or medical stuff – that was always Catarina. But look at it this way, if I mess up I can always make you forget about it."
"That fills me with confidence."
They sat in an awkward silence.
"So?" he ventured.
"What are you going to do?" She sounded small and frightened, her voice quavering.
"Just put my hand on your stomach. I don't even need you to lift your shirt. But you will need to lie back."
She swallowed hard and then took a deep breath before lying down. Her hair spilled out from her like veins of ink across white parchment as she lay her head down on a pillow. Magnus carefully placed his hand across her abdomen, the touch oddly intimate and he was glad that he decided to do this himself rather than Catarina. She was better than him at this sort of thing, of course, but now he felt it was right to ask her to deal with Camille and for him to do this.
Her muscles tensed beneath him and he wasn't sure she wouldn't attack him.
He muttered some words that weren't all that important really, but most Warlocks said out of habit. Blue sparks crackled gently at his fingertips, like the warm embers of a fire and he felt Isabelle relax underneath him as the warmth spread through her. She sighed.
He pressed down a little harder, but carefully.
"You're further gone than you think," he told her, his hand still in place.
She lifted her head from the pillow in a panic but didn't get up, careful not to move Magnus' hand. "What do you mean?"
"About ten weeks."
"Yeah that makes sense I guess," she told him solemnly.
"So I am guessing it didn't just happen once."
She groaned. "No, it didn't. But the first time was about ten or eleven weeks ago."
"Wow. That was unlucky."
"Depends what way you look at it I suppose."
He smiled at that and she shrugged.
"What do you think I should do Magnus?"
"I think you should tell Clary and Jace. And then Simon. And then Peter. In that order. Then you and Peter need to talk it out and work out what is going to happen. The decision is ultimately yours but he is probably the only other person who should get a say."
"So I should tell everyone first?"
"Yes. That way any decision you make will be a real decision. And it needs to be a real decision."
She cried a little as she hugged him. He didn't really 'do' hugs with anyone but Alec, but this was an exception. He stroked her hair and held her tightly and told her everything would be ok.
Everything would be ok, he would make sure of that, whatever she decided.