Chapter 9: Passage

Twelve years. Twelve years of total absorption into Salem's possession. Twelve years of prolonged exposure to the evil and darkness that seems to seep from every pore of her. The time has flown, making me forget anything I could have been or was before Salem. I get this weird feeling every time I take off my anklet, but it passes. I'm not even sure why I wear it anymore. There's no real function to it. It's not dust. It's not a weapon. All it is is a pretty bauble.

I smile the smile that I've seen so many times, the one that Salem gets every time that she thinks another part of her plan is falling into place. It's the same one that scared me for the longest time, but here I am, using it myself. Oh, how the low have fallen lower, only to rise from the ashes of who they once were. I want to be strong. I want to be feared. I want to be powerful, and Salem has given me all of it. She provided me with an education that forced me to learn all about the darkness that's in the world, the unholy sin that awaits every being on this planet.

Without Salem, I wouldn't be the woman I am today. I wouldn't be the feared paragon of malevolence. I wouldn't have this power, this prestige that I hold in the underground community. I have far surpassed Salem in power alone, but she still has an influence over me that I can't exactly explain. It's like she's completely under my skin, watching from my own eyes as I dismantle and destroy people, governments, crime organizations, and even corporations. Even though she rarely ever controls my body anymore, I can still feel the lingering touch that she leaves behind. It's like a small tingling, but it's more painful in a psychological way. I lose complete control of my body for however long she wants it, and there's absolutely nothing I can do.

It's a fucking nightmare. It's like never waking up from a dream that you can't control. In your mind, you yell and scream at the monsters, willing them to go away, but your lips don't move, and your arms don't bat them away. Instead, you embrace those monsters gently, coaxing them into you. That's been my life for the past twelve years. Corruption, destruction, death, and power. I got strength, power, skill, but at what cost? Have I lost my humanity? Have I lost every ounce of sympathy, love, humility? Am I left only with ambition and darkness? Yes. Yes, that's what I am now. I embraced Salem's ways after she basically rescued me that day. If I must forget the life I had, then so be it.

I look out the window at Vale and smile, one so sinister that anyone near me would more than likely back away in fear, hoping that it won't turn on them. I see my reflection in the glass, and honesty, I scare myself sometimes. I won't show it, but this scares the hell out of me. I know I embrace what I've become, but that doesn't mean I actually like it. There's always this niggling doubt in the back of my mind that forces me to look at myself, truly look, and ask if I like what I've become. My first instinct is to answer 'yes.' Salem drilled that into me long ago, but I cover up what I truly think.

I ask myself why I became this… monster... all the time, yet I never do anything to combat the horrifying nature that has buried itself into me. I can smile at the sadistic and overly complicated pain of others, yet I can not stand the thought of actually having it inflicted upon me. I am not masochistic by no means, yet here I am. I endure this pain all for the sake of self preservation. I endure this lamenting agony to live another day. Yet, there are days that I enjoy my place in this world. There are days that I relish the screams of others as I crush them under my foot, and yet, I still question myself.

It's a dizzying experience, constantly checking yourself for your sanity. Usually, it's not there. Usually, I feel completely mad, lost to the power and absolute horror that is around me, but I still have this niggling doubt in the back of my mind, one that engulfs me sometimes. It's usually so unexpected, as it is now. I can't believe that I'm even contemplating this. I can't believe that I'm even checking anymore. I know it's not there anymore. I pretty sure that I lost it at age seventeen, when Salem made me make my first kill. It wasn't unwanted at all. On the contrary, actually, I enjoyed it, relished the blood flowing from their body as they gasped their last breath and pleaded for mercy. It was electrifying.

Flashback: Age Seventeen

Salem leads me down a dark hallway, one of so little light that it's a wonder she even knows where she's going. The dry air is curious, though. I would have imagined the air to be more damp than this, but it's not. It's like the desert, a dry heat that's so inexplicable. It's a strangeness that I have to ignore.

Salem's voice slips from the darkness to envelope me in this cooling way. That, too, is inexplicable, but I choose to feel this one. "This is your final test, my child. This will prove your worth and loyalty to me. This moment will dictate your future, your life."

We come to a door, and she slowly pushes it open. A feeling of dread falls over me as I see the blood stains that blot the floor and walls. The horror that must have gone on in this room is incomprehensible to me. I never imagined that this is what happens when she disappears for those few hours a day and returns with a smile. The sadism that must be inside her seems unprecedented.

I gasp as I see the various tools laying around the room, newly polished and shining. The level of meticulous obsession over such tiny details sickens me, especially when it concerns such a horrid result. I swallow the bile that threatens to come up at the prospect of doing anything like this to another person. she pushes me along, farther into the room, and locks the door behind her. "You will prove your worth to me this day, Cinder Fall. Prepare yourself, because only one of you will leave this room alive."

Salem slides a curtain to the side, revealing the last person I'd ever expect to see within her clutches. There, upon the concrete floor, lay my stepmother, bound and gagged. Her wide, brown eyes are filled with fear, and her wrists are bleeding ever so slightly from her constant struggle against her bindings. It's a dream. It has to be. I wanted this, wanted to hunt her down and dispose of her as I found she had disposed of my father, but here she is, offered to me. It's a dream come true, and I reach out to take her gag off. I must be smiling because my jaw starts to hurt a bit. I haven't had that much to smile about in the past two years. It's been utter hell, what with all the training, and I had assumed that I'd never have to smile, let alone want to. Here, though, I contemplate the idea of happiness. The squeamishness is gone, replaced by a pure joy that scares me.

I remove the gag from her lips, only to hear her beg and whimper. "Please, you don't want to do this. Just let me go. I won't tell a soul."

It breaks me, that pleading. It shatters the last vestige of hesitation that I had. I reach out and slap her across the face. My brow knots in confusion as my eyes dart from her face to my hand. There, upon her cheek, is a red mark now. A euphoria fills me at this idea, this action. I can do whatever I want to this woman and none but Salem would know. Hell, Salem wants me to torture, to kill, her. The smile that was on my face vanishes, replaced with a determination that I never knew I possessed, the determination to hurt, to pull screams of terror from the woman who made my life a living hell.

"I didn't know how much I wanted this until you lay in front of me, Madam, or should I say Mother? You never did make it easy for me, you know. It was like living in Hell, but with less heat. This really is all your own doing." My voice is barely above a whisper as I bow my head and narrow my eyes. I control my breathing, making sure that I suppress any thoughts of uncertainty. I take a deep breath and let it out in a sigh so soft that it might not even have come from me.

I kneel down in front of her and start to untie the bindings at her wrist. I feel a hand fall onto my shoulder, and I look up. "What are you doing, child?"

I give a small, sideways grin. "It'd be no fun if I can't see her struggle."

Salem gives a faint laugh before walking toward the door. "I can see it in your eyes, child. Have fun. I might go find another body for myself later. I'll check on you later." She flashes a small smile before exiting the room, leaving me here to face this on my own.

Present

It's a complicated thing to look back on. My conscience, that day, was nonexistent. It was an eerie feeling, that. It was like having all of the light yanked from you in one go, but it was satisfying. What does that say about me, if I enjoyed it? I truly have lost all semblance of sanity, haven't I? I'm just this void now, pitch black and seemingly endless.

A/N: We don't need too many torture scenes. I guess you can infer what happens. I'm positive your imaginations can come up with some very terrifying scenarios.

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