I'm sorry for abandoning this! But I've written two new chapters so I should be able to update tomorrow as well.

Tanith Panic, I'm afraid your two favourite men aren't okay just yet, but I'm hoping they will be by the end of the story! I'm glad you were okay with Connie walloping Jacob. It would never happen the other way round. Thank you for your review.

Ben tried dialling Dylan's number, but there was no answer. He wrote text messages and didn't send them. He planned everything he wanted to say in a voice mail, but when he tried to speak, no words came out.

When he awoke to find his arms empty in a bed that was his own rather than Dylan's, he at first felt only surprise. But then the memories came crashing back down upon him and he again saw the look of anger on Dylan's face as he told Ben to get out.

Ben didn't want anyone to know how upset he was, but he had a feeling he wasn't going to do a very good job of hiding it. How could anyone hide it when they were feeling like this? How could he get through the day? He knew that Dylan wouldn't ask him to help, as he so often did – so often, in fact, that Ben was amazed nobody had guessed their feelings – but they couldn't avoid each other entirely.

At least tomorrow, Dylan had the day off so Ben wouldn't have to see him. He would fill his days with work and perhaps he'd be able to get through it. Dylan didn't need him, but the patients would.

But he had to get through today first and Ben knew that no matter how many emergencies happened on Christmas Day, he would be thinking of Dylan at almost every minute.

Dylan and Dervla, all alone on Christmas Day…

Ben could only hope Dylan's anger would prevent him from feeling as miserable as Ben.

Dylan didn't want to get out of bed.

He hadn't felt like this for a long time. At least, not when he was alone in bed.

All he wanted was to go back to sleep and stop hearing the echoes of what had happened last night. The shock on Ben's face as his heart shattered along with Dylan's plate. The feeling inside Dylan's heart as Ben had left him.

He turned over onto his side, onto what was so much Ben's side of the bed, Dylan never slept in the centre of the bed anymore, not even when he was alone.

Ben's side of the bed was cold. The sheets were smooth.

Dylan rolled onto his back again, not wanting to feel and see the evidence of Ben's absence, but it didn't help. He knew Ben wasn't there. He would be able to feel Ben's presence if he was beside him. He would be able to smell Ben.

But he couldn't.

He knew that lying in bed wasn't helping. Not when it was reminding him that Ben wasn't there. But Dylan didn't want to go to work and see him.

He also wanted to see him more than anything.

He heard a whine from the door and Dervla jumped into bed with him. She pawed him questioningly, then lay down beside him. Dylan stroked her head and his eyes stung.

He still had Dervla. Dervla was all he'd needed before he'd found Ben.

Maybe it was better this way.

Maybe relationships just weren't worth it.

Ben's door crashed open and he heard Robyn's voice. "Merry Christmas!"

Oh, shut up, thought Ben, and put his pillow over his head. He didn't need this. Not now.

"Lofty!" Robyn came over and poked him. Ben knew she was probably the gentlest nurse in the hospital, but you wouldn't think it when she was trying to get you out of bed in the morning. "Rise and shine!"

Ben kept his face hidden because Dylan had said that to him once. Ben had pretended to misunderstand and had said he'd already risen and he was prepared to shine whenever Dylan was ready for him. Dylan hadn't understood what he meant at first – he could be so innocent sometimes – but once Ben had pulled the bedclothes away to show exactly which part of him had risen, Dylan had done some rising and shining too.

But now, he might never rise and shine for Ben again.

"Lofty, what's wrong with you!" said Robyn, pulling at the bedclothes.

Ben knew he'd have to put a stop to this. "Robyn, you do realise I haven't got any clothes on?" It wasn't true, but it would probably get rid of her.

Robyn gave a screech and let go of the bedclothes. "Sorry, Ben. I didn't know… I wasn't trying to… I know you're not…" She scuttled out of the room.

Ben closed his eyes and wondered if perhaps it wasn't Dylan Robyn was interested in after all.

As if the day wasn't a disaster already.

Dylan knew it might be considered a good sign that he felt awkward. It was a sign he was back to his old self.

Before his OCD had become so pronounced, he'd hated phoning in sick. It was embarrassing. It was personal. It showed that he had weaknesses and that wasn't something Dylan Keogh ever wanted to admit to.

Then, when things had got… bad… he'd been phoning in sick every day. It hadn't been so difficult after the first couple of times. Everyone knew he was weak. They'd seen him leave the ED covered in blood. Given the choice between making a phone call and going back, there had been only one thing he could do.

When he had finally gone back to the hospital, it had been very difficult, but he'd managed it. Those days seemed like quite a long time ago now, though every so often, it would hit him that he wasn't completely cured. Perhaps he never would be. Bay 4 remained his least favourite bay and there were still days when he needed to use his checklists. Not very often, though, because he'd found the need wasn't so great when he had Ben at his side. He knew that Ben would tell him if he'd forgotten something.

So far, Ben had never had to do that. He'd comforted Dylan a few times when he'd been struggling, like on the day when Dervla had been ill, but Dylan had never forgotten anything when Ben was with him.

Now, he was phoning in sick for the first time for a few months, and it had gone back from being acceptable to humiliating.

But he had to do it. He couldn't see Ben. Not today.

"Hi, Dylan. You okay?" said Zoe.

The answer to that was easy. No. But Dylan didn't want to say it. "I was wondering if you could tell Connie I'm taking the day off."

"Why, what's wrong?" said Zoe.

"I'm… I'm not feeling… my best."

Zoe's voice was sympathetic. "Did something happen with Lofty?"

Dylan sighed. That was the problem with having friends. They knew you too well.

"I heard he didn't get Christmas off," said Zoe.

"What does that have to do with anything?" said Dylan.

"A lot, as far as I can tell," said Zoe.

Dylan sighed again. "He smashed my plate. I told him to get out. He went."

"You need to talk to him," said Zoe.

"Yes, because you had such a good conversation with M-" Dylan broke off. There was no need for that. It wasn't Zoe's fault Ben had left him. "I just don't think I can see him today."

"I know you don't," said Zoe. "I know what it's like, working with the person you love and knowing that at any moment, you might see them. Then you do see them and, just for a moment, you think that everything's as it used to be. Then your eyes meet and it's not the same anymore. No shared laughter. No shared secrets. Just two people whose eyes happen to meet."

"Zoe, I… I didn't mean…"

"I know you didn't," said Zoe. "I'm just saying I know how you feel. It's horrible, though it does get easier. We are sort of friends now. You'd think it would hurt more being friends, but I'm grateful just to have anything at all." She laughed. "Sorry. That sounds pathetic – and we're not talking about me."

"It's just one day, Zoe," said Dylan.

"Dylan, you know as well as I do that one day becomes one more day and then one more day after that," said Zoe. "Going back after something like this is one of the most difficult things in the world – but having days off doesn't make it easier. It doesn't change that first moment when you go back in. If you really can't go in today, I'll tell Connie you're ill, but I really think the best thing you can do is go back to work."

Dylan's heart sank, but he wasn't surprised. Perhaps this was even why he'd phoned Zoe, rather than Connie. So she could talk him into what he knew was right.

"Besides," said Zoe, "it's only a broken plate. Plenty of relationships have survived worse than that. I'm sure your relationship with Lofty will. He's probably feeling just as bad as you are, but the one thing that is guaranteed to make him feel worse is going into work and seeing you're not there and thinking it's his fault."

Dylan didn't want Ben blaming himself. He thought it was more likely that Ben was glad to be shot of him, but even if he was, he might feel guilty if Dylan was too upset to come to work. No matter what he thought of Dylan, Ben was a lovely man. He always would be. "Okay. I'll go."

"If it gets tough, you can always call me," said Zoe.

Dylan's heart sank further. "You're not working today?"

"No, I'm not," said Zoe. "So I'll never be too busy for a chat."