Tanith Panic, can you imagine Max's face if Dylan got together with Zoe? I won't ask you to imagine Lofty's face. It would be too sad. But I'm so happy you like the way I write Dylan and Zoe's friendship. They're very different, but it works for them. I'm afraid Robyn has other things in her mind in this chapter, but she hasn't forgotten and neither have I. Thank you for your review.

"Merry Christmas!" shouted a voice Ben recognised as Jacob's.

For you, it might be, thought Ben. But not for me…

"Merry Christmas," said Rita, with more politeness than interest.

There was a pause and Ben knew without looking that Jacob's eyes had zeroed in on him.

"You look down, Lofty. I thought you'd be a Christmas person."

Ben realised he'd been hiding his feelings with even less success than he'd thought. "No, I am!" he said with an attempt at brightness. "I love Christmas. It's my favourite day of the year. Choc for breakfast… pyjamas all day… what's not to love?"

Not that he'd have been wearing pyjamas – or anything else - if his Christmas had gone as planned.

Jacob smiled, clearly amused. "So?"

"He's working," said Rita. That was how Ben had explained his unhappy face to her – and she'd instantly accepted it. That had surprised Ben a little as Rita usually knew exactly what he was thinking, but she was very busy today.

"Ah." Jacob nodded sympathetically.

"Well, some of us have to," said Rita. "I am as well."

Robyn walked in with a smug smile on her face. Ben turned away. She'd been wearing that smile all morning. On the positive side, she'd been too happy about her day off tomorrow to notice that Ben's heart was breaking, but that didn't make her smile any less annoying.

"Robyn!" Jacob pointed at her. "Now tell me you've got the Christmas vibe."

"Are you kidding me?" said Robyn. "It's twelve hours till Christmas. I'm doing everything I can to stop myself from grinning!"

Ben heard her voice rise with excitement and stared down at the table. He'd once fantasised of laying Dylan across that table, but Dylan was quite conventional when it came to sex. Bed, shower, sofa, floor – perfectly acceptable. Table – no.

And now, Ben would never have the chance to change his mind.

He could tell Jacob wasn't even trying to stop himself from grinning. "Let it out, girl! Let it out!"

Robyn screwed up her eyes and lifted up her voice. "IT'S CHRIIIIIIIIIST MAAAAAAS!"

Ben winced. He was already heartbroken and alone. He didn't need his eardrums shattered as well.

Though as he was working, at least he wouldn't have to put up with Robyn all day.

Rita lifted her head and spoke almost casually. "You're on shift tomorrow."

"Nope!" said Robyn smugly. "I've got Wizard of Oz in the morning; then all the Toy Stories; then I'm saving the best till last: Elf." She opened her eyes wide and adopted an American accent. "Santa!"

"You are, Robyn. You're working," said Rita.

Robyn shook her head. "Nooo."

"Yes," said Rita.

Robyn finally started to look worried. "No. I put a holiday form in."

"You did," said Rita, turning over a page in her file.

"And you approved it," said Robyn.

"I did, and I thought it was weird," said Rita. She extracted a piece of paper from her file and pushed it across the table to Robyn. "Because it's for next Christmas."

Robyn looked down at the piece of paper as though she was terrified it wasn't a joke. Her eyes and mouth opened in horror as she realised what she'd done.

Despite himself, Ben smiled. He didn't want Robyn to be unhappy, but her face was a picture. And if he couldn't spend Christmas on the houseboat with Dylan, there were much worse things he could do than spend the day at the hospital with Robyn and Rita. Smug Robyn might be annoying, but non-smug Robyn was one of his best friends.

The only Elf Robyn would be seeing this Christmas was the National Elf. Which Ethan had mentioned more than once recently.

Robyn moaned and let her head fall onto the table. Behind Ben, Jacob chuckled.

Ben reached across the table and patted her arm. "Now both our Christmasses have been ruined."

"Yeah: we can commiserate together," said Robyn. She gave him a brave smile, then she leaned closer to him. "Lofty, are you okay? I mean, I know you're working and everything, but you do seem quite upset."

It was Ben's turn to try a brave smile. "I'm not the one who just banged my head on the table."

"I didn't bang it," said Robyn. "And it's a good thing I didn't after the mess you made dressing that head injury this morning."

Ben was usually good at dressing head injuries, but everything had become more difficult when he'd seen Dylan through the gap in the curtains. If he'd just walked past, Ben might have been all right, but he'd stood there, his back to Ben. Ben usually liked seeing Dylan from the back, especially the way his trousers hugged his cute little… (no, Ben: no thinking about that in front of Robyn) , but it was a bit different knowing he wouldn't get to see it and touch it and… (again, censored due to the presence of Robyn). "Everyone has off-days, Robyn."

"Don't I know it," groaned Robyn. "I'm having an off-day tomorrow. It's the opposite of a day off."

Dylan couldn't bear the sad look on Ben's face; the way he mumbled his reply whenever someone wished him a merry Christmas. It just wasn't like him and the fact Dylan was to blame made it even worse.

Yes, he was very disappointed that he wasn't going to spend Christmas with Ben. Yes, it was very annoying when Ben broke things, though on this occasion it had been Dylan's fault.

But his reaction had been unreasonable and cruel. Ben hadn't deserved any of it. And now he was walking around the hospital as though his dog was dying – and Dylan meant that literally. Dylan had looked a lot like Ben when his first dog had died. He knew it would be even worse with Dervla.

I've got to talk to him, thought Dylan, and walked purposefully up to them, only to discover Robyn was standing six inches away from him and there was no way Dylan could even begin to say anything of what was on his mind.

"Are you having second thoughts about the band six promotion?" he said instead, and despite everything he was glad he'd asked because Ben hadn't been talking about it as much as when he'd first decided to apply for the job. It was just one of the many things he'd planned on speaking to Ben about tomorrow.

One of the few things he still had a reason to say to Ben now.

"That's it. You've hit the nail on the head," sighed Ben.

Dylan wasn't sure if there was any sarcasm in there or not, but he couldn't ask. Not at work. Not when Robyn was right there. "Well, don't worry. That's a good thing," he said, meaning that it was a sign that Ben cared about his job, but before he could elaborate (if he wanted to elaborate: even standing next to Ben was making his heart feel that little more broken), Robyn interrupted.

"No! It's because we're working CHRISTMAS!" Robyn made a face, gripped her file as though it were the unfortunate person who'd denied her the holiday, and stormed off.

"Well… me too," offered Dylan. There was no point in using his day off if Ben was going to be here. He paused, looking into Ben's miserable face, and took the chance. "We can be miserable together?"

It was as much as he could say in the middle of a crowded hospital, but he hoped Ben would understand what he was really saying. I'm sorry, Ben. I'm sorry for what I said. I didn't mean it. It was stupid and unforgiveable .

If you don't take me back, Ben, we will be miserable together and don't tell me you're not miserable because I know you.

But if you do take me back, I'm going to be right here working beside you and I'm going to make time for you, no matter how busy we are, and I'm going to make up for all the stupid things I said last night because I love you, Ben!

Ben stepped away from reception, arms folded, a sad look on his face.

Say something, Dylan! Don't let him walk away.

"I loathe Christmas," said Dylan – and he loathed it even more now it had come between him and Ben. "You know, my first dog, Mabel – lovely old thing: deaf as a post – she ate ten bars of chocolate: died Christmas Day."

He looked meaningfully at Ben. Can't you see what I'm really saying? I hate Christmas because of Mabel, but I was willing to make a change this year. I want Christmas to be special again. I want you to make it special.

"Brilliant. Thanks for that," said Ben.

Dylan realised he might have given the impression that spending Christmas with Ben was a way of getting over his first dog. That hadn't been it at all… but he couldn't tell Ben that.

All he could do was keep talking. Keep showing he wanted to talk to him. Keep showing that the last thing he'd wanted was for Ben to be sad.

Robyn might say he was sad because he wasn't working, but Dylan knew it was more than that. Ben wouldn't get so depressed just because he had to work. Someone had hurt him. And Dylan knew exactly who that was.

He wanted to hug him. He wanted to hug him so tightly and never let go.

But he couldn't.

Dylan stretched out a hand to him. He had to touch him. He had to let Ben know that he wanted him in his life.

He patted Ben on the shoulder. It was surprisingly easy, the physical contact. The difficult part was taking his hand away. "Tell you what. Why don't you join me for my Christmas tradition?"

He walked away from the reception desk, aware that Ben was trailing behind him. "Hiding all the batteries?"

A joke. Not a particularly funny joke, but it gave Dylan a tiny bit of hope.

Unless, of course, Ben was just being polite because an aspiring band six nurse couldn't go around being rude to the consultants.

"Spoiling the punchlines of the Christmas cracker jokes?" Ben's voice was entirely without enthusiasm.

He doesn't want to spend Christmas with me. He doesn't want me.

"No. Don't be facetious," said Dylan, and turned quickly away before the look on Ben's face caused him any more pain. "You'll enjoy it."

Not even that made Ben smile.

When Dylan told Ben he was going to enjoy something, Ben always smiled. Because Dylan was always right.

But not today. Not now Dylan had messed it up.

Not now he wasn't sure things would ever be right again.