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"Hey Matty," I said as I wrapped my arms around my childhood friend's neck. I was so glad that Matt stuck to his word earlier today and came over. With all the bullshit with Kai, I needed someone familiar right now in my life. "Hey Bon," he said as he put his strong arms around my back in a tight embrace. His touch felt so warm and welcoming and it made me feel good inside.

"Seems like someone's glad to see me." Matt continued as our embrace ended. I welcomed him indoors as I locked the door behind me. "Of course I'm happy to see you. Why wouldn't I be?" Instead of joining Matt on the couch I went to the kitchen to get us some snacks and drinks. My cabinets and refrigerators were oddly stocked. It was kind of unnerving to come home after dying and find my house sleek and not find a speck of dust anywhere, and to find an endless supply of different snacks. I didn't want to seem paranoid but it was odd. Brushing it aside, I brought out two bags of chips, cookies and jello shots.

"Are we having a party Bonnie?" Matt questioned jokingly as I stepped out of the kitchen struggling with the food in my arms. "Hell yeah we're having a party." I managed to reach the living room table without dropping anything. I then plopped down on the couch next to Matt and sighed. "Thanks for coming over." "No problem," he said as he reached for a bag of Lays and opened it up with a pop. "You seemed like you needed company." "Yeah I get a lot of company and the majority of it is unwanted." "What do you mean?" he asked. "Well for starters," I began while reaching over the table and opening a pack of cookies, "Kai came over." "The psychopath?" Matt asked in between crunches. "What did he want?"

"To apologize," I said while rolling my eyes. "He told me that he can't stop thinking about me and that I needed to give him another chance."

"He sounds like an ex boyfriend," he chuckled.

"Shut it." I said while swatting him with a pillow. "He sounds like a psychopathic animal."

"Yeah I guess," he agreed. "But do you think he's capable of change?"

My immediate answer was going to be no, but then I thought about it a little. Was he redeemable? Kai has done some horrible things, yeah, but who hasn't? Damon is the king of fuck ups and murder, but yet he was 'redeemable' enough to be with Elena. Klaus is a literal mass murderer; he's probably worse than Damon and Kai combined, but he's 'redeemable' enough to get into Caroline's pants.

But there's a difference between Damon and Klaus vs. Kai. Damon and Klaus never actually traumatized me-Kai did. Kai literally tortured me; physically and emotionally. He caused my anger and sadness and despair. He was a monster. But then again, that monster helped me. In the sickest, twisted way, he helped me. He taught me a valuable lesson, that my friends weren't shit. He taught me that the only person that I could depend on was myself. That was the most important thing in the world; self-dependency. If I didn't have anyone I needed to be able to trust myself to pick up the pieces. I needed to trust myself to be able to say no, I'm not dying for no-fucking-body. Kai taught me that. Its pretty fucking pathetic right? I had to die for the hundredth time over and be stuck with a psychopath to realize my self worth. So as I looked at my childhood friend stuffing his face with chips I gave him an one worded answer. "Yes."

A couple of jello shots later I wa d. It's so embarrassing of how much of a light weight I am when it came to drinking. Matt had a slight buzz from what he was saying repeatedly, "I'm buzzed, I'm buzzed, I'm buzzed." But the look in his eyes said otherwise. This guy was drunk. Matt and I were oddly on the floor lying next to each other side by side with our legs crossed. Matt had the giggles and it was undeniably adorable how much his laughs were uncontrollable. Every other minute he would laugh and his laughs were so contagious.

"Matt stop laughing." I said while flicking him with my middle finger and thumb.
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"I can't help it," he said while holding a hand over his mouth. His face was turning red from holding his breath and he immediately reminded me of a tomato. I burst out laughing which made Matt start to laugh as well. It felt good to laugh. It felt good to feel weightless and not have a care in the world.

"I love you Matt." I said in between giggles. "You make me feel happy." Matt responded by grabbing my hand and giving me a light squeeze. The atmosphere between us was light and fluffy and it was enjoyable, but there was something I had to ask. "Do you think I should forgive them?"

We stayed silent for a minute. "No. Not yet at least. Make 'em suffer." I smiled at him. I agreed; if I was going to ever be able to forgive them again it'll take awhile and it'll be on my own terms.

"You're right, Matt. I'm lucky to have you."

"Are you sure it isn't the other way around? I'm lucky to have you. The strong, loyal Bennett witch who'll never give up on you. I want you to know something Bonnie; you're an amazing person. I know that you're going through some things right now and I know that you're not at your best at the moment. But just know that I believe in you."

I smiled at his words as tears pooled my eyes. "Holy shit Donovan, when did you get so goddamn sentimental?" He threw out a hearty laugh in response. The alcohol was burning my chest as I looked at my best friend having the time of his life just by laughing. I wish I could be that happy. A sad smile whispered across my lips as I admired him. Looking into his eyes I remembered Damon's eyes. His eyes were a shade lighter but they were still gorgeous nonetheless. I thought of his midnight black hair and his clean shaved face. And that's when my stomach actually dropped when I realized how much I wished that it was Damon in my company instead of Matt.