134

Homeostasis

"For this spiritual alchemy he had learned. He understood that force ultimately is everywhere one and the same; it is the motive behind that makes it good or evil; and his motive was entirely unselfish. He knew – provided he was not first robbed of self-control – how vicariously to absorb these evil radiations into himself and change them magically into his own good purposes." – Algernon Blackwood, "A Psychical Invasion"

A long minute crept by that Tailmon spent dragging her somewhat battered body across the pulverized concrete to where her partner lay. She could feel the dark thing crawling about inside her mind, but she resisted the disconcerting sensation and kept moving. Possibly being an Adult-level Digimon kept the trident's power from paralyzing her. Patamon, who lay near the place Takeru had fallen, did not and perhaps could not stir. Takeru himself could only grunt and tremble, his outflung hands scrabbling weakly at the grit. When Tailmon had almost reached her goal he happened to turn his head. His anguished eyes fixed on his friend, and he softly groaned.

"Hikari-chan…"

A few seconds later Tailmon laid a gloved paw on Hikari's arm, but got no response either of voice or movement. Hikari's frame was rigid. Climbing laboriously to her partner's shoulder, Tailmon saw that Hikari's eyes were closed, her lips parted just enough to reveal her teeth. Still Tailmon could elicit no response.

The truth was that Hikari had withdrawn from the world. Though she still suffered from it, the invading will had retreated slightly, becoming what in physical pain might have been a deep ache. Dagomon was sure of her now. He could concentrate his attention on other targets, safe in the knowledge that he had broken her.

Her sensations regarding what was happening outside herself were vague. She could hear Tailmon call her name, but could not find the will to answer. Without consciously trying to, she had begun to shut everything out. Unhappy and uncomfortable, she nonetheless felt inclined to welcome the contrast between her current state and her former tortured hypersensitivity. Someone besides Tailmon seemed to be speaking to her as well, but she could not make out the words or identify who it might be.

Best not to think. Losing all feeling remained her last defense.

Hikari-san…

Whose voice was that? It didn't sound like anyone she knew. For now she made no attempt to discover who it might be. She was too exhausted.

And yet whoever it was, the person persisted. Though that little voice seemed lost in the welter of black waves and the roaring of storm-winds, it continued to call to her. For reasons she could not explain, a great sympathy stirred deep within her in response to that voice.

Who are you? she asked it at last. Where are you? I can't see you. I can't find you.

I'm here. I've been with you a long time now.

The voice seemed somewhat clearer now. It was a girl, Hikari decided. A little girl, alone somewhere out in all that darkness.

I still can't see, Hikari told her. Please tell me if there's any way I can help you.

We must help each other.

A little white glow appeared and began to grow out of the dark. The faintest hint of warmth began to return to Hikari, and before long she found herself in the midst of that light, which had turned pinkish now that it had engulfed her. She realized that it was her mind's eye that saw this – her body actually remained on the broken ground with eyes closed. It was only somewhere inside that she stood in an open, illuminated space, all the more clammy for its trace of warmth, with someone else standing before her.

Here, she knew, was the source of that voice, and also of that white light, which had a definite shape now. As she had thought, it was a little girl. Her whole body shone a pure white – so pure, in fact, that nothing beyond her shape could be distinguished except for the features of her face, with its clear, open eyes, a suggestion of bangs, and a mouth whose solemnity was tempered by the slightest trace of a smile.

For the most part, Hikari was beyond feeling astonishment at anything, and yet she could not restrain an expression of wonder as she recognized the girl as herself as she had been at the age of eight, the time of her first visit to the Digital World.

"You heard me," the girl said softly. She sounded glad.

"Yes, but… who are you?" Hikari answered. "Are you… me?"

The girl closed her eyes and gave a gentle shake of her head. "No," she said. "I have no shape of my own, so I have borrowed yours. It is easier to talk to someone that you can see."

Hikari nodded, though she still looked confused. "What is your name?" she asked.

"I could be called Homeostasis," the little girl answered. "It means balance. We've met once before, but I don't know if you remember."

Hikari cast around in her memories. She did have a vague sensation that something like this had happened before. "It was… on Spiral Mountain, right?"

"Yes," said the being called Homeostasis. "Of the Chosen Children, you were the only one who could hear me. I asked you to open your heart to me, so that I could use you to communicate how the Chosen Children came to be."

"You chose us?" Hikari asked.

"Yes. It's starting to come back to you."

"Then, are you also the one who chose Sato Katsu-san and his friends?"

Homeostasis' smile faded. "Yes," she said. "They were the first Chosen Children. They were brought to the Digital World when something emerged from the World of Darkness and disrupted the balance that it is our job to maintain."

"What… happened?" Hikari asked, a little hesitantly.

"In the end they succeeded," Homeostasis said, "but during their last battle one of the Chosen Children was separated from the others and must have been lost in the World of Darkness. The others returned to their world, and disappeared."

There was a moment's silence.

"The next time that we needed Chosen Children, we were determined not to repeat our mistakes. Still, I have to apologize to you. After we had used your body, I decided to stay behind, hidden in your heart, without telling you. Several times this allowed me to help when you and the other Chosen Children were in danger, but I had also made you a target."

With a look that may have been apprehensive, Homeostasis turned slightly, her eyes moving from Hikari to something off to the side. When Hikari also turned to see what the other was looking at, she went rigid, with a sharp intake of breath.

In the midst of the pinkish light stood a great double door of gold, about which darkness clung. Oozing through the crack between the doors were tentacles of blue-black shadow, spreading outward across the doors' surface like the roots of a tree. Occasionally the doors shook or trembled, as if something huge on the other side were trying to force its way in. Hikari realized that it was from the huge door, or rather from what was behind it, that the chill and damp emanated. A familiar sensation of evil and horror seeped from those gripping tentacles.

"Dagomon," Hikari whispered.

"It has been trying to enter this place," said Homeostasis. "It has sensed that there is something within you that opposes it, but which might be turned to its advantage."

"You mean… you?" Hikari asked.

The other nodded.

"If it succeeds in breaking through to us," Homeostasis said, "it may not only destroy you, but also the seed of light that you carry. This could make its victory complete."

"No…" Hikari murmured, sinking slowly to the floor.

"However," Homeostasis told her, "it is still possible to prevent that from happening. Alone, neither of us could do it, but, with your help, I may be able to strike back against it."

"But what can I do?" Hikari asked. "How can I fight against something like that?"

Homeostasis walked over to where Hikari knelt.

"You are not as weak as you think," she said as she approached. "You have a power similar to the one we face. It's true that yours is not as great – on its own. But you are not alone."

Hikari raised her face to meet the gaze of her younger self. Homeostasis was smiling.

"They told you, remember?" Homeostasis said. "Tailmon, Taichi-san, and your other friends. They told you that you were strong, and that even when your strength was not enough they were there for you. It's up to you, now, to believe them."

The pulsing shadow arms continued to slowly lengthen. The golden door shuddered. Hikari shuddered as well.

"I want to," she said. "But against something like that… Will even all of us be enough?"

"I believe that it's possible," Homeostasis said, casting a somewhat nervous glance toward the door. "I know this won't be easy, but you have to let it in."

"No…" Hikari said.

"If all that you do is hide from it," Homeostasis said, "then there is no way to fight it. But if you can believe in yourself and your friends, and have the courage to face this thing, then with our combined powers we can counterattack."

"I can't," Hikari said. Her eyes were on the door and that which was forcing its way through.

"It's the only way," Homeostasis said, a trace of sadness creeping into her voice.

Hikari could make no reply. She knew, of course, that it was indeed the only way, the only chance that she and her friends had. But could she do it? Could she possibly bring herself to face her every fear head on? The thought of throwing open that door and letting those mental tentacles penetrate to the core of her being froze her completely. Once the door opened, wouldn't the horror consume her before she could muster the will to fight? Already she felt like curling up and surrendering to despair.

Her head drooped. She squeezed her eyes shut and grappled with herself.

"Hikari."

The voice was as faint as the Homeostasis' had been when first heard, but Hikari recognized it as Tailmon's. It was Tailmon's voice coming from outside, from the place where Hikari's real body lay catatonic on the concrete.

"Hikari!"

Hikari heard it more clearly now. She was in two places at once, without and within, and in one of those places her partner was shaking her shoulder and calling her name, terrified by the girl's lack of response. Hikari felt touched that amidst the manifold horror of the group's situation it was her wellbeing that concerned Tailmon almost to the exclusion of all else. Hikari knew that that was so. She could sense, somehow, her Digimon's feelings, with a certainty that surprised her.

It might have been only her imagination, but as she remained motionless, aware of a world outside and a world inside herself, she thought she could hear other things besides Tailmon's voice. But "hearing" wasn't quite the right word. It was more accurate to say she thought she sensed things.

Now that her intimate rapport with Tailmon had made her cognizant of them, she tried to focus on these impressions as the moments slipped past. With intense concentration, she found herself "hearing" certain things more clearly, just as she had once "heard" the shattering words of unknown significance in her dreams of the dark city R'lyeh. Could they be thoughts?

Most vividly she sensed something emanating from Takeru. Although she couldn't see it, he still lay beside her where he had fallen, and his thoughts as they kept returning to her she could detect the most easily. She found herself in the thoughts of others, too, more distant from her spatially but not out of reach of psychic contact. Her brother was worried about her, and several of her friends turned their thoughts her way in the midst of their struggles. And as time went on, she began also to sense feelings that were unconnected to her. She sensed the pain and fear of her fellow Chosen Children, and the despair that threatened to engulf them.

Yet their negative emotions were not hers, and, strangely, rather than overwhelming her they gave her a kind of courage. She was not the only one suffering. The people she cared for, and who cared for her, were suffering. They were fighting, too, which was more than she could say of herself at the moment. She longed to help them, to fight with them, to share the collective burden. If only there were some way that they could resist together this huge, dark thing that was inimical to all they had ever loved.

"Hikari-san!"

Homeostasis' voice – the borrowed voice of Hikari's younger self – cut suddenly through her thoughts, raised with more emotion than the digital being had yet expressed. Hikari's eyes – the eyes of her inner self – snapped open, and she looked up to see the golden door buckling under the assault of the darkness. In just a few more seconds Dagomon would achieve his triumph.

Hikari shot a look to Homeostasis. Their eyes met, and she could see that she was understood. She turned quickly back to the door, and held out her trembling arms at full length.

"Everyone!" she cried.

From Homeostasis there came an explosion of white light, and the golden doors flew open to the waiting dark.