It was still raining when Issana made it back into Riften's streets. Streams of water poured off the rooftops, splashing into pools in the uneven road. Issana didn't know where she was going - she could hardly see through the heavy rain and blurry tears - but her feet moved anyway. She circled the market, mostly empty save a few desperate merchants, and found herself drifting down a narrow alleyway.
Her thoughts were a blur. Echoes of her own words and Brynjolf's mingled with images of Karliah and Mercer.
She looked up. She'd stopped for some reason, in front of a building. It looked familiar, and even more than that it felt familiar, but...
Of course. Of course her feet had led her here.
The orphanage was damp. And not just wet from the rain, but damp, like every piece of wood in its construction had been soaked through and rotted by water. The roof hung unevenly and rain was pooling in its sagging crevices. The weather vane on top was broken in half.
I did that… She smiled faintly, but it felt hollow.
Two of the windows were broken and covered over by misshapen planks of wood. The curtains inside were dark with mold and water stains.
A cry, muffled by closed doors, sounded out of the broken windows. It was followed by a sharp snapping noise which made Issana flinch. She knew that sound.
The cry came again. "Please!" A girl's voice, probably less than ten years old. "Stop! I'm sorry!"
"-teach you to steal food!"
SNAP
SNAP
Issana could feel the white-hot sting of the switch burned into her memory. Each snap sent the feeling lancing across her hands, her shoulders, her backside. Grelod's face flashed through her mind like lightning, appearing and vanishing with each sound of the switch.
The little girl's cry fluttered out of the orphanage again. For a moment Issana felt like she'd returned to the past and was somehow listening to herself all those years ago, begging, pleading, wishing someone would just help...
She didn't realize what she was doing until she was already at the door. The wood was old and weak and all it took was a strong shove from her shoulder to break it open. She hardly saw the floor, the walls, the familiar rooms; she could only hear the switch and the cry of the child.
SNAP
"Don't you crawl away from me!"
SNAP
SNAP
SNAP
Issana rounded the corner. She saw the girl, crouched on the floor protecting her head. She saw Grelod from behind, switch raised for another blow.
Issana caught Grelod's wrist before the blow could fall. Grelod turned her head slowly.
For the first time in five years, Issana was face to face with her nightmare.
Her grip faltered.
Grelod jerked her wrist free. "How dare you?" she hissed. "This is my-" She stopped, head tilted to one side as she stared at Issana. "I… I remember you." Grelod tightened her grip on the switch. "You're one of mine."
Issana couldn't speak. She couldn't even look Grelod in the eye.
"How dare you come back here?" Grelod spat. "When you leave this place, you don't get to come back! And you tried to grab me? You little bitch."
Issana didn't see the switch coming. But she felt it, a slashing pain across her face like someone had struck her with hot metal. She cried out and stumbled, raising her hands to protect herself.
Grelod waded in, swinging the switch. "I'll - teach - you - to - threaten - me!" Each word was punctuated with a crack of the switch. Issana couldn't see, couldn't feel anything besides the lightning flashes of pain across her arms and head. Grelod seemed to be a giant, towering over her like some vengeful god, driving her down into the floor. Issana tasted blood.
And then something inside her snapped.
She lunged. Her shoulder slammed into Grelod at the waist and Grelod shrieked, falling, arms flailing wildly in a futile attempt to stay upright-
Grelod hit the floor with a thud. Issana rose slowly, wiping blood from her face with one hand, and stared down at the old woman. "Don't… you… ever… hit me again…"
But Grelod wasn't moving. Her head lay tilted at an unnatural angle, propped up slightly by the hearth she'd fallen against.
Oh gods… Issana clapped a hand over her mouth. The little girl edged towards Grelod's unmoving form. "She's…" the girl said. "Is she dead?"
Issana backed away.
The girl grabbed the switch from where it had fallen and prodded Grelod's foot with it. Grelod didn't move. The old woman's eyes remained open, staring blankly into space.
"She's dead!" the little girl exclaimed. "Grelod is dead! Everyone! Grelod is dead!"
Children rushed into the room. They were pointing, yelling, cheering, but all Issana could see was the lifeless body against the wall.
Dead.
Dead.
I killed her. I killed her.
Gods… What have I done?
I killed her.
I killed her.
I killed...