Over My Head (My Heart Vs. My Soul)
Summary: A rewrite of One Tree Hill where Lucas chose Peyton in 1X09 with a slow building romance for Brucas. Brooke and Lucas have the same heart but he and Peyton have the same soul. Which matters more?
Disclaimer: I don't own one tree hill.
A/N: Part one of 2
"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
― C.S. Lewis
Lucas had spent all weekend thinking about what happened. He wished he had someone he could talk to but his uncle would probably try to convince him he was in love with Brooke. His mom was out of the country. Hayley was busy with Nathan and Brooke…
He wasn't sure he wanted to know what she would say.
He caught up to Peyton on the stairs at school.
"Peyton," he called and she turned to look at him.
"So, how's everything with your dad?" he asked, unsure how to bring up what happened.
"He's fine. Thanks." Peyton said and tried to run away.
"Wait!" Lucas exclaimed, grabbing her arm. "What about us?"
Peyton wouldn't meet his eyes.
"Bad timing, right?" she said and Lucas flinched.
"Look, Peyton. What happened wasn't because of…" he trailed off.
"Listen, let's just bury it and pretend it didn't happen, okay?" Peyton suggested and Lucas wondered if she just meant the…incident…or if she meant their entire relationship.
Lucas shook his head, panicking inside.
"I don't want you to think that I…" He paused, grasping for an excuse. "Okay, I'm not really very experienced and I know that you and Nathan had a very…physical relationship."
Peyton raised an eyebrow.
"How much non-experience are we talking?" she asked.
Lucas blushed, avoiding her eyes, and Peyton's eyes widened.
"You're a …?" she trailed off and Lucas nodded.
"Oh," she said and they both stood in an awkward silence.
"So, this isn't about Brooke?" Peyton finally asked and Lucas opened his mouth to say something when Brooke came bouncing over.
"Hi, Friends, what's the latest scandal?" she asked, looking between them.
Peyton glanced at Lucas but all his attention was on Brooke.
"Well, I heard," Lucas leaned close to her and stage whispered, "They're having sloppy Joe today at lunch,"
Brooke rolled her eyes.
"You two never have any good gossip." She accused before turning back to Peyton. "Are we still redoing your bedroom tonight?"
"Yes," Peyton stated and Brooke smiled.
"Terrific," she said before smirking at Lucas. "Up for some heavy lifting?"
Lucas wasn't sure he wanted to be trapped in a room with both Brooke and Peyton so soon after the motel incident and by the guarded look she had; Peyton probably didn't want him there either.
"Well, I…" Lucas stuttered, trying to come up with an excuse.
"Would love to help you darling girlfriend with her bedroom, right?" Brooke finished for him.
Lucas's shoulders slumped.
"Yeah," Lucas said, resigned.
"You, me, and Broody in your bedroom all night. The webcam pervs are going to love it." She teased and Peyton laughed.
Lucas couldn't help but smile at how good Brooke was at putting Peyton at ease.
Brooke linked arms with Peyton and led her to class.
Lucas watched them go with a sinking feeling in his stomach.
Peyton wouldn't tell Brooke about….what happened, would she?
….
Lucas was at his locker after practice, putting his things away, when he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. He stared at himself and remembered the argument he had with Keith a few weeks ago.
"You might want to take a long, hard look in the mirror and see if the guy staring back at you is the guy you want to be. Because the Lucas I see with Peyton and the Lucas I've seen with Brooke are as different as night and day,"
Lucas looked at the necklace that Brooke gave him. A present for helping her with her essays…a gift that he hadn't taken off since she fastened it around his neck and he knew for a fact that she had a matching anklet, he'd seen it a few times during practice.
He wondered if it was a bad sign that he and Brooke had matching jewelry to symbolize their friendship and he hadn't felt the need to inform Peyton.
Lucas hesitantly reached around to unclasp the necklace and paused.
(Flashback)
"Lucas,"
He was listening to his headphones, Brooke's CD playing in his CD player.
"Lucas,"
He kept walking; the voice drowned out by Your Body Is a Wonderland by John Mayer, when someone jumped on his back.
"Lucas!"
Lucas struggled to hold his balance and his Cd Player fell to the ground.
"Quit ignoring me!" Brooke squealed, still clinging to his back.
"Brooke?" Lucas questioned, confused, wrapping his arms around her leg to keep from dropping her.
"I've been calling your name for 5 minutes. What gives?" She growled.
Lucas looked down at his fallen CD player and Brooke followed his gaze.
"Oops. I'm sorry," Brooke said and tapped his shoulder to get down.
Lucas let her down and tried to ignore his body's reaction to her sliding down his back.
"What's going on, Brooke? I haven't seen you all day," Lucas stated and Brooke grinned.
"I skipped school today!" she exclaimed, her eyes twinkling with joy.
"Well, you should have sent me a text or something. I was worr-" He broke off from his Lecture mode when Brooke dangled a necklace in front of his face.
He glued his gaze onto it for a full five seconds, before bringing his eyes back up to her.
"Do you like it?" she asked, practically vibrating with excitement and Lucas nodded.
"That's a nice necklace," he said, "But it doesn't really seem like something you'd wear,"
"It's yours."
Lucas squinted at her.
"You brought me a necklace?" he asked and she nodded her smile widening.
"I saw it at the mall and thought of you," she said, and Lucas felt his heart speed up, "Look, just turn around."
He turned his back to her and with a little bit of difficulty she unhooked the catch and brought it around the front of his neck.
"There," she said, getting off her tiptoes and clapping her hands. "You look good,"
He touched his new accessory not sure how he should feel about it.
"What's the occasion?" he asked and Brooke's smile dipped for a second.
"You don't like it?" she asked and he quickly shook his head.
"No, I love it. I'm just curious about what I did to deserve such a…lovely present," he explained and her grin came back.
"It's a thank you present for helping me with my school work." She said still grinning smugly. "BFF jewelry, see? I got you the necklace and I've got the anklet at home," She gestured between herself and Lucas.
"Not that I'm not grateful, because I am, but wouldn't something like this be better suited for you and Peyton?" he questioned.
She shook her head.
"She'd never go for something silly like this. She'd probably say it was stupid and wear it under her shirt. But I know you'd wear it proudly." She stated.
"Why?" he asked and her smile softened.
"Because you're a good guy, Luke."
(Flashback end)
He took off the necklace and put it in his locker. He tried to ignore the strange ache in his chest as he closed the door and went to find Peyton.
He knew that he had to put his all into this thing with Peyton or else he would always regret it.
He found her in the hallway.
"Hey, Peyton." He called and she turned to him with a shy smile.
"Oh, hey, what's up?" she asked.
"You got a sec?" he asked.
"Uh, yeah." She said after a brief hesitation.
"I'm sorry for what happened. Let me make it up to you. How about we go out for lunch later? It'll be nice. I'll dress up and everything." Lucas said.
"I don't know. Don't you have to help Brooke study for her test tomorrow?" she asked and Lucas fought the urge to flinch.
Brooke had been studying hard for the last few days and he'd hate to abandon her but…
Peyton must have seen the indecision on his face.
"It's okay, Luke." She said in a tone that let him know that it wasn't okay. "We can have lunch another day. Go help Brooke."
She turned to walk away from him and Lucas grabbed her arm and pulled her back around to face him. He kissed her, desperately trying to prove something…to who he wasn't sure. When he pulled away Peyton looked up at him with hopeful eyes.
"I'm taking my girlfriend out on a date. So be ready by 5," he said and walked off before she could say anything…
Because he knew that if she asked one more time, he'd cancel; already he could feel his resolve crumbling.
He'd been helping Brooke study for a while and they'd gotten into the habit of eating ice-cream after while watching a few episodes of weird science on the couch afterwards. It felt almost like a tradition now and he'd hate to be the one to break it.
He shook his head and went to fiddle with his necklace only to touch his shirt.
Right, he put the necklace in his locker.
He'd get Haley to help Brooke study and he'd make it up to Brooke another time.
She'd understand.
She had to.
His neck felt cold and he could already feel the bitter after taste of regret.
She had to.
….