The scent of pine and burnt wood flowed to her nose, not something she particularly liked, but much more refreshing and new to her senses. She wore the usual rimmed torso carved with metal, her blue skirt and supple knee length boots. She silently grinned in relief, knowing she had nothing heavy to care for. Jellal, on the other hand, was fully suited in armor and cloth that had to have been suffocating him in this gruesome heat. Had to be. Patiently standing beneath the shadows of vegetation, and well-disguised in navy-blue cloak from head to toe, Jellal seemed like a ghastly being, standing silently in admiration of the magnificent nature surrounding them.
The sound of leaves crunching under her boots grew, and Jellal turned to face the red haired beauty. Her face lit up the moment she laid eyes on him. She noticed he was always dressed inconspicuously in some dark clothing or hood in every one of their chance encounters, and a seven year separation was no exception.
"Jellal." A sweet and rehearsed voice greeted him.
"Hey." Casually his deep and honeyed voice announced, his shrouded face revealed tiny portions of a smile that grew by the second. "It's been a while."
Saying "a while" was clearly an understatement.
Both figures had remained silent for quite a while and not sure how else to supplement their conversation. Erza had always been an outspoken woman and she always knew the right words to say at the right moment but it had always been different with Jellal. It was the thought of him being there right in front of her, it changed the way she conducted herself, afraid of saying the wrong things and acting the wrong way around him. She heard him speak again in quiet yet calming voice.
"I take it you received my letter. I'm surprised. I didn't think you'd be joining me today."
He proceeded to pull his hood back and revealed the nostalgic features he harbored and it struck like an explosion of the past. The man's youth slightly escaped him, though his disposition remained as vigilant as ever, and his now longer fine blue locks framed his sharp and impassive face and a prominent crimson tattoo permanently seared onto his right cheek. The woman found herself lured into the depths of his enigmatic green eyes as he addressed her so formally.
"What kind of friend would I be if I didn't come to see you after so long?" She declared, and a bit appalled.
"I'm grateful for that, Erza." He thanked her softly and avoided the trouble of replying to her statement literally.
The sound of her name dancing off the tip of his tongue made the woman feel warm and uneasy all at once. With her own set of observant caramel eyes she could assume from his brooding face that he was having a hard time accepting the reality that the woman he once tried to kill was standing right before him and of her own free will of course. She couldn't care less about that anymore. She wanted him to feel reassure and that the woman won't attack him for any of the past misgivings he had conducted.
For several moments they continued to muse in awkward silence, giving each other a thorough inspection of their physical traits. Erza cleared her throat. She needed to lighten the mood between them. What could she do in a situation like this? Are they just going to stare at each other like this now? She paused with an entirely new topic.
"Well…uh… the guild is starting to build up again. Want to take a look around the new headquarters?"
"I'm…sorry but I don't think your friends would take too kindly to a person like me." The man wheeled his head to the direction of the hidden Fairytail building, "But I managed to take a quick peek at it as I was strolling by, and I think the place looks great."
This earned him a smile from the scarlet knight, to which he replied with his own. How unusual for the two to be referring to her guild in such a casual manner, Erza had to rove in it over in her mind a few times for it to make any sort of sense.
"Want to take a look around town? I heard they renovated a few new sweet shops worth visiting and—
"Honestly I would but—" He interrupted in his soft charismatic tone, and to her dismay, "I think we'd run into a similar situation."
The shy expression was dancing all over her features, thwarting her chance to reply with something sufficiently sensible in anyone's ears.
What kind of idiotic question was that?
It wasn't that he'd been trying to avoid her, but there was no doubt the magic council would find him within a matter of minutes at most, he'd walk into town and the second a guard spotted even an inkling of his trademark tattoo and it would be all over for him. A man like Jellal couldn't go easily unnoticed around the masses, and even though he was famous, there were repercussions to such a reality. She clenched her fist. No matter how long she had known this man, she had never had any idea how to react with him, almost as if she were reduced to a hopeless schoolgirl.
What could she say?
As if a heaven's most generous angel sent a miracle to earth and cast it down on a human, it would have been for Erza at that moment. The man offered and extended one of his arms to the canopy of green expanding from opposite of the town. The branded knight cast her attention along the impressive spread of nature.
It was perfect. There was no one to interrupt them—or her for that matter of fact. She had a lot of things to say to this man!
Erza nodded in accordance, as she followed her childhood friend down a rural dirt road.
The sun was shining magnificently from above, beating down on their heated faces as a cruel joke to their situation. They quietly trekked along the ocean of green blades, particularly to Erza; it had been avoiding ferocious tree branches that would threaten to smack her in the face. In one alarming moment she imagined Jellal witnessing that kind of embarrassment firsthand and cringed inwardly.
Their journey was quiet and contemplative, and consisted of many stops and rests, and admirations of the beautiful nature surrounding them. As they ventured through the thick green blanket of undergrowth, nostalgia's waves crashed harder and harder. There was the same hillside ditch; it was her go to place whenever she needed a secluded spot to cry. She spotted familiar motley of flower heads that would poke just above the grass fields that scratched her legs often, further along the path were rows of peeled trees that bore a thousand slices and carvings; they refused to be knocked down from the wrath of her deadly swords. To the side was an old, decaying log long softened by rot, and clumps of boulder chunks spotted with moss, and everything surrounded by the whizzing chirr of insects. This was where she used to train when she was younger, often she loved to be alone and practice her swordplay.
Yeah, it was awkward for them both…but the more their exploration progressed, the less they could unwind such tight feelings. She would show him every spot she loved to visit as a young, fledgling requip knight, and left no room for an unstated experience of the past. It was disturbing yet interesting to see his reactions to her liberated freedom around Magnolia after she had left the tower long ago. Being so far away from her guild, in such a place with a man she hadn't even once thought about visiting anywhere with was certainly not in her plans. It was just... the way everything played out was so...
Unfathomable.
…
A few hours later, and the sun proved to have sucked the energy from their bodies by the time it set. The air around them was dry and warm like it had always been in this part of the country. Jellal narrowed his eyes, and sharpened his vision to the nature surrounding them, and promptly turned his attention to the dense clump of trees in front of him as an area of rest. They took a short break, resting on a rustic bench under the cool grasping shade of the foliage. Her chocolate eyes detected the hooded mage take a seat right beside her, the metal shells of his trench coat clanked against the wood as he proceeded to make himself comfortable.
The silence unfolded for a few more moments, it had taken place since neither of the two mages had any idea what to say to each other. Perhaps silence was the best conversation?
She took the time to expand her assumptions about the dark mage, and if they should be allowed. He appeared the same, but his actions represented the different entirety living inside his shell of a body. Yet the more time she took the less of a chance she had to expel her thoughts and feelings. This was probably going to be the last intimate encounter she was going to have with Jellal, sadly to say.
"Do you remember it?" She blurted out as the thoughts of him had been weighing her mind down. Her heart was unusually constricted—tighter and tighter it went the more she spoke with him.
He paused briefly at her question, and looked into her innocent, naïve eyes. "I remember everything..." He murmured softly, expecting these words to come out sooner or later. "I killed Simon."
The atmosphere around them had suddenly gone darker, and it had only been fitting to their surroundings, as the dusk-lit forest could barely reflect the light from above. Erza remained just as silent. What she had gone through—it wasn't normal. No man or woman would be able to have a clear conscious nearing brink of the valley of dementia. It was far worse than hell, no, it was much more than that. It was her childhood that she could never regain. She could never undo what has already been done to her innocence, to her purity and the potential for her to ever become a human being to live life to the fullest. As a child, she was never allowed the luxury of holding her parents hands while walking through the sandy beach, playing with stuffed animals she received for her birthday, or even less to cherish a family photo to capture the happiest times of her life. She never had a happy child's life.
She had a slave's life.
And maybe she did feel like crying, maybe she did feel like letting her tears out because she never had the time to. She never let her feelings spill out for the world to see, because she never wanted anyone to know how weak she really was without her armor. She never wanted anyone to know how terribly she suffered inside that god awful tower, never wanting anyone the burden of a more fortunate life. And more importantly she was too stubborn to. Even if it was one eye she was crying out of, that in itself would be reminder of the torture and insanity she had undergone. She had a permanent scar, an artificial right eye that could never shed another tear again and at least halve the sadness that would pour down her cheeks.
Her fist clenched.
She was an idiot for even thinking about this.
She was sick of lingering in the past and dwelling on her past troubles, hoping that it would make her feel better in any way. Her past made her a survivor. It made her strong. It made her independent. And the worst part of it was that it took so long for the woman to realize the true reality of the situation. In a way, it was a mother who in the harshest of ways trained the girl to last in this world. How else could she have learned what evil truly was? Or what it's like to lose someone you love? Or what it's like to be betrayed and left alone? These experiences stacked up on one another and eventually hardened her disposition over the years. Without the incessant fears and horrors being spoon fed into her mouth, she never would've been the dauntless person she is now. True strength and resolution she was, not an ignorant, beautiful little fool.
The man continued in his gloomy tone. "Two friends of mine that you've already met—Ultear, Meredy, they broke me out of prison… if you're wondering how I've escaped. We formed a guild of our own in its purpose of destroying other dark guilds. Crime Sorciere. It was about a year after I had escaped prison. It wasn't pleasant, however it allowed for me to come to terms with myself. "
What did he mean?
"And what are those terms?"
"To destroy other dark guilds so that those in the light may prosper." The dark mage sealed his eyelids as he continued in a steady pace, letting a small breath escape his chest. "And the other is to atone for my sins."
"That's amazing!" the woman praised. This withdrawn and perplexing man had found it within himself to create a guild to help others in need. He was blossoming and slowly collecting the ambience of the young boy she once knew as a child, causing the woman to smile to herself. Fading sunlight shone in lined blotches, as it had been filtered by the looming tree tops that met high overhead. The wind ruffled their clothes, violently whipping Erza's bright red hair around the sides of her face.
His hood was shrugged back over his head. He wore it ever since the start of their journey, the beginnings of the road from Magnolia, and all the way up to this point—even before they reunited.Erza faltered at the thought of him having to conceal his identity for the rest of life, and a sad reality that was.
The woman scanned the untamed natural world, engulfing her all around perspective. It was quiet and primordial outside the town she buried herself so deep into. This was a place she would visit often as a child, as a way to vent out her past troubles and fears, and to take out her anger on inanimate objects. A lot good it did her. And that wasn't sarcasm; it really did shape up her drive to carry on through the cruel, cruel world.
She felt like the forest was whispering to her, through its bustling leaves and whistling winds, lightly tapping anything it could in the tangible world. It was as if the forest was trying to tell her something, but she was sure she'd never know.
His mouth turned down at the corners, letting his fore arm blanket his innocent eyes.
"After my long trip to Magnolia, I've finally assembled what little courage I had left in me to tell you that I'm…" His handsome face concealed entirely by his own skin as well as his navy cowl. Erza thought the man was too embarrassed to show his face as he exposed himself so openly. "I'm sorry. I'm truly sorry for everything I've done."
Her big brown eyes were widened at his sudden onslaught of lamentation and her quivering lips were open and prepared to hand him an argument if he wanted one.
"Sorry? You have nothing to be sorry for anymore."
I went over and over in my head how I was going to take your punishment the moment we laid eyes upon each other—in person. A slap or two at the very least." He snorted disapprovingly and shook his head. "I have a hard time believing you're accepting me as I—as the—" he paused, waiting for the right words to fall on his tongue. "Possessed demon I've been. Are you not afraid?"
This earned him a comical laugh from his beloved. "Scared? I'm not scared Jellal. And you're crazy if you think I'm going to reject you." She blurted out with much enthusiasm. "Besides, you went through all of this trouble to see me!"
"I know you have a deep hatred, burning inside you. So I—the reason I've asked you to join me today was to apologize for everything I've done. Even if you couldn't find it within yourself to forgive me, I would've made your life a bit more enjoyable if not mine."
"No… Jellal, I don't hate you." The woman replied with her own blundering question. "Do you doubt me that much?"
"Well, I…."
The woman sighed at his silence, shortly after an unconventional laugh. "And Jellal, I'm not going to hurt you. I'm surprised you came if you suspected such a thing!"
The frown of his just wouldn't lighten up, no matter how hard the frustrated woman tried.
"I would've been very deserving of such a punishment if it came to that." Jellal wouldn't look at her for some inexplicable reason. He only avoided eye contact, almost as if he were trying to mask his tears of anguish. But there was nothing.
"I've always known the reasoning behind your actions, Jellal. Clearly, none of it was your fault. And to blame you? That wouldn't be fair! And you know I'm not like that Jellal! I understand your situation, so there's nothing to forgive you for."
He looked to the side.
"They were my choices and—"
"You yourself committed to those actions. But it wasn't –you- deep inside." Erza pointed at his chest, hinting toward his authentically good heart. "You've proven yourself more than worthy in my eyes. You're a kind hearted and truly sincere man that you've always been."
"I'm never going to be that same person." His brooding green eyes were fixated in the darkness of the woods almost as if he had been trying to avoid her, and then he looked down under the dark safety of his hood.
"Jellal…" She sighed. It was like trying to catch loose paper in a violent wind, and boy was it giving her a hard time. Her agitation quickly culminated because of his constant self-loathing statements, and he was a constant reminder of herself and it wasn't something she found so amusing—something she did just so ironically a while ago. "Don't beat yourself up over every little thing of the past. The tower was not your burden to bear because it won't be fair to the people around you, and to the ones who've already been damaged." She stopped short, and she knew she would regret this, but proceeded to give an example. "Like Milliana, or Sho, or—"
His voice suddenly interrupted, but had lowered to a drastic tone as if narrating his own tragic story despite what she said.
"You were so innocent, such a passionate loving girl and I tossed you aside like trash. I wanted to use you up as if you were a mere stepping stone for a more ulterior goals—for which I'd give up anything, and anyone for."