It was after 3:00am, by the time Todd and I finally left the club. I was cool to drive, but Todd was so lit! OK Miss Hot Thang, Ball's in your court, he says as he tosses me his car keys. Want to bunk with me tonight girlie?, Todd says, as I start the car. Yea, that'll be great I say, as we head to the hotel he's staying in, between you and I Todd, I prepacked an overnight bag and put it in the trunk two days ago, I knew if I told Jimmy I was staying out over night ahead of time... Girl, you dont have to say another word, I've seen big bad daddy in rare form, front and center. You're always right on point girlie!, Todd says, bursting into hysterics.
Once we get there, I call Jey to let him know I'll be staying with my friend the rest of the night. I'd texted him several times during the night and all was OK. Jimmy had turned in early and given how much liquor he'd put away, his ass may sleep through the next two weeks. Once Todd and I get settled at the hotel, I call Jey. Hey baby girl, he says after half a ring. Let me take a wild guess, you won't be home til tomorrow. You're having a Mary Kay make over slumber party with Boy George. Exactly!, I say, tickled he's not pissed but has a great sense of humor at 4:00 in the morning. Yea babe, I decided to stay with Todd at his hotel, I say. That's cool baby, Jey says. How's Jimmy? I ask, still concerned about the drunken tantrum he'd thrown as I was leaving earlier. Don't worry about him Blu, Jey says. He's straight now. {I can tell Jey's not telling me everything, but I'll deal with it later.} Jey and I exchange our I love yous and we hang up.
Girl how do you do it? Juggling those two Samoan Gods and still walk upright? Todd says stepping out the shower in his flamboyant silk teal night gown. Oh my goodness Todd, I love that!, I say, once again admiring his eccentric taste. Thanks doll!, He says twirling around in fancy circles making me laugh uncontrollably. Todd, you really crack me up, I say, still laughing as I get my shower essentials. OK, I will answer your question in a few minutes, I say heading to the shower. {Showers aren't the same with out Jimmy and Jey, I think to myself as I shiver subconsciously.} As I get out the shower, I hear Todd arguing with his boyfriend Austin as I put on my sports bra, boy shorts and towel wrap.
NO, YOU LISTEN TO ME, YOU JEALOUS BITCH!, Todd yells, you don't need to know my every fucking move! I don't care what you heard, hell! I told you I'm with my sister Blu-Raye. I also told you two fucking weeks ago, I needed private sister to sister time with her. Blu, say hello to to this jealous BITCH, I STILL NEED TO TAME HIS ASS! HEY BABY GIRL BLU, Austin yells on speaker. Hi Austin Doll, how are you!? I miss you, wish you we're here too, I tell Todd's cute jealous Jamacian boyfriend. Had I'd known in advance, I'd been there too, Austin says. That's OK lovie. We'll make up for it, I tell him. Blu what are you wearing baby cakes? Austin jokingly asks. YOU KNOW WHAT!? GIRL BYE!, Todd says, hitting the dail button. {I'm in stitches at this point,} Todd you are one of a kind, I say to him. Girrrl, if Austin keeps pushing my wrong buttons, his black ass will be left with "one of a kind"! We both collapse on our double beds in laughter.
Ohhhh, I almost forgot. Todd says, pulling out two wrapped purple packages. Here you go doll, he says, crossing my side of the room sitting on my bed. Oh Todd! You didn't have to bring gifts, I say. Girl, just open them! Open the soft package first, Todd says. Oh my goodness, THANK YOU SO MUCH!, I yell hugging my awesome friend. OK girl put it on so we can take selfies! Sweet, I say removing my purple and black towel wrap. Oh my lord! Blu, it's Gary Coleman and Emanuel Lewis! Set them free already honey!, Todd says, pointing to my oversized pierced breast looking to burst out my sports bra. What are those triple Q's?, Todd says, doing the famous Macaulay Culkin face. I'm actually 44 double D, I say recovering from another round of laughter. Ohhh like the cough syrup, Todd says. {Referring to the old fashioned 44d cough medicine, made in the 50's and very popular through the 80s and early 90s.} Looking hotttt there mama! Todd says, licking his finger and making the hissing sound with his teeth! Thanks a lot Todd I say, imitating one of his fancy twirls. You're welcome doll. I know that teal is one of your favorite colors too, he says. We are so twins now.
OK girlie, SELFIE TIME!, Todd says. We take quite a few, and some of each other. I then give my amazing friend the biggest hug, thank you so much Todd! I can't remember the last time I had so much crazy ass fun, I just love you!, I say to him. Awwwwww, I love you more doll, Todd says hugging me tight. Now open this one, he says reaching me my other gift. Yesssssss! I say, as I quickly tear open the paper revealing my other gifts. My favorite poison I say!, Holding up two 5ths of Apple Crown Royal. Thanks Todd!, you're the best, I say hugging my special friend again. Girl, anytime!, That's what ride and die sisters are for, right? Todd says, as we high five each other. He then grabs two shot glasses and a 5th of Cuervo Gold from his bag. Todd no you didn't!, I say as he pours us double shots a piece. Oh yes I did sister! Put your C.R away girl, that's for your mouth only! You're going to need it to put up with your two "big Samoan daddies" at home, Todd says gulping his double shot same time as I did.
Now that the truth serum is kicking in, Todd says, how's exploring the heterosexual life again girl!? Ohhhh and who's the biggest, the baddest, and the kinkiest out of the two!? Are they bigger and better then Joey? Don't leave anything out, Todd says, laying on his belly anxiously waiting for my to the point raw answers. My goodness Todd!, You're in rare form, I tell him as I sit seven fold, aren't I always?, He says. Well Todd, to answer your questions, Jimmy and Jey are both damned good!, I say. However their love making styles are very different. Ohhhh girl, this is gonna be fucking hottt, I can tell by the way you're already blushing!, Todd says, rolling over on his back, sticking out his tongue and kicking his legs. Are you done, you freakish bitch!?, I ask, laughing so much my sides actually hurt. OK, yea, sorry, Todd's says as he sits seven fold like myself and runs his hands through his reddish Bob cut. Please honey, go on Blu-Raye, I'm LISTENING GIRL!
Well, as I was saying, I continue trying not to loose my buzzed train of thought. Jimmy and Jey have totally different love making styles, though I love ALL OF IT! Jey's the sweet gentle one. With him, I'm stroked like a baby kitten, which is also one of his many nik names for me. Awwwww Todd says, didn't Joey call you kitten too, Yes and "little girl" I say blushing. As far as Jimmy's concerned, he's just straight hardcore fucking! Like a mountain lion claiming and guarding his own, who also enjoys spanking my ass, ALOT, I tell Todd. Whoa girl! That's a huge difference in sex techniques alright, Todd says. Are they better then Joey was? Huh I ask Todd, what do you mean? What do I mean?! Todd says pouring us more shots, SEX GIRL! Sex with Joey? I ask, repeating Todd's question to myself out loud. Blu, DID I JUST LAPSE IN TO FUCKING SWEDISH?! HOW WAS SEX WITH THE SAMOAN ITALIAN? Todd says, Blu? You OK girl?, he says when I grow silent. I didn't realize I was crying until Todd was sitting next to me wiping my tears away. Oh doll, I'm so sorry, Todd says. I guess my drunk ass can't take a hint.
No Todd, you're fine, I tell him. It's just Joey and I never actually had SEX, I finally say. What? Blu, are you serious? Todd says in total disbelief. But you two were engaged and lived toether for almost a year. Yea, I know, I say, still teary eyed. Joey and I had an old fashioned romance going on, I continue to tell Todd. When we started getting serious, I was always so nervous and couldn't go all the way, from fear of getting my heart broken afterwards. Tiffany had it planted in my head and heart that ALL men were bad and only wanted one thing. When Joey found out about my past with Tiffany and the attempted rape when I was 15, he decided to take things slow and we then agreed to wait til we were married before I got "devirginized". It was his way of proving to me that there were still good men out there. Of course I knew he may have gotten his rocks off elsewhere, Joey showed me that there we're so many ways to "make love". And I was OK with that you know, which is why I was so devastated when he showed his ass and got locked up! It threw my whole life back off track, and proved once again Tiffany was right about relationships with men leading to nothing but fucking heartbreak. If Joey loved me as he claimed, how the hell could he do the things he did!? And how could he...{I stop myself mid sentence rubbing my suddenly throbbing temples.} You know what Todd, I can't stay on that subject too long without getting pissed off, I say handing Todd my shot glass for a refill.
Wow Blu, Todd says, near tears himself, no wonder you're an emotional wreck! Oh my Goodness!, Todd says, reaching me my refilled shot glass, were you a virgin when you hooked up with Jimmy and Jey? Yes Todd I was, {I finally admit.} But they don't know that, I say. Wow, girl which one were you with first? Todd asks. Jey, it happened with Jey first, I say. What was it like, Todd asks as he puts his arms around me and blows my curls out of my face, making me laugh. It was SO AMAZING. I was numb from the waist down for 24 hours afterwards, I say jokingly. I bet you were, you closet Harlet!, Todd says. Sooner or later you'll have to do them both at the same time you know, it's just part of nature in such a relationship. Sooner or later, a ménage à trois (French for "household of three") is a must. All ready done it! I say as I take another shot. WHAT!? ALREADY!? BLU, YOU'RE KILLING ME HONEY CHILE! Todd says. {By this time my buzz is in top gear.} I finally stretch out and lie across the bed staring at the ceiling. Girl, it's about time, Todd says. Do you realize you held that seven fold position for over two fucking hours!? Must be that "Blackfoot blood " in you. Do you still creep up on folks and scare the hell out of them at night? Yes Todd, I say, laughing. Believe it of not that's how I first sexed Jimmy crazy. I creeped in his bedroom through his bathroom, got totally naked and actually stepped in the shower while he was rinsing his hair, in broad daylight I might as well add. When Jimmy opened his eyes, he damned near jumped out of his skin. Then he jumped on me, I say blushing.
Ahem, don't you mean jumped IN you!? Todd says laughing and gyrating his hips. OK before your truth serum wears off girl, when did the fabulous three way happen? Oh that was about two weeks ago under the fruit tree, I say blushing. Shit I forgot what kind of fruit, I think pears, or was it peaches, I ask myself out loud. Girl who fucking cares what fruit it was!? Todd anxiously says, what happened under the damned tree? It was like a fariytale Todd, I tell him. Jimmy, Jey and I we're having dinner on the patio one night and the guys were laying the new rules of the house down. They were still pissed about Tiffany and the incident with my eye. So I was not to be left alone EVER. And they even started monitoring my calls. I finally had to unleash "pandoras box" by telling them about my past, except about Joey. They know he's locked up and all, but that's it. Anyway while we were talking, I notice Jimmy give Jey a nod of approval. I'm thinking he must want another beer or something and continue talking. Jey then excuses himself from the table, next thing I know Jeys putting comforters under the damned tree. Jimmy then whispers to me, they were going to love all my hurt away. Jimmy and Jey both lead me over...then they take OVER. I swear Todd, I slept almost two days straight after that night.
Girl I bet!, Todd says. Hell, you're tussling with almost 500lbs combined weight! Get old papa Kish to join in? Were talking Gunniess Book type shit girlie! Ewwwwww gross, Todd!? I'm going to go deaf and hear no evil!, I say covering my ears. you're a sick puppy!, I say, playfully shaking him like crazy. Bitch, I know that!, Todd says, fluffing his hair and snapping his black glitter polished fingers. I bet that boss of yours is a switch hitter girl, Todd's says, wide eyed with excitement. What?! OK, no more shots for you! I say, waving the damned near empty bottle. Just hear me out Blu, Todd says, barely standing. I was watching some vintage wrestling a few weeks ago. And honey!? That "stink face" move is outrageous!? Anytime a man purposely pulls his thong up his ass then sits and wiggles on another mans face, is NOT fantasizing about his Bitch at home, If you get the gist!? OK, Todd, I get it!, I say, actually falling off the bed. PLEASE, DON'T REENACT THAT AGAIN! Sit your fast ass down before you get our drunk asses tossed out of here!, I say, trying to regain my clam and sober composure.
Oh who the fuck cares girlie!? Its pushing 7:00 am anyway. Todd says. No way!, I say, running to peek out the blinds of the hotel windows. Shit, you're right, I say as I flop back down on the bed. What time do you have to check out? I ask Todd. Girl, when I'm damned good and ready, he says, as he lights a cigarette and scoots next to me. You know girl we might as well kick it the rest of the weekend, hell we're really just getting started, Todd says. Sounds good to me I say, but first I...I know Blu, don't worry, we'll get a few hours sleep then let you get home and tend to your "daddies" make sure they're content, then you and I will finish out the weekend showing off our big badddd sexy asses! WE ON MOCHA GIRL!? Todd says, sliding into bed with me, instead of his own. Yesssss, Miss T! WE ON! I say. {Its 9:00am when we finally give in to Mr. Sandman...