AN: The thirteen people that Sam talks about are going to be a mixture of HP and SPN characters. Remember this is an AU, so don't think that because they were the good guys in HP or SPN that they'll be good here, and vice versa. The events of HP will be mentioned, but the story's main focus is Dean and Sam's letters.

Update: Hope you enjoy the new layout.

"Don't you think Professor Lupin has been acting weird these passed couple of days?" asked Benny following the rest of the students out of the classroom.

Dean looked back at Remus Lupin who was asked back to replace Minerva McGonagall as Transfiguration professor. Dean was very happy with this outcome, because last year he was actually able to learn something in Defense Against the Dark Arts. It didn't matter that it was new subject, he loved having Lupin as a teacher.

Dean shrugged his shoulders. "Probably. I'll go ask." He didn't make it a habit to worry so much about teachers, but he did like Lupin both as a person and teacher. As good as he was, it didn't seem right that he wasn't okay.

Benny waited for Dean at the door while he went to speak to the professor. He had been Dean's best friend since first year. He met Dean when they were walking up to be sorted into their houses. Some dick had shoved him into Dean, and when he went to yell at the kid, Dean had beaten him to the punch. After they were scolded, Benny thanked him, but Dean said it was nothing. Once they were both sorted into Gryffindor, Dean sat next to him. He asked Benny if he wanted to be friends, and when he said yes, well... nothing else was needed to be said.

"Professor?" Dean said. He wasn't really paying attention, but that he was he could most certainly see that Lupin wasn't okay. If Dean looked close enough, it looked as if Lupin carried a heavy burden; one that no one should be carrying.

Professor Lupin looked up from his work. "Mr. Winchester. Do you need something?"

Dean shook his head. "No. Are you all right?"

Professor Lupin wiped his eyes, and nodded his head. "Yes, I'm fine. I'm just a little tired." Remus opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something, but closed his mouth. When he opened it again, he dismissed Dean.

Knowing that it was a lie, but not wanting to bother the professor when he seemed to want to be alone, Dean did as he was told.

Benny checked his watch and his eyes widened. "Dean, class is going to start soon. I don't want to get yelled at by Snape again."

Dean rolled his eyes, and checked his watch. "We have like twenty minutes, what's the rush?"

"Nothing. I just don't want to risk being late." Benny said avoiding his gaze. He figured that it was in his best interest to change the subject since he didn't want to get anymore encouragement form Dean. "Do you really think the twins are going to try and enter the tournament?"

It was no secret that Benny had gotten together with a Slytherin, and they liked to show up early to be together without the hassle from the others. Dean had told him plenty of times to forget about the what the rest of the school would think if they both came out about their relationship. Many times since they had gotten together, Dean told him that it if the feelings between them were real, what did it matter if they were in rival houses? Of course, he said that in the most manly way he could think of.

Then again every time he told Benny this, he always got the same response, "Confess to your Slytherin first before you start giving me advice about me and mine."

Dean allowed the change of subject and scoffed. "Is that really a question? Of course they're going to try. The question that needs to be asked is what'll happen when it doesn't work."

It didn't take long for Benny to agree. He nodded. "True. I would've totally entered it they hadn't restricted it to seventh years. Hey, did you finish the homework? I stayed up late trying to get it all done. Do you real-"

Dean stopped dead in his tracks. "Oh shit!" Without another word to Benny, Dean ran back to his room to get his homework. He didn't go through all that trouble of completing it just to not turn it in.

Dean made it up the common room in record time. He ran up to the sixth year dorms and saw his homework on the nightstand next to his bed. He grabbed it and shoved it into his bag. When he went to turn back around, he saw something he didn't recognize on his bed. Pulling back the curtains he found a stack of envelopes laying perfectly for him to find. Dean furrowed his brows.

Completely forgetting about his Potions class, Dean slowly sat down on the bed. He picked up the envelopes and examined them. Other than the lack of who it's for, Dean deemed them ordinary letters. Were they for him? Who would send him letters? Why were they numbered?

Dean tried to open number four, but it wouldn't open. What the hell? What kind of letter wouldn't open? Getting frustrated with the letter, he went to the first letter. This one was the only one that wasn't numbered. Inside there were two pieces of parchment. One was a letter, and the other looked to be a map of some kind.

He opened the parchment with the map, and saw that it was a map of the school. It looked just like the one that he saw Fred and George have at the start of last year. He didn't understand why they would give it to Harry, but then he figured that the 'Savior' of their world would need to have a map of the school.

He would've thought this would be the exact map that the twins had, if wasn't for the two reasons. The first being that Potter would never let that map out of his sight, and the second being that this map had circled letters at random areas of the school.

Putting the map to the side, he went to the other parchment and began to read. What he didn't know was that reading these letters were going to take him on the scariest yet most important journey of his life.

This is the first time I've ever done something like this, so... I guess I should introduce myself. My name is Sam Campbell. I'm fourteen years old. Not that it should matter, but with this school it does, I'm a Slytherin.

Dean tilt his head in confusion. He knew Sam. He- Why the hell would Sam write to him? He thought Sam hated him.

Uh, if you're reading this, I went through with it. Please, don't fault me for my actions without knowing the full story. It's not like I wanted to do it, but after everything that I've been going through, I had little choice. So whichever one you are, if you're reading this, then I killed myself.

He gasped. He shook his head in denial. This had to be a joke, right? No fucking way was this real. Sam couldn't have killed himself. Sure he hasn't seen him for some time, but that could mean anything, right? They were in different years after all. But if he were honest, Dean knew where he could run into Sam, or which way to go his class so he could see him. Or where he should sit in the Great Hall so he could see him. Or where he could go outside to catch him and his dick of a boyfriend and his group of followers hang out. He rolled his eyes. Merlin, he was a total stalker and he just barely realized it.

Each letter after this one will be numbered from one to thirteen. If you are reading this now, then you are one of thirteen reasons why I ended my life.

Dean's hands were trembling as his eyes went from word to word. This couldn't be right. What did he do to make someone... make Sam kill himself? Never in his life had he ever thought his actions, whatever they were, would drive someone such as Sam to commit suicide. He could feel tears swelling up.

You are the reason why I had to end my life. There are only two rules that you must follow. The first is to read every letter regardless if you read yours. The second is to send it to the next person after you. The last person... do whatever you want with them. Burn them, keep them, give them to the Headmaster... I don't care anymore. I guess I will no longer have a say. Number thirteen you had the strongest impact, which is why I made you number thirteen.

In case you are thinking about ignoring these letters, I must warn you: a certain someone who sent these letters out at the very beginning is watching you. That person has a second set to these letters and if you fail to complete your task, well... that person will make it their responsibility that the entire school knows what you thirteen people did to me to make me do this.

On a side note, I -

Dean had to stop. As much as he wanted to continue (even though a big part of him didn't want to), he had to get to class. He grabbed the letters and map and gently put them into his bag. Once he had everything, he high tailed it down to the dungeons.

It was the twelfth time he had checked his watch running down to Potions. He was just out of breath when he finally made it. He checked his watch one last time, and groaned when he realized that he was late. Going to Potions made him hate being a Gryffindor. He stopped at the doorway to class, and trying to catch his breath he went right in. Professor Snape was already in front of the class instructing everyone on their newest potion.

"Well, it's nice to see that you have decided to join us, Mr. Winchester." Snape sneered at him and went back to the class.

Dean fought the urge to roll his eyes. "Sorry, Professor."

"Five points from Gryffindor." Despite his tardiness, this wasn't the first time he cost his House points, and if he knew Snape well enough it wouldn't be the last.

After that Dean tuned Snape out. He went to his seat next to Benny. He kept looking at his bag. He really needed to know what else Sam wrote. He remembered when he first saw him in his third year. He thought he was the most beautiful boy he had ever seen. Not many people knew that Dean was gay, but he made sure that people didn't underestimate him because of his orientation. He could still kick ass when he needed to.

Dean ignored Benny's attempts at getting his attention. He soon gave up and went about their potion. Dean looked to the ingredients, and tried to follow them as best as he could, but his mind kept going back to Sam's letters.

Benny glanced at Dean, and saw that he was grabbing the wrong ingredient. "Dean, not yet." Dean ignored him. It looked as if Dean wasn't even there. "Dean. You don't put that in yet."

Who were the other twelve people? What did he do to Sam? If only he had the chance to tell Sam that-

"Dean, don't!" Benny went to grab his arm, but it was too late. Dean had already dropped in the Asphodel.

They only had a second to get out of the way, because as soon as Benny pushed him down to the ground, the entire cauldron exploded. Dean couldn't even fully grasp at the fact that Snape had taken away thirty points for his lack of attention.

Both boys were given detention, but Dean still didn't care all that much. Maybe when this whole thing was over, he would care; right now he couldn't. Dean was itching to get back to Sam's letters. Obviously it was important, otherwise Sam wouldn't have gone through the trouble of having these letters sent out.

"Are you alright, Dean?" Benny asked as they made their way to their last class.

Dean very much wanted to tell Benny about the letters, but he couldn't bring himself to say anything. He felt like if he did, he would be betraying Sam's final wishes. He felt that whatever was written on these letters, whatever they said, was only between Sam and all thirteen people. Not to mention the mysterious person Sam had chosen. Damn. He felt like this was a secret club. A club that he had no choice but to join.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Dean stopped walking. "Go on ahead. I forgot something back in Potions."

Benny narrowed his eyes at Dean. There was a reason why they were best friends, but this was one of those times that Benny knew that Dean needed time to himself. Whatever that was bothering him, he would come to him if he needed to. He nodded to Dean and waved goodbye.

Dean knocked on the door to Potions, and when he heard Snape allow him to enter, he did. Other than the Slytherins and the Headmaster, Snape would be the only that would know about Sam.

"What do you want, Mr. Winchester?" asked Snape not even bothering to look up from his paperwork. "If you're trying to get out of detention, don't bother."

Dean rolled his eyes. Such a wonderful man he was. He cleared his throat. "No, sir. I was wondering, um, do you know if something has happened to Sam Campbell?"

Snape stopped writing, but still didn't look up. "What do you want?" he forced out.

Dean couldn't deny that he heard, for the first time since ever, emotion in Snape's voice. He could Snape was gripping his quill very tightly. He tried to keep his voice calm and collected. "Where is Sam?"

Snape slowly looked up. "Mr. Campbell has passed away not too long ago."

Dean felt like his heart was being squeezed violently. It felt like someone kicked him in the chest and knocked the wind out of him. It was true. Sam was dead. "Why weren't the students told?" He would think that if a student has died, that the Headmaster would tell the school. It was only right that the whole school know and mourn.

Snape scoffed and looked him dead in the eye. "He's a Slytherin, Mr. Winchester, why do you think? Besides, his parents have ordered the Headmaster not to tell the students. Not even my House knows. Now I have work to do. Leave."

Dean had decided to skip his last class, and made his way to Room of Requirement. He needed to be alone, and what better room than one that's not even on the map? He had found the room in his third year, and has been using it ever since whenever he needed to be alone. The only one that knew about his finding was of course Benny, and his girl. He knew that since because they were from the Houses they were in, they didn't get that much time alone, so it was the least he could do.

Sitting down on a couch that the Room provided, he pulled out the letter and continued. He was fighting very hard against his tears. He still couldn't believe that he was reading the words that Sam wrote just before he died. How long after did Sam kill himself? How long was he planning this? What was even more terrible was that for some unknown reason, he shared a part in ending Sam's life. He helped twelve other people kill a person... someone that was important to him. Someone who didn't even know of his importance. Dean would rather spend his entire life in Azkaban, be tortured by Voldemort, kissed by a thousand Dementors, then Sam dead.

On a side note, I want you all to keep in mind, that even though it's too late for me, that you're words and actions do make an impact on someone whether it's small or not... good or bad.

Before I forget, while you're reading, the next letter will not open until you have read the previous. Just in case you decide to skip ahead. Also, in each letter, I will guide you through the school to certain areas that will help you understand what's going on. For that, you don't have to go to each point, but you never know... you might learn something.

Dean laid the map on his lap and pulled out the envelope with the number one on it. Was it wrong that he was terrified of what he'll read? He could feel heart beating rapidly in his chest. Was it selfish that he wanted his heart to give out so he wouldn't know what was written? The more he read, the more he felt his world breaking around him.

He shook his head, and wiped the tears away roughly. Dean had to do this. He didn't think he could handle this, but he had to do this. Was he number one? Three? Seven? Thirteen? Merlin, please don't let me be number thirteen.

Thank you for coming to the next letter. I really do appreciate it. I don't like the idea that anyone was responsible for having such a strong impact on me, but it was only right that regardless if I'm dead that you know what you did.

Was this him? Please, don't let this be him.

So, Draco Malfoy, I start with you. Don't be too surprised that you're first... I wasn't. Draco, my abuser in every way, my tormentor... my boyfriend. Now that I'm no longer alive, I finally have the courage to tell you and twelve other people what it was really like being with you. And now that there's the threat that if you don't read this, that a certain someone will share this with everyone... well, you have no choice but to read. Merlin, do I wish I was there to see your face.

Fucking Draco?! What did Sam mean? Abuser? Draco fucking abused Sam? How dare he hurt what was his! Sam was his and no one was worthy enough to touch what was his. True, Dean had no real claim over Sam, but if his fantasies were anything to go by, he had all the more claim than anyone else.

Dean was already getting pissed and he hasn't even finished the letter. He took a deep breath trying and trying over and over to get himself under control. He couldn't lose himself to his temper before he read everything Sam had to say.

Dean smirked. It was funny how at times he could be as gay as they came, while other times he could be the most badass Gryffindor anyone could think of him. Countless times since he's come to learn and accept himself as gay, he's had to put many people in their places and it wasn't always with the use of magic.

He's not one to brag about his magic, but he always learned faster than the rest of his peers. Since he was raised with muggle parents, he wasn't stupid to think that magic was the only way to fight against your enemies. Which was probably why he only had a small number of friends, and a shit load of enemies.

He shook his thoughts away. This was what he hated about himself: always drifting off when there was more important things. Like for instance, Sam's letters. The upside was that at least he wasn't as angry and wanting to kill Draco.

Taking a deep breath, he went back to the letter. He had to skip over the first part. He couldn't bring himself to reread it in fear that he would abandon the letters and murder Malfoy.

I remember when you first asked me out. I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't happy. You told me you really liked me and said that it would be good for me if you said yes. First point on the map is marked with the letter A. Go find it, otherwise stay where you are, that way you have a better picture on what it was like.

Dean took out the map, and looked for the letter A. It was the Great Hall. He packed up his things without really thinking about it. As he made it to the door, he hesitated. Was he really going to go out in public and read these letters? It felt like something he should be doing in private. He sighed. It's not like he had to go to each point on the map. Sam did say that all he had to do was read the letters, and pass it on to whoever was after him.

No! Sam wanted everyone to go to each point on the map, otherwise he wouldn't have bothered with it. He didn't know what the others did, but he wasn't going to ignore it. If Sam wanted him to go to each point he would. He was one of the reasons Sam killed himself, so he would just have to suck it up.

Making sure that no one else was around, he closed the door and made his way down to the Great Hall. Other than saying a few words to his friends and fellow Gryffindors, it didn't take that long to make it to his destination.

Dean looked around and saw that the tables were made to accommodate the Goblet of Fire in the center of the Hall. He watched as seventh years from every House put their names into the Goblet. He wondered if the twins already tried. That was something he would have loved to see.

As he sat down at the top of the bleachers in the far back, he saw that Fred and George were making their way in. They were waving their pieces of parchment, obviously with their names on it. Dean smiled and clapped with the others.

He rolled his eyes when Hermione went off again. It was one thing to be smart and do well in school, but it was another thing to be a smart ass and rub it in everyone's faces. He couldn't deny that the girl was nice and helpful, but he probably would've strangled her if he had to constantly be around her. He had to give Weasley and Potter credit for restraining themselves. Then again he figured that it helped when either you had a crush on her or you saved her from a troll.

The twins took out their Aging Potion, and was about to swallow when he had to say something. "Guys, I don't make it a habit to agree with Granger over here, but I might have to make an exception."

The twins looked at him and smirked. They drank down the potion, and jumped right in. When nothing happened, they gloated and basked in the applause. George turned to him, "Must you keep doubting our skills?"

Dean ignored them and went to Sam's letter.

When you asked me out, or rather told me to be yours, I won't deny that I was really hesitant on saying yes. Being the only Slytherin in my family, I couldn't help but feel alone. Not only were my family all Ravenclaws and Gryffindors, I had no say in our House. Now that I'm dead...

Dean really wished he would stop writing that.

I can be honest. I really didn't want to say yes. In no way did I want to go out with you. In our first year, you were a total jerk. You were arrogant, rude and a total idiot. I really don't understand how you thought for one second that you would be able to pass school and get what you want just because of what your last name is.

That was the one thing I really hated about this school, even before I came here. Everyone either wants to be your friend or steer clear of you just because of your last name. I mean, come on! I don't care who your family is. I don't care of your status. How I was put into Slytherin is beyond me. I only wished I was able to ask the Hat before I died.

Please, stop saying that.

Anyway, back on topic. No, Draco, I really didn't want to go out with you. Why I did is very complicated yet very simple. I was alone. I wasn't the type of guy who had others falling at my feet wanting to be with me. All those that I had a crush on rejected me not even trying to give me a chance. I'm not that much different from other people. I wanted someone to like me. I wanted someone to love me. I wanted... to be wanted.

I wanted you Sam, Dean thought, more than anything.

Even though I didn't like it, nor want it... I said yes. I agreed, because you were the first one to ever express that you wanted me. I was foolish, but I wanted someone. I was tired of being alone. Sadly, the one that I really wanted had no idea I was even there. I didn't exist to him. I was a nobody to him, when all I wanted was to be his somebody. As horrible as it is to say, I settled for you Draco.

NO! You were not a nobody. Dammit, Sam! I wanted you to be mine. I needed to be yours.

I guess I could've waited longer, or even made myself known to him, but I was too scared. Too scared he would say no. You said you liked me... you said you wanted me. I'm ashamed to admit that my wants were overpowering my needs. I wanted to be wanted, but I needed him.

Dean's hands were shaking. In his mind, Sam could be talking about anyone, but in his heart Sam was talking about him. If his heart was right, then it was breaking. If Sam was talking about someone else, that someone didn't deserve Sam. If Sam was talking about him, then... neither did he.

The next part of his letter tells of another point on it, which was in the dungeons. Dean had a pretty good idea where it was, and if he was right then he knew that he would never be able to go down there. He figured that he could sneak in, or follow some Slytherin inside, but in the end Dean decided to just stay.

So, either you're in the Slytherin common room, or you're from another House and you can't get in. Either way it doesn't matter. Well... to me it doesn't matter.

Draco, I can point out so many things that you did to me that would be reason enough for you to be on here, but to be honest... most of them weren't. Actually, there was only ever one topic in our relationship that made me want to commit suicide. It happened so much, that it was almost routine. After awhile, sadly I got used to it.

I'll give you an example. Knowing you as well as I do, I know you don't remember. So, let me refresh your memory. It was around the time Ron Weasley got his Howler. Everyone around, but some of the muggle borns, knew what that was. Everyone was laughing at him, and I couldn't help but laugh too. I didn't do it, because I was laughing at him, but because it reminded me of when I got mine the previous year. Anyone could agree that it's funny when it's not you receiving one.

Anyway, while everyone was listening to his Howler, my attention was somewhere else. Do you remember now? Do you remember what happened? Do you remember what you did? I do. I remember very well. To everyone else who doesn't know, I'll tell you.

Remember that guy I told you about that I loved? Well, I was looking at him again. Merlin, do I wish he looked at me the way I did him. I wished he smiled at me the way he did. The way his eyes would light up. If he were to just look at me with that signature smile, I would die happy. I guess you could tell who was the 'girl' in our relationship.

Dean couldn't agree with that. Sam was more of a man than Malfoy will ever be.

Little did I know, you were watching me. You knew very well who I was staring at. I thought I was hiding it well, but after what happened, I know I didn't. For everyone else, after breakfast, Draco dragged me back to his room, which would later become ours and he yelled at me.

You pushed me into the room and you said, "I know you were looking at him again."

I tried to deny it, I really did, but you didn't believe me. This wasn't the first time you yelled at me, so I wasn't really all that concerned about it. But it was what happened after that would later become an everyday thing. You hit me... well more like slapped me really hard. Hard enough I fell to the ground.

Dean couldn't deny that he was seeing red. His hands were shaking and for the love of all that was holy, he couldn't stop. He was reading Sam's words. He was reading Sam tell them all that he was hurt by someone who should've considered himself lucky that he could call Sam his. He rubbed his face. He was only sixteen, but he felt so old and tired. He chuckled. He was only on the first letter. If he was already getting angry on letter one, what was he going to be like when he came to letter thirteen?

Just as he was going to go back to the letter, he saw something at the corner of his eye... or rather someone. Someone with blonde hair. A Slytherin. He took a deep breath. He couldn't go after Malfoy. Yet. Sam's letters were more important. He forced his gaze back to Sam's letter.

Call me crazy, but that wasn't that bad. If it meant that I could look at him, and wished that it was him that I was sitting next to, then I didn't care if you hit me. You could've hurt me so bad I wouldn't be able to get back up. He was worth it.

Dean shook his head. Don't say that Sam. No one is worth getting hit over.

It's funny. You hit me repeatedly. You yelled at me like I was your child, and yet... things still weren't that bad. Maybe I'm insane for saying that, but it's true. The hitting, and the yelling were nothing. Honestly, I didn't care what you did to me. My eyes were on him, not you.

Do you remember that time in our second year, that you caught me looking at him again, and you dragged me back to the common room? It wasn't our room like the other times, now it was where everyone could see us. But it still wasn't that bad.

You pushed me down, and started yelling at me. You called me names, and insulted my family. What I never understood was why you still stayed with me. You knew I was in love with someone else, you knew I didn't feel that way about you, yet we were still together. You know why I stayed with you, yet why did you stay with me? I guess I'll never know.

I remember the student's gathered around us watching. You pulled my hair and screamed at me, "You are mine. If I ever see you look at him again, I will destroy his life."

My heart almost stopped at hearing those words. I knew you weren't lying. With the power and money your family has, I knew that you could and would do that. You and I both know what his status was, and where your family stood on that. I know that you remember what I did, but as for the rest of you, you want to know what I did?

I said, "I promise I will never look at him again."

Although that was hard for me to say, even though my love for him would never let me keep that promise, that still wasn't the reason why you're even on this list.

Dean couldn't believe it. He's never felt so angry in all his life. The amount of anger that was boiling inside him wasn't compared to the fights he's gotten into. It wasn't compared to the anger he felt toward certain teachers. No. This was on a whole new level. Dean scoffed. He was so angry that this wasn't even on a level.

He looked toward Malfoy talking with his friends. The seventh years had stopped coming in to put their names in. Dean was staring at Malfoy long enough for one of his followers to let him know that he was being watched. When Malfoy met his gaze, he had that usual sneering look. Dean had never hated him more than he did right now. Before it was just mutual hatred. He hated him for looking at him like Dean was beneath him, and for the fact that he was able to ask Sam out before him.

That all changed when he looked down at the letter in Dean's hands. That sneering look on his face was wiped off. No one other than Dean noticed that Malfoy was no longer looking like he usually did. Now he looked afraid. When Malfoy looked up at him, Dean knew. He knew exactly what Dean was reading.

Malfoy got up with his friends following behind him, out of the Great Hall. Dean smirked. Yeah, that's right, Dean thought. Run, you fucking coward.

Dean could see that he was almost done with the letter, but it felt like it would never end. He felt like Sam was going to tell about everything that Malfoy did to him. If Sam did that, Dean knew he would never make it to the last letter. Hell, he would never make it the second, because he would be sent to Azkaban for murder.

He didn't even notice when his best friend came up to him.

"Hey, dude. Where were you? You didn't show up to our last class?" Benny asked sitting next to him.

Dean groaned. As much as he loved Benny, he just wanted to be left alone. "Not now, Benny. I want to be left alone."

Benny snorted. "I have left you alone. I know something's up, so spill."

Dean didn't bother looking at him. "It's none of your business. Fuck off."

"Look, I don't know what the hell's gotten into you, but I'm your best friend. Tell me what's going on."

Dean loved that Benny was a great friend, but right now that's not what he needed. Right now... it's not what he wanted. He growled. "I'm not going to tell you again, Benny. Leave or you'll find yourself on your ass with a bloody nose crying for your mother."

There was silence between them, and Dean didn't think he would leave. He found himself ready to go through with his threat, but Benny got up without a word. He knew he was being a jerk, but he was too angry. He lifted up his letter, when he felt someone stand at the side of the bleachers below him.

"Never thought I would see you threaten Laffite."

Dean sighed. "What the hell do you want, Cas?"

Castiel was in Ravenclaw, and in the same year. He was once very good friends with him, but he was always stuck in some book. After awhile, they drifted apart. Then Benny became his only best friend. He figured it was because last year, Castiel had confessed his feelings for him, but Dean had turned him down. It wasn't like he wasn't attracted to him, because he was. He even thought about going out with him, but he knew it wouldn't be real. He couldn't do that to him. They both knew that his heart and soul belonged to another. He belonged to Sam through and through.

Castiel shrugged. "Just wanted to know what crawled up your ass and died."

Dean smirked, but it fell from his face. "Old friends or not, I will put you on your ass. I want to be left alone." When Castiel still didn't move, Dean growled even louder. "Walk away, Cas."

Castiel didn't seem bothered by his words in the slightest. He just walked off. Dean knew that he would have to apologize to both of them, but right now he just wanted to get through this hopefully not in detention, or prison.

The yelling and abuse wasn't that bad. I am positive I would've been able to put up with that. You all want to know the worst part? Draco, do you want to know the real reason why you're even on my list? No? Too bad.

This might seem silly and stupid to most of you, but it wasn't to me. This was the first domino. I don't mean to blame you Draco or the rest of you, but after what has happened... it's kind of hard not to.

The worst part of my relationship with you is what happened at the beginning of last year. Do you remember, Draco? I remember like it was yesterday. I kept my word to you that I would never look at him again. That was the hardest thing I ever had to do, because all I ever wanted to do was look at him, and pretend it was him that I was with. Maybe I'm messed up in the head after everything you did to me, but if I had to choose who to be hit and yelled at by, well... it ain't really a choice. If it was him, I would enjoy every strike. I love him enough to welcome every hit and hurtful word.

I would never hurt you Sam. I would welcome death before I could ever hurt you.

Anyway, because I couldn't look at him, I found myself with a diary. Everything in there were words of my love for him. I had pictures that I stole, or had my best friend take for me. I even paid Colin Creevey to take pictures of him for me. It was the only way I could see him. The only way I could have him with me. It was my most precious possession. It was something that represented my love for him.

Then came the day that you found it. Your friends came and got me in the only class we didn't have together, and told me you wanted to see me. I didn't think anything of it. When I got to your room, you were holding it. My heart just dropped.

You said, "What is this?"

I didn't speak. I couldn't. If I spoke you would most likely hit me. If I demanded it back, you would hit me. But I didn't do either of those things, and you know what? You still hit me. It wasn't anything that hasn't already happened. I didn't care. My face would heal. My soul would heal, because he would heal it for me. The marks would fade.

"What the hell is this?" you asked me.

For the life of me, I couldn't say anything. My focus was the diary. You pulled my hair, and pushed me to the bed. I don't want to go into detail. Just know that that was the day I lost my virginity... or more like it was taken from me.

Oh, Merlin, no. Dean could feel his eyes stinging.

Maybe I am the girl of our relationship, because I wanted my first time to be special. To mean something. I wanted it to be with someone I love and who loves me. I wanted it to be with him. I wanted to be able to say that he was my first, and that it was beautiful. I wanted to be able to replay it over and over. Even if it were only one time... even if he forgot about me the next day, I wanted my first time to be with him, but you took that from me.

Dean sniffed.

If you all could see me now. You would all think I've gone insane, because I'm laughing my ass off. I'm laughing because I still haven't gotten to the worst part of that day. Being raped was bad and it was horrible and I knew damn well that it would take time for me to move on from that, but it was what happened after that made you be my number one reason.

Once you pulled out of me, and you were by no means gentle, you grabbed my diary. I'm sorry to say that I had forgotten about it. I was only able to focus on the pain. I tried to get off the bed. I tried to grab it, but I felt too weak. I saw you pull out your wand and you pointed it at my diary, and you set it on fire.

It was bad enough I couldn't look at him. It was bad enough that you threatened him. It was bad enough you raped me. All I wanted was to have something to myself. I just wanted something that could keep me from doing this. That diary was keeping me from doing what I did. I just wanted something that would allow me to pretend I was happy. That diary kept me sane.

Every day since you first hurt me, I've wanted to kill myself. But I didn't, because that diary made me believe that we wouldn't last forever. That diary made me believe that one day I would have the courage to break up with you damn all your threats. That diary made me believe that I could be loved by the one who stole my heart when I first laid eyes on him.

I don't care if I could've made another one, because that wasn't the point. I didn't care how many times you told me he would never love me... never return my feelings, because deep down I believed that one day I would be his. Not only did that diary represent my love for him but it represented hope that I would have a better future... to be a better me... and you set it on fire. You set my hope on fire.

Maybe I'm being unfair. It would be wrong to say that nothing good happened between us. There were the small declarations of love you gave me, even though deep down it was only just to make me stay, and it worked. I wanted you to keep saying you love me. I wanted to be loved by someone.

I love you, Sam.

You know, I was wrong. I do know why you stayed with me. You stayed because of the power you had over me. You enjoyed what you could do to me. You enjoyed my reactions. You enjoyed hurting me.

After that, your room became our room. You left to bring in my things in there. While you were gone, I was able to put out the fire and save what was left of my hope. I sent it off to a special location. I know what you're all thinking: I saved the diary, so the first domino didn't fall, but you're wrong. What was left of it, was only one line. That line said, "I love him so much." But it wasn't enough. The first domino had fallen.

Dean had to turn away from the students near him. He couldn't stop the flood gates. The tears wouldn't stop. He tried to stop them, but they just kept coming. He got up and walked around the bleachers to hide.

He looked down at the letter not being able to read it again. Dean knew without a doubt that it was him that Sam loved. He wished that he would've listened to Benny when he told him to confess his feelings to Sam. Maybe then, Dean wouldn't be reading this. Maybe then... Sam would be alive.

After some time, Dean had gotten a hold of himself. Every fiber of his being demanded that he go after Malfoy. His whole being wanted revenge. He wanted... no he needed to kill him. If anyone were to look Dean in the eyes they would only see one thing: murder. Reading this letter, Dean knew that he would never finish this year. He knew that by the end of this year, he's going to be in Azkaban for murder. He didn't care about justice, he just wanted revenge.

Remembering that he had twelve more letters to read, Dean knew that Malfoy wasn't going to be the only one on his list. Come the end of all this, Dean Winchester is going to be responsible for twelve counts of murder.

Dean made his way out of the Great Hall not caring in the least that everyone went quiet when Krum came to enter into the tournament. He rolled his eyes at their stupidity. Not knowing that a pair of eyes were watching him go, Dean left.

The one that he loved was dead. He knew one of thirteen reasons why that was true. After he knew who else was on Sam's list, he was going out for blood. He didn't care who they were, by the end of this year twelve people were going to die at his hands.

AN: Thoughts? Any thoughts on who else is among the Thirteen? I know that Remus wasn't in book four, but I had to bring him in. I hope you guys liked it, and continue reading. Until next time. -Kauri510