AN: I've tried multiple times to write the way the elves talk, but I couldn't get it right, so for this chapter they'll speak in complete sentences.
I hope you enjoy it anyway.
Dean just sat there not looking at anything. He was completely zoned out. Benny didn't know what to say or what he could do to make Dean believe that everything will be okay. If he were honest, they both knew that nothing will be okay. Sam was dead and these letters were just hurting Dean even more.
He had been trying to get Dean to talk or make a noise of any kind for what seemed like hours, but he's just been stuck in his own head. Benny really needed him to speak, because if Dean got too caught up in his own thoughts, he'll be stuck inside for who knew how long. At a time like this, they couldn't afford to let that happen. They needed to get these letters over and done with so they can get their revenge or more like Dean's revenge.
"Dean?" Nothing. Benny sighs. He put the letter back inside the envelope and watched as it sealed itself. Benny had to admit that Sam was a really smart kid if he could do that. Even though it was a simple spell, Benny could never perfect it like Sam obviously did.
Benny had just realized that they still had more letters to read, and they had forgotten to get the others. He cursed at his stupidity. Benny called for an elf to come. He didn't have to wait long, since they wouldn't have too much to do since it was so late.
"Yes? How may I help you?" The elf asked as it bowed.
"Can you go to Gryffindor Tower and fetch a stack of letters on Dean's bed that look like this?" Benny asked showing it the letter he held in his hand. "But you can't speak of this to anyone, okay?"
Benny wasn't dumb. They were planning to kill twelve people, and the elves worked for the Headmaster. Obviously they couldn't give the elves a reason to speak with him. The last thing they needed was the Headmaster to know that they were planning something very bad. There's no doubt in his mind that they were going to do it; it was all just a matter of when.
"Yes. I will do that. Not a word to anyone." The elf disapperated, and reapparated within just a few seconds. "Will that be all, sir?"
Benny was about to send him off, but Dean's stomach took that moment to growl. Benny realized his own hunger. He figured that since they were going to be there for quite awhile it would be best to get some food into their system.
"Get us some food and drinks please." Benny told the elf exactly what they would want, and had to think of what to say that he knew would bring Dean back. He thought of one, but he didn't know if it was worth getting punched. There were probably other ways he could go about it, but none of them were as entertaining. Then again with Dean's temper he was hoping that he wouldn't regret it. He shrugged his shoulders. What are friends for?
He cleared his throat. "Dean, there's something I need to tell you." Silence. He took a deep breath. "I was given the letters as well. I'm one of the thirteen."
Dean's head whipped to Benny and immediately pounced on him bringing them both crashing to the floor. He brought his face close to Benny and his wand at his throat. Through clenched teeth he demanded in anger, "What did you just say to me?"
Benny chuckled nervously, "There you are."
It took a short moment to realize what Benny just did and why, and just as quickly as Dean's anger spiked, he was calm. He got off Benny and helped him up.
"Didn't think you were suicidal." Dean laughed, but quickly quieted when he realized what he just said and he went to sit back down.
Benny could see that he was losing him again. "Well, who else is going to go on the killing spree with me than my trusty sidekick?"
Dean snorted. "If anything you're my sidekick."
Dean never got lost in his thoughts after that. They talked for awhile as they ate. Benny had made sure they wouldn't talk about the letters or Sam until they were done. Even though the best thing for Dean would be to get to the next letter, he needed a break to wrap his head around what they had and will learn.
It was going very well, until Benny realized that Dean kept looking at the stack of letters between them. The number four was just staring at them waiting to be read.
Dean sat back against the arm of the couch and sighed. He wiped the sleep from his eyes, and checked the time. "It's getting late. You should get some sleep. We got classes tomorrow."
Benny knew he was right, but he wasn't worried about it. He too leaned against the arm of the couch on the other side. "I doubt we'll be getting much sleep tonight. As for classes, I don't care."
Dean smiled, but never looked away from the next letter. "Don't you want to see your girl?"
Benny had forgotten about her. He loved her very much, and he knew that if he went along with Dean through killing everyone, his future with her would be no more. Was it worth the love of his life? He looked at Dean, and knew the answer right away. Yes, it was most certainly worth it. Dean missed out on the chance to be with the one that he loves, and as his best friend he was okay with doing the same.
Not answering Dean's question, he gestured to the next letter. "Are you ready?"
Dean doesn't answer. "What if I'm next? What if I did something terrible to him?" A single tear slipped down his face.
"I don't know. If you're next, we'll deal with it. As for you doing something terrible..." Benny trailed off.
Dean turned away from the letters and looked at Benny when he didn't finish. "What?"
Benny shook his head. "As for you doing something terrible," he shrugged his shoulders, "it's not possible. I've never seen anyone love someone as much as you do him. I may not know much about Sam, but from what you said about his letters and what I heard, the kid was in love with you just as much as you him."
Dean didn't know what to say to that. Even though he wanted to believe him, he couldn't. In his head, he did something wrong to Sam. Why else would Sam include him? But in his heart, maybe Sam wanted him to know all of this? He wanted to believe that Sam has been talking about him in his letters, but now he knows without a doubt that it was him. So even though he was gone, maybe Sam wants something from him? But what?
"I need to know how Jo got my letter," Dean said out of nowhere. "I hate her so much."
"When it's her turn, we'll know." Benny knew exactly how much Dean hated the girl, but at the moment she was going to have to wait. Sam's letters were more important.
"She used it to hurt him. I wrote that too afraid to say it to his face. I wrote so many letters trying to find the right words, but I couldn't. I thought that if he gave me the chance after reading that letter, I can show him how much I love him through my actions."
Benny nodded and smiled. "Yeah, you were always terrible with words when it came to expressing yourself. But I'm sure the effort would've been enough for him."
After about fifteen minutes of them just sitting there, Benny knew that enough time has passed.
"I think it's time, Dean." Benny reached for the next letter, and handed it to Dean. Dean didn't take it, but Benny wasn't going to let Dean not continue. He knew Dean would never forgive himself if he didn't finish every letter Sam wanted him to read.
"Dean."
It took some time, but Dean did take it. He took a deep breath, and with shaky hands he took out the letter.
Shh. Draco is sleeping. I can't afford him catching me. I don't want to know what he would do if he saw me awake writing 'suicide notes.'
There are people out there who for some reason think that just because of who they know, or who they are it gives them the right to treat people however they want. I can't stand those people.
Dean frowned. Something was wrong with Sam. He sounded angry. Benny must have thought so too because he asked, "Does he sound angry to you?"
I don't give a shit who you are, who you think you are, or who you call friends. You treat others with respect! Everything you do to someone else has consequences. I've been saying that so many times since I've started these damn letters. And you know what? I'll keep saying it until you all get it into your thick skull.
I don't care if you're having a bad day, I'm sorry that you are, but don't treat others wrong because nothing's going right for you. You have know idea what the impact of your actions upon another person is. Hasn't anyone told you to think before you speak? No? Well, THINK. BEFORE. YOU. SPEAK! There, now someone has. A dead someone, but someone nonetheless.
"Okay, something must be wrong," Dean said quietly.
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be rude. I've been having a bad day, but then again all of my years at this school have been bad. So, what's one more?
Wow, I'm being really negative today. Okay, let's get back on track... if we were ever on one.
My point is, don't think that because of who you're associated with that gives you the right to use that to treat others wrong. You have no idea what that person's going through, and what you're doing could be making that person's day all the more bad.
Not many people want to admit it or even know that it's happening, but people (not all) do make an impact on them. Whether it's big or small, good or bad it's there.
So because of who you're friends with, don't think that gives you special treatment. You may not like it or believe it, but you're no different from the rest of us.
"Who the hell is this letter supposed to be for?" Dean asked not liking the fact that Sam was getting more upset. If anything he hates that Sam is upset at all. Sam is supposed to be happy and alive. Sam is supposed to be here with him god dammit!
"I'm not sure. He said 'special treatment', so it could be Potter. You know how he's given special treatment all the time."
Dean had thought about that when the letter first started, but in the end he shook his head. "Yeah, but everyone who actually pays attention knows that he doesn't want it. Even though he'll never get it, he wants to be like everyone else."
So, with that being said, YOU should've never let yourself be caught up in the fact that he was your friend. Everyone knows that you two are best friends, but who cares? I don't. I don't care who he is, and I don't care who you are. You treat people how you want to be treated. Haven't you ever heard of the Golden Rule? I was never taught that rule and I know it.
Merlin, I'll never understand what people get out of hurting others. This goes for everyone, not just you. I really want to know. What is so bad in your life that you think it's fun to hurt others? I'm not stupid to think that the whole world is lollipops and candy canes, but seriously. Why do you think it's fun to bully others? What do you get out of it?
Joy? Relief? Happiness? Peace? Popularity? Friends? A sense of authority?
Does it make you feel better about yourself? Does it make you feel strong and powerful? Do you think you're better than they are? Because I'm sorry to say it, but you're not. No one is more important than anyone else. Not the minister, or even the muggle president.
I'm not saying I'm some fucking saint, because Merlin knows I'm not but fuck. All of you who bully others, CALM THE FUCK DOWN! There's nothing wrong with being nice to others, even to those who are different. You don't like them because of their difference, fine, but leave them alone.
People like that is what makes me ashamed to be included with the human race.
Whoever Sam was talking to seemed to have really pissed him off. Dean isn't at all happy with that.
I'm sorry for ranting, but I had to let that out. I saw something today that really got to me. I won't say what it was because it doesn't matter, but I hated every moment of it. Believe me, Slytherin or not, I would've done something to help, but Draco was there. It's not an excuse to not help my fellow human, but my fear of him was too strong.
Anyway, now that I'm done ranting, back to the one whose letter this belongs to. I have a few questions for you, questions I'll never get the answers to.
Don't worry, Sam. We'll get every question you asked answered and then some.
Why did you come after me? What is it about me that attracts bullies to me? Am I wearing a sign? No, seriously. Is there a sign anywhere on me that I don't see that says 'Come bully me'. Was it because I'm a Slytherin? Was it because of who I was going out with? What was it? I want to know from everyone who hurt me, what was it about me that made me a target?
Benny never expected to hear Sam 'yell' but he's glad the kid is blowing off steam. With everything he's gone through, he needs it. He's surprised that he hasn't blown up with how much anger he's bottled up since the kid came to the school.
When Dean stopped, Benny was surprised on where this letter was going. "Huh."
Dean looked over at him. "What's wrong?"
"I just noticed that this might be the first letter where you're not the center of it."
Dean furrowed his brows. "What do you mean?"
"Well, the last three letters, Sam was hurt because of his love for you."
"So, you think it's my fault." Dean nodded. He had said many times that he figured that this was all his fault. At least now he wasn't the only one who thought so.
Benny shook his head, "No, I wasn't saying that at all. I'm just saying that it seems that there are other reasons why. More fuel to add to the fire."
Dean doesn't respond. Regardless if that's true, that didn't make him any better.
If what you did to me was because of every hurtful thing I said to you I'm sorry. I don't want to be mean to anyone. I don't like hurting others, because it makes me feel low. It makes me feel like I'm no better than the people who hurt me. I may not ever rape, abuse, humiliate, or threaten anyone, but the fact that I hurt someone doesn't make a difference to me.
Why couldn't you just leave me be? When I wrote down everyone that would be given these letters, I just have to say I'm not very surprised I would be writing to you... Ron Weasley.
"You have got to be fucking kidding me!" Dean screamed.
"Calm down."
Dean growled. He was starting to hate being told to calm down. How the hell could he calm down? How could anyone calm down when they're reading the dying words of someone they love?
I remember when we were actually friends. Can the rest of you believe that? Ron and I were actually friends at one point, but that all changed when we were sorted. I don't understand that. Does being friends with a Slytherin automatically make you evil? Does it automatically make you an outcast in your House? What is it that made you not want to be my friend?
Actually... don't answer that I think I know. Harry Potter. I mean why be friends with an evil Slytherin when you can be friends with the great Harry Potter? I mean, I wasn't too upset by it. There were other students I could've been friends with. Like him. I better not talk about him too much, otherwise I would never get to the point of this letter.
Anyway, not many people would think that you were such a dick. Maybe not even Harry and Hermione. After what you did to me, I don't see how they can still be friends with you. I mean, seriously, you're an asshole.
I get we didn't become friends like you and Harry. I got over that. What I don't understand is why you couldn't just leave me alone. I went my separate way and although I didn't enjoy being in Slytherin, I still did my own thing. Why couldn't you just do the same?
What the fuck did you do to him, Weasley?
Are you sure you're supposed to be in Gryffindor? When I heard about the hat, I didn't think that it could make so many mistakes. Maybe it's getting mixed up with the Houses. After all the damn thing was Godric Gryffindor's for crying out loud. The thing is hella old.
I may not be in Gryffindor, but my father was a Gryffindor. So, maybe I got it wrong when it came to the traits that you're supposed to have, but aren't Gryffindors supposed to be brave? Aren't they supposed to be courageous? Chivalrous?
You possess none of that. What the hell was the hat thinking. You, my friend, would make a great addition to the Slytherin House. With the way you treated me... we welcome you.
Do you remember in third year when Draco and I were outside, for certain reasons, you, Seamus and Dean came up to us? This isn't why you're on here but this is just an example of how you're a dick.
Anyway, I would've ignored you like I usually do, but I was with Draco. Kind of impossible. Like I said before, I'm not a saint. When I'm an asshole to others it's only because I have to be since I'm with Draco all the time. I was raised better than that, but how I was raised doesn't apply at school because I was never taught how to act as a Slytherin.
So, maybe I'm no better than the you all, but then again I never drove anyone to commit suicide or put them through hell. Or at least I don't think so. I hope not.
No, Sam. You're too good for that.
Draco was being his usual snarky self and I was reading my book, but then he nudged me which was his way of telling my to join in. I sighed. I closed my book and looked at you.
"What's wrong Weasley, Potter and Granger finally dump you? It's about time they realize how pathetic you are."
I'm not very good at insulting people, but I have to admit that even though that was a terrible insult I really did feel bad. I hate being mean to others.
You could never be mean to anyone.
Either you're really sensitive or you're just as dumb as your friends because you got angry. I mean it wasn't even that mean, but because of that insults were thrown back and forth. Wands were drawn. I didn't mean to attack you all, but I couldn't allow you to hurt Draco. Strange, isn't it? I mean he's bullied me, raped me, humiliated me, yet I protected him.
Whatever. I had my reasons. They were ridiculous, but they were my reasons.
After I blasted you three away, you threw your Death Eater insults at us. Not the worst thing I've been called. If you're in Slytherin, you get used to being called Death Eaters or potential evil witches and wizards or something along those lines. After three years, those were just words to me. I know who I'm loyal to, and it's not Dumbledore.
Like I said, that wasn't why you're getting these letters. I just want others to see that you're a dick.
Ever since Dean's first year, he's been hearing people call the Slytherins Death Eaters or future evil witches or wizards all the time. It could be true with their parents, but not all of them were. A handful of the families in Slytherin are neutral, and only a small chunk are on the good side.
No matter what, the students were going to believe what they wanted. And what they wanted to believe was that all Slytherins were evil or would become evil. On the first day of his third year, it didn't matter how many times Dean heard that, because he didn't believe that. He couldn't. Sam was a pure example that that wasn't true.
Even though it be wrong, if Sam did turn out to be Death Eater or became evil in the future, Dean wouldn't care. If Sam became evil and Dean couldn't get him to change his ways, Dean would join him in a second. If Sam wanted to murder the world, Dean would not object to murdering it along side with him. No hesitation or second thoughts.
So, yeah you can be a dick when you want to, or when you're around people that are not in your circle.
No, what brought these letters to you is what you did that night. Do you remember? I do. Next point on the map. Go have fun.
Dean looked at the map and saw that it was the library. Even though they couldn't go, at least they knew where they would be if wasn't so late.
So, you should be at the library, but don't go inside. No. If you're standing in front of the library, turn left and walk about seven steps. Turn right. Now first glance you don't see anything but solid wall, but step forward and put out your hand. You should see solid wall, but your hand meets nothing but air. I found this in my first year, and I usually come here when I want to hide. Not so much now.
I don't know how you knew about it, maybe you saw me go inside, but you did. So back to that night. It was last year, and I had earned an hour in the library away from Draco. Apparently I had been doing good, and he said I could get time on my own. I used that time to catch up on my homework.
'Earned'? Oh hell fucking no! Sam, you shouldn't have to 'earn' anything let alone time to yourself. I fucking hate you Malfoy.
...
Actually, that's a lie. No, I was reading a book. I grew up in a wizard family, but I found muggle books fascinating. The things muggle writers come up with. I have a thing for dark poetry, and I found this book by a famous poet. It was his complete book of his work. It was beautiful.
Madam Pince had a small collection of muggle books and that was the only interesting book there. I read it and Merlin it was wonderful. My favorite book ever. Anyway, I used my hour of freedom, not to read the book (okay maybe a little), but to watch him. I specifically asked for a certain hour on a certain day, because I knew he would be there. Okay, I'm a total stalker.
You're not the only one.
Getting off topic.
When my hour was up, I made my way back down to the common room, but I was pulled from the side. I didn't know who it was, but when I did, wow was I shocked. It was you. Why do you hate me so much? What did I do to you? I wasn't the only Slytherin that insulted you, and it's not like you're a complete victim.
You shoved me against the wall, and covered my mouth. Okay, I'll admit that up until that point I wasn't scared of you. But because of our positions, it brought me back to a scary point between me and Draco, so I froze.
"Shh." You said.
After the fear was starting to wear off, because I knew it was you and not Draco, I started to fight back. I wasn't going to let you get the best of me. I already got that from Draco on a daily basis, I wasn't going to take it from you. Hell no.
But despite my attempt to get away, you punched me in the stomach. I wasn't expecting it, so I hunched over trying to get air back into my lungs. You grabbed my hair and you whispered in my ear, "You should learn to watch your back, you never know who might sneak up on you."
My stomach was still hurting, so I didn't grasp your words. But you shoved me to the ground and you kicked me very hard in the stomach and chest over and over. I cried and begged you to stop, but you didn't listen. I was in pain, and I was hurting. Not all of the pain was physical either.
Ron, I want you to do something for me, it's the least you can do for being a dick to me. I want you to go find a dictionary, and look up the word, 'STOP'. When you hear someone say that to you, embrace the definition.
After what seemed like forever you stopped, but you didn't leave. You bent down, and I'm ashamed to admit that I flinched away from you. "Please, don't." I begged.
"We should do this again Snake." And that was it. You left.
Doesn't seem like a big deal, does it?
Oh, but wait! I'm not done. The night wasn't over. While you went and played best friend to Potter and Granger, I still had to go back down to the common room. Do you know how far it is from the library? Do you know how far it seems when you're in pain? It feels like you're walking the fucking desert. Do you know how much I struggled to get down there in as much pain as I was feeling? No, you don't... unfortunately.
I'm going to fucking kill you, Weasley!
Did I mention that I was given a time limit by my dear old boyfriend? After the hour, I'm given ten minutes to get back to the common room, or I'll get in trouble. Do you know how long after the hour I arrived? Fifty-seven minutes. I should know, I counted.
When I got back down to the common room, Draco was waiting there with his friends. I thought maybe he won't be too angry. Maybe he'll be too tired, or that he won't be in the mood. Yeah, I was wrong.
One look at me, and all laughter from his face was gone and was replaced by anger. He walked up to me, and I knew he could tell I was in pain. He lifted up my shirt, and he was disgusted or probably embarrassed of me by all of the bruises that already started to form. Maybe both.
Regardless of which, I could see behind that of what he was really feeling. He was feeling horny. I wasn't. I'm hardly ever. He ruined that for me. I tried to get him to do it another day, even though I didn't want to do it at all, but he dragged me to our room and slammed the door shut. Once that door shut, I had no choice.
Fucking Malfoy.
I'm not sure I can continue with these letters anymore, because I'm getting more depressed by just writing what happened. I mean these are the events that made me write these letters now, and to go back and recall what happened... is not something I want to do.
But I will, because there is one person that I want to read these. More than the others, I want to speak to you, and you alone. But if you can, just wait a little longer. Your letter is what is keeping me from stopping... keeping me from doing it.
"But you still did it!" Dean threw the letter onto the floor and turned away from it. "You still left me!"
Benny doesn't even react to his outburst. If he was in Dean's place, he would be doing the same thing. With what he was going through, Dean needed to let off his anger. He didn't even react when lightning struck near him.
It's sad really. Dean has been trying for years to control his magic when it reacts, but nothing ever worked. But give him a bunch of suicide letters from a boy he loves more than life itself, and he'll have it down in a matter of hours.
AN: Like it? Until next time. -Kauri510