AN: Now that I'm outing the letters and character chapters in one, this story might be shorter than I originally thought. Oh well. At least now you will get the whole story sooner. Anyway, another chapter. Enjoy!

Benny watched as Dean yelled at Sam. He didn't know how to react as he watched his friend express how hurt he was, and he couldn't blame him. Sam has been saying how much he loves Dean, and the fact that he still killed himself... he couldn't imagine how Dean was truly feeling.

He sighed and rose to his feet. "Dean." He turned his friend around. "We need to keep going. We can't stop now."

Dean crossed his arms and looked away and pouted like a small child. "I don't want to."

Despite that, Benny chuckled. "Yes, you do. Until you don't, we're going to keep going." They sat down. "Do you want me to read one? I don't mind."

Dean nodded as he was guided back to the couch. He knew that he should be the one reading the letters, but he couldn't bring himself to read another one. He was feeling so much hurt, and be just wanted this all to end.

Sorry, Sam. Dean wrapped his arms around his knees. I can't handle anymore pain right now. I'm not as strong as you are.

Another letter. Another tormentor. Another reason why.

Unlike the others I've addressed a letter to, not everyone who hurts people are terrible people themselves. Not everyone is as mean and nasty as the others are. So, you aren't like the others. But you still found a way to hurt me. And the troubling thing is, you didn't start it. In no way, did you go out of your way to come and hurt me like the others. I'm the one that started all this shit.

Because of who you are, I'm sorry that you're on here, but everyone who hurts another person must be held accountable for the things that they do. Every action has consequences, and because of who you are you're no different.

So, what did you do that earned a place on here? I don't know if it'll make a difference, but I'm going to explain to you what your actions did to me. I'm going to explain how hurting people can be done in different ways. So it's your turn... Professor Lupin.

There was silence between the two for a few moments. They didn't know what to say. What could be said? A teacher they had come to admire since he had shown up shared responsibility with the rest of them in killing Sam.

"I wasn't expecting to find out a teacher was included with you all," Benny said. He had come to really look up to Lupin. Was it strange to feel a little betrayed?

"Well, this changes things."

Benny looked up from the letters at Dean, but he was just staring off into space. What did that mean? Lupin having a role in Sam's suicide didn't change things. Did this mean Dean changed his mind about killing everyone who shared a part in Sam's death? Benny didn't know how he felt about that.

"What do you mean? Have you changed your mind?" Benny was a little afraid of what Dean's answer would be.

Dean turned to look at him and narrowed his eyes. "Don't be stupid. They're all still going to die. That won't change."

"Then how-"

"Lupin being apart of this changes how we're going to go about doing this. At first we were only dealing with students. Younger students who we can take down easily, but now we have to deal with someone who is more experienced than we are."

Okay, Benny didn't think of that. He was right. Lupin was far more experienced than they were. He's very skilled in Defense seeing as how he was a teacher, but it didn't matter. Lupin wasn't going to get off because of experience. If anything, Dean's power would give them an advantage.

Dean really liked Lupin, but it didn't change his fate. He was going to die right along with the rest. He was just sorry that it had to come to this.

This might seem strange to say since I've pretty much attacked the rest of you, but I'm not angry with you Professor. I've tried to be angry with you, I've tried very hard to bring myself to feel some kind of anger towards you, but I can't. I'm not going to hold anything against you. I know how much a lot of the students really enjoyed you as a teacher especially when you were our Defense teacher.

Regardless of what House I'm in, I would be lying if I didn't like your teaching methods better than the others that I've had since I've been here.

Despite all of the wonderful things you have taught us, I can't let you off the hook when I didn't let the others before and after you. Like I said to Luna, that wouldn't be fair, would it? As I write these letters to you all, I'm trying to be fair.

So, even though I'm not angry with you for what you did, your actions made a big impact. It may not have been the biggest like Number 13, but still big. I never told you, but I was very disappointed in your actions. Why? Because if you haven't noticed in my other letters, I kept what was done to me to myself. When I came to you, you were the first person that I've ever told anything let alone everything to... and you let me down.

Dean's eyes widened. Sam told Lupin everything? He bit his lip trying to get it to stop trembling. Why? If Sam loved him as much as he had said he did, then why didn't he come to him? Even though this happened a long time ago, he couldn't help but feel jealous.

I have a best friend or rather two best friends. They are amazing girls, and anyone would be lucky to be able to call them friend, but not even they knew about what was going on with me. Not because I didn't want them to know, but because it's kind of hard to tell them when they're in another House and I'm stuck with Draco all the time.

So, you were the first one I went and confided everything to.

Do you remember last year, when you gave me that detention. It's funny that even though that was a very important day, I don't remember what I did to get that detention. Do you?

Anyway, whatever it was isn't important. What's important is the fact that I went to you at all. Did you know that it took multiple times for me to even try and get a detention from you? When I finally did it, when you finally gave me what I wanted, you have no idea how much courage it took to do it.

Did you, anyone of you, know that no one really ever wants to die. No. Even though people try to commit suicide or even go through with taking their life, they don't really want to die. They actually want the pain they feel to end. They just want to be happy, to feel like they're worth it. That they have meaning and a purpose.

I didn't want to die then, and I don't want to die now. I don't want to commit suicide, because then I'll be giving up the chance to be with him. I didn't care what I've gone through up until then, I just wanted some help, and you seemed like the perfect one to help. Not only did you seem trustworthy, you were a teacher. You had authority over the students. You could help me more than my friends, or any student.

I would've helped you, Sam. I would've dropped everything, given up everything to help you no matter how hard it would be.

Now it's time to go to the next point.

Benny pulled out the map, and found the next point. Dean didn't even bother moving from his position. He just waited for Benny to tell him.

"It's the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom."

Dean didn't even bother saying anything in response, but he could tell Benny knew he was still listening. How could he not?

You should be at the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom. Well, this will save you all from wondering where I'm at during this whole thing, because everything takes place here.

When you gave me that detention, I was relieved. I felt like finally! this burden that I was feeling for years will be lifted. I felt like after this I won't have to deal with the others and Draco, hopefully ever again.

I walked into your classroom, and you were waiting at your desk probably already knowing what you would have me do. Something I had no plan on doing. I didn't want you to have the chance to turn me away to do whatever task you wanted from me. And I didn't want to give myself a possible way out, because I knew that I needed help.

So, before you said anything, I came out and said it, "I've been thinking about killing myself."

I've heard of the expression about it being so silent that you can hear a pin drop, well I can say that that's no longer just an expression.

You didn't say anything at first. You just stared at me shocked, and while you looked like that, I was happy. I finally took that first step that I've been too scared to take for a long time.

You were shocked, I could tell, but you quickly collected yourself. "Why? What's wrong?"

I could tell right off the bat that you've never been in this situation, but the fact that you didn't turn me away was just awesome. It meant so much to me.

After you asked me that, everything that has happened to me came rushing out. I didn't know that I was such a big talker until that night. None of you know how much relief and happiness was flooding through me. When I was done, I was tired. It felt like I ran a fucking marathon.

You didn't interrupt me once. You just stared at me for awhile. I didn't mean to dump this on you, but you seemed like the perfect teacher to come to. I'm sorry if that's not a position that you ever wanted to be in. Maybe you can go to the Headmaster and see if he can get a counselor or a therapist at the school. That's what a lot of Slytherins and maybe some students from the other Houses need. What kind of school doesn't have either a counselor or therapist? Just because we're magical, doesn't mean we can't have issues as well.

So I just sat there waiting for you to speak. I actually thought maybe I was wrong in coming to you, because the silence was getting uncomfortable. And that's saying something, because I've been in plenty of uncomfortable situations.

Finally, "Well, first of all thank you for coming to me. I'm glad you trust me enough for this. Second, I'm so sorry that happened to you. No one should ever have to go through anything like that."

You have no idea what I was feeling. I don't even know what I was feeling. I was going through so many emotions and thoughts were running through my head. It was a like storm going on in my brain.

"Okay, we need to do a few things. I know you trusted me enough to talk to me, but I'm going to need you to trust me just a little more. Can you do that?"

Honestly, I didn't know. So many things were happening inside me. Part of me was scared of what I did by telling you, but a bigger part was relieved and happy that I did. I know I needed to talk to someone about what's been happening, but I was still scared. I was scared of the consequences that my telling you would cause.

What if nothing could be done, and Draco hurt me even more? What if Ron would be angry that I told what he did and he came after me? What about the others? I was hurting so much as it was, and I didn't want to go through any more. I really wanted to believe that you could help me. I prayed and begged every god out there that was listening to me or who happened to overhear me that you could help me.

So, I said yes.

"First, I need you to come with me." You got up and went to collect your coat.

I couldn't help but be confused. "Where?"

"We need to go straight to the Headmaster."

I won't lie, that scared the hell out of me. It scared me, because what happens if we do and he couldn't do anything? I know he cares about his students, but we all know there's only one student he cares about more. Not that I don't understand why, because I do. Our savior gets priority. I was scared that what happens if he does do something and everyone that hurt me gets punished, what does that mean for me when the friends of those people find out? Because of my relationship with Draco, I'm not exactly that well liked or at all.

I like you. Hell, I fucking love you, Sam.

I stood up looking as panicked as I felt. "No!"

You looked at me confused. "What? This has to reported. As a teacher, I can't keep quiet about this."

I didn't know that. I really wouldn't have gone to you if I knew that.

You walked up to me obviously concerned. "It's not just because I'm a teacher, but as a human, I can't just let you go back to that when I can do something to change that. I can't in my right my mind do nothing about this."

And you know what? I was willing to do it. I was willing to go with you and tell the Headmaster everything, but for some reason I couldn't which was why I said what I did next.

"I'm not ready. Can we do it tomorrow after classes?"

This was big for me. It was a big step that I took, and I was feeling overwhelmed. It was too much for me for one night. I said it all once, I doubt I would be able to do it again, at least not in one night.

I could tell you didn't want to do it, but you could see that I wouldn't be able to do it. So you agreed that I would go to you after classes the next day and we would go together. You warned me to be careful, and you let me go.

"What?!" Dean yelled. "Are you fucking joking? He was right there! You fucking idiot. He was right there, alive, and you let him go!" Dean screamed at the letter as if it was really Lupin.

Benny didn't think it was worth getting glared at by telling him that he was yelling at a letter.

Dean couldn't believe it. If Sam told him what's been happening to him, and then asked if they could wait to report, Dean would say no! Dean loves Sam enough that it would be worth Sam hating him if it meant that something could be done for him. If it meant that Sam would be alive, it would be worth Sam never talking to him again.

The next day all throughout classes I kept thinking about what was going to happen to the students who hurt me. I was scared of what would happen if nothing could be done. What do I do if Dumbledore didn't believe me? What happens to me then?

When the time came for me to go to your class, I was sweating bullets. I told Draco that I had another detention with you, and he believed me. He slapped me before I left for my stupidity, but I didn't care. That day was going to be the day everything would change for me. Whether it was going to be good or bad, I didn't know yet.

I arrived at your class a few minutes early. I took that time to make sure I was ready for this. I had to make sure that I was ready to repeat everything that I went through. No matter what, I had to do it, so I could be happy. I could be free. I promised myself right then and there that if we went to the Headmaster and something was done about it, I was going to walk right up to him and confess my feelings. If he didn't return them, then okay. It wouldn't be the end of the world. It would make the world a sad place to live in because I didn't have him, but I'd be free to at least try and be his friend.

So that was it. I had made up my mind. I was going to do it. I took a deep breath, and opened the door. You want to know what I saw when I went inside? Nothing. I didn't see anything or anyone. You weren't there.

My eyes began to sting with tears, but I didn't want to jump to any conclusions. Your door was open so maybe you stepped out for a moment. Maybe you went to the Headmaster's office to tell him we were coming. Maybe you were worried about me and went looking for me. Or maybe I was in denial.

I was about to make my way out and go to the Headmaster myself to see if you were there, but that's when I heard yelling. I thought someone was hurt, so I went to check it out. There was a door at the back of the classroom that you didn't want anyone going into, but I still went.

I peaked inside, and I saw you. I was about to come in ask if you were alright, but that's when I saw you helping Harry up. I went inside without asking for permission, because I thought he was hurt and that maybe you needed help.

That's when you both spotted me. "Did you need something, Sam?" you asked me.

Did you not realize how much my heart wanted to break at that question? How much I wanted to cry?

I thought maybe you forgot. People forget things all the time, right? "Weren't we going to see the Headmaster, today?" No one could deny that my voice was shaky, but you seemed to have not been bothered by it.

"Oh, that's right. I'm sorry, Sam. I must have forgotten."

That was okay. That happens. I smiled a little thinking that we were going to go.

"I'm sorry Professor, I didn't think you had other things to do today," Harry said. He looked as if he was about to leave. I smiled at that. "We can try again another day." He went to turn away, but then you stopped him.

"No, wait, Harry. It's important that you get this right." You looked to me. "Sam, I'm in the middle of teaching Harry something important."

My jaw dropped. You couldn't be serious.

"Why don't you come back tomorrow, and we'll do it then, okay?" Without waiting to know if I was okay with that, you walked me out back to the classroom, and shut the door in my face.

I didn't fight against the tears anymore; I let them out. When they came out, there was no stopping them. I didn't want to stop them. What was the point?

"Lupin, you son of a bitch!"

The next day, class went like it usually did. You went on to favor the Gryffindors, and hardly payed attention to us. I figured that after what happened with whatever you were doing with Harry must have made my issue slip your mind.

I didn't know if you truly forgot about what I told you, or what had been going on with the school, or Harry or that the fact that the full moon was coming. Yeah, that's right. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that you're a werewolf. Missing classes on full moons, having Professor Snape teach on those days, and the fact that you're always tired after the full moon. It's not that hard to figure out if you're paying attention.

Benny smirked. Smart kid.

So, after classes I went to see you again like you told me to, but your door was locked. I knocked and waited but no answer. I tried again the next day, but you told me you were busy with grading papers. I went to you over and over and over. It was always some excuse or another. You always told me to come back the next day, until after two weeks, I stopped.

In the end, Professor, you didn't do anything bad to me like the others. You didn't hurt me. You didn't do anything wrong... you didn't do anything. But that's the problem, isn't it? The fact that you didn't do anything. I went to you, and it took a lot of courage to do that, and you didn't do anything.

"I can't in my right my mind do nothing about this."

What happened to that? Change your mind already?

Maybe it's my own fault. I mean, you did want us to go to the Headmaster, but I refused. I didn't want to go that night, because I wasn't ready. So I can't blame you for that one. In fact, I'm not blaming you for that one.

What I'm blaming you for, what I want you to take responsibility for, is every time after that. I went to you scared out of my mind of what the consequences of my actions would be. I went to you when I finally had the courage to do it. I went to you every single day after that night, and you turned me away.

You could've told me to go to the Headmaster myself. Would I have done that, I wouldn't know. You could've told my Head of House and made him go with me. Would I have been angry with you, probably. You could've called the Headmaster and told him that I needed his help if you were too busy. Would I have been brave enough to do it on my own, I wouldn't know. Do you understand what I'm saying? If you didn't want to help me yourself, then you could've done any of that.

So, I don't hate you Professor, because you did anything wrong to me. I don't hate you because you did anything to hurt me in any way. What I do hate you for is the fact that you did nothing... and that iswhat hurt me in the end.

Benny quietly put the letter back in the envelope as he listened to Dean's cries. He didn't try to comfort Dean, because there was no comfort in the world that would make Dean feel better. The way things would go, the way this would all play out, he didn't think Dean would even want to be feel better.

Dean laid his head on his knees and cried. "He was right there," he said through his tears.

AN: Thoughts? Like it? Until next time. -Kauri510