AN: Dean's turn. Thank you for answering my question in the previous chapter whether you put it in a review or simply answered the question to yourself. You didn't have to, but the fact that you did thank you. Enjoy!

"I'm next?" Dean asked softly.

Castiel nodded. He slowly brought the letter back to him and looked down at it in envy. "I wasn't lying when I told you that I still love you. I've been wanting to wait to tell you, but I guess I waited too long. But even if we went out, he still would have came to the school. You would still have eyes for him."

Dean felt really bad for Castiel, because he knew how much he loved him and wanted them to be together. Dean didn't want to string him along, because he loved Castiel. Maybe not in the same way that he would ever love Sam, but in the same way as he loved Benny.

"I'm sorry, Cas." And he was.

Castiel smiled sadly and shook his head. "It's okay. As soon as Sam walked through the Great Hall to be sorted, I knew that you and I would never be together. The look in your eyes when you saw him, I knew my chance with you was gone. I still took a chance and told you how I felt hoping that there was a small possibility, but I knew there wasn't."

"Cas?" There was one thing he had been wanting to know since Castiel had shown up. Castiel looked up from the letter at him. "How do you know about the letters?"

Castiel took a deep breath. "Because I'm the one Sam sent the letters to just before he died. He wanted me to send the letters to Malfoy, and make sure that everyone after him read the letters."

"Why you?"

"I don't know. Sam and I never really talked before, and he never did say in the letter he sent me. I know how much you both love each other and because I love you, I made sure that I would honor his request. Because Sam loves you, and you love him, I cannot allow you to walk away without reading his letter for you. I don't care how much more powerful you are than me, I'm not letting you leave here without knowing what Sam went through for you."

Benny crossed his arms and asked, "Do you have the letter he sent to you?"

Castiel had a feeling that either Dean or Benny would ask about it, so he pulled it out of his pocket and held it out to them. Dean took it and unfolded the letter.

Castiel, my name is Sam Campbell. I'm a Slytherin in my fourth year. Along with this letter, there are thirteen others. I know you don't know me, but I hope that you won't let that stop you from doing a favor for me. I sent you these letters because as of right now I have committed suicide. In these letters you have received are thirteen reasons why I did it. The favor that I need from you is to read the copy of each letter and send them to the first person. I need you to make sure that everyone reads them and sends it to the next person after them. If they don't, the copies you have are to be shared to everyone in the school, but I can't force you to do anything. You can throw them away and I can't stop you. So even though you do not know me, I hope you can do this one thing for me. Thank you.

Dean hands him back the letter not knowing what to say. He knew that Castiel couldn't be lying since he knew about the letters, but he did suspect that Castiel shared a part just like the rest of them. Reading the letter, Castiel was certainly the one Sam picked.

Dean stared at the letter that Castiel was holding; his letter. The letter that was always meant for him. He's been wanting to know what he did to add to the many reasons why Sam killed himself. He's been wanting to get his letter over with since the beginning. He's been wanting that letter and now that it's his turn, he's not ready. Yet...

Castiel holds out the letter again, and Dean reaches for it. His mind is commanding him to walk away. His mind is ordering him not to take it. His mind is telling him that nothing will come from reading the letter and every one after. His mind is telling him that he should move on. His mind is telling him that he needs to let go. His mind is telling him that Sam wouldn't want him to dwell on the past.

But his heart is telling him to stay. His heart is begging him to read the letter and know the truth. His heart is telling him that he would never be able to move on. His heart is telling him that he would never be able to let go. His heart is telling him that whatever happens after this letter will determine his entire future. How? He didn't know.

"Why the hell didn't you say something before?!" Benny screamed at Castiel breaking the silence.

Dean's hands wouldn't stop shaking.

"I couldn't tell you anything. Dean had to wait until he got the letters himself." Castiel sceamed back.

His heart was beating erractically.

"That doesn't matter! You claim you love him, yet you do this to him. You knew how much he loves Sam, and you keep this from him! You're no better than everyone else on these damn letters, you asshole!" Benny pushed Castiel in anger.

Before Castiel can retaliate, Dean pushed out his magic to keep them apart. "ENOUGH!" Dean ordered.

Both boys looked at Dean. "I appreciate you giving me these letters, Cas, I do. I appreciate you doing what Sam asked you to. But the fact that you kept something this important from me, knowing that it was Sam, I can't forgive you for that. Then again, you might have stopped me from walking away from this letter. You stopped me from doing something I'll regret."

He turned to Benny. "I appreciate that you have my back on this, but you have to calm down. I want to be able to get through this letter without worrying about you two going at it. Understand?"

Both Benny and Castiel nodded glaring at each other.

"Cas, I don't know how long you knew we were here, but you might not want to stick around."

"Why is that?"

"Because we're going after everyone that shared a part in Sam's death."

"I knew you guys would come to that decision which is why I'm not leaving."

"You don't have to do that."

"I walked away from you last year, I won't do it again."

Dean unfolded the letter and took a deep breath. This was it.

Is it possible to love someone too much? Is it possible to want someone too much? Is it possible to want to be with someone so bad that you don't care about anything else? Is it possible that even though you want to be with someone, that being apart is the best option?

From my experience... yes. Because the person that I want to be with more than anything or anyone is too good for me.

I need to apologize. One of you who received these letters doesn't belong with the others. One of you doesn't belong in the same category as the others. One of you did nothing wrong. One of you could do no wrong... not to me. Not ever.

Dean looked up at Castiel. "I don't understand." But Castiel didn't say anything.

In every letter before this one, I've spoken about someone that I love more than anything and anyone in this world. Someone that I love with all my heart and soul. Someone that I stare at during dinner, and through the halls. Someone that I imagine being with instead of Draco. Someone that I wish was the one that I slept with every night. Someone that I wish held me when I needed it and even when I didn't. Someone that I wanted to be my first. Someone that I wanted to call mine. Someone that I wanted to belong to.

Well, that someone is included with you all. Not for the same reason as you. That someone also received these letters. That someone is you... Dean Winchester.

I'm truly sorry from the bottom of my heart for involving you in this. I originally only had twelve people in mind when I set out to write these letters, but I knew that if I didn't send you one as well, I would never get the chance to ever tell you what's been on my mind since I walked through the Great Hall. This was my last chance, and I couldn't not take it even under these circumstances.

All throughout my time writing these letters I've said that I love you, and I mean that. I've lied in the past, and if I was still alive I would lie in the future. I've lied when I said that I wanted to be with Draco. I've lied to him when I said I was nothing without him. I've lied when I said that nothing was wrong when a teacher asked me. I've lied when I told my parents that I was happy here. I've lied when I told them that I really like being a Slytherin. I've lied just like everyone else, but I've never lied when it came to my feelings for you.

I've said that I love you so much, and I'll say it again. I love you, Dean Winchester. I don't know how you feel about me, or if you even know who I am. If you don't know who I am or if you don't feel anything for me, that's okay. My broken heart would shatter if you didn't, but I'm okay with that.

Don't say that.

I'm sorry for putting this all on your shoulders whether you felt the same way or not. The last thing I want to ever do is hurt you. I would rather spend the rest of my life in Azkaban, be tortured forever by Voldemort, or even be Kissed a million times than hurt you.

It's not fair that you get these letters, and it's not fair that I made you think that you did anything to me. If you didn't believe me the first time, please believe me now. You didn't do anything wrong to me. If you were to hurt me, then I don't care. Nothing you could ever do to me would be enough to put you in the same boat as the others or anyone else for that matter.

You're wrong Sam. I do belong with the others. I didn't see how much you were hurting. I didn't see how badly you needed help. I didn't see that you needed me just as much as I needed you.

When I walked through the Great Hall in my first year was when I first saw you. I saw you look at us first years, and for a moment your eyes landed on me. I knew right then and there that you were mine.

I will always be yours, and you will always be mine even in death.

I looked away blushing so much. My heart practially stopped beating right then and there because it couldn't handle how beautiful you are. I saw that you were in Gryffindor, and I wanted more than anything to be in the same House as you. I knew how much my family wanted me to either be in Ravenclaw or Gryffindor, but at the time I didn't care.

The entire train ride to the school, I kept telling myself that I was fine with whichever House I was put in, and it was the truth. But when I saw what House you were in, that truth became another lie.

I begged the hat over and over to put me in Gryffindor, but it told me that my future was in Slytherin. I wanted to cry hearing that I wouldn't be with you. I didn't want to be anywhere but Gryffindor. The hat told me that my destiny was to be put in Slytherin. I remember I told the hat that someone I love more than air was in that House, but it wouldn't listen to me.

It told me, "You will get everything you want and more in Slytherin."

"But I need him."

"Trust me." And that was that. Seconds later I was put in a House that wasn't all that friendly with your House. A House that you were not in.

After I sat down, I saw you across the Hall. You were looking in my direction, but I couldn't bring myself to believe that you were looking at me. After all, why would you look at me when you could be looking at someone in another House. I knew the kind of relationship that Gryffindors had with the Slytherins.

Every single day after, I would see you walking through the halls going to your classes. I would even be late for class because I would watch you and even follow you when I could. I know I'm a stalker. Sorry.

Every one of those days that I saw you, I wanted to go up to you and say hi. I wanted to go to you and tell you that I love you, but I didn't want to scare you off. I knew you were older than me, and I didn't want you to look at me like some little kid. Maybe that's what I was, but I didn't want you to see me as that and nothing more.

You're so much more than just some kid. You're everything that I could ever want and need.

Dean, I'm sorry for telling you all this, but I need to be able to go through with this knowing that in some way I did tell you how I felt.

It's strange, isn't it? I keep saying that I love you so much, yet I go through with killing myself. How could I do that if I love you? How could I give up when I needed you? How could I die without you?

And I'm not sure if I know the right answer to those questions. Are there any right answers when talking about committing suicide? I could say that the pain I was feeling on a daily basis was too much. I could say that what I went through since I arrived here was too much. I could say that the abuse I endured drove me to it. I could say a lot of things, but are any of those the right answers? No.

I guess in my heart, the 'right' answer is I was too afraid of being rejected by you. I don't know why your acceptance of my love or even my friendship is so important to me, but I know that I need it. Maybe we knew each other in a past life. Maybe we were together in that life. Maybe you were my future. Whatever it is It's like a necessity that my soul needs and didn't know that until the moment I saw you.

Normally people need food, water and shelter to keep breathing, but not me. I stopped needing 'normal' the moment I saw you. You are all I need. Everything else is simply what I want. Food, water and shelter will keep me moving and continuing to the next day, but that's not what I need. I don't want to simply go on from one day to the next, I want to live.

Seeing you for the first time, I suddenly knew the difference between surviving and living. Until I walked through those doors, I was simply surviving.

I don't even want to survive without you.

I must confess something to you, Dean. Even if you can't return my feelings or don't even know who I am, a few of these letters must have confused you. I want to erase that confusion.

I suspect that you are wondering why I went to other people concerning what I've gone through instead of you when I've said that I love you. Maybe you will never understand my reasons, or maybe you won't even care now that you know you didn't do anything wrong to me.

I care more than you will ever know.

I went to others, because I didn't want you to see me as the mess I am. I wanted to get myself together before I went to you. How could I ever expect you to love me when I can't even love myself first? I wanted my situations dealt with, before I took the chance of telling you how I felt. I wanted to be able to love myself, before I put myself out there.

I went to others, simply because you deserve better than me. You deserve better than someone who has gone through what I have. You deserve someone who hasn't gone back to the one person who has abused them. You deserve someone who doesn't insult and hurt other people. You deserve someone who is pure. You deserve someone who isn't weak and can't be helped. You don't deserve someone who isn't fucked up in mind and body. You deserve someone... who isn't me.

You're wrong, Sam.

There isn't much to put in this letter, because there's not much to say to you. I could go on and on about how much I love you, but that wouldn't be fair to you when you might not feel the same.

I could go on and say that even though I've never spoken to you, everything that I lost I found in you. Not one thing that I saw when I watched you makes me question my love for you.

I could say that whatever kind of wizard you turned out to be, bad or good, I would follow you to the end of time. I would follow you wherever you went, whatever you chose to do. If you wanted to save the Wizarding World in ways that our Savior wouldn't and the muggle world, then we'll save it. If you wanted to be the next Dark Lord, I would turn my back on everyone that I called friend or family. If you wanted to murder the world, then goodbye world.

I want to say to you is I love you so much and that I'm so sorry for everything you went through from the first letter to now and maybe after this is all done. I'm sorry for dumping my feelings onto you when I don't even know if you're into guys or if you're in a relationship or into me.

Yes! I love you.

Every night as I'm going to sleep, I pray. I prayed that God would bring me someone that would love me. I prayed that God would show me that someone could love me and want me for me. I prayed that God would show me that someone in this fucked up world could tell me that I'm worth saving. I prayed to God for somebody to save me.

For three years, my prayers went unanswered. Or at least I thought they did. God showed me someone. He showed me you. He showed me that you could love me and want me in every way that I need. God showed me that you are the one that could and would save me.

I'm just sorry that I couldn't wait for that day to come.

So is there a reason why concerning you? No, not really. But I guess just to give a reason why, I blame you for being everything that I want in a boyfriend, husband and soul mate. I blame you for everything that's right in the world.

To bring this letter to a close, I want to thank you. Thank you for allowing me to believe that love really does exist. Even if I never got to receive that love, I now know that it's real. Thank you for simply existing. Even though I'm dead and I wasn't strong enough to keep going, thank you for giving me a reason to live.

Love,

Sam Cambell

Castiel listened as Dean finished the letter. Dean just sat the letter in his lap not speaking to either of them. He just stared down at the letter containing his love's words.

"Dean?" Nothing.

Benny had gotten used to Dean not speaking after certain letters, but this one letter was different. This one was specifically meant for him, and him alone. As Benny listened as Dean read the letter, he noticed several things. For one, Dean's voice never cracked. He didn't have to stop because the emotions were getting to him. He noticed that Dean read the letter as if it was from his mother; like it was any old letter. That's what worried him more than anything else. If Dean's voice sounded strong, his inner thoughts were a mess.

Castiel just sat there looking at his former best friend. The entire time that he had been watching the others read and some even went to the locations that Sam wanted them to go to, he had been waiting for this moment. He had been wondering what was going to happen when Dean got the letters. He could only imagine what he was feeling when he read the first letter. He was extremely sorry that Dean had been wondering what he did to Sam to get these letters when in the end he didn't do anything. The one thing he had been thinking about was what was going to happen when Dean finished his letter. When Castiel read a copy of each letter, he knew damn well that Dean was never going to finish the letters, which is why he said what he did. Once Dean read his letter and finding out what Sam had to say to him, there would be no point in reading the rest.

Dean stared down at the letter in his lap, but he wasn't seeing the letter or even anything in front of him. He was staring at each person dying at his hands. He was seeing them all beg for mercy. He was seeing each person say they were sorry for what they did and wish they could take it back. He was seeing them all say whatever Dean might want to hear so their lives could be spared. But that's the thing. That wouldn't be what he wanted. He wanted them all to suffer at his hands for what they did to a wonderful person. He wanted them all to see what happens to those that hurt what is his.

Before this day came, he had pictured the life he and Sam would have. Dean would've asked him on a date. Dean would've kissed him and watch as he blushed beautifully. Dean would've made their first time memorable even if it got awkward. Dean would've been there when he finally finished school, and whatever Sam wanted to do after he would follow him. When Dean felt that it was the right time, he would've asked if Sam would travel the world with him.

Then when they had their fights and needed their time apart, Dean would do whatever it took to make him smile. He would apologize even if it wasn't his fault.

When they got old enough, Dean would've asked Sam if he wanted to marry him. Then when they were both ready, Dean would've asked Sam how he felt about kids, and if he wanted them they would talk about adoption. Then they would grow old together and watch their kids have their own kids. Then they would die together with Dean holding Sam in his arms. If Sam wanted it, they would even spend their after life together.

Dean would've made it his life mission to make Sam the happiest man in the world. Dean would've made it impossible for Sam to ever question his worth or to even question being alive.

But now, because of twelve people, none of that would ever happen. Now those were nothing but dreams...

AN: Why do you think the title is what it is? Until next time. -Kauri510