His lips were hesitant against mine when our lips first touched but as I felt myself open to him, he kisses me with more passion and I instantly lose track of my surroundings. I cannot feel anything but him. Just with this one simple kiss I felt like the world had slotted into place, that this was where I was meant to be all along, who I was meant to be with all along, but I was only just discovering it.
My arms hooked around Edward's neck but unfortunately before the kiss could really get started I felt Edward release the breath he'd been holding since he went to kiss me and then it all happened.
He instantly wrenched away from me and shoved me away from him with enough force that I collided with a tree. I wasn't hurt of course but Edward dropped to his knees, trembling. I gasped as the sudden absence of his warmth.
"Stay away from me." He gasps through clenched teeth as I take a step towards him.
I instantly freeze. "Why? Edward what's wrong? Did I do something wrong?" I ask desperately.
He lifts tortured golden eyes to stare at me. "Not you." He whispers. "Me. I can't control myself."
"But you didn't hurt me." I say gently.
He growls. "I wanted to Bella! I wanted to bite into your neck and drink from you until I exploded!" He yells suddenly.
I hesitate before taking another step towards him. "That would be a problem if I were human, but I'm not Edward."
"That doesn't mean I can't hurt you!" He says desperately. "I could have still ripped you to pieces."
"But you didn't." I say calmly, walking towards him.
"Don't come any closer!" He yells, blurring to his feet.
"Or what Edward?" I ask, ignoring him and walking towards him.
His hand is suddenly wrapped around my throat and I freeze instinctively. His golden eyes burn into mine dangerously as he gasps in air. "I could do it you know." He says very quietly. "Hurt you."
I don't flinch. "No. You couldn't." I say, my voice just as quiet as his.
"I'm a vampire…" He begins, his voice outraged.
"I didn't mean physically!" I snap. "Physically you probably could. What I meant is that if you feel anything for me like I feel about you then you wouldn't be able to hurt me. Because I couldn't hurt you." I choke out, hardly able to believe I was at last admitting my feelings to myself.
Edward blinks and instantly removes his hand from my throat. "It doesn't work like that." He whispers.
"Says who?" I shoot back.
He backs away from me, his expression miserable. "Just leave me alone Bella."
"If you wanted to be left alone you shouldn't have followed me." I say derisively.
His fixes me with an angry glare. His scowl was so much better than mine. "That was different." He says flatly.
"How was it different?" I argue. "It's exactly the same except I was running away from Rosalie and you're trying to run away from me."
His expression was tortured. "I'm trying to keep you safe."
"I'm a vampire. I can keep myself safe."
"No you can't!" He growls. "Not from me!"
"So I'm guessing you've forgotten the part where I chucked Emmett into a tree? I'm perfectly capable of defending myself from you. You even said I was stronger!" I yell.
"But you don't let Emmett kiss you either!" He shouts. "You wouldn't defend yourself from me if I attacked." His expression was so dark I had to look away as I answered.
"I would be able to defend myself." I say quietly. "I'd just be unable to hurt you."
An anguished look appeared upon his face. "And that is why I can't be around you." He breathes. "Bella… please, you're making this too difficult. I'm not strong enough to be around you."
"Yes you are." I say softly, inching closer to him. "You've proven that already. I trust you Edward."
"Don't." He says sharply.
"Too late." I match his tone. "You're going to have to come to terms with that because I'm not leaving."
"Yes you are." Edward says suddenly, his expression guarded. "I don't want you here."
His words don't hurt me. I know he's trying to upset me so I leave. "You're going to have to do better than that." I said softly.
"Go away Bella." He snarls.
I look him directly in the eye. "Alice saw you kiss me. What else did she see?"
"It doesn't matter now." He growls. "I want you to leave and not come back."
I smirk. "Alice wouldn't let me leave. She'll want to see her vision play out."
Edward's expression hardens. "It's not happening." He says bluntly.
"You've been alone for a very long time." I say softly.
"So? What's your point?" He mutters bitterly.
"So why are you throwing away the chance to end that Edward? You don't have to be alone anymore. The future may not be set in stone but I don't care what Alice thinks. I'm willing to give this a chance."
"Alice's visions are subjective." He murmurs instantly. "They change based on what people decide."
"Good." I say fiercely. "Then I decide to give this a chance."
He stares at me with shocked golden eyes. "Bella…" he groans. "You don't understand the dangers."
"That you may kill me? I think I do understand." I say calmly.
"And how do you think I would feel if I lost you Bella? Especially if it was my fault? I wouldn't be able to live with myself." He chokes, his expression pained.
"Edward Cullen. Just you listen for a second! Risk is part of everyday life. I..." I close my eyes briefly. "I know this will be worth the risk. I… care too much for it not to be worth the risk. You have to remember that I'm a vampire. We don't get hurt easily. You can control yourself around me. I know you can!" I growl at him.
"I can't." He whispers, but I'm not listening.
I instantaneously launch myself across the space at him and unable to read my intentions but with reflexes like a cat he jumps back out of my reach just like I knew he would. I had positioned myself correctly so in one smooth move I had him pinned firmly against a tree. He gasps in shock.
"Go on then." I threaten. "If you really can't control yourself push me off you, then attack me. Go on! I won't stop you."
His eyes are horrified. "No Bella! Don't…"
"Or kiss me." I interrupt bluntly. "I'm sick of this. You have two choices. Kiss me or kill me."