1x02 - Baby Come Back
Lily is in the living room making a video diary for Brooke.
LILY (into camera)
Hi, Brooke. It's Lily here. So, right now, you're nine months old, and everything is going great. Well, almost everything. Now, what I'm about to show you is kind of disturbing. So brace yourself.
Lily steps through into the kitchen with the video camera and Anthony walks past. Jonathan is sitting at the table with his headphones over his ears. Lily pans in closer to Chandler and Monica , the parents of the house, who are at the kitchen bench making sandwiches and talking like babies.
MONICA (baby talk, holding a plate of sandwiches)
Hmm, these sandwiches will be yummy-wummy.
CHANDLER (baby talk)
Yes they will, yes they will.
Lily turns the camera onto her again.
LILY (into camera)
Mom and dad have been talking like that ever since you arrived, and if it's not over soon (waves a finger around her head), I'm gunna' go queasy-weasy.
Lily closes the video camera and puts it down on the bench. Over at the table, Anthony is yelling at Jonathan.
ANTHONY (shouting)
Jonathan!
JONATHAN (shouting)
What?!
ANTHONY (shouting)
What are you listening to?!
Jonathan takes off one headphone so he can hear.
JONATHAN
I downloaded a podcast on the history of ballet.
ANTHONY
You like that?
JONATHAN
More than baby talk.
Over at the bench..
MONICA (baby talk)
Would you like some fishy-wishies with your (?).
CHANDLER (baby talk)
I would, yes I would.
Lily is in front of them at the bench and points at the baby pram which is empty.
LILY
You guys, Brooke isn't even here.
MONICA (baby talk)
No, little baby take a nappy-wappy upst'wairs.
LILY
So why are you guys still talking like that?
CHANDLER (baby talk, leaning down, seriously)
I don't r'weally know.
MONICA
I guess we're just kinda' fried.
CHANDLER (laughing slightly)
We work all day, take care of the baby all night. Work-shift, baby-shift. I barely got time to make "do-do''.
LILY
Well, when was the last time you guys had a night out? You know, like-like just the two of you. Like a date!
Chandler and Monica turn and look at each other seriously for a second but then burst out laughing.
CHANDLER (to Monica , through laughter)
Lily made us funny. Hahahahahaha.
MONICA (to Lily, baby talk)
Funny-wunny.
LILY (with determination)
No, but seriously. You know what? Saturday night. You two. You go out, you have fun, and do something besides work, take care of the baby, and... make "do-do".
Lily walks over and joins the boys at the table.
MONICA (going to the fridge)
Well, it's nice to dream, but who's gonna' take care of Brooke?
Lily leans in between Jonathan and Anthony and puts her arm around them.
LILY
Hello? You've got three great babysitters here.
JONATHAN(shouting, to Anthony)
I'm glad I didn't hear that!
Chandler and Monica stand in front of the kids.
MONICA
I dunno', Lily, it's a really nice thought, but we're not ready to go out without Brooke just yet.
ANTHONY (changing the subject)
You guys wanna' see a magic trick?
MONICA
Sure!
CHANDLER
Okay.
ANTHONY (magician-like voice, rubbing his hands together)
Prepare to be amazed.
Chandler and Monica pull faces as though they are captivated. Anthony waits a second and then pulls the sheet on the table from beneath the plates and glasses and everything goes smashing everywhere.
MONICA
I could use a night out.
Monica walks off.
OPENING CREDITS
Lily is walking Chandler and Monica to the door as they get ready to go out. She is holding Brooke.
LILY
Alright. So you guys have fun. Stay out as late as you want. (pause) But not TOO much fun, we have enough kids already.
Chandler laughs. Monica pats Brooke goodbye and walks to the door.
LILLY [CONT'D; to CHANDLER ]
I'm serious.
MONICA
Okay, everyone. Be good, have fun. Love you.
Monica walks out the door. Jonathan and Anthony are on the couch watching a laptop.
JONATHAN/ANTHONY (uninterested)
Yeah, yeah...
CHANDLER
Hey Lily, thanks for doing this. It's going to be good for your mother and I have to have some special time together.
MONICA (VO)
(calling from outside) CHANDLER! MOVE YOUR BUTT!
CHANDLER(calling back)
I'm comin'!
Chandler moves outside. Lily walks over to the couch, still nursing Brooke, to talk to the boys.
LILY
Okay, so. If we divide it up evenly, we all get to spend an hour with Brooke. (happily) Who wants to go first?
ANTHONY
I think you should go first.
JONATHAN
And second and third, since this was your idea.
LILY(distressed)
Hey, I'm not doing this all by myself! You guys have to help out.
JONATHAN (standing, with a sigh)
Fine. I'll go fourth.
LILY
There is no fourth.
JONATHAN(with an accent)
I meant, "I shall go forth to the park to shooteth some hoop."
Jonathan goes to walk out, and Lily pulls him back by his hoodie.
LILY
If you want to go to the park so badly, then why don't you just take Brooke?
JONATHAN
Well what's a baby supposed to do at a park?
Lily passes Brooke into Jonathan's arms.
LILY
Babies love parks. You can show her the duck pond...the blue sky...the clouds...
JONATHAN (complaining)
We're just going to look at stuff? That's what TV is for!
Lily points at Jonathan as if to encourage his departure.
At the park, Brooke is lying in her stroller to the side of the sea-saw area. Jonathan is having a good old time on a blue one person sea-saw that he is far too big for. A young boy is waiting in line to have a go and is looking impatiently at Jonathan as he swings back and forth shouting with enjoyment.
JONATHAN (swinging on the ride)
YEAH-HHHAA! Alright! This is great! Weeehhhh! Yess! WHOA! (to the boy staring at him) What are you looking at?! I was here first. (pointing to the ride behind) Hey, you can ride that duck. I-I couldn't ride the duck. I'd look silly on the duck. (the boy just continues to stare at him) FINE. (Jonathan gives in and gets off the ride. He goes over to the stroller and leans down to Brooke's level, talking with enthusiasm) Hey there, Brooke! Are we having fun yet? Alright...
Jonanthan puts the sun pullover up and continues walking through the park. An older, larger-sized man walks through the park towards Jonathan. He is wearing a purple suit and a cape, dressed like a superhero. He leans on a post, short of breath.
CAPTAIN STRETCHY (to Jonathan)
Hey. You seen a-a... kids birthday party around here anywhere? I'm the entertainment.
JONATHAN (pointing behind)
I saw a bounce-house on the other end of the park.
CAPTAIN STRETCHY
Bouncy-house, eh? Great, another trip to the ER.
Captain Stretchy starts to walk off, Jonathan turns and follows him a bit.
JONATHAN
Who are you supposed to be, anyway? Plastic-man? Rubber-man?
CAPTAIN STRETCHY
Oh, those are all registered trademarks. (proudly) I'm Captain Stretchy. (pointing to the middle of his suit) Ah, there used to be a C.S. here, but it ah... it came off in the wash.
JONATHAN
So what's your super power?
CAPTAIN STRETCHY
Super elasticity. (notices something on the ground) Hey, look, there's a quarter! (goes to lean over but finds it difficult to stretch down) Oh!...Ah, forget it. Not like it's a dollar, right?
Captain Stretchy walks off. Jonathan tuns to walk away with the stroller and notices a beautiful young lady coming his way, with the exact same stroller. His face lights up as he is automatically attracted to her, she smiles at him in return. Jonathan does a loop around her, bumping into a post, until he is at her side.
JONATHAN (brightly): Hi.
SAMANTHA: Hi.
JONATHAN: I, ah... I like your taste in strollers.
SAMANTHA (chuckles)
He he... thanks, you too. (looking at Brooke, soft voice) Oh, wow! That baby is so cute.
JONATHAN
You two. (Samatha looks stunned) Oh, I mean... YOURS too.
SAMANTHA
I'm Samantha.
JONATHAN
I'm Jonathan. (pointing at Samantha's stroller) Who's this little guy?
SAMANTHA (proudly; pulling the sun-cover)
My brother. We're just out for our stroll. We do this every day.
JONATHAN (trying to impress)
Us two. Like I always say, babies love parks. (pause... points towards the park chairs) Would you like to sit for a bit?
SAMANTHA
Sure. (the two of them push their strollers over to the chairs as they sit) So, I saw you talking to Captain Stretchy earlier.
JONATHAN
Oh, yeah. He was lost. Not much of a superhero, right?
SAMANTHA
Oh, he's the worst. We hired him for my brother's birthday party, and he sat on the cake.
JONATHAN
That sounds awful.
SAMANTHA
Oh, it gets worse. The candles were lit, so he sat in the punch.
JONATHAN
That is so weird. I mean, he looks like such a quality entertainer.
The two of them chuckle
SAMANTHA
You know, Jonathan, I'm really impressed that you take your sister to the park. My brothers would never do anything like that.
JONATHAN
Well, I hope not. (pause) She is my sister.
Samantha and Jonathan chuckle again.
Back home at the house, Lily is sitting on the couch and Anthony is standing in front of her wearing a magician's hat.
ANTHONY
Now, watch closely. In this hand, I have a quarter. (shows the coin) And in the other hand, an ordinary egg. (shows the egg in the other hand... takes off his hat and places them both inside) Now, I put them both inside this hat... spin them around a little...(does so)... and PRESTO.
Anthony tips the hat upside down... and both items fall out. The egg cracks open on the coffee table, protected by a piece of newspaper.
LILY
Just out of curiosity, what was supposed to happen?
There is an awkward staring moment between the two siblings. The quiet is broken as the front door bursts open and Jonathan comes walking through with an energetic persona, pram in front of him.
JONATHAN(enthused)
I love this baby! Any time she wants to go to the park, sign me up.
LILLY (walking over)
What happened to you?
Jonathan shuts the front door, and Anthony lies comfortably on the couch.
JONATHAN
Let's just say... Brooke made a friend, Jonathan made a friend.
Lily goes to look at Brooke but smells something...
LILY
Oh, and did either you or your friend bother to change a diaper?
LilY takes the stroller and walks around the lounge.
JONATHAN
There was no time for that. I was too busy talking to Samantha. (sits down on the couch beside Anthony)
ANTHONY
Who's Samantha?
JONATHAN (dreamily)
A vision... an Angel... the girl who has moved into my heart.
ANTHONY (cheekily)
Did you tell her about the vacancy in your brain?
Jonathan looks slightly offended.
LILY (panicked, looking in the stroller)
Jonathan...
JONATHAN
What?
LILY
You brought home the wrong baby!
JONATHAN (trying to laugh it off)
What? I did not... !
Jonathan and Anthony walk over to the stroller and are stunned as they notice the authenticity of Lily's previous statement... Jonathan did bring home the wrong baby!
LILY (removing the diaper)
Take a look... wrong parts!
As the three look inside the stroller, a big spray of urine comes out as if it was aimed directly for them. They dodge it, only just.
ANTHONY: There's nothing wrong with those parts!
Anthony goes back to the couch... Jonathan and Lily remain standing in shock as they come to terms with what has just happened...
LILY (frustrated)
How could you bring home the wrong baby?!
JONATHAN
I'm sorry, I got a little distracted...(grinning)...Samantha is REALLY cute.
LILY
Yeah? Well, so was our sister. (walking towards the door with the stroller) Come on, let's go to the park and find her.
JONATHAN
Relax! I got her number.
LILY
Well, then what are you waiting for? Call her!
Jonathan goes to get his phone from his pocket... but hesitates... then sits down on the couch.
JONATHAN (unsure)
Wait a minute...is it too soon? If I call now, she'll think I'm desperate.
LILY
Oh, you ARE desperate.
JONATHAN
Good point. (Jonathan gets to his feet and dials up Samantha's number, raising the phone to his ears as he talks...) Hello...? Is Samantha there?(pause) This is a Chinese restaurant?(Lily rolls her eyes) Sure, I'll hear the specials!
Lily, annoyed, hangs up the phone.
LILY (let down)
She gave you the wrong number.
Anthony is still alert to the situation around him, but is sitting on the couch reading through a comic book.
ANTHONY (sarcastically)
Who couldn't see that one coming?
JONATHAN(disappointed)
But... I gave her gum... and helped her change a poopey diaper... it was so romantic.
LILY
Well... what do we do now?
Lily's mobile starts ringing. She goes over and looks put off as she inspects the caller ID...
LILY
Oh no...(answers phone, with nervous enthusiasm) Hi Mom, what up? ...Yeah, everything's going great. Why wouldn't it be? We're...we're just having a grand old time here with...(tries to figure out the name of the baby in the stroller, but Jonathan shrugs)... baby. Yeah, sure you can talk to him... HER, HER! (holding the phone down to the stroller) Talk to Mommy... (realizes she must make something up, starts making baby-monkey noises) ...Well, what do you mean that didn't sound like Brooke? What, you think I'm just making baby noises into the phone? Mom, that's crazy. Alright, bye... say bye Brooke! (makes distant baby noises and fades it off as she hangs up the phone) Ahh...
JONATHAN
Not that I'm in the position to criticize, but I was getting more monkey.
Lily decides to start taking action to solve the problem and reaches for the stroller.
LILY
Come on, let's go to the park.
ANTHONY
And meet the girl who blew off Jonathan? (stands) I'm there.
The three of them head out the door. Jonathan looks annoyed at Anthony.
Lily comes walking into the park, panicked, and pushing the stroller in front. Jonathan and Anthony are coming in behind her.
JONATHAN(looking around)
I don't see her.
LILY
Jonathan, what did she look like?
JONATHAN
She was hot, but what does it matter?
ANTHONY
Maybe we should call someone...who do you call when you switch a baby?
JONATHAN
Captain Stretchy!
Jonathan excitedly points over to the other entrance of the park, where Captain Stretchy is still hanging out.
LILY
Who is that?
Jonathan runs over to Captain Stretchy. He seems enthused.
JONATHAN
You're still here?
CAPTAIN STRETCHY
Every Saturday and Sunday, all day long. Stay in school, kids.
Captain Stretchy leans over to the bubbler and gets a drink. By now, Anthony and Lily with the stroller are behind him.
JONATHAN
Just the guy we needed to see. I-I think you can help us.
CAPTAIN STRETCHY
Hey, kid, I'm just an entertainer. I can't get Mommy and Daddy back together.
Captain Stretchy starts to walk off. The kids follow him.
JONATHAN
No, you don't understand. I was talking to a girl here earlier, and she said that you worked a party for her brother.
CAPTAIN STRETCHY
So? I've worked lots of parties.
JONATHAN
Where was the party where you sat on the cake?
CAPTAIN STRETCHY
You got three hours?
LILY (despairingly)
This is really important. We need to find her.
CAPTAIN STRETCHY (as though he is plotting something)
Interesting situation. You kids need info, and I...need a murdle. (places hands across his stomach)
LILY
What is a murdle?
CAPTAIN STRETCHY
It's a man gurtle. And they ain't cheap.
LILY (referring to Captain Stretchy's clothing)
Yeah, and neither is dry-cleaning, apparently.
JONATHAN
Name's Samantha. Did she come back to the park?
CAPTAIN STRETCHY
Well...(rubs his fingers together as though looking for money)...maybe she did, and maybe she didn't.
JONATHAN(frustrated)
Stop rubbing your fingers together and answer my question!
ANTHONY
He wants a bribe.
Jonathan mutters under his breath as he reaches into his pocket and gets out his wallet, passing Captain Stretchy a note.
JONATHAN
Here.
CAPTAIN STRETCHY
Here's what I know: her name is Samantha.
JONATHAN
I just told you that!
CAPTAIN STRETCHY
I didn't say the information was fresh. (on Jonathan's disgruntled look) Yeah...yeah, I know the girl. She-she comes from a big family, seven/eight kids...for them, I've been uh...Astronaut Pete, ah...Cowboy Bob...ah...
ANTHONY
Magic Marve?
CAPTAIN STRETCHY (hopeful)
Yeah! You're familiar with my work?
ANTHONY (almost as if he is going to give a compliment)
Yeah!...and it stinks. (pause) I'm just starting off and I'm a better magician than you are.
CAPTAIN STRETCHY
Oh, yeah? You think this is easy, huh? (hands Anthony an unblown balloon) Here, turn that into a schnauzer. (Anthony just stares blankly at the balloon) You can't do it, ah? Ha ha ha...maybe it's because you don't have the (shouts) CHOPS!
Anthony eyes off Captain Stretchy as he walks away.
LILY
Look, Stretchy, do you know where she lives?
CAPTAIN STRETCHY
Yeah, 'round here somewhere. I'd know it if I saw it.
LILY (smiling)
Great! You help us tonight, and we'll get you into that murdle tomorrow. (pause) Oh, wait, you understand...we're not going to put you INTO it...that you have to do by yourself.
CAPTAIN STRETCHY
Yeah, I get it.
LILY
All right. Come on guys, we have to go find her.
CAPTAIN STRETCHY
Okay. Captain Stretchy, AWAY! (points his arms up towards the sky like a superhero and turns left)
JONATHAN (pointing right ahead)
Porche's this way.
CAPTAIN STRETCHY
Oh, right...
Embarrassed, Captain Stretchy turns around and follows the kids out of the park.
Chandler and Monica are sitting a table in a restaurant, looking at the menu.
CHANDLER (proudly)
Order whatever you want, honey. I get a discount here. This place is one of my best customers.
MONICA
Not what you want to hear from an advertiser.
Across from where Chandler and Monica are sitting, is a family that has a stroller next to their table. The baby inside starts crying.
MONICA [CONT'D]
Awwahh, look at that.
CHANDLER(misunderstanding)
Oh, the heaters...
MONICA
Not that. The baby...it's a little baby in a stroller just like ours.
And not only is it the same stroller...it's Samantha's family. Brooke is inside the stroller.
CHANDLER
Okay, honey, this is supposed to be a night away from the baby, so let's come back.(Brought both of her hands up to his lips, and kissed them.)
MONICA(calmly)
Okay. I'm back, I'm back! (gets up) I'm just gonna' run to the ladies room.
CHANDLER
Oh! Hey, listen. While you're in there, could you chuck the traps?
Monica rolls her eyes and continues on. As she passes Samantha's family, she looks inside the stroller, smiles and continues past...but then notices that the baby inside the stroller is surprisingly familiar...so she turns back and takes another look. Samantha's family looks at her. She stares back.
MONICA(waving; awkwardly)
Olah. (smiles...pause) Adios. (walks angrily and briskly over to her table again, tapping Chandler on the back, speaks in a hushed, agitated tone) Chandler! Would you go over there and look at that baby? I think it's Brooke!
CHANDLER (in disbelief)
What?!
MONICA (distressed)
You heard me! That is Brooke!
CHANDLER
Sweetheart, would you sit down?
MONICA (agitated)
I will NOT sit down. A mother knows her baby, and that is MY baby.
CHANDLER(laughs nervously)
Okay, honey...seriously, what do you think happened here? In the last hour, somebody went over to our house, borrowed our baby, then brought her out for chips and guac?
MONICA
I don't know. It's a big family...maybe that's how they get their babies!
CHANDLER
Sweetheart, please...I think you're just missing Brooke. And you're having a little separation anxiety.
Monica finally comes to her senses. She calms down in her manner, brushes her hair away from her face.
MONICA (relaxed)
Oh, okay...you're...(high pitched, pointing into her head) "Crazy, crazy".
The two of them chuckle as she sits down again.
MONICA (through laughter)
I mean, that is impossible, right?
CHANDLER
Exactly.
Pause.
MONICA
I'm just gonna' go to the ladies room one more time...(stands)
CHANDLER
Sit down.
Monica sits down again.
CHANDLER
Now let's enjoy the rest of our night out, at this very lovely restaurant. Okay?
MONICA (nodding)
Okay.
A waiter from the restaurant comes over and whispers something in Chandler's ear, while Monica is distracted eating something from the entrée. Chandler dismisses the waiter.
CHANDLER (to Monica)
I'm needed in the kitchen.
Chandler gets a glass and jumps up from the table. He runs away into the kitchen. After he is gone, Monica puts down the chip in her hand with a disgusted facial expression.
Out on the streets, Jonathan is driving the kids and Captain Stretchy around. They are looking around, calling out for Brooke. Lily and Jonathan are in the front, Anthony in the back with Captain Stretchy.
LILY(calling out the window)
Brooke?
JONATHAN (calling out the window also)
Samantha?
LILY
Brooke?
JONATHAN
Samantha?
ANTHONY
Marco?
CAPTAIN STRETCHY
Polo!i
LILY (angry)
Anthony, not helping! Stretchy, does any of this look familiar? (points out the window)
CAPTAIN STRETCHY
Maybe it does...maybe it doesn't.
LILY (angry)
You are not getting any more money.
CAPTAIN STRETCHY
No, I mean I have night blindness and all...all I'm seeing is shapes.
LILY
Why didn't you mention that earlier?
CAPTAIN STRETCHY
I needed a ride home. Stop here. (Jonathan stops the car) Oh great, mom's up...maybe I'll just hang with you kids.
LILY (flustered)
Captain Stretchy, away! (points out the car)
Captain Stretchy takes off his seatbelt and gets out of the car.
JONATHAN
Night, Stretchy.
ANTHONY
Night, Stretchy.
CAPTAIN STRETCHY
Goodnight. (closes the door and walks ahead out of sight)
ANTHONY
...Now what?
JONATHAN
Well, we didn't hit the streets on the north end of the park?
LILY
Yeah, but we can't just keep driving around all night. Okay? It's over. We have to tell mom and dad.
JONATHAN
But...
LILY (interrupting)
No, it'll be okay. They'll know what to do. They always do.
Jonathan looks ashamed of himself, downer in facial expression.
JONATHAN
How am I gonna tell them I lost our baby sister? (pause) I'm the oldest...they're not going to think I'm the most responsible.
LILY
Jonathan, if it makes you feel any better...nobody thinks that.
JONATHAN (takes a deep breath)
Why do I always mess everything up?
LILY (trying to comfort Jonathan)
You know what? This could have happened to any of us. (pause) All right, probably, most likely you, but...for this one, we're all in it together.
JONATHAN (cheered a little)
Thanks.
Anthony has picked up a little card from the back.
ANTHONY
Hey, look. Captain Stretchy dropped his driver's licence. (laughs, after reading it) One hundred and seventy five pounds my butt!
Anthony chucks it out the window.
Back at the restaurant, Chandler and Monica now have their meals. There is a band of three people playing Mexican music with instruments, standing right next to their table. Chandler 'bobbles' his head to the beat, as he seems to enjoy it...Monica, on the other hand, is sitting there with her arm on her forehead as though she is nursing a headache. They finish after a few seconds more and Monica claps them off, happy as they walk away to the next table. Not long after, Lily, Jonathan and Anthony (Lily with the stroller) enter into the restaurant from around the corner.
JONATHAN (pointing at Chandler and Monica )
There they are.
LILY
All right, let's get this over with.
JONATHAN
Do-do you think it would be better or worse if we had the (points to the band) (?) deliver the news?
LILY
Well, if it's Spanish, probably better...
As the band walks away from the table...PJ notices straight away that it is Samantha's family sitting there. Jonathan stops Lily from walking over to their parents.
JONATHAN
Wait, wait! I don't believe it. (pointing) That's Samantha!
LILY (hopeful)
Oh, wait, so that's Brooke?
JONATHAN
Yes! We're saved!
Anthony (pointing)
Not quite.
Jonathan and Lily have seem to forgotten one thing...the parents Chandler and Monica are waving at them. Monica has an enthusiastic smile on her face.
MONICA
Hey, kids!
The three of them wave back with uncomfortable smiles.
JONATHAN
What now?
LILY
Ah...I'll let you know when I think of it. (walks over to Chandler and Monica's table) Mom, dad...hi.
MONICA
Hi!
CHANDLER
What are you doing here?
LILY
Well, we just realized you must be missing Brooke, so we... brought her. (points behind)
MONICA
Oh, Lily. You're not fooling me.
LILY (alarmingly)
I'm not?!
MONICA
Nope. You've spent a little too much time with Brooke, and you're ready to hand her over early.
LILY
Well, I...I wouldn't say too much time.
MONICA
Well, I am ready too. So let me at her! Gimme, gimme, gimme...
Monica stands and heads for the stroller at the door, but Lily stops her.
LILY
Mom! Mom! You're on a date. (sits Monica back down) Let me bring her to you.
MONICA
Okay...
Lily runs back over to the entrance where Jonathan and Anthony are. Lily leans over and whispers something in Anthony's ear.
ANTHONY
Here? (Lily whispers again) Wait...now? Well, all right...
Anthony walks over to Chandler and Monica 's table.
ANTHONY
Hey mom!
MONICA
Hey, baby.
ANTHONY
Hey, dad.
CHANDLER
Hey.
ANTHONY
Something I want to show you.
MONICA
What is it, honey?
Anthony is going to do his magic trick again. He reaches for the table cloth underneath all their food and pulls it out, food goes flying all over their faces...everything happens in slow motion...
CHANDLER
No!
But it's too late. As this distracts Chandler and Monica , Lily picks up the boy inside Brooke's stroller as Samantha also seizes the opportunity and takes Brooke from her brother's stroller...Lily runs over, almost bumping into the band, and twirls around as she and Samantha swap babies. Lily runs back to Brooke's pram and places their sister right where she should be. Jonathan waves down his arm with a triumphant grin. They put the cover down and Lily stands up, flicking her hair back. Chandler and Monica are still completely oblivious. Normal-motion resumes as Monica looks angrily at Anthony, she has guacamole all down her neck. Anthony tries to look innocent.
ANTHONY
And now for my next trick...I'm gonna make a boy disappear!
Anthony runs away quicker than ever and out the door. Jonathan walks over and meets Samantha who has stood up.
JONATHAN
You know, you should be ashamed of yourself. You lead a guy on, make him think you have a connection... and you give him a fake phone number. (holds out his phone)
SAMANTHA (looking at the screen)
You put it in wrong. That 3 is supposed to be a 2.
Jonathan looks embarrassed.
JONATHAN
Oh...my bad. (awkward pause) So...want to get a table?
Samantha looks disappointed and walks off. Jonathan follows after her. Over at Chandler and Monica's table, Lily is handing Brooke over to Monica .
MONICA
My widdle baby...(in a baby voice, to Brooke) Did you miss your mommy and daddy?
CHANDLER (to Brooke, in a baby voice)
Yes you did, yes you did.
Lily is smiling away, probably unable to believe they pulled everything off that they did.
LILY
Oh...never thought I'd be so happy to hear baby talk.
Monica notices she is holding a dummy that is not Brooke's.
MONICA
Lily, this isn't Brooke's binky. Where did you get this?
LILY
Oh, that's actually a funny story. You see, what happened was...
Lily starts clicking behind herself in a violent rush in hope of getting the band to start playing again. They get the signal and do so...
LILY (shrugging)
Too loud! Tell you later.
Monica thinks nothing more of it and takes a finger lick of the guacamole on her neck. She shrugs to Chandler as if to say, "oh, not to bad".
Back at the Bing Residence, during the night. Lily is filming a video diary and is shooting footage of Brooke in a toy seat cradle. She is wearing a napkin that says, "DR POOPER".
LILY (VO)
Yeahhh... Well, Brooke, now you're home – safe and sound, and everything turned out okay. For you. (clears throat and turns the camera around so it shows her face, she is sitting on the sofa) It would've been okay for us too, but...when we got home, Mom started asking all these questions...and no one really had an answer to the pee stains in the living room.
Monica comes into view of the video diary recording, as she sits beside Lily.
MONICA (gracefully, almost)
And that's when the truth came out. (smiles) And all the kids got into trouble. So, the lesson is, if you ever try to pull anything over on Mom...good luck Brooke.
Monica stands and walks off, leaving Lily. Pause.
LILY (tuffs)
Couldn't have said it better myself.
Lily switches off the video recorder.
Another day in the park, Captain Stretchy is sitting on a park bench and Anthony is in front of him, with a magician's hat. He is holding a coin and an egg.
ANTHONY
In this hand, I have a quarter...(waves the coin in Captain Stretchy's face, he tries to grab it but Anthony pulls it away) And in the other hand, an ordinary egg...(the same thing happens, takes off his hat) Now, I put them in this hat...(does so) Spin them around... and... Presto. (takes just the egg from the hat and puts the hat back on) Now hold out your hand.
Captain Stretchy holds out his hand. Anthony cracks open the egg on Stretchy's forehead (no yolk or egg comes out). He puts the shell on Captain Stretchy's hand and a quarter is there.
CAPTAIN STRETCHY (inspecting the coin)
Wow...ah, that's a great trick! How did you do that?
ANTHONY (pacing back and forth diabolically)
Interesting situation. It seems you need information, meanwhile...I need a new video game. (rubs his hands together as though wanting money...Stretchy reaches to his side and gives Anthonya note. He walks off grinning...) What a chump.
CAPTAIN STRETCHY
Who are you calling a 'chump'? Come back here!
Captain Stretchy gets up from his seat and follows after Anthony.
END