Mary I don't know if you read this one too but I replied to you on my profile page.

This whole chapter ended up in Drew's pov.

Ch. 15 After All We've Been Through

(DREW)

Clare cries a long time, sobbing hard until it exhausts her so deeply that she falls asleep. I move her off of me gently and set her down. If I pick her up and move her to the bed she might wake up and she needs to sleep, her body needs the rest. So I take the pillow from her bed and place it under her head and take the blanket covering her with it. Then I quietly leave the bedroom for the living room taking my phone from my jeans and call Adam.

"Hey bro are you okay? Do you need to go get a drink?" Adam asks when he answers.

"I am not nearly okay but not for the reason you're thinking and I can't get a drink right now. We're not getting divorced," I tell my brother.

"That's great news so why do you sound so despondent?"

"Clare relapsed," I inform him and I hear my brother's breath catching in his throat. "She found out this morning. She's already in stage three and she's supposed to check into a clinic in Manhattan in a few days but was told to get her affairs in order first."

"Jesus," Adam exclaims.

"She's terrified but I'm going to be there for her every step of the way. I tore up the divorce papers and I'm going to Manhattan with her. I have six weeks until school starts up and I'll see about finding a job in Manhattan but I'm not leaving her. There's a lot to do and my head is kind of swimming right now. I need to call her doctor and the clinic, she needs a will, we both made them when she got pregnant with Ezra but it probably has to be amended now, can you ask Dad about that? And her lease, her lease will need to be broken. Can you call everyone and let them know what's going on please?"

"Yeah of course, I'll call Mom and Dad first and ask Dad about the legal stuff then I'll call everyone else. Where's Clare now?"

"Asleep in her room, she fell asleep crying I'm just in the living room. I need to call her doctor and I want to do it before she wakes up."

"Call if you need anything, I'll call Mom and Dad right now," Adam tells me and hangs up.

I find Dr. Shaye's card on the counter and enter the number into my cell phone. He doesn't answer but I leave a message saying who I am and why I'm calling. I look around her apartment to see what needs to be done. She hasn't unpacked yet and there isn't much to clean, it shouldn't be too hard to move her out again. I even start packing what little is out back into boxes when my phone rings and I recognize the number as Dr. Shaye's office.

"Hello?"

"Drew this is Dr. Shaye I'm glad you called. Clare's facing a very difficult battle and we're very lucky that we caught it when we did. She's going to need all the support she can get. They'll have her room ready at the clinic on Thursday, I'll be there to check her in and get her oriented and I'm on rotation at the clinic but she'll have a care team. If you would like to be there with her the hospital clinic has a residency hotel attached for family and friends."

"Yes I want to be with her as much as possible. I'm a kindergarten teacher and I don't return to work for six weeks but I was going to look into transferring to a school in Manhattan to be close to Clare."

"Good I'll reserve you a room at the hotel. I have to go I'm on call but I will see you both on Thursday and if you have any other questions don't hesitate to call."

"Thanks can you give me the name of the clinic? Clare was too upset and she's sleeping right now," I tell him.

"Give me your e-mail and I'll e-mail you all the information," he replies.

I give him my e-mail address and hang up. I start to call the lawyer when I hear Clare calling me from the bedroom.

"Drew?"

"I'm right here," I assure her running in.

"I thought I had been dreaming and I was alone," she says reaching for me.

"You're not alone, never alone. I'm here," I tell her kissing her temple. I sit with her in my arms, stroking her back for several minutes. "I called Adam he's going to call Mom and Dad and ask Dad about some of the legal stuff and then call everyone else to let them know. I spoke with Dr. Shaye. He's going to set up a room for me at the hotel attached to the clinic so I can be with you every possible moment."

"Good I'm going to need you there."

"Have you eaten today?" I ask after a couple of moments and she shakes her head. "Stay here I'll get you something to eat," I tell her helping her to stand and then sitting her on the bed. I kiss her forehead and then go out to the kitchen but she's only been here a couple of days and she only has snack food, apples, canned soup and pasta so I go back into the bedroom. "Come on we'll go out, you need something good to eat and I'm sure that you need some sun," I tell her pulling her up.

"I don't feel like going out," she argues.

"We'll go somewhere quiet but you have no food. Come on, come out with me let me take you on a date before you're cooped up in a hospital for who knows how long," I insist.

"Can we get food to go and go down by the water?" She requests.

"We will do anything you want," I reply and kiss her softly.

She puts her shoes on and we leave her apartment getting in my car. I drive us to Manhattan since we'll soon be living here. I park close to Central Park and we get out walking for a block before finding a restaurant Clare wants to eat at.

"I think I'll just get a small salad," Clare says looking at the menu.

"Order anything you want don't worry about price," I tell her.

"We have to worry about price you're a teacher and I won't be able to wor…"

"No we don't I am worried about a lot of things but money is not one of them. We have too much family, by blood and not by blood, to let us fall over financial worries. Money is the last of my worries right now so you order anything you want on the menu."

Clare smiles and looks at the menu again. She orders what she wants and we get dessert, after eating we go walking through Central Park a little bit. Clare seems content just watching the people and just enjoying the outside. I spend the time just watching her and thinking about what we've been through, what we lost and what I almost lost. I do my best not to think about what I could still lose, I try very hard to block out of my mine that Clare could die but I can't keep the thought out completely. None the less I do my best to show her, any time she looks at me I smile. We spend the rest of the day outside, walking through Central Park and getting hot dogs for dinner. When she's ready to go home I take her to my apartment.

"Can I take a shower?" Clare asks.

"Of course you can. I should find out about breaking my lease too if we're both moving to Manhattan."

"I love you Drew, always," she says giving me tender kiss. She walks back to the washroom and I check my phone. I turned it on silent when we went to eat lunch and never turned it back on, now I have seven missed messages. I start by calling Mom back first because she'll just fly out here if she hasn't heard from me by the time she's awake tomorrow morning.

"It's about time you called, how is she?" Mom asks with a scolding voice at first and then a concerned one.

"She's terrified, she's already faced this disease once but she was younger and stronger back then. We've already been through so much and we have so much to do. She's checking into the clinic on Thursday and I'll have a room at the hotel attached to it. We need to break her lease and mine; I need to look for work in Manhattan and a million other things."

"Your father will call the leasing offices of your apartment buildings in the morning. We'll be down this weekend to help with everything else. Tell Clare that we love her and we're thinking of her. If you need anything call us."

"I will thanks Mom."

I look at the other missed calls one is from Owen, one from Jake, one from Jenna, one from Adam, one from Paige, there's even one from Eli. I call Adam back first; he was just checking in and letting me know he called everyone. He asks about seeing Clare tomorrow and I tell him I'll talk to her when she's out of the shower. Since Adam will pass the information onto Paige I don't need to call her back so I call Owen back next and conference call with K.C. since I'm sure I'll be telling them the same thing. They want to know how Clare is and what they can do. I talk with them a few minutes and hear Clare turn off the shower so I tell them I need to go.

"Drew," she calls from the washroom.

"I'm here are you okay?"

"I'm fine but all my clothes are at my place I need something to sleep in."

"I'll grab you a t-shirt," I say before stealing a kiss on her cheek and she smiles.

I get her one of my t-shirts and she closes the washroom door. While she's getting ready for bed I call Eli back.

"Hey thanks for calling back, she's in stage three?"

"Yeah early stage three she said, I'll know more on Thursday when we check her into the clinic. I'll be staying in a room at a hotel connected to the hospital and I don't know maybe try to find an apartment in Manhattan. I need to find a new job a…sorry you don't need to hear all this, I'm just so scared and there's so much to do. I've got so many thoughts in my head I'm just babbling," I apologize.

"It's okay I've been there, I had it easier than you though I just had to be the supportive boyfriend and her mom took care of most of it. We didn't have to worry about jobs or apartments either. I'm in California but I'll be home next week," Eli says.

"I'm sure she'd love to see you and she needs the support."

"I'm sure you both will, I'll be there next week. Tell Clare I'm thinking about her," Eli requests.

"Yeah I will," I nod and hang up.

Clare comes out of the washroom and into the living room; she doesn't say a word but takes my hand pulling me into the bedroom. The lights are out but I see her begin pulling back the covers and I start getting undressed. When I'm in bed with her she rolls over and lies on my chest. I put my arm around her holding her close and stroking her arm with my fingertips.

"I love you Drew," she whispers against my chest.

"I love you too, now get some rest there's a lot to do tomorrow. I almost forgot Adam and Paige asked about getting together for breakfast," I enlighten her and she tenses up just slightly, if she wasn't laying on my chest I probably wouldn't notice it. "They're family Clare, they love you and they're worried about you."

"I know text Adam back and tell him that we'll meet them for breakfast."

I grab my phone and send him a quick text. He texts back to call him when Clare is awake. She falls asleep after a few minutes; I lie awake for hours just holding her. My mind is swimming and I can't shut it off, all I can think is that I can't lose Clare, I lost Ezra, we almost lost our marriage I can't lose Clare. I finally fall asleep from exhaustion and wake up when Clare begins to stir.

"Are you hungry? Adam said to call when you were awake," I tell her.

"Can you just hold me for a while?" She requests.

"Absolutely," I smile and hold her closer.

After an hour we get up and I call Adam, we go there for breakfast and have a nice time. Dad calls and says he was able to break both of our leases, I have to pay a small fee for mine but Clare's only been there two days and they won't charge her if we can have her out by Friday. Adam and Paige say they'll help, so do Owen, Ash, Jenna and K.C. all say they'll help too. I have until the end of the month to be completely out of my apartment so I'll worry about it later. People have work but they come to Clare's apartment when they can and we have all of Clare's stuff out by the end of the night. Everyone shows their support for Clare, and for me, without saying anything at all but Clare knows they're here and they support us. Paige and Jenna say they'll come tomorrow and clean. When we get home to my apartment Clare is exhausted and she falls right to sleep.

"What do you want to do today?" I ask Clare when wakes up Wednesday morning since it's her last day before checking into the hospital.

"I just want to do this, I just want you to hold me all day long," she replies.

"Then that's exactly what we'll do," I respond.

That pretty much is all we do day, Clare calls her work and Ricky to tell them she has cancer and can't work. Mom calls and so do Adam and Owen just to check in. Jake and Clare's mom call, Clare's parents are also coming down this weekend and Jake and Katie will fly home next weekend. We get up to grab food but we eat in bed, and other than getting up to use the washroom we spend the day in bed.

"Drew I don't think I'm strong enough to do this again," she whispers.

"Yes you are, I know you are and you're not alone. Don't think about it," I tell her.

"It's all I can think about," she says.

"Then I'll get your mind on something else. Think about our first date, our first official date not sex in the prop room," I comment and she giggles.

We stay up all night talking, reminiscing about high school and our wedding. We don't talk about Ezra though it would make us sad, make us think about death and we don't want to do that right now. When my alarm goes off at eight we get up and get dressed, Clare packs a suitcase for the hospital and I pack a couple suitcases because I don't know when I'll be back to my apartment. We get in my car and make a very solemn drive to the hospital. Clare is distant the whole way, just staring out the window.

"Clare Torres checking in," I tell the nurse at the reception desk.

"Welcome Clare and you must be Drew. I'm Casey; if you'll follow me I'll show you Clare's room. Once she's settled she'll meet her care team and then they'll take her for tests and we'll take you to your room at the hotel Drew."

We follow the nurse, who's disposition is a little too cheery for working at a place like this, although maybe that's why she's so cheery. We go up a couple of floors and down a hallway to Clare's room. Her name is outside of the door and the nurse opens the door letting us in. I will say from what I remember about her hospital room in Toronto this one seems much nicer. It's got windows all along one wall so it lets in lots of light. Her bed is in the center of the room and there's a sofa and an armchair against the wall with no windows. There's a closet and a washroom, a TV hangs on the wall visibly from the bed or the sofa. An arm chair is on either side of her bed rather than the typical hospital chair.

"The sofa pulls out into a bed if you want to sleep in here with Clare. The phone next to her bed will call the nurse's desk and your room Drew. I'll leave you to get settled and your care team will be in in a few moments," Casey says before leaving.

Clare lets go of the suitcase she's been pulling behind her and looks around her room. I notice she's begun to shake slightly and I let go of the suitcases and go over wrapping my arms around her. She puts her hands on my arms and leans her head back against my chest.

"I'm here, we're going to get through this," I whisper in her ear and she nods just slightly. "Let's get you unpacked," I say after another moment.

There's a dresser in the closet and I put most of Clare's clothes in the dresser only hanging up her robe and favorite sweater. She didn't bring many clothes because she said she didn't need much last time as she was in hospital gowns and pajamas most of the time. She brought a lot of bathroom stuff and she's happy to see a bathtub in her washroom. They did a pretty good job of not making this look like a hospital room even though some things are unavoidable and remind you that you're in a hospital. Things like a bar in the bathtub and the shower and a seat in the shower, an emergency button near the toilet, monitors near Clare's bed. After setting up her washroom we go back out to her room. I put her memory book of Ezra and the piece she cut from his baby blanket on her bed and then several people come in the room.

"Hello Clare," says the man in the middle.

"Hi Dr. Shaye," Clare nods.

"You must be Drew it's good to meet you," Dr. Shaye says shaking my hand. "We are just a portion of your care team, you already met Casey one of the duty nurses. This is your radiation oncologist Dr. Reddington and your surgical oncologist Dr. Kennedy. This is nurse Audrey Balfour your care manager she will be available to you 24 hours a day and will guide you through this process from beginning to end. There will be many more people involved in your care and to support you and Drew but you will meet them when the time comes. First we have to do some tests, more thorough than the ones at the hospital. Beginning with an MRI to look for tumors and to see just how far the cancer has spread."

"Here's a hospital gown Clare, I'll give you a few minutes to change into it and I'll come back to get you," Audrey says handing Clare a hospital gown and Clare nods. When they leave they close the door.

"I can't do this Drew; I can't go through this again. What am I living for now? What am I looking forward to now?"

"You're living for us and the future we're going to have together. You can do this Clare I know you can, I know you're strong. Now come on let's get you in your hospital gown."

I help her undress and get into her hospital gown, after a few moments there's a knock on the door and I open it to see Casey and Audrey. They both come in but only Audrey has a wheelchair.

"Clare I'll take you for testing and Casey will show Drew his room at the residence hotel next door. By the time we come back to the room Drew will be here waiting for you," Audrey tells Clare.

"I love you, I'll see you in a few minutes," I say to my wife and take her in my arms for a loving kiss.

"I love you too."

Clare gets in the wheelchair and is wheeled away and I follow Casey. There's a walkway on the top floor connecting the hospital to the hotel. I have a room on the 4th floor. Casey hands me a key card and I open the room. It's simple, like a small studio apartment. There's a bed, a table and a little kitchenette, a window with a decent view of the garden at the hospital, a closet on one wall and a small washroom on the other. I set my suitcases in and Casey takes me down and introduces me to the front desk staff and we take the sidewalk instead of the walkway back to the hospital. When I get back to Clare's room she's not yet back and I sink down on the sofa. I have to be strong for Clare, to be her strength but I'm just hoping she comes through this, if I lose her it will kill me.

Update next Tuesday will pick up from around here, people coming to see Clare at the hospital and visiting for the weekend.