Title: seven steps
Disclaimer: not my characters
Warnings: spoilers for everything aired
Pairings: implied Dean/Castiel, Dean/Anna
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 200
Point of view: third
Prompt: Castiel, envy of humans
In all his millennia, he'd never truly understood what drove humans to their jealousies or their rages or their melancholic despairs. He's never comprehended the depth of emotions, of their overwhelming control when finally surrendered to.
He had been envious of Anna—cannot use her first name, because it's not her true name because it's not one she chose... but neither, he thinks sometimes, is her human name, because her parents chose that one, didn't they? God gave her the first name, so it should be her true one, except God is gone now, out of reach, where his steadfast searching cannot find Him.
He had not understood envy or wrath or despair or lust. He had not understood pride except that it led to Lucifer's fall.
Watching Anna kiss Dean, he feels all seven of those deadly sins. Watching Anna kiss Dean, he wonders for just a moment how it would feel to surrender.
Choosing Dean, however, over Zachariah and Heaven's orders, is when Castiel decides for himself that even those seven sins are worth the price of devotion and love and the envy for what humans know at birth that he's never yet had the chance to learn.