Jennifer and Oinkers were sitting on the couch watching television and eating cereal. Dana, on the other hand, was wearing her plain blue dress, sneakers, and pine tree hat, checking her reflection in a handheld mirror. She had untied her hair, leaving the messy locks loose.
Silvia entered with a pan of pancakes. "Who wants Fun-cakes?" she asked. "They're like pancakes, but they're cooked with the perfect ingredients."
Suddenly, Marcus burst through the door giddily with a newspaper in his hands. "It's here!" he cheered. I've been waiting all morning and it's finally here! The Gravity Falls Gossiper accepted my article about summer fashion tips for squirrels. "My picture is gonna be in the newspaper! Check it!" He showed everyone a view of the newspaper.
"'Marcus Pines declared squirrels as this summer's most fashionable animal'," Silvia read. "Nice work, Marcus."
The newspaper read 'GREATEST THING OF THE SUMMER!', and showed a portrait of Marcus, with the caption 'MARCUS PINES' below the picture.
Salls walked in. "Squirrel fashion season is upon us!" she said. "Who wants to help me get ahead of the fashion curve?"
Marcus happily ran over to the nearby table, and poured himself a glass of orange juice, which he gulped down. "How are we going to celebrate this?" he asked.
"Looking for a way of celebrating your biggest accomplishment?"
"Why yes!" Marcus said.
"Victory, honor, destiny, mutton! These old-timey sounding words are alive and well at the Gravity Falls Royal Discount Putt Hutt! *No mutton available at the snack shop*"
"Hey, Marcus! You love mini-golf!" Dana said. She pulled out a scrapbook with a picture of Marcus winning a trophy at a minor-league gold competition with the caption 'AGE 9'. "He's been amazing at it since we were kids!" She looked over at Marcus. "What do you say, Marcus? We've had a stressful couple of days. How 'bout you have a mini-golf break?"
"Wait, you're not coming with us?" Marcus asked.
"Nah," Dana said. "I'm meeting up with William for our first date. The movie theater is having a Mysterious Sciencey Screening 1000 marathon and it's schedule to last until tomorrow morning." She walked over to the front door. "Have fun at the mini-golf course, though." And with that, Dana left the house.
"Don't worry, Marcus," Jennifer said. "I'll come with you."
"Really?" Marcus asked.
Jennifer nodded in response. "For victory!" she said.
"For honor!" Marcus said.
"For destiny!" Silvia said.
"For mutton!" Salls said.
At the Ye Royal Discount Putt Hutt, Jennifer, Marcus, Silvia, and Salls walked through. A few people were walking around the course.
"Ahh, mini-golf!" Marcus said. "The sport of mini champions!"
"Ma used to take me here when I was younger," Jennifer said. "There's something for everyone here."
Becca was spray-painting the word 'Winners' on a wall and she laughed.
"Hey, you!" an employee said. "Stop!"
Becca ran away screaming.
"Come back here!" the employee said. He powered on his golf cart and attempted to chase Becca. "Hey, those are lewd hand gestures!"
Back with the four, Jennifer was up first. She hit the golf ball with her club, but it flew off-course.
"Don't worry, Jen!" Marcus said. "But next time, try to hit the ball gently."
"Guess I need some more practice," Jennifer said.
Marcus stood in front of his golf ball. "Do the hip wiggle, and..." He hit the ball with his club, which scored a hole. For some reason Old Woman McGucket was sleeping on the course.
"Yes!" Marcus cheered.
"My word!" Silvia exclaimed. "That's amazing!"
And so, Marcus continued scoring holes. Eventually he reached Hole 18. A crowd formed around Jennifer, Silvia, and Salls.
"This is amazing!" Jennifer said. "I've never seen such golf skills in my life!"
With determination, Marcus the golf ball with his club, and she scored a hole in one. He let out a cheer in delight as the crowd celebrated Marcus' win.
"Alright Marcus!" Jennifer cheered. Then she excitedly Brohoof'd Marcus.
"You did it!" Salls said.
"Guess it's official," Silvia said. "You're better than anyone else I know in Gravity-"
But then another ball scoring a hole in the exact same hole. It was none other than Patterson. "Hello, loser," he said
"Patterson!" Marcus exclaimed.
"Well, if it isn't the Pines family!" Patterson said. "Fat, old, phony, braces! What happened to the lame one?"
"She's busy," Jennifer said bitterly.
Over at the town movie theater, Dana and William were enjoying the Mysterious Sciencey Screening 1000 marathon.
"Oh boy, it's the apocalypse! Time to stock up on silver!"
Dana and William laughed at the joke.
"You should be glad my sister isn't here," Marcus told Patterson. "She would just humiliate you again with a second punch in the face."
"Yeah, about that," Patterson said. "That's the thing about money. It makes problems, like having ancestors exposed as frauds, go away."
"Well it can't buy you skill!" Marcus said. "You walked into the game of a mini-golf champion!"
"Yeah right," Patterson said. "My parents hired a golf professional trainer. Now if you excuse me..." He walked over to the bonus hole and hit a golf ball with his club, which caused an explosion upon hitting the hole. "Enjoy second place," he said before he started to leave.
"Oh, yeah?" Marcus asked. "Well, I want a rematch, you...walking-one-dimensional-bleach-blonde-rich-boy-stereotype!"
The crowd gasped as Patterson dropped his club. "Oh, it's on," he said.
The sky clouded over as Marcus and Patterson stood face-to-face. Suddenly. The employee drove by. "Stop at once!" he said. "The park is now closed due to weather! The King of Mini-golf has spoken!"
"This isn't over," Patterson said menacingly. "You, me, midnight. We'll see whose best!"
"I'll be here!" Marcus said.
Over at the Hermanos Brothers Diner, Marcus was eating some nachos. He sighed in defeat. "Time to scratch mini-golf off my talents list."
"Aw, don't give up, Marcus," Salls said.
"Think about it," Jennifer said. "If you beat Patterson at mini-golf, he can never make fun of you again."
That made Marcus smile. "You're right, Jennifer," he said. "I just need to practice a little more before midnight."
"You want to go to the golf course after dark?" Silvia asked. "We would have to break in."
But the four broke in anyway. Salls kept watch while Silvia pulled nails out of the fence. She removed a panel. Just as Marcus was about to follow Jennifer through the hole, Silvia put her hand on his shoulder. "Knock him dead, sweetie," she said, smiling.
Marcus gave a thumbs-up and went inside.
At the windmill, Marcus was practicing, hitting a golf ball, which went into the window, and came to rest beside dozens of others, not in the hole. "Weird," Marcus said. "I could have sworn I got it in before..."
"I agree," Jennifer said. "There's something wrong with this hole."
Suddenly, there was a noise from inside the windmill. "What is it?" Marcus asked.
"We better get our clubs," Jennifer said.
The Pony pals raised their clubs and advanced towards the windmill. They nodded, and Jennifer pulled away the back panel. Inside the windmill were tiny golf ball-shaped people merrily moving golf balls along their Dutch-themed landscape when they notice the friends and gasped.
"Holy smokes!" Marcus exclaimed as he and Jennifer lowered their clubs.
"Hi, hello," a golf ball person said. "I'm Franz, and welcome to our home!"
"What in Gravity Falls are you?" Jennifer asked, just as surprised as Marcus was.
"Yeah!" Marcus agreed. "Are you guys tiny humans, or enormous mini-humans?"
"Neither," Franz said. "We're Lilliputtians, and we control the balls! Behold!"
The side of the windmill opened, revealing a complex Rube Goldberg-ian convey system, with Lilliputtians turning cranks, pulling levers, and pushing turnstiles. A golf ball rolled out of the windmill into the hole.
"That's incredible!" Marcus said.
"Aw shucks," Franz said. "It's only our life-long passion. So what are you hugelings doing here, anyway?"
"I kind of have to play this golf tournament against my rival, Patterson," Marcus explained.
The Lilliputtians gasped and muttered. "Oh, we know all about rivals," Franz said.
"Put a clog in it, ya windmill-lubbers!"
The pirate ship hole lit up. The Pirate Lilliputtians were looking over the deck. "These frilly bottom popinjays are terrible at controllin' the balls!" the Lead Pirate Lilliputtian said, drawing his sword. "We are the ball masters, says I! Arrr!"
"Shut your mouths, you show-boating pirates!"
The Eiffel Tower hole lit up. "Everyone knows ze Eiffel Tower hole is ze best!" the Lead French Lilliputtian said.
"Stay you comments, ye churlish Frenchmen!" the Lead Knight Lilliputtian said. "None control the balls better than the knights of—" He noticed Becca's graffiti. "—Winners Castle!"
"We'll settle which hole is best!" Franz said. "Attack!"
And so, the Lilliputtians collided and start fighting in front of Marcus and Jennifer.
"Guys, guys, calm down!" Marcus said. "Your fighting is inadvertently adorable!"
"Adorable we are, hugeling, but our tale less so," Franz said. "Every hole in the park thinks they're superior, from the cowboys in the east to the grimy miners of the south. If only there was some way to decide which side is best."
"Decide for us, hugeling!" the Lead Knight Lilliputtian said. "Choose which mini-kingdom is the best, and end our war!"
"Uh, I don't know, guys," Marcus said. "I'm not sure I wanna get involved in your weird mini-blood feud."
Jennifer had an idea. "These guys control the course," she said. "Just tell them you'll say the best hole is whichever group does a better job of helping us win!"
"I'm not sure, Jen," Marcus said. "I wanna beat Patterson, but doesn't that seem like...cheating?"
"Patterson's rich, Marcus," Jennifer pointed out. "He's cheating at life."
Convinced, Marcus addressed the Lilliputtians. "People of the eighteen holes!" he said. "We're going to have a game of mini-golf! And whoever does the best job of helping me win is the best hole! Just remember: as long as you're helping me, no fighting."
Back in, the parking lot, Salls and Silvia were waiting in the car. "It seems the kids are taking their time," Silvia said. "Looks like it's going to be a while."
The Southeast car pulled up. As soon as Patterson got out of car with his luggage, the door was slammed shut and the car drove away. "Thanks for dropping me off!" Patterson called out. He looked a bit sad, but he took a deep breath and entered the mini-golf course.
When Patterson entered, a succession of lights flashed on, revealing Marcus and Jennifer. "Looking for someone?" Marcus asked.
"Waiting in the dark," Patterson said. "That's not creepy at all. But seriously, I don't know why you bothered to come. Unless you've got something up your sleeve."
"Oh, I guess you could say we've got a little something," Marcus said, grinning at Jennifer.
And so, the game began at the cowboy hole. Patterson putt, and the Lilliputtians blocked his ball with a covered wagon. Marcus putt, and the cowboys raised the grass to move his ball towards the hole. A cowboy shot the ball, and it went in. At the pirate hole, Marcus putt, and the pirates shot his ball out of a cannon into the hole. Patterson putts but his ball shot out the front and landed in his mouth.
At the miner hole, Marcus putt, and the ball went down into the mine. "The miner hole," Jennifer said. "I wonder what cute, silly things are going on down there."
After an unseen moment that involved a gas leak and the death of a large Lilliputtian named Big Henry, the ball rolled out of the mine and into the hole. Patterson sighed in defeat and walked off with the intention of getting a can of soda.
Over at the vending machine, Patterson got a can of Pitt Cola. He drank the soda and spat out the pitt. Suddenly, he was grabbed and dragged into a bush.
Meanwhile, Jennifer was tallying the score. "I can't wait to see the look on Patterson's face when we win," she said.
"Jen, is it bad that I feel good about him feeling bad?" Marcus asked.
"Relax Marcus," Jennifer said. "Patterson is probably fine."
Speaking of Patterson, he screamed in panic. Turns out he was tied in front of the windmill by the Dutch Lilliputtians. "What's going on here?!" he asked.
"Welcome!" Frank said. "I can tell you're loving this, right, right? No?"
"What are you guys doing?" Marcus asked.
"This wasn't part of the deal!" Jennifer pointed out.
"Okay, so we were kind of worried about losing our chances of winning, and we figured, what's better than beating Patterson?" Franz asked. "Killing him, right? So how about it, hugeling? Who's the best now?"
"Not so fast, land lubbers!" the Lead Pirate Lilliputtian said. "Say we're the best!"
"No!" a French Lilliputtian said. "Say we're the bast!"
"The miners!" the Miner Lilliputtian said. "Give the victory to the miners!"
The Lilliputtians all clamored, pressuring Marcus, until...
"ENOUGH!"
The Lilliputtians looked at Marcus. "No one is the best!" he said. "You're all being jerks! I mean, why can't you all just get along?"
"Because we hate each other," a Dutch Lilliputtian said.
"That's kind of how rivalries work, lad," the Lead Pirate Lilliputtian said.
"Well then, maybe..." Marcus thought about Patterson. "Maybe rivalries are dumb. Maybe you don't settle them with petty competitions. Maybe the only way to be the best is by ending the fighting and working together!" He rushed over to Patterson and freed him from the windmill. "So get along with each other, or I'll..." Marcus had an idea. "Or I'll get the Guardian of Time and Space!"
The Lilliputtians gasped and conversed. "So what do you say?" Marcus asked.
In the parking lot, Marcus, Jennifer, and Patterson were kicked out. "Anyone who sides with the Guardian of Time and Space is an enemy of ours!" Franz exclaimed from the other side of the fence.
Marcus looked over at Patteron. "I'm sorry, Patterson. We shouldn't have cheated. You totally would have beat me, fair and square."
Silvia and Salls pulled up. Jennifer and Marcus get in. Looking at Patterson standing alone in the parking lot, Marcus had an idea. "Your parents aren't here," he told Patterson. "Want a ride home?"
"It's okay," Patterson said. "I usually end up walking home, anyway."
Suddenly, lighting flashed and thunder was heard.
Inside the car, Patterson sat between Jennifer and Marcus in the backseat. Marcus found something on the floor. "Hey, I found two tacos!" He ate one.
"You're allowed to eat in the car?" Patterson asked.
"Yeah!" Marcus answered. "The car is where secret surprise snacks happen! Want one?"
Patterson happily took the second taco.
Some time later, Silvia pulled up to the Southeast mansion. Patterson got out. "Thanks for the ride," he said. "And Marcus? I had fun. You're pretty cool for a guy who wears pink."
"So what now?" Jennifer asked Marcus as Patterson went inside his home.
"I think we made some progress," Marcus said. "The important thing to remember is that aside from the massive wealth, he's just an ordinary kid like us."
Later that day, Silvia, Marcus, Jennifer, and Salls were in the living room watching TV. Dana finally showed up, yawning. "Hey guys," she said.
"How was the date, sweetie?" Silvia asked.
"Pretty awesome," Dana answered. "We watched all of the classic MSS1K bad movie reviews and we shared a bucket of popcorn." She looked over at Marcus. "So bro, how was the golf game?"
"This just in: the Ye Royal Discount Putt Hutt has been locked up from the inside. Not even the employees can get in. No one knows what happened, but all have assumed that the golf course has been shut down for good."
Dana looked confused. "How did-"
"Don't ask," Marcus said.