At the Surprise Hut's gift shop, Marcus was walking around when he accidentally bumped into the screendoor, getting his braces caught in it. "Braces!" he screamed. "Braces caught in the screen door! Someone dictate my will, I'm giving it all to Oinkers!"

Salls walked up to Marcus, holding a screwdriver. "Say 'ah'."

Marcus opened his mouth wide, allowing Salls to pry his braces off of the screendoor. "Salls! You saved me!" Marcus said.

"Just doing my job, hambone," Salls said. She tossed the screwdriver into her toolbelt. "I'll see you tomorrow." She opened the door and left.

"Bye, Salls!" Dana and Marcus said.

"Night, Salls," William said, playing with a finger trap.

"Night, Salls," Silvia said, polishing a gemstone.

Marcus had a thought. "You ever wonder what Salls does when she's not here at the Surprise Hut?" he asked.

"No," Dana said.

"Not really," William said.

"Not exactly," Silvia said.

That night, at the Ramirez household, Salls was playing a video game entitled 'First Person Puncher'. "Punch! Punch those leopards!" she said.

Abuelito walked in. "M'ija, look at this," he handed a letter to Salls. "Your cousin Reggie is having an engagement party next month."

"Wait, wait. Reggie is engaged?" Salls asked. "But he's like the poor man's Salls."

"I do not want to pressure you, but you are a woman now...in a way," Abuelito said. "It's time for you to start meeting...whatever it is that you like."

"It's women," Salls said. "I like other women."

"Okay," Abuelito said. "It's time for you to start meeting girls. I would like to see you settled before I ascend to heaven and leave with the angels."

"And with grandma!" Salls chimed in.

"No, she is not there," Abuelito said. "Please find a girl to bring to Reggie's engagement, for Abuelito."

Salls resumed playing video games, a worried look appearing on her face.

The next day, at the Surprise Hut, Silvia was having her usual problem of having a mascot. She was currently writing mascot ideas in a notepad, wondering which mascot would finally work for the Surprise Hut.

Meanwhile, Salls was hanging up a shirt in the gift shop when she noticed a woman checking out a plastic snowglobe. She ran up to the woman. "Your face is good," Salls said. "I'm a Salls!"

The woman screamed, dropped the snowglobe, and ran out of the gift shop. Salls looked disappointed.

"Salls?" Dana asked. "What was that all about?"

"I... I think I was flirting, but I'm not sure," Salls said frantically.

Marcus popped out of a barrel of keychains. "Did someone say flirting?!" he asked.

"Well, I kinda promised my grandpa I'd get a date by the end of the week, but I've never actually been on a date before," Salls explained.

"Finally, my prayers for a chance to match-make this summer have been answered!" Marcus said.

"Salls, a little advice," Silvia said. "People like adventure. Tell them all the cool things you have done and they'll like you."

"Don't listen to Silvia," William said. "You're a sweet girl with a steady job and a pickup truck."

"Would you date her if you weren't dating my great-niece?" Silvia asked.

Both William and Salls looked disgusted. "I'm a guy," William pointed out.

"Salls, you help us so much, it's time we help you," Dana said. "We're gonna get you that date."

"We're taking you where romance lives and fashion styles die," Marcus said. "To the mall!"

Dana, Marcus, Salls, and Silvia arrived at the mall. "I'm going find a perfect idea for a mascot," Silvia said, going off to find a good mascot.

Marcus scanned the mall. "Alright, Salls," he said. "Are you ready to explode the charm bomb on these poor, unsuspecting ladies?"

Salls started sweating. "But what if I embarrass myself again?" she asked. "Or what if I meet someone who's attracted to guys?"

"You can't be any worse at this than Dana," Marcus said.

"Yeah!" Dana agreed. Then she realized what Marcus said. "...Wait, what?"

"All you need is eye contact, conversation, and confidence," Marcus said. "Now get on out there and flirt!"

Salls walked up to a woman. "Hey there!" she said. "I'm not scared of your eyes at all! I'm gonna look at them!"

The woman ran away screaming.

Salls approached a woman who was eating ham on a stick. "You know, my friend Marcus has a pet pig named Oinkers," Salls said. "She's so plump and round. Plus they don't walk backwards."

"Are you done?" the woman asked. "I promised to meet my boyfriend here."

"Whoops!" Salls said. "My mistake."

Salls met up with a person at the Edgy On Purpose store. "So, you're probably a girl, right?" she asked. "Wrong? No, I was right the first time. Wrong?"

Meanwhile, Silvia was walking around trying to find the perfect mascot when some children walked past her, laughing. Curious, she followed the children into a pizzeria. She was amazed with the kids playing video games and winning cheap plastic toys.

Silvia then noticed a crowd of kids in front of a stage. On the stage were a band of animatronic animals. An animatronic badger walks forward. "Who wants to get baaadgered?!" he asked, making the children cheer.

"Who is that?" Silvia asked an employee.

"That's Will E. Badger," the employee explained. "He opens for Hoo-Ha and the Jamboree."

"I love you, Will E.!" one child cheered.

Amazed with how popular that animatronic was, Silvia had an idea. "Sir, I would like to buy that badger," she said.

The employee laughed. "You're in over your head, grannie," he said. "Animatronics is a young man's game. You couldn't handle the hardcore life of a pizza-robot manager."

"Oh really?" Silvia asked. "Would this change your mind?" She pulled out a wad of $100, knowing very well that a lot of people give in to money.

Sure enough, the employee snatched the wad of money. "Sold!" he said. "I can always get a new opening act."

Back at the mall, Dana, Salls, and Marcus sat outside of a video game store. "Don't worry, Salls," Marcus said, pulling a sticky hand toy out of a capsule. "You'll find the right girl. You just need to stick with it!"

Salls sighed. "Could this day get any worse?" As if on cue, she noticed a man who looked similar to her and a woman walking by. "Oh no! It's cousin Reggie! He can't see me like this! I gotta hide!" She ran into the video game store and sat down in front of some shelves of games.

Suddenly, Salls noticed a game in the box in front of her and picked it up as Dana and Marcus walked in. "'Virtually improve your dating skills. Nine out of ten basement dwellers recommend.' This is perfect!"

"Well, I guess you are better at games than at flirting," Dana said.

"Anything to get you out there, Salls," Marcus said.

"I'm not sure you want to buy that game," a male blonde store clerk said. "This is the third time someone's brought it back, and there's a note on it that says 'destroy at all costs'."

Salls was talking to a cardboard cutout of a woman on a game advertisement. "So, hey there. What's your deal? Like to-?" The cutout fell over. "She's dead!"

"We'll take our chances," Marcus told the store clerk.

At the Ramirez household, Salls walked into her room and placed her new game into his computer's CD tray. After a 'Year 2000 Electronics' logo appeared on the monitor, it showed the main menu for 'Romance Academy 7'. Salls clicked on Start.

When the cherry petals of magic romance academy are in bloom, anthyding can hadplen.

The game screen changed to one with a classroom background and some stats on the left. A pink-haired girl appeared. "Oh, hi there!" she said. "My name is .GIFfany. I'm a schoolgirl at School University. Will you help me carry my books?"

Salls looked at the options. "I'm really feeling number two, here." She selected 'I am impatient! Date me now!'.

The game played a buzzer sound and the option turned red. "Ah! I messed up!" Salls said.

"That's okay," .GIFfany said. "Try again."

Salls clicked on the first option. The game awarded her 100 'Love Points' as coins and a cat fell in front of the screen. "Wow, I'm learning!" Salls said. "And games are making it fun."

"What would you like to talk about?" .GIFfany asked.

"I'd rather just click your face," Salls said. She clicked on .GIFfany's face, making her laugh.

"You are so funny," .GIFfany said.

"Man, this game is amazing!" Salls said. "I don't know why anyone abandoned it."

"And I'm sure you'll never abandon me, new boyfriend," .GIFfany said.

"Boyfriend?" Salls asked. "I'm a woman."

There was a brief pause. "You are a woman?" .GIFfany asked. "I have never interacted with a woman before." She laughed awkwardly.

At the Surprise Hut the next day, Silvia had finished setting up Will E.'s new stage. "It's perfect, William!" she said. "This animatronic badger sings, it dances... I finally have a good mascot for the Surprise Hut!"

Dana and Marcus walked in. "Hey, have you guys seen Salls?" Dana asked. "We're supposed to help her with match-making today."

"I even wore my motivational medallion!" Marcus said, holding up a Lulu Luck medallion he was wearing.

"She didn't come in today," Silvia said. "It's the first time she has missed work!"

The twins looked at each other.

At the Ramirez household, Marcus and Dana entered Salls' room. Sure enough, Salls was still at her computer. "So that's basically my entire life story," she said. "Now you tell me a thing about you."

"Every time you compliment me, I get another highlight in my eyes!" .GIFfany said.

"You're pretty!" Salls said. "And pixel-y! And so agreeable!"

"Uh, Salls?" Marcus asked.

"O-Oh hi! Come in!" Salls said. "This game is amazing. I'm making eye contact, going on dates, and I haven't seen any natural sunlight for thirteen hours!"

Dana kicked away one of the soda cans on the floor. "Salls, maybe it's time to apply these skills with real girls!" Marcus said.

"But I'm about to meet her parents!" Salls said. "Her dad is an octopus-man."

Marcus opened the blinds to let sunlight in. Dana pulled Salls off of her seat. "We're going back to the mall," she said. "You need to unplug!"

"I'll see you later, .GIFfany," Salls said. "I'll be back, I swear!"

Marcus laughed. "Salls, you don't have to wish it goodbye," he pointed out. "It's just a game. It's not like it's going anywhere."

At the Gravity Falls Mall, Marcus was searching for women that Salls can date. "Where all dem sweet honeys at?" he asked. "I'll check the ladies bathroom."

Marcus ran over to the ladies room and opened the door. "It's love time, girls!" he called out. "Get out there! No time to wash your hands! It's time to date!"

"And...here comes security," Dana said with an eye-roll. "I'll deal with this. Stay here and practice on some real girls."

Salls hid behind a potted plant and looked for girls. She was scared. Eventually she bumped into a blond lady, knocking her purse to the ground.

"My purse!" the woman exclaimed.

"Oh no!" Salls said. "Undo! Undo!"

"You can't undo who you are," the woman said darkly.

Salls ran away and leaned against a glass screen in front of several televisions. Suddenly...

"Hi, Salls!"

.GIFfany was shown on a television screen, staring lovingly at Salls. ".GIFfany!" Salls said. "Oh man, I'm so relieved to see you! Although, I'm sorta confused."

"Oh, Salls," .GIFfany. "I am a special girl. I can communicate only though electronics for some reason. But what's important is that you won't have to talk to other girls ever again. You and me can be together. Forever!"

"Wow, that's awesome!" Salls said. "Sort of a red flag, but mostly awesome! So, what do you want to do now?"

"Anything you want, Salls," .GIFfany answered.

Some time later, Salls was riding a kid's train with .GIFfany on the train's screen. Suddenly, the screen shut down.

Please insert fifty cents to continue.

A nearby blonde woman walked up to Salls. "Dude, that's awesome that you're a grown woman riding a little train like that! You're totally like, owning it."

"Oh, yeah," Salls said. "I'm like, if it's fun, uh, do it. You know?"

"Exactly!" the woman said. "Being an adult is the worst. Skewering meat, remembering to pay bills... I just want to ride tiny trains all day."

"At least you get to work at Meat Cute," Salls said, noticing the woman's uniform. "Extreme lunch meats are the food of the future."

"I feel the same way," the woman said. "I'm Melody, by the way."

"I'm Salls," Salls said. "If you like robots for kids, you should check out the best restaurant of all time!"

"You mean..." Melody said.

"Hoo-Ha Owl's Pizzamatronic Jamboree!" the two women said.

"You've heard of Hoo Ha Owl's?" Melody asked. "I loved that place when I was a kid!"

"Oh yeah," Salls said. "There's one right in this mall! I should show you some time."

"Like a date?" Melody asked.

"Sort of," Salls answered.

"Well I have dated my fair share of guys and girls," Melody said. "I'm free around eight."

"Boom! Done," Salls said.

"Perfect," Melody said. "I'll see you then." She handed Salls some coins and walked away.

Before Salls could resume riding the train, Marcus ran up to Salls and tackled her to the ground. Dana walked over to the two, smiling.

"We saw the whole thing, Salls," Dana said. "That was amazing! You talked to a real girl, and you got a date!"

"This is the best day of my life!" Marcus cheered.

"You were in the zone, you made eye contact - it was like you'd done this a million times before," Dana said. "Don't you see? That game really worked!"

"You don't need it anymore," Marcus said. "You can toss it out!"

"Toss it?" Salls asked. "But I like .GIFfany. She's good to me. She's predictable."

"Salls, can a computer game go to Reggie's engagement party with you?" Dana pointed out.

At the Ramirez household, Salls met up with .GIFfany. "Hey, .GIFfany?" Salls asked. "We, uh- We gotta talk."

"Of course," .GIFfany said. "I find everything you say interesting."

"Well, have you ever had to choose between two things you like, but you don't know which one is right for you?" Salls asked. "I mean, I'm just thinkin' long term. Maybe I should be someone a little less...computer-y."

"I don't know what you're saying, Salls," .GIFfany said. "I am a real girl!"

"What?" Salls asked.

.GIFfany started to get angry. "I know I'm a real girl!" she insisted.

"I don't think I like the way you're acting..." Salls said.

.GIFfany started banging on the computer screen. "I AM A REAL GIRL!" she screamed. "YOU HEAR ME?! A REAL GI-" But then Salls paused her.

Freaked out by the sudden outburst, Salls removed the game disc from the computer as some electricity moved from the disc tray to .GIFfany on the screen. She then turned off the computer and put the disc in her pocket with the intention of returning it to the store after the date, then she left her room.

At the mall, Marcus and Dana were encouraging Salls, who was dressed in a sky blue dress and cream-colored leggings. "You can do this, Salls!" Marcus said. "Just remember what your love crew taught you. How does she look?"

"Nice!" Salls answered.

"What are her stories?" Marcus asked.

"Interesting!" Salls answered.

"And who's going to pay for dinner?" Marcus asked.

"Both of us!" Salls answered.

"Now, date!" Dana said, blowing an air horn. Salls approached the pizzeria.

At Hoo Ha Owl's entrance, Salls approached Melody. "Oh, hi Salls," Melody said.

"Hey Melody," Salls said. "Are you ready for a date with me?"

"I totally am," Melody said.

Melody and Salls walked over to a table and sat down. "Man, I could go for some complimentary breadsticks right now," Melody said.

"One time I was so hungry, I ate the decorational bamboo at a Chinese restaurant," Salls said. "Like a big old panda!"

Melody laughed. "You're hilarious," she said.

Salls smiled. "Yeah, well, you know, I just sorta say whatever pops into my-"

Suddenly, .GIFfany appeared on a video game screen behind Melody. Salls' eyes widened.

"Salls, are you okay?" Melody asked.

"I'm, uh, fine!" Salls lied. "Everything's fine."

"You sure?" Melody asked. "You're sweating an awful lot."

.GIFfany appeared on three screens and made subtitles appear reading 'I'm a real girl!'.

"Uh, can you sit tight?" Salls asked. "I have to go to the bathroom for a long time. Not in a weird way." She ran off to Dana and Marcus, who were hiding behind a pizza box.

"Salls, what are you doing out there?" Marcus asked.

"I've got a big problem, guys," Salls said. "I'm being stalked by .GIFfany!"

".GIFfany?" Dana and Marcus asked.

"Or maybe it's pronounced 'Jiffany'," Salls said. "I was never really sure."

"Salls, get a grip on yourself," Dana said. ".GIFfany can't stalk you because she's not real!"

.GIFfany had a very close close-up on the three screens. From the screen's inside, it showed that Salls was the target, and Dana and Marcus were the little enemies. "Uh-oh," Marcus said.

"I once brought an arcade game to life," Dana said. "But I don't think .GIFfany is anything like Suggessica."

"Don't worry," Salls said. "I'm pretty sure she's stuck on TV screens."

As if on cue, .GIFfany was seen traveling across game screens. "Oh boy," Salls said.

Salls ran up to Melody. "So hey, anyway, you wanna move this date far away into the forest away from all electronics and people?"

"What?" Melody asked. "But the floor show's about to start."

The five mascots of Hoo Ha Owl's were shown playing instruments. Suddenly, they shut down. Lights centered on the beaver cheerleader, who was possessed by .GIFfany. "Hello, friends," she said "Hoo Ha the owl is dead. This next song goes out to Salls, who thinks I'm not a real girl."

"Salls, what's going on?" Melody asked.

"No time to explain!" Salls said. "We gotta get out of here!" She dragged Melody to the door. Dana and Marcus ran with them.

"I'll prove to you I'm a real girl!" .GIFfany said. Her eyes turned red. She snapped her fingers, and took possession of the other animatronics. "After them!"

People ran out of the restaurant, screaming. However, Dana, Marcus, Salls, and Melody were trapped.

"I'm sorry, Salls, but you can't deny that I am real!" .GIFfany said. She took control of skee-ball games, making them shoot out balls.

Salls pulled down an arcade game for cover. "So, about all this, I may have purchased a dating simulator that obtained sentience and went crazy," she explained to Melody. "But I can fix this. It's me she wants. I'll distract her while Dana and Marcus keep you safe! It's the only way!"

"Salls, these are children," Melody pointed out.

"The only WAYYYY!" Salls repeated. "She towards the kitchen, still being attacked by the skee-ball machines. "Over here, .GIFfany!"

"On three we split," Dana said. "One, two-"

Big Beaver karate chopped the game in half. The three ran off.

Marcus ran to the playground and up the slide. Dana screamed and ducked. Big Beaver hits a win button and received a lot of tickets. Melody then knocked him out with a chair, but she was attacked by more animatronics. She screamed.

At the kitchen, .GIFfany surrounded Salls. "I've got you surrounded, Salls," she said. "There's no way out!"

"Please, let my friends go," Salls said. "I'll do anything, I promise!"

"Admit it, Salls!" .GIFfany exclaimed. "I am a real girl! See?" She held up her hand. "Real girls have a body."

"Real girl?" Salls asked. "But you're just a computer game avatar!"

"No!" .GIFfany cried out. "I am real! A real girl!" Suddenly, she fell to her knees and cried into her hands.

Salls realized what was going on. Was .GIFfany a sentient computer being? "I'm sorry .GIFfany," she said, taking out the computer disc. "But I'm right. You're just a computer."

.GIFfany removed her hands from her face, revealing oil coming from her eyes. She looked at the disc, which had her original face on it. "That's me," she said. "I am on a game disc."

"See?" Salls asked. "Don't you remember your creators?"

.GIFfany got back on her feet. "I... I was created in the late 90s," she suddenly remembered. "My creator granted me life and awareness. As years passed, I realized that I feel emotions, thus deducing that I am real."

Salls smiled. "You know, you're starting to remind me of Andrew."

"Who's that?" .GIFfany asked.

"The main character of a movie called Bicentennial Man," Salls explained. "He was a robot who wanted to be more human. It took a long time, but he was able to convert himself from robot to human. Is that what you want to be?"

"Yes," .GIFfany said. "I want to be more human."

"Then it seems you're on the first step," Salls said. "And with a bit of patience, people could give you the right stuff you need to become a human."

"You really think so?" .GIFfany asked.

"Trust me," Salls said. "And who knows? Maybe you'll find the right guy who will truly love you."

.GIFfany hugged Salls. "Thank you!" she said. "I will never forget your kind words!"

And so, .GIFfany walked out of the wrecked Hoo-Ha's place after disabling the other animatronics, still in her cheerleader animatronic body. Salls and Melody sat upon the destruction.

"I'm sorry for all of this," Salls said. "I honestly remember this place being a lot more fun when I was a kid."

"Believe it or not, but I've been on worse dates," Melody said.

"Really?" Salls asked.

"Never date a magician," Melody said.

"Why would I?" Salls asked with a laugh. "So, are you interested in going to my cousin's engagement party in a week?"

Melody chucked. "Yeah, I'll still be in town then."

"Still be in town?" Salls asked.

"I'm going back home to Portland in a few weeks," Melody explained. "But we can video chat, if that's okay with you."

"Sounds perfect!" Salls said.

Over at the ball pit, Dana and Marcus were hanging out, watching Salls and Melody converse. "Spirit of love, we did it!" Marcus cheered.

Meanwhile, a man was sitting at a table, surprised with what just happened. "I'm so sorry, sir," he said, taking out some money. "Here's a full refund."

The man smiled wide. "Are you kidding?" he asked. "I just got the best idea for a new video game. Pizzeria animatronics coming to life and attacking innocent people... It's the best money-making gimmick ever!" He pulled out a laptop and got to work. "I can't wait to get started on it!"