A/N: Starting with this chapter, I will be including references from MoringMark's comics on Tumblr.
It was a windy night at the Surprise Hut. An unknown man walked up to the door. Silvia answered it, carrying a lantern. "Well, hello there, traveler," she said. "I see your car broke down on this lonesome country road. Come in, come in, and have a drink."
The man entered the hut and Silvia escorted him to the kitchen. "I rarely have any visitors these days," she said. "I have so many stories to tell you. So many exciting tales." She pulled out a watch. "Take this watch for example. It may not look like much, but whoever wears it is doomed to be cursed. Why, you may ask, is it enchanted? Well, that's quite a tale. And it's called Hands Off."
Silvia was with Dana and Marcus at a swap meet. "Swap meet, swap meet, swap meet!" Marcus said. "Look at all these priceless treasures!" He approached a table. Bobbly heads! They agree with everything I say."
Dana put on a pair of glasses and looked at her reflection in a mirror. "Accessory glasses," she said, adjusting her ponytail. "Perfect for making smart girls look cute."
Marcus approached Dana. "I'm not sure about that..." he said, snatching the glasses from her. "You don't look good in glasses."
Dana responded by punching Marcus in the elbow. "Geez, I was only telling the truth!" Marcus complained. That earned him a second punch in the elbow.
Silvia looked at a table containing gold watches. "Why, hello there," she said. "How much are these lovely watches?"
The elderly woman who was selling the watches smiled. "Don't worry about the cost," she said, picking up a watch. "You can have this one for free. It's a special watch."
"Thank you," Silvia said. Then she and the twins walked away.
"Graunt Silvia, aren't you curious about why that woman gave you a free watch?" Dana asked. "That sounded a bit suspicious."
"Don't worry about it, dearest," Silvia said. "Sometimes it's good to have a little freebie once in a while."
The next day, Dana and Marcus entered the kitchen Silvia was already there, cooking some breakfast. For some reason she was wearing oven mitts. "Breakfast time, kids," she said. "Prepare your mouths for-" But then the over mitts slipped off, revealing that Silvia's hands were gone.
"HOLY SMOKES!" Marcus exclaimed. "WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR HANDS?"
"It must have been that woman from the swap meet," Silvia guessed. "She was probably some kind of witch. I bet she cursed that watch!"
"So that's it?" Dana asked. "Just give that watch back? Sounds easy enough."
Soon, the Pines were at a cave. "According to the swap meet pamphlet, the Hand Witch lives in a horrible Hand Witch lair, on Hand Witch Mountain," Marcus said.
The family entered the cave. Suddenly, a hand tapped Marcus' shoulder. "Graunt Silvia, did you just tap my shoulder?" he asked.
"Sweetie, I can't tap anything," Silvia pointed out.
Two hands poked Dana. "Guys, can you stop tapping both my shoulders?" she asked. Then she shined flashlight at cave roof, revealing that it was covered in hands, which attacked them.
Thankfully, the Hand Sitch showed up. "Look at this...touching scene!"
"You!" Silvia exclaimed. "Give me back my hands, or I'll-" She realized Dana and Marcus were there. "I-I mean, may I please have my hands back?"
"What's the matter?" the Hand Witch asked. "Afraid to reveal your true self in front of your family?"
"Kids, get out of here," Silvia ordered. "Things are about to get messy."
And so, Dana and Marcus waited outside the cave. Some time later, Silvia came out with both of her hands intact. "Graunt Silvia, what happened back there?" Dana asked.
"Oh, nothing for you to worry about," Silvia answered with a smile. "Now let's head back home."
The man was highly intrigued with that story. "You want to know what happened?" Silvia asked. "Well I'm sorry to say this, but there are secrets so dangerous that I cannot tell a single soul. But I can tell you about my great-niece and great-nephew. They're so adventurous, but Dana's the special one."
Silvia showed the man a picture of Dana. "Sure, she doesn't look like much, but there's a very interesting story about her," she continued. "And it's called: Mental Break."
Dana was in her room looking at a box.
The What-the-heck-ahedron. Solve this puzzle and your photo could get on this box.
Dana turned the box around to show a picture of a boy holding up the puzzle and getting kissed by a girl in a swimsuit. Impressed with the false advertising, Dana took the puzzle out of box and turned it around. It beeped. She turned it some more, and it beeped again. She groaned.
Suddenly, loud music was heard upstairs. Knowing the sound was probably coming from Marcus, Dana put down the puzzle and left her room.
In Marcus' room, he was doing a DJ skit with Oinkers. "This is Mar-Mar and THE HOGG!" he spoke into a microphone. "Coming at you on the AM!"
Oinkers squealed. "Whoa, not sure we can say that on the air!" Marcus said. "Don't touch that dial, truckers! 'Cause the Hogg just ate it." He pressed buttons on a sound effects board, making a honking sound three times and then a fart sound.
"Marcus, could you knock it off?" Dana asked. "I can hear your DJing from my room and I'm trying to solve this impossible intelligence puzzle."
"Maybe you're just not smart enough," Marcus replied.
That gave Dana an idea. "We'll see about that," she said.
That evening, Dana was in her room holding a purple mushroom. Marcus entered, curious. "Um, Dana, what's that?" he asked.
"It's a Percepshroom," Dana answered, grinding it in a bowl. "According to the journal, consuming it will increase my brain power."
As Dana consumed the Percepshroom mush, Marcus checked the page with the portable black light. "There's a hidden message on this page," he said.
Be cautious: Do not confuse it with shrooms. The latter causes hallucinations.
"Dana, are you sure you got the right mushroom?" Marcus asked.
"Relax, bro," Dana said, having just consuming the Percepshroom mush. "I already checked the hidden message. I got the right mushroom. By tomorrow, I'll be able to solve that puzzle!"
The next morning, Marcus got up and headed for the bathroom. When he got there, he witnessed a familiar brown ponytail fall to the ground. He gasped. Dana had just cut her long hair into a pixie cut!
"Your hair!" Marcus exclaimed. "It's gone!"
Dana turned around to face Marcus. "But Marcus, the Percepshroom worked!" she said. "I feel smarter already! The digits of pi are 3.1415926, et cetera."
"It doesn't explain why you chopped off your own hair!" Marcus pointed out. "I mean, you look exactly like Rapunzel now!"
"I realized it was pointless keeping it long if I wasn't going to take care of it properly," Dana explained.
"THIS ISN'T RIGHT!" Marcus cried out. "I WON'T BE ABLE TO HELP YOU STYLE IT ANYMORE!"
"Marcus, my hair isn't that important," Dana said. "And besides, look!" She showed her brother the already-solved What-the-heck-ahedron. "I'm finally the smartest person in the world! Now if you excuse me, I have new ideas to invent."
As Dana left the bathroom, Marcus looked at the loose hair on the floor. He was starting to hate what Dana had become.
Outside, Gary got his kite stuck in a tree. "Seriously?!" he asked aloud.
"I bet I could be of service," Dana said, approaching Gary.
"Dana?" Gary asked. "What happened to your hair?"
"Here," Dana said, giving Gary a jetpack. "It's much better than a kite."
Gary strapped on the jetpack. "Sweet!" he said. "I can look at girls through skylights." And with that, he flew away.
Dana then noticed Patterson was making fun of Cameron, so she gave him a laser gun.
Meanwhile, Marcus was in his room. "Welcome to Mar-Mar and the Hogg," he spoke into the microphone. "Top story today: coping with crippling loneliness after losing my sister." He pressed a button, which plays a recording of an electric guitar riff and a man saying 'Loneliness!'. He held up a picture of himself and Dana.
"Oh Oinkers, what did that nasty goop do to her?" Marcus asked. "She's not happier like this, is she?"
That afternoon, Dana was in her room working on a big machine. Marcus entered the room. "What the heck is going on here?" he asked.
"Marcus, you're just in time to behold my greatest achievement," Dana said. "The Smarticle Accelerator!" She entered the machine. "Solving that brain puzzle was just the tip of the iceberg. With this, I will be able to solve all the greatest puzzles of the universe! Soon, I'm gonna be famous! Meeting with scientists, presidents... I might even become president!"
"The whole world?" Marcus asked. "I know we fight a lot, but when will you have time for us? I'm your brother."
"I'm still your sister," Dana said. "But I'm going to be helping a lot of people."
"But what about helping me?" Marcus asked. "Do you really want to spend your whole life in meetings with dumb smart guys? This brain junk has made you forget who you are! Don't you remember us?" He held up the picture.
Dana looked at the picture of her and Marcus, and she gasped. He was right. Despite their many arguments and all those times they played punchies, they did care for each other. With a tearful look on her face, Dana pulled a lever from 'FWD.' to 'REV.', returning her intelligence back to normal.
"Are you alright?" Marcus asked as Dana stepped out of the machine.
Snapping out of a brief trance, Dana felt her own hair. Remembering that she cut it during her intelligence hype, she fell to her knees. "What have I done?" she asked, terrified.
Marcus held Dana in his arms. "It's okay, Stargirl," he said as she cried into his shoulder. "Everything's fine now."
The Smarticle Accelerator fell down, but Dana didn't care. She realized that it was better being a girl with slightly above average intelligence instead of a super genius.
"Don't worry," Silvia told the man. "I heard Dana later found some kind of glowing green goop and she used it to restore her hair back to its original length. Although she kept the bangs for some reason. Now Marcus, on the other hand, is a different story. He's alright for a boy who likes girly things. This next tale is about him, and it's called Clay Day."
Marcus was watching an episode of his favorite show. It was the wedding episode with the changeling invasion. Dana and Salls, on the other hand, weren't happy about watching it.
Fed up with the pony stuff, Silvia held up a movie. "How would you like to watch something I grew up with?" she asked.
"Ooo, old people movies," Marcus said as Silvia out the movie in. "Get ready for references we don't understand, and words we can't repeat."
"You're no match for Loinclothiclese! I've come for the golden pants!"
Suddenly, Marcus screamed and ran off. "What was that all about?" Silvia asked.
"Graunt Silvia, I should have told you before," Dana said. "Marcus has a childhood terror of old-timey stop-motion animation. It has been his number one fear since we were kids."
"Oh my," Silvia said. "How scared could he be?"
Marcus was hiding in the laundry basket in a closet. "The cyclops!" he exclaimed. "His face is made of nightmares!"
Silvia opened the closet door. "Marcus, it's just a movie," she said calmly. "It can't hurt you."
"No talking!" Marcus panicked. "They wait for you to talk and then crawl inside your mouth!"
Dana groaned. "Why did you have to show him that tape?" she asked.
"There must be a way to get him over this!" Silvia said. She looked at the back of the tape. Realizing that the movie's creator, Harry Claymore, lived in Gravity Falls, she had an idea.
And so, the Pines family and Salls were at the gates of Harry Claymore's workplace. Marcus was still in the laundry basket. "If we can get the director to show Marcus that the models are fake, maybe he'll finally calm down," Silvia said.
"I don't know," Salls said. "According to the Internet, special effects genius Harry Claymore is some kind of recluse."
"Oh no," Silvia said, swinging a rope over the gate. "I'm not going to let some antisocial shut-in stop me from helping my great-nephew get over his fear.
The four entered the building. "Hello?" Dana asked. "Mr. Claymore?"
"We want to get a look at your figurines!" Silvia said.
Dana picked up up a mini gorilla figurine. "See, Marcus?" she asked. "It's all just special effects. You can come out."
"NO," Marcus insisted.
"Sweetie, please listen to me," Silvia said. "There is nothing here to be afraid-"
Suddenly, a clay cyclops walked up behind Silvia. She dropped the basket with Marcus in it and backed away as cyclops swiped at the group. The cyclops grabbed Salls and Silvia. Skeletons popped out of the ground Dana ran from them, but she tripped over Marcus' basket, which threw him out. Terrified, Marcus ran up the stairs.
"How is this happening?" Dana asked as she, Silvia, and Salls were put into clay. "What do they want?"
"I'm afraid they want you."
That voice came from Harry Claymore, who was also tied up. "Harry Claymore!" Silvia said. "Master of special effects in the 1970s!"
"Alas, my effects are more special than you know," Harry said.
"But how are these things real?" Dana asked. "What about stop motion?"
"You really believe someone moves these figures one frame at a time?" Harry explained. "I'm not a masochist! I use black magic to make them animate themselves. It was great at first, but one day people discovered that computer animation was better than stop motion. Now that the figures were out of work, they went mad and enslaved me! And now they will turn you into unholy beasts clay to join in their mischeif!"
"Huh, Ms. Pines," Salls said. "At least you finally get to work with your favorite director. And by work, I mean suffocate inside a big wad of clay!"
Marcus saw the whole thing from upstairs. He then picked up a wad of clay with two holes in them and added a line so it looks like a smiley face. Having a sudden idea, he ran downstairs.
"Hey, One-Eyeclopses!" Marcus exclaimed. "Yeah, I'm talking to you, dumb-dumb! Come at me!" He ran at the cyclops and jumped into its stomach. As Marcus moved around, he changed the cyclops' structure.
"Hey, skeleton dorks!" Marcus called out when he was finished with his work. "IT'S CLAYBACK TIME!"
The cyclops had been remade into Queen Chrysalis, the ruler of the Pony changelings. She charged at the skeletons and attacked them.
"You conquered your fear!" Salls called out to Marcus.
Marcus got off of Chrysalis' back and ran over to the group. "Marcus, you did it!" Dana said. "So you're not scared anymore?"
"Oh, I'm scared twice as much now," Marcus said, freeing Dana, Silvia, Salls, and Harry. "But now I know it's rational!"
"I'm sorry I doubted you," Silvia said. "That changeling queen sure is powerful."
"She does feed on love," Marcus said.
Back at the Surprise Hut, Silvia, Dana, Marcus, and Salls were watching Loiclothiclese in the Creature with an Unreasonable Amount of Heads.
"Well, I think today we learned that you can remold your fears," Dana said.
"I'm just glad that none of us got turned into clay," Marcus said.
"Would you look at the time?" Silvia asked. "It's getting late, and I'm sure you're getting tired. How about staying over for the night?" She escorted the man over to the couch. "You can sleep on the couch. And don't worry, you can trust me. I'm an honest sales artist who can tell no lies."
The next day, Salls made some finished repairs to the man's car. He thanked Silvia for the service. "I'm glad I could help you, sir," she said. "Feel free to come back again. And remember: at the Surprise Hut, we put the fun in exploring!"
Happy with the service, the man got into his fixed car and drove off.