It was a peaceful morning at the Surprise Hut. Marcus was running down the halls, followed by a tired Dana. "It's here it's here it's here!" Marcus exclaimed.
Dana let out a yawn. Last night was pretty exhausting for her, especially with the fake wedding.
"Okay, so I was just opening random doors when I found something amazing!" Marcus explained.
Dana was rubbing her tired eyes. "If it was worth waking up an exhausted sister who stayed up late, that will be amazing," she said.
"Feast your eyes!" Marcus exclaimed. He opened a door to reveal a closet filled with various types of fireworks in a box.
"Whoa!" Dana said, her eyes wide open.
"Stargirl, I know we're both thinking it," Marcus said. "Up for a crazy rooftop fireworks party?"
Silvia walked up to the twins. "Not so fast," she said. "There is no way on Earth you're setting off those fireworks...without me."
Dana and Marcus smiled wide. "Now go get dressed," Silvia said. "I'll meet you on the roof."
Once Dana and Marcus got dressed, they headed for the hut's roof. But as they walked, Marcus noticed a few things that were different about Dana: she wasn't wearing her hat, she had her bangs clipped back by a sapphire barrette, and she wore a diamond ring on her left ring finger.
"Someone's looking more feminine today," Marcus commented. "And nice ring."
Dana looked at the ring and smiled. "Thanks," she said.
"What did happen last night anyway?" Marcus asked.
"William and I were unofficially married," Dana explained. "And Mrs. Southeast gave me a few beauty tips. She even told me my birthmark made me look prettier."
"That would explain why you stopped hiding it," Marcus said. "Does that mean you'll grow out your bangs?"
"Obviously," Dana answered.
And so, on the roof, Silvia happily watched the twins play with the fireworks. Dana grabbed a icy-pop from the cooler, while Marcus excitedly held a skyrocket.
"Here you go, sweetie," Silvia said, lighting the skyrocket with a sparkler.
Marcus aimed the skyrocket at the sky. "I AM THE GOD OF DESTRUCTION!" he exclaimed.
The skyrocket shot off and exploded, making the three cheer. But then Silvia realized there were many small fires on the ground. "We should probably clean this mess up," she said.
"With water balloons?" Marcus asked.
"I don't see why not," Silvia answered.
Some time later, Silvia was sitting outside on the couch drinking a can of Pitt Cola. Dana and Marcus were running around throwing water balloons. Dana giggled as she ran. She threw a water balloon, which hit Marcus right in the gut. He responded by hitting her with a water balloon, knocking her back.
"This is what Saturdays are for," Silvia said. "Doing dumb things forever."
"DUMB THINGS FOREVER!" Dana and Marcus cheered as they jumped onto a pile of water balloon, which all popped into a big burst of water.
"To Graunt Silvia!" Marcus said, holding up an icy-pop. "Not just a great great-aunt..."
"The greatest great-aunt!" Dana said. She and Marcus threw water balloons at Silvia, making her laugh.
"Alright, alright," Silvia said. "I tell you it's nice to see you finally get along."
"Don't worry," Marcus said. "We've still got plenty of summer left to drive each other crazy!" He attacked Dana in a hug. She responded by pushing him away with a water balloon.
Silvia laughed nervously and frowned. "Yeah, plenty of summer left," She rubbed the back of her head nervously as Dana and Marcus approached her. "Dears, there's something I should tell you. It's kind of complicated. I..." She hesitated. "I'm going to go refresh my soda." She walked away.
Silvia walked behind some bushes near the hut. She knew that the twins would find out about her soon. After all, today was finally the day he returned.
Suddenly, a glowing red dot appeared on Silvia's fez. More red dots targeted her. Then a masked agent pinned Silvia down. "Target secure!" Agent Trigger said. "Take the house!"
Several helicopters flew above the hut. A confused Dana and Marcus were surrounded by a handful of agents. "Kids are secure," an agent said. "Roof team! Go!"
Several agents rappelled out of a helicopter. Agents crashed into the attic and cocked their weapons. Another couple of agents rushed through the gift shop, wielding a bat. Another crashed through a window using a rope. Another agent broke through the window in Marcus' room and tackled Oinkers, making her squeal in surprise.
Outside, the agents wrapped yellow police caution-tape around the hut. Several police cars were parked outside. An agent led a struggling Silvia in handcuffs. "I don't understand!" she said. "What did I do that warrants this much arresting?"
That was when Agent Powers showed up. "The UNIT guys?" Dana asked. "I thought you got eaten by zombies!"
"We survived," Trigger said. "Barely."
"I used Trigger as a human shield," Powers said. "He cried like a baby."
"What? Hey!" Trigger said, sounding nervous. "Not in front of the special-ops guys!"
Powers held up a digital tablet. "This is security footage of a government waste facility." he explained. "At o'four hundred hours last night, someone robbed three hundred gallons of dangerous waste."
"What?" Silvia asked. "You think that's me?"
"Don't play dumb with us, Pines," Powers said.
"But I actually am dumb!" Silvia said as she was led away by an agent. "Last night I was restocking the gift shop!"
"Wait!" Marcus said. "You've got the wrong person! Our Graunt Silvia is an honest sales artist! She's not some evil super-villain!"
"Listen, kid," Powers said. "We've been watching your family all summer and we've seen some disturbing things. But nothing as dangerous as what your great-aunt is hiding. Somewhere hidden in this hut is a doomsday device!" He handed Trigger the tablet. "Trigger, you take the children. I'll talk to Ms. Pines."
Trigger snapped his fingers and pointed at the twins. Two agents approach them and led them into a police car. Once they got in, the door shut behind them. Looking out the window, Dana and Marcus saw Silvia in a government vehicle.
"You have to believe me!" Silvia said to Dana and Marcus, tapping on the window with her cuffed hands. "The UNIT guys are all wrong!"
With that, the two cars drove off in different directions.
At the Gravity Falls police station, Silvia was getting her mug shots taken, her prints taken, and then she was sitting in front of a bulletin board with various pictures attached to strings that all meet up to a picture of her.
"Silvia Pines, if that is your real name, you stand accused of theft of government waste," Powers said. "How do you plead to this charge?"
"Innocent," Silvia responded. "Now can I have my phone call?"
Over at a fast food restaurant, Salls was at the drive-thru. "Okay, gimme whatever you got that comes with a free toy."
"Salls!"
"Ms. Pines?" Salls asked. She touched drive-thru lumberjack-speaker. "Is this some sort of possession situation?"
"Just pick up!"
Salls picked up a walkie-talky. "Ms. Pines, what happened?" she asked. "I heard you got arrested or something? I had to go get some panic food."
"Listen, I need something from you," Silvia said through the walkie-talky. "You know that vending machine in the gift shop? I need you to guard it with your life. No matter what happens, no matter who talks to you, don't let them touch that machine."
Salls put down the walkie-talky. "Time for a repair girl to become a repair woman," she said. She proceeded to drive wildly through a hedge.
Meanwhile, Dana and Marcus were in the car with Trigger. Powers spoke through a video link at the front of the vehicle. "We've got Ms. Pines in custody," he said. "Our men are searching the hut for the device. You take care of those kids."
Marcus gasped. "What're you gonna do to us?" he asked.
"We'll be taking you to child services," Trigger answered. "But as for your sister, she will be taken for experimentation due to her unusual birthmark and strange ability to understand Circular Gallifreyan."
"What?!" Dana asked, alarmed. "You're separating us?!"
"Afraid so," Trigger replied. "In the meantime, enjoy some mindless reality TV, designed to pacify you and make you stop asking questions."
"I'm about to make the incision..."
"KER-PRANK!"
"You're watching KER-PRANK'D with Janet Kerprank!"
"Dana, this is crazy," Marcus said. "There's no way Graunt Silvia was stealing hazardous waste! We gotta clear her name!"
Dana spotted the camera at the front of the car. "Wait a minute, the security tapes!" she said. "Didn't Graunt Silvia say she was restocking the gift shop last night? If we could get the Surprise Hut surveillance tapes, we could prove she's innocent!"
"We just need to think of a way out of here," Marcus said.
As if on cue, a random black car rammed into the government vehicle, which went into a spin and fell off the road into the forest, crashing into the trees. Trigger got stuck between the car and a tree branch, and he struggled to get free.
Marcus opened the door, allowing him and Dana to leave the car. "What just happened?" she asked.
"I don't know," Marcus said. "But it was a lucky break for us."
"Backup!" Trigger said. "Requesting backup!" But then Dana pulled the earpiece out of Trigger's ear and crushed it on the ground.
"Come on, Dana," Marcus said. "We're gonna go clear our great-aunt's name."
"Oh, you poor kids," Trigger said. "You really think your great-aunt's innocent? I've seen it all before. "False names, double lives... One minute they're playing with water balloons, the next they're building doomsday devices. Your great-aunt tricked the whole world. Are you gonna let her trick you as well?"
"You..." Dana hesitated. "You don't know what you're talking about."
"You're gonna regret this!" Trigger called out as the twins walked away.
Meanwhile, Silvia was still in the interrogation room, checking her wristwatch device. Suddenly the device blinked, reading 'ANOMALY IN PROGRESS'. The coffee on the table floated out of its cup, along with the cup itself and various items, then crashed back down. That gave Silvia an idea.
In the center of town, cars, objects, and people floated off the ground and then fell back suddenly. "Is it just me, or did the entire world just hiccup?" the woman biker asked.
"I'm sure it's just a baby-sized earthquake," Samuel said.
In the junkyard, Old Woman McGucket was in her shack, packing a bag. "It's happening!" she told her raccoon husband. "It's finally happening! He's gonna come through that there portal tonight!"
Back at the Surprise Hut, it was still surrounded by agents. Dana and Marcus hid in a nearby bush. "Alright, here's the plan," Marcus said. "I'll take out those two guard guys, you punch the other dude in the neck, and then we'll backflip through the front door!"
"Marcus, aren't you forgetting the simpler solution?" Dana asked.
"Oh, right," Marcus said.
Marcus' grappling hook shot overhead through the hut's now-broken window. Dana and Marcus slid along the rope into the hut.
When Dana and Marcus got into Silvia's office, they locked the door behind them. "Alright..." Dana said. "If I was Graunt Silvia, where would I hide those surveillance tapes?" She looked on the bookshelf and in a filing cabinet.
Marcus saw a robot head mounted on wall. "Wait!" he said. "That weird robot head!" He pressed down on the robot head, and the wall turned open to reveal an old-looking TV monitor and a tape player.
Marcus pointed to a tape halfway in the player. "It's this week!" he said. "This is it!" He pushed it in.
The TV monitor showed William, Salls, and Marcus in the Surprise Hut's gift shop, where Salls was doing the worm dance.
"Someone yelled 'Wormy Dance'," Marcus explained. "We had to! Fast-forward."
The tape fast-forwarded through several hours, revealing Silvia restocking the gift shop. "There it is!" Dana said. "Graunt Silvia restocking like she said! And the date shows it was last night! It's proof! She's innocent!"
On the tape, Silvia sneaked out of the shop at around 7pm. Dana fast forwarded through till 8pm, seeing that Silvia has not returned. "...Uhh-oh," she muttered.
At 5am, a figure in a haz-mat suit was wheeling barrels of radioactive waste into the gift shop. "You didn't..." Dana said.
"Don't panic," Marcus said. "That could be anyone in that suit!"
The figure dropped a barrel on his/her foot. "Sweet Gallifreyan deserts!" the figure exclaimed, speaking in a familiar voice.
Dana shut off the tape. "That's her, alright," she said.
"Okay, okay, so maybe Graunt Silvia stole some toxic waste," Marcus said. "That doesn't mean she's leading a nefarious double life!"
Dana pulled a box from under the TV screen. "Marcus, I'm not so sure about that..." She took a lamp from the desk and turned it on, revealing a box full of pictures of various women.
"What?" Marcus asked as he and Dana looked through the box. "What is all this?"
Dana picked up one of the pictures, which had an elderly woman. It was labeled 'War Years'. The brunette girl recognized the picture. "Marcus, it's the Guardian of Time and Space!" she said.
"Well that does resemble the picture Brandy showed up," Marcus recalled. "But why would Graunt Silvia have a picture of the Guardian?" He picked up a dusty VHS tape.
For the McGuckets, Nobles, and Pines
"We're Pines," Dana said. "Maybe we should watch it."
Marcus put the tape in the VCR player. The monitor showed a young woman the twins never saw before. She had a tall, slim frame, finely boned hands and face, thick long brown hair tied up in a messy ponytail, pale skin scattered with freckles, and large, dark brown eyes. She wore a brown woman's suit, black leggings, and white converse sneakers.
"Hello. I'm the Guardian. If you happen to stumble across this video, I have some instructions for you. First of all, if whoever is watching this video isn't related to the McGuckets, Nobles, or Pines, I order you to turn off this video immediately. But if you are related to the McGuckets, Nobles, or Pines, please continue watching. I have some tragic news I must tell you.
"For the McGuckets, I am sorry to tell you that your daughter has undergone permanent amnesia. She lost all of her memories and there is no way she'll ever recover. I am deeply sorry about this news.
"For the Nobles, your son has vanished. He disappeared off the face of the Earth and there is no way I can ever retrieve him. I know how much you care about him, but there is nothing I can do about this. I am so sorry for your loss.
"For the Pines... Well... There's no easy way to say this. Silvia Pines is dead."
"WHAT?!" Dana asked.
"I know you're shocked by this news, but it's true. Silvia was electrocuted to death. I buried her right near the hut. I know you'll probably hate me for this Filbrick, but there was nothing I could do about this. I am terribly sorry for her death.
"But the thing is, before she died, Silvia developed a bit of a reputation in this town. She created a little museum showcasing all of the jewelry she collected over the years. She even had a shop to sell trinkets, calling herself a sales artist instead of a con artist. Because of this, I don't want anyone to get suspicious about her 'sudden disappearance', so I have a plan.
"I will use up my final regeneration to take Silvia's place. But it won't be enough. Using a device called the Chameleon Arc, I will also become a pure human with all of Silvia's memories. It will be like she never died at all. I know I already have a life as Gallifreyan's Lady President, but I have already passed that role down to my trusted advisor: Rassilon, also known as Blind Ivan.
"So starting from this day, July 4, 1982, I will no longer be the Guardian. I will become Silvia Pines in body and memory. If you ever do come across me, I want you to treat me like you would treat your daughter.
"But there is a catch. This device is called a Fob Watch. I have programmed it to open automatically if my greatest enemy returns, allowing me to become the Guardian once more. But Silvia will no longer exist. In time I will expose myself to the world when that happens.
"But remember: Don't blame me for Silvia's death. It was not my fault at all. It was the beast's fault. It's always his fault."
The video ended. "Graunt Silvia is dead and we've been living with the Guardian of Time and Space this whole time?!" Dana asked, still shocked. "It doesn't make any sense!"
"There has to be some explanation," Marcus said. "Maybe we're getting Ker-Prank'd! Janet Kerprank is gonna jump up from behind one of these plants!" He scooted forward and looked into a potted plant. "...Any minute, Janet."
"I can't believe it," Dana said. "This whole summer I've been looking for answers, and the biggest mystery was right under our nose." She opened a drawer in the desk, revealing the truth teeth. There was a post-it note attached to it that read 'They can't know the truth yet.'.
Marcus dug through the pictures. "There's gotta be some kind of explanation in here somewhere." He pulled out a slip of paper. "What the... 'Secret Code to TARDIS'?"
"Let me see that," Dana said. She took out her journal and portable black light. "'A1, B, C3'... I've never seen a code like this."
"Wait, I have!" Marcus said. "Dana, this 'TARDIS' must be the vending machine!"
Back at the police station, Silvia, who is actually the Guardian, was checking the wristwatch device. Powers entered the interrogation room with two other agents. "Alright, Pines," he said. "Playtime is over. Chopper's ready to dust off to Washington. I'll enjoy putting you away."
"Can we stick around for maybe one minute?" the Guardian asked. "One minute and thirty seconds?"
"We're not falling for your games, Pines," Powers said. "You've been running your whole life. Your time is finally up."
"Bathroom break?" the Guardian asked. "Just give me fifteen seconds!"
Powers unlocked the Guardian's handcuffs. "Sorry, but you've got a flight to catch."
The watch began to beep. "Oh, yeah?" the Guardian asked. "So do you."
Suddenly, everything floated up from the floor. The Guardian kicked the table into the agents. She then hit Powers with the back of her chair, turned over, thrusted away from the wall, caught the cuff key in her hands, and un-cuffs herself.
"Get back here!" Powers exclaimed. "Men, get her!"
The Guardian kicked one of the agents in the chest and hopped from agent to agent out of the room. She then slammed the door in Powers' face, locking it. Her watch beeped and gravity was working again.
Outside, everything hit the ground again, and the Guardian ran out of the station to a taxi. "Do you know where the Surprise Hut is?" she asked.
"Uh, yeah?" the driver replied.
"Here's a hundred bucks," the Guardian said, giving the driver some money. "Drive as far away from the Hut as possible, and don't stop when the cops start chasing you.
The driver shrugged and sped away, while the Guardian hid behind a wrecked car as the agents came out of the station.
"She's getting away!" Powers exclaimed. "Obviously, follow that cab!"
At the Surprise Hut, Salls snuck in to guard the vending machine. To her surprise, the twins approached her.
"Salls?" Dana asked.
"Oh, kids!" Salls said. "Where've you been?"
"What are you doing here?" Dana asked.
"Silvia gave me a mission to protect this machine," Salls answered. She chuckled. "And I thought I loved snacks."
"Salls, listen," Dana said. "Something huge is going on here. If Graunt Silvia is hiding some dangerous secret, we need to find out what it is! I need you to step aside."
"Yeah, just let us through so we can prove this is all just a big misunderstanding," Marcus said.
"Guys, I know this seems crazy, but I promised Silvia I would guard this with my life," Salls said.
"I'm sorry, Salls," Marcus said. He blew a handful of glitter directly into Salls' face.
"Aah! Attack glitter!" Salls exclaimed. "It's pretty, but it hurts!"
Dana and Marcus jumped on Salls. "Aww, c'mon, I don't wanna fight you guys!" Salls said. "This hurts me more than it hurts you!"
Dana reacheed for the number pad and enters the code. To her surprise, the vending machine swung forward, shoving them to the floor. The three coughed, then gasped at the secret passage behind the machine.
Salls led the way down the stairs. "It's like something from a video game..." she said.
"Or a dream..." Marcus said.
"...Or a nightmare," Dana said.
After taking an elevator, Dana, Marcus, and Salls arrived in some kind of lab. "Guys, are we dreaming?" Marcus asked. "Somebody wake me up."
"This can't be real..." Dana said.
"I don't understand," Salls said. "Why would Ms. Pines have all this?"
"Because she's not Silvia Pines," Dana said. "Turns out she's actually the Guardian that Blind Ivan mentioned.
"Okay, okay, so she's got a huge gigantic lab," Marcus said. "That doesn't mean anything bad! Everyone's got secrets! The Guardian is still Graunt Silvia, and she loves us. And we love her. Right?"
Dana looked at the desk. "It can't be..." she said. "It's impossible... The other two journals?! All this time... all this time, the Guardian had the first one and kept the second one for herself?! I can't believe it! Was anything she said to us real?!" She kicked the desk. "Why would she have those journals?!"
"Maybe because she's friends with McGucket," Salls said, recalling Old Woman McGucket's memories.
"Or maybe she stole them from her!" Dana cried out. "Maybe Blind Ivan lied to us and she is a master criminal, and this machine is her master plan!"
Dana opened the first journal to the page with the portal on it and turns on her black light. She gasped.
"What is it?" Marcus asked, seeing four circular markings on the pages. Dana read the the message aloud.
The lone wanderer, lost in Hell,
He still has one last tale to tell,
When the portal opens, he will return,
And through him, Gravity Falls will burn.
The three looked at the countdown clock, now reading one minute, thirty seconds. "It's the final countdown!" Salls exclaimed. "Just like they always sung about!"
Dana flipped through the journal to a page reading 'MANUAL OVERRIDE'. "The agents were right!" Dana said. "We have to shut it down!"
The three entered the portal room as the ground began to shake. "There! Quick!" Dana said. "Turn these, together!"
Dana, Marcus, and Salls turned three keys. A device near the center of the room popped open to reveal a large red button. "That's it! The shutdown switch!" Dana said. She was ready to press the button. "This all stops...now!"
"DON'T TOUCH THAT BUTTON!"
It was the Guardian, who was standing in the doorway with her silver and black cane. "Dana, just back away," she begged. But Dana's hand remained suspended inches over the button.
"Please don't press that shutdown button," the Guardian said. "You have trust me."
"And I should trust you why, Guardian?!" Dana asked, angry tears coming from her eyes. "After you stole radioactive waste?! After you trocked me and Marcus all summer?! I don't even know who you are!"
"I know this all seems nuts, but I need that machine to stay on!" the Guardian said. "If you would just let me explain-"
Suddenly, Dana, Marcus, Salls, and the Guardian were lifted off the ground. Dana hit a wooden support and grabbed on.
"Dana!" Marcus exclaimed. He was hooked onto a wire over the stand the button was on.
"Marcus! Hurry!" Dana exclaimed. "Shut it down!"
Marcus crawled along the wire toward the button. "No!" the Guardian exclaimed. "Marcus, wait! Stop!"
Salls knocked the Guardian away from Marcus. "Salls, what are you doing?!" the Elderly Timelady asked. "I gave you an order!"
"Sorry, Ms. Pines - if that is your real name - but I have a new mission now!" Salls said. "Protecting these kids!"
Dana pushed off from the support beam and hit the Guardian. "Go!" the brunette girl said. "Marcus, press the red button! Shut it down!"
"No, you can't!" the Guardian said. She shoved Dana away. "You have to trust me!"
Marcus remained silent. "Listen to me," the Guardian said. "Remember this morning when I said I wanted to tell you something?"
The portal flashed and pushed Dana, the Guardian, and Salls against the opposite wall. Marcus was prepared to push the button.
"I wanted to say that you're going hear some bad things about me, but trust me," the Guardian said. "Everything I have worked for, everything I care about, it's all for this family!"
"Marcus, what if she's lying?!" Dana asked, knowing the Guardian was no longer wearing her truth teeth. "Whatever comes out of that thing could destroy the universe! Listen to your head!"
"You have to believe me, Marcus!" the Guardian begged. "I am not a bad person!"
"She's lying!" Dana said. "Shut it down NOW!"
"Marcus, please!" the Guardian said.
Marcus looked away and lowered his hand to the button, then looks at Guardian. Then he lifted his hand. "You're still Graunt Silvia to me," he said as he let go of the stand and floated up.
"MARCUS, ARE YOU CRAZY?!" Dana shrieked. "WE'RE ALL GONNA-"
Suddenly, Dana, the Guardian, Salls, and Marcus all disappeared in an explosion of light as each of them screamed. Then everything came down to earth. The portal, now a mess of tangled wires and metal, glowed bright blue. Marcus was nowhere to be seen.
But then, a figure emerged from the portal, the blue light fading behind him. He carried Marcus with one arm. He walked forward, placing Marcus back on the ground.
"What...?" Dana asked. "Who is that?"
The man pulled off his goggles, revealing a new face with green eyes. His hair was auburn-grey and the area around his mouth was covered by a scruffy beard. He wore a brown jacket that had orange leather patches on the elbows. Underneath his coat, he wore an orange shirt and blue jeans that were covered in stitched-up patches, with each leg containing a small navy blue pocket. He also donned bulky black boots and a brown belt that slung from his shoulder. He also wore a second belt across his waist where he kept a small gun and a knife.
The Guardian looked up and smiled wide. "My last companion..." she said. "Daniel Noble."
A/N: This will be the last chapter I post until the Gravity Falls series finale. I'm sorry to do this, but due to not knowing about a certain canon character's backstory, I cannot continue on with the story. Once the series finale airs, I will post the next chapter: A Tale of a Timelady, which will include a completely different backstory. See you then!