[AN] lol crissy never updates this fic, or any of her other shit fics. let's throw rocks at her until she gets her shit together.

anyfuck, the song lyrics this chapter have nothing to do with the chapter itself. it's just how I'm feeling right now. *cough*

Cause I'm sick of feeling that I'm late
Tired of having to restate "I can't just sit around
And wait, you're just not someone I can date"
Now look who can't hold their weight
I hope I'm wrong just for your sake
Using pills and flowers to sedate
Find me, heal me, keep my faith.

'Solo,' The Story So Far

Chapter 6: Lotus

Nephele could hardly keep her eyes open or her head up during breakfast. She had spent the previous night in the forest again, imagining that she could build a staircase from the stars and climb to the heavens. Her stargazing continued through morning, and she only returned to the barracks when the sun started to peek over the snow capped mountains miles away. And even then, Nephele lingered for a few moments longer to watch the sun spill its oil colors onto the canvas of the sky.

"You've barely touched your blueberry pancakes," said Armin from across the table, his blonde hair brushed neatly without any flyaways. His hair was rather lovely. If only his haircut wasn't so atrocious. "You must really be exhausted," he added.

Covering her mouth with a hand to muffle a yawn, Nephele nodded. The motion made her feel even more dizzy.

Armin was very observant. Nephele never mentioned it, but blueberry pancakes were her favorite, especially lathered in a copious amount of maple syrup and strawberry preserves.

"A bit," she mumbled, feeling weary. All of this sleep deprivation was causing small, light purple bruises under her eyes. At this rate, she was going to have crows feet by the time she was thirty. The thought mortified her.

"Are you gonna finish those?" Sasha asked through a mouthful of hash browns, pointing her fork at Nephele's plate. Her expression neutral, Nephele slid her breakfast over to Sasha next to her, who instantly began shoveling forkfuls of pancakes into her mouth. Considering how quickly Sasha consumed food, she wasn't that messy of an was a red strawberry stain on her cheek that she wiped with a finger and licked off.

"Couldn't sleep last night?" Jean inquired, leaning towards Nephele. His legs were crossed and angled in her direction, a hand beneath his chin for support. He wore a five o'clock shadow, which made him look dirty and masculine and tired, too. Nephele liked clean and feminine.

"No, I just couldn't get comfortable. Those beds are so stiff," grumbled Nephele, massaging the back of her neck for added measure.

Normally, Eren would have patronized Nephele for complaining, but lately the two had resigned to ignoring each other. Eren was too preoccupied with training with the Survey Corps to care about what Nephele was up to anyways.

Mikasa and Eren were having a separate conversation on the other end of the table. "You're so lucky, Mikasa," Eren said to the young woman next to him, his eyes wide with awe. "What was he like?"

Mikasa shrugged nonchalantly as she bit into a slice of buttered bread. "Normal, I guess," she replied coolly. You could never tell what the oriental girl was really thinking about.

Erwin did seem normal, but there was something about him that made Mikasa feel nauseous. Call it intuition, but she wasn't about to distrust the feeling in her gut that had so far been right all her life. Obviously, she wasn't about to tell Eren how she felt. He'd just disregard her opinion and say she was being silly and impulsive, that the great Commander Erwin could do no wrong and was the epitome of justice. Mikasa kept her mouth shut, brushing aside Eren's attempts to garner more information about his role model from her.

"Come on, give me something," Eren pressed, though he sounded more aggravated than pleading. Nephele looked over at the pair, and thought to herself about how volatile Eren was. He was a time bomb that could explode at any moment.

"There's nothing left to give," Mikasa said as she finished her meal. She waited for Eren and Armin to do so as well, and when they left the table, Nephele waved goodbye to Armin.

"See you in training, kid," she teased, smiling as best as she could without using too many muscles in her face. Even those were tired.

"Bye, Ambrosia," said Armin.

Eren didn't bid her farewell of course, but Nephele did catch Mikasa smile softly at her over her shoulder. It was the slightest tilt of her lips, but it lingered for a moment before she turned her attention back to Eren and left the cafeteria.

She was pretty when she smiled.

"Ready?" Jean's voice brought Nephele back to reality. As if she could shake her thoughts about Mikasa out of her head, Nephele nodded. Sasha had already finished her meal for her by now. Most of the tables were empty by now, and Nephele had languidly watched as her friends left one by one.

"Yeah. We should hurry, or Shadis will make us run around the fields until sunset," she joked, sliding off the bench.

"I'd pass out before then," Jean said, following suit. It was just them now.

By now, Nephele was already ahead of him. He didn't realize when he fell into step with her, marching to the tapping of her heels. It was a surprise that they hadn't broken by then from all of their rigorous training. Sometimes, Jean had the urge to say something to her- something meaningful. He just couldn't think of what that could be.

"We have ten minutes," Nephele noted, checking the clock hung above the doors before leaving.

"I wish I could smash it."

Jean stopped walking. He knew when she did, too, because he couldn't hear her distinct footsteps anymore. That pleased him, how she was waiting for him. When Nephele looked up at Jean, she followed his gaze to the mechanism that dictated them. The second hand moved slowly, counting down their lives, counting down to when morning training would begin. It was so slow, but resolute and unfaltering.

"There'll still be more clocks," Nephele promised, stepping closer. "Now if you don't hurry, we'll be late."

He finally did it. Jean said something meaningful, and it didn't even seem to connect with Nephele. He always thought of her as an introspective individual, the personification of beauty and earth, someone who would just understand you no matter what ludicrous thought escaped.

'Maybe that's just her way of saying she understands.'

Jean smiled. Nephele frowned.

He was pretty when he smiled, too.

Erwin was really starting to get on Levi's nerves. He didn't even need to say a word, and Levi still wanted to rip out his Commander's tongue with a pair of pliers. It had been a long time since Levi had felt such animosity towards his superior, back when he first joined the Survey Corps with Isabel and Farlan, against their will.

Without even having the courtesy to look up from his papers, Erwin finally addressed Levi, who had been impatiently awaiting orders for the last seven minutes and thirty nine seconds as he slowly paced around the office, making a fuss about all the dust Erwin was allowing to collect on the shelves. He 'accidentally' tipped over a vase while polishing it with a handkerchief, muttering an unapologetic 'oops' after it hit the floor and shattered. When Levi didn't even clean up the mess he made, Erwin still didn't acknowledge him.

"How is your training with Ackerman going?" Erwin asked as he inscribed something on one of the several sheets of parchment before him. Watching his eyes scan the pages, line after line, word by word, was giving Levi a vicarious headache.

"She learns fast." That was as close to a compliment anyone could hope to receive from the brusque man. He wasn't easily impressed, but even he had to admit that Mikasa was talented. So far, Mikasa had only walked out of each of their training sessions with a few minor bruises rather than broken bones.

Erwin trusted Levi's judgement and didn't ask him any further questions on the matter. When the time came, he'd evaluate Mikasa's ability and ascertain her progress for himself.

"You called me here to talk about Nephele." Levi's voice sounded more frustrated than usual. By the time Erwin finally looked up from his mountain of paperwork, Levi was at his desk, hands splayed out on several pieces of paper and causing them to crinkle like the skin beneath Erwin's eyes. "So talk."

Without even a sigh at Levi's brash behavior, Erwin removed his reading glasses and wiped their lenses with a cloth from his breast pocket, staring up at Levi with the patience of an aloof father, like he was about to say, "Are you finished?"

"Would you like to train her? I was going to ask Hange to do it, as I feared that your sentiments will get the better of you," Erwin suggested, bordering on patronizing.

Leaning forward with the support of his hands on the desk, Levi tilted his head to give Erwin his signature sideways, downwards stare that he gives everyone. The stare that with just the slightest quirk of his brow or the intensity of his gaze could make the burliest of men blush like a demure wife or tremble in fear.

"Really? I thought you would have wanted to exploit my sentiments," Levi muttered through his teeth.

"How would your feelings help me?" countered Erwin, putting his elbow on the desk to rest his chin in hand.

"Not directly, of course, but if I told Nephele what I know, she'll probably follow me to the frontlines." After a bout of silence, Levi leaned forward, his face inches from Erwin's now. "I could get her to be willing to die for me," he casually added.

After all, that's how he got Petra to join.

"Tell her nothing," Erwin demanded, now placing his hands clasped in front of him and his back straight. "I received information regarding her mother two days ago, and it'd be best if Nephele doesn't decide to do any digging."

A knock on the solid oak door turned the pair's attention to the young man on the other side.

"Commander Erwin. Your refreshments?" came the muffled voice.

"Enter," answered Erwin with a sigh this time. Levi lowered himself into the maroon leather chair as the cadet entered, pinching the bridge of his nose with indignation. There wasn't any space on Erwin's desk for the tray of tea, so the young man stood by patiently as Erwin pushed his papers to the side to clear a spot for it.

"Is there anything else you need, Commander Erwin? Captain Levi?" asked the stoic and well-mannered cadet. Erwin knew his name. Levi didn't care enough to. He wasn't relevant.

"You may leave now," Levi quipped, pouring himself a cup from the tea pot. He disregarded the sugar cubes, because he thought it masked the tea's flavor.

After a strong salute, the cadet exited the room, closing the door behind him with a heavy click.

Levi inspected the flowery design on his tea cup and platter as he took a delicate sip, his top lip collecting perspiration from all the steam. He stared at his muddy reflection in the caramel colored liquid.

"As I was saying," Erwin began, leaning forward to pour himself a cup, also neglecting to add any sugar. He liked his tea bitter. "Nephele is determined to join the Military Police, but perhaps we can convince her to change her decision."

Blowing gently on the rising tendrils of steam to watch them dance and dissipate, Levi responded with, "I can convince her."

"Good," Erwin approved, placing his tea on its platter. "Then you'll be training her every day at 0500 until we depart for the inner wall."

Levi has never refused a direct order from Erwin, but he has gone against a few of them. No matter the request, Levi never held it against Erwin or doubted his decision, even though manipulation is one of Erwin's deadliest weapons. Despite all of this, Levi had always had faith that Erwin was righteous.

So, Levi chose to continue following his Commander. And when the time comes and humanity's fate is sealed, he'll follow him to Hell.

"Yes, sir."

She was in a field of wildflowers. She was looking up at a sky more blue than her eyes. She was laying on her back in a field of wildflowers, watching for pictures in the clouds.

"Nephele? Are you alright?"

Sasha, Nephele's training partner for the day, crouched down on the dusty ground and hovered over Nephele's face, their eyes parallel. Waving her hand in front of her face, Sasha frowned. "Did you hit your head too hard or something?"

'Good excuse. Yeah, go with that.'

"Yeah," Nephele murmured, slowly sitting up and raising a hand to her forehead. "You got me good, Sash. I better not get a bruise or something from that beating," she teased, taking the hand that Sasha offered her and rising to her feet.

Now that Sasha had ensured that Nephele had sustained no immediate, life-threatening injuries, she celebrated her victory by jumping up in the air and shouting. "Yeah! Finally. I kicked Nephie's ass!"

Now it was Nephele's turn to frown. "Don't call me that," she said, crossing her arms. It didn't bother her that much that she lost the sparring match to Sasha. You can't always win them all.

"Don't make that face. You look like a pouty child," Jean chided, approaching Nephele from behind and tugging on one of her curls. Spinning around, Nephele brushed his hand away, her hand wrapping around his wrist. At the same time, she swept her foot behind his ankle, pulling on his arm to make him fall backwards and to the ground.

"Don't make that face, Jean. You look like a horse," Nephele mimicked, smiling down at Jean cheekily as he laid on the ground, grimacing in pain. With her hand still on his wrist, she hoisted him up. Jean scoffed and brushed the dirt off of his trousers.

"Bitch," he fired back, though their fighting was light-hearted. Neither of them held any malice towards the other, though because of their tones and the seriousness of their words, to a bystander it might have seemed like they were being earnest.

Sasha doubled over, hugging her stomach as if she was trying to contain her boisterous laughter.

"Nephie, you're-"

Just as Nephele was going to correct Sasha's use of her nickname, Shadis's voice interrupted the words and thoughts of every cadet, silencing them all instantly.

"Nephele Ambrosia!"

Although no one dared to look away from Shadis as he was speaking, Nephele knew that everyone's attention was on her. Why was he calling her name? Did Levi snitch on her after all?

Then she noticed him standing there. Hand on his hip, looking at the dirt beneath his nails. That's all she was to Levi: dirt beneath his nails that needed to be cleaned.

Without giving Shadis any time to say her name again, which would have really pissed him off, Nephele wove through the crowd of cadets. They didn't part like the Red Sea or anything like that. Everyone stood there, completely still and silent, barely looking at her for more than a second. Once she went up the small set of stairs and reached the line of officers standing on the pavilion, the flags of the three military branches and the Cadet Corps fluttering in the abrasive breeze, it was Shadis who first spoke to her, his hollow eyes even more dark as he stared down on Nephele, shadows outlining the details in his face.

With his tone lower and his voice quieter so that only Nephele and the officers around them could clearly hear, Shadis said, "For the next two and a half weeks, you will be personally trained by Captain Levi alongside Mikasa Ackerman."

The news came as quite the surprise to Nephele. Now that she heard it, she realized that she hadn't seen Mikasa during training today or yesterday, so she must have been exempted from them now that Levi was training her.

Nephele tried to remain stoic and composed as she responded with, "Yes, sir," and a solemn nod, placing her fist over her heart and turning to Captain Levi. Thinking about last night, she was reminded of how he told her not to address him as 'sir,' but surrounded by all of those commanding officers, Nephele felt like it was an exception to the rule. His calculating eyes were on her the entire time, and when her warm ones met with his, Nephele forgot what she was about to say. She saw mysteries and secrets in his eyes, unspoken words pushing against his teeth behind placid lips, and knew that Levi knew the answers to questions that she should be asking but didn't know of. "Thank you for this great honor, Captain Levi. I will perform to my best ability."

Lifting his chin in the air so that his gaze would be directed down on Nephele, Levi's thin lips formed the words, "I'm sure you will." Approaching Nephele, the rise and fall of his steel toed military boots echoed in her mind until he reached her, standing just a few feet away. In her heels, she was half an inch taller than him. "You can reject my tutelage if you wish. Individuals learn at their own pace and with different methods, so if personal training isn't suitable for you, you may decline, or return to your regular training sessions if you make a decision later on."

Erwin, who was seated beside Shadis in one of the wooden chairs, looked at Levi with an unwavering, solemn expression, but with a single glance in the blonde's direction, Nephele could notice the sudden tension in his hands as they gripped the armrests of his chair.

Giving Levi her undivided attention now, Nephele kept her fist over her heart, silently swearing her loyalty to him. The military was strange like that; soldiers pledged their trust and allegiance to people that they don't even know, for the lives of people that they don't know.

"I will train under you. Thank you for giving me a choice."

The wind felt like it was trying to push her in the opposite direction of Levi, but Nephele wouldn't let it sway her.