"But why can't I go alone?" Greeny asked.
"Because you can't, okay?" I replied. "It's too dangerous for a little boy to be wandering out there alone in the woods."
"Yeah, you might get eaten by a monster," Larry said.
"A…a monster?" Greeny replied, his voice quivering.
"Larry!" I started to say.
Completely ignoring the fact that I was present and alive, Larry said, "Oh, yeah. The woods are filled with monsters. There's also zombies that come up from underneath the outhouse and will eat you if you have diarrhea."
"Larry, please!"
He continued, "And there are lots of evil trolls in the caves."
Greeny cried and went running inside the tent. I crossed my arms and glared at Larry. "Are you happy?"
"About what?"
"Why did you tell all those lies to Greeny?"
"They weren't lies. It was the truth."
"Ugh. Look, there are no monsters around here. The only monster around here is you!"
He sneered. "We're all monsters at one point or another, Spiny." I should've been watching out for a trick. The brickhead took out a huge buzz saw and aimed it at my head!
"Ah! Larry, what's gotten into you?!"
He went absolutely crazy. He swung back and lunged the saw toward my head. I escaped decapitation by just inches. I'm sorry to say that Lilia's cap didn't. She was behind me and when I ducked, the saw cut her cap right in half, plus a few hairs.
"Larry!" she shouted.
Just then, the buzz saw went flying out of Larry's hands. Lilia made a run for it to the tent, while we had a freak saw jumping around the ground. "Larry, stop controlling that thing!"
"What do you mean? You stop it!"
"Me? I'm not doing anything!"
I heard a gunshot, and the saw came to a halt just before destroying the boys' tent. Rudy was standing there with a shotgun, smoke coming out the end. "Not exactly what I had in mind when I thought about going hunting. There's not that many freak buzz saws that have a mind of their own."
Robert came with his fishing gear. "What was all the noise about?"
"It…never mind. I'll tell you when we get back home. If I talk about it now, I'm going to have nightmares of giant saws chasing me."
He looked puzzled, then just shrugged. He took out his bait and his fishing pool and started messing around with the hook. "Well, I want to get used to this and see how I can catch the best fish."
"Hmm. Now that I remember, I also want to try out something," said Larry. He went to his pack and pulled out…a harpoon?! "Why did you bring a harpoon?" Dimetroodon, asked, just as shocked as I was.
"I want to see if I can get an octopus," Larry replied.
"Larry, I hate to break it to you, but there are no octopuses in the lake or in the river. They don't live in freshwater."
"Yes, there are!" Larry said. "Believe it or not, there have also been sighting of electric eels here."
"Electric eels?" said Dimetroodon, not fully convinced. "You can't be serious."
"Would that I didn't. Twelve people have been killed by electric eels in this area. Check the public records. It's there in black and white."
"Well, I don't care. I'd feel much better if you put that thing away. It makes me nervous that someone as clumsy and smart-aleck like you is holding a weapon like that," I said.
Patty came over to me with a worried expression. "Spiny, I just heard Larry say something about electric eels. Is it true?"
Usually, I'd say that she shouldn't believe anything that Larry says. But if it would concern the safety of my family and friends, I didn't want to take any chances. "Yeah, he said some people have died. So that means that nobody goes swimming without the whole group."
"You hear that?" Larry said in a loud voice, grabbing everyone's attention. "Anyone who goes into the water alone or without permission will be shot down!"
"Larry," I said.
"Yes?"
"Shut up," I said plainly.
Sometimes I wonder if Larry really is as dumb as he looks or if he's really trying to kill me. I say that because he shot the harpoon at me. I managed to duck, but his aim was a little off and he struck a branch on one of the pines. Then the branch fell off and I happened to be standing underneath it.
You want advice for your next camping trip? If your best friend is as stupid, clumsy, and smart-aleck as Larry, always wear an army helmet and medieval armor at all times. It's the only way you will prevent risk of injury.
No, I'm serious. Before you leave, make sure there is no harpoon, saw, or shotgun in their stuff.
Well, to say the least we finished getting our gear out and setting up camp. We were all pretty tired so we decided to go to sleep right away. As you can already figure out, I didn't get a wink.
Dimetroodon's snoring reminded me of an old truck whose engine had just went kaput! Half of the night, I had Rudy's elbow in my ribs and the other half I had Roger's foot in my face! Robert slapped me a few times in my sleep which obviously would prevent anyone from falling asleep.
Larry was the worst, of course. Not only did he snore, but he also wheezed, whimpered, grunted, twitched his eyelids, pawed at the air, and made a whole orchestra of noises and movement.
I tossed and turned for hours. I tried listening to music. The battery went dead on me. I tried imaging a sandy beach, but it didn't work either. Huge monster-like versions of Larry came up to torment me.
It seemed as though everyone was intent on not letting me get a goodnight's rest, so I saw no point in staying there. I crawled out of my sleeping bag. I got my sneakers on. I'd thought I'd take a small walk around the woods. Maybe that would help me clear the mind and concentrate on sleeping. Sounds silly, but it's true.
I crawled out of the tent and slipped into my sweater. I was bending down to tie my shoelaces, when I saw the flap of the other tent moving. "Spiny?"
I looked up and saw my girlfriend in her pajamas. She was wearing some small pink shorts and a matching spaghetti-strap top. She'd pulled her into a long ponytail and was hanging over her left shoulder.
Okay, okay. Stop admiring and try not to drool. This isn't the time or place. I cleared my throat and said, "Oh, hi. Sorry if I woke you."
She stepped out and bathed herself in the silver beams of the moon. The radiance of her beauty entranced me and nearly stopped all my mental and physical functions. Then she smiled and the light reflected off her virgin-snow white pearls.
"That's okay. I wasn't that sleepy anyway. I guess I'm too excited about the whole trip."
I nodded. "Oh. I couldn't sleep either. It's hard to go that with an orchestra going on in your tent."
She giggled and walked up to me. She put her hands on my shoulders and our noses touched. "Too bad we can't have a place just for the two of us," she whispered, so softly it was barely audible over the noise of the nocturnal animals, the nightly breeze, or the distant sound of the river.
I kissed her passionately yet tenderly and felt the electrifying touch of her hands running through my hair and rubbing over my back. I felt a fire starting in my heart and it was burning me from the inside out.
"You know, we can? Have a place for just us, I mean," I said.
"Really?" she said.
I smiled and took her hand and started walking towards the woods, the silver circle in the sky lighting our way. I followed the quite rush of water and kept walking until we reached the river.
The river became a lagoon and the snow-covered mountains on the other side contemplated our presence, watching over us.
"It's beautiful," Lilia whispered.
I placed my arm around her waist and pressed my cheek against hers. "Yes, it is."
The dark blue sky was littered with millions of stars, which proved to be nothing more than the breathtaking ceiling of this huge room that nature had just given us to enjoy. Then I saw those same stars in Lilia's eyes.
The hand met the cheek, and so did our lips. Our hearts came together as one and our souls silently said what we didn't need to repeat: that our love would be eternal, pure, chaste, and everlasting like the embers that got drifted by the wind and didn't lose their heat.
We spent most of the night there, in each other's arms, mesmerized by the unbelievable wonders that surrounded us. It was all ours now. Ours to enjoy and share with our loved ones. Just before we returned back to camp, about an hour or so before dawn, I saw a young tree on the far side of the river suddenly get crushed down by what seemed to be a small pile of boulders.
That should've been our warning sign.
But we went on, as if it were nature going around as usual.
Our ignorance was bliss that the moment.
That pretty soon, in the next several days, we would lose one of our own.