[AN] as always, thank you to all who have favorite, followed, and reviewed thus far. in particular, I'd like to thank mun3litknight, nevvy, KiraKiraBluemoon, and the Guest reviewer. though I doubt (based on your review) that you will read this far to see my response, I'd like to defend Nephele.
I haven't seen my female OC's that are well... feminine, regardless of the fandom they are written into. I understand that wearing heels during combat may seem foolish or unrealistic or whatever other reason you have for thinking that such a trait makes her a Mary Sue, but based on personal experience I can attest to the fact that wearing heels can give certain people unbelievable balance. I can walk in a straight line with my fucking eyes closed when I'm wearing heels, which is extremely rare. When creating this character, it did occur to me that wearing heels would be an inconvenience on certain terrain, and in such cases Nephele will either go barefooted or - if she absolutely must - wear the military issued combat boots. There's plenty of anime, comics, and shows where heroines don heels, anyways.
anywho, I'd also like to wish everyone a happy and safe holiday, incase I don't post again before the new year.
Chapter 13: Gladiolus
As soon as Nephele was beneath the sky once again, unfettered and free, she tilted her head back and inhaled the sweet scent of clean air, her gaze fixed on the wispy clouds. The world was as lovely as ever, warm and whispering gentle breezes to kiss her skin. The guards charged with escorting her saluted, and Nephele had to pull her head out of the clouds to notice that Commander Erwin was now standing in front of her, a green cloak draped neatly over his arm.
"Thank you, soldiers. I can take her from here," Erwin said to the guards flanking her, who shouted "Yes, sir!" in perfect unison before turning on their heels to return to the military's Court House.
Nephele spared a passing glance at the structure behind her, where only minutes ago she had been facing certain death. It was guarded by two marble angels atop ornate pillars, one's hand clutching a sword while the other's opposite hand did the same. Their other hands were reaching towards a sky only attainable to their kind, but these angels were petrified and sentenced to endure the immortality of their stone prisons in a mortal world, separated from the heavens they gazed at with longing. Stained glass windows reflected light in all sorts of hues, making translucent gemstones that littered the walls and ground around them.
"I see you're enjoying your freedom," he noted. He had such a clear, undulating voice and a welcoming smile that it was hard to not smile back. Behind him, carriages and people on horseback trotted by on the cobblestone road, a luxury only those living behind Wall Sina could afford. Nephele had been to Shiganshina before the fall of Wall Maria, but even the biggest town around didn't have buildings adorned in marble, and men and women dressed in silk and satin were not commonplace. There weren't even any chickens roosting in the city's nooks and crannies, or dogs weaving between people's legs to chase them.
"Do you know what happened to my dog?" she asked suddenly, unwilling to waste any time on small-talk while the fate of Poppy remained unknown. Nephele had asked one of the guards where she was while detained, but their only reply was a condescending scoff and a shake of the head.
The question seemed to have caught the Commander off guard, for those thick eyebrows of his quirked up in response. He chuckled and nodded reassuringly. "There's no need to worry. I've had someone take care of her for you until we could figure out a way to drop your charges."
Nephele's mood instantly brightened even more, and she smiled in earnest, her eyes wide as she brought her hands to her chest. "That's wonderful. Thank you, Commander Smith. I owe you my life. Everything. But why have you gone to such lengths for me?" She suddenly remembered all the times Levi had pardoned her as well. What were their intentions? Perhaps she'd gotten herself in an even bigger mess than the one the Survey Corps had cleaned up for her.
"Luckily for you, Commander Pixis had pardoned anyone who wished to abandon the operation to plug in the hole in Wall Rose. Though you weren't present for the announcement, he said that the pardon still applied to you," said the Commander, dodging her question rather skillfully. Nephele wasn't going to pry, but she wouldn't let herself look like an ignorant fool either.
"Spare me your excuses, Commander. I'll figure it out sooner or later."
Expression unbetraying of the secrets Erwin held, he nodded and held out the cloak he was carrying. "As you wish. Rest assured that our intentions weren't to simply kill you in a more gruesome yet practical manner by enlisting you. Here. This belongs to you now."
Cautiously, as if accepting a fragile, priceless piece of cargo, Nephele held out her hands to take the cloak from him. She saw the emblem of the Scouts stitched into the fabric, an emblem that was sewn into the hearts of everyone who had the honor and misfortune to wear it. Maybe it was shallow, but she wondered if she'd look good in emerald green. Instead of donning the garb, she took the bundle into her arms and held it against her chest. It didn't feel right to put it on just yet.
"Come with me. Since you and Jäger have been inducted into the Scouts before the majority of your peers, and due to Jäger's," the man paused, searching for an appropriate word, "unique circumstances, you'll be joining us on our trip to our new headquarters." With a wave of his hand, Erwin urged her to follow him as he started down the cobblestone street, the steel toes of his combat boots tapping rhythmically as if he were marching to the beat of a war drum. Nephele stepped forward a few paces to follow, but didn't tell her body to stand still when it inexplicably did. Her mouth opened to speak without her thinking, too.
"It's true. You always get what you want, Commander."
Erwin inclined his head and noticed that she had come to a halt behind him. An elbow nudged against Nephele's shoulder in passing, but she kept herself grounded. Not long ago, the young woman would have swayed with the current of the crowd, but now she remained steadfast even in trivial matters like this.
"Not quite. If I could always get what I want, the Survey Corps -the Walls, all of this- would no longer exist."
"You're quite the masochist," Nephele said, not for the first time noticing the dark circles beneath his eyes, or how tense his jaw was all the time. She wondered what kind of person Erwin Smith was behind his slowly-rusting, iron mask.
"Just because a man has to saw off his own arm in the midst of danger doesn't mean he enjoys it," Erwin replied, turning on the heel of his polished boot and heading back in the direction he started in.
Nephele considered running. His back was turned, and civilians cluttered the streets like rats dressed in satin. The stench of them all was masked with perfume and stung her nose, and they hid their yellowed teeth behind painted smiles as they giggled at all the appropriate times. It didn't seem like it'd be hard for her to slip through the cracks in the crowds, and perhaps getting chased by the mighty Commander Erwin would be rather thrilling.
But it wasn't for fear of execution or Erwin Smith that Nephele followed. Fate had answered the question she had never thought to ask before; 'Am I walking the right path?' Evidently, the answer was no. It was time Nephele walked a new one. The Scout's had already plowed the road with thousands of foot steps, and it was her turn to navigate it.
They went on in silence, and after several minutes of brisk walking from Nephele having to match one of Erwin's long strides with two of her own, they had reached the outskirts of the city. The cobblestone road stopped somewhere between the commercial district and the residential, when sprawling manses became smaller ones, and houses humble and more spread apart. There, the pavement ended and dirt paths branched off and veered in different directions, and in the distance were fields of gold and emerald and people tending to them. The sun was just starting to set behind the distant horizon, so the farmers were finishing their day's work in the dying light. It was much less crowded in the fields than in the city, and the air smelled cleaner, too.
Down the winding dirt path they were on, Nephele could see a stable. The thick stench of horse flesh and sawdust pervaded the air as they came close enough to the area to hear the wickers of equines and clamor of people at work.
"This ranch supplies the Survey Corps with most of our horses," Erwin explained as he searched through his pockets for a pad of paper and pencil. He inscribed something down on the parchment, but Nephele was too short to see what he was writing.
As they approached the stables, the dirt beneath her heels became softer until they started to sink into the earth. She rolled her weight onto the balls of her feet to keep her heels from sinking too much. There was another member of the Survey Corps waiting for them, a small woman with ginger hair and amber eyes. She was sitting on a wooden bench near the stables, her head bowed and ankles crossed as she cooed dotingly at the bundle she held in her arms. When she noticed the pair approaching, her amber eyes first found Commander Erwin, and she smiled at him.
"Afternoon, Ral," acknowledged Erwin.
"I'd salute, Commander, but my hands aren't free," she said before standing. The bundle squirmed, and Nephele rushed forward just as Poppy stuck her furry head out of the blanket, whimpering. Without waiting for anyone's permission, she pulled the dog into her arms and held her against her chest. She laughed like it was her first time doing so as the mutt licked and nipped at her face, trying to unravel herself from the blanket she was wrapped up in.
"She missed you a lot. She's been whining constantly the past week, and she tried wriggling out of my arms when she smelled you," said the woman, who reached out a hand to scratch behind Poppy's ears.
Turning to face her, Nephele inclined her head with respect. "Thank you for taking care of her in my absence. I'm Nephele Ambrosia."
Waving her hand, the woman laughed, somewhat abashed. "No worries. I love dogs. My name's Petra Ral. We'll be traveling together for the next week. Have you ever ridden a horse before training?"
Nodding, Nephele wrestled with the beast, struggling to hold it still. "Yeah, I owned two horses back home."
"Good. Let's go get you some tackle so we can start moving. We'll stop at an inn somewhere by nightfall," said Petra, motioning for her to follow. With a cautious glance over her shoulder at Erwin, she searched for his approval. Though she no longer wore chains, she didn't feel free just yet. She hadn't earned her wings.
Erwin gave her a nod of assent before saying, "I'll leave her in your care, Ral. Captain Levi and Jäger should be with us shortly."
Nephele had forgotten about that part. Her and Levi were in the same faction now.
It had been quite some time since Nephele had looked in the mirror, and when she stared back at her reflection she didn't recognize herself. It wasn't her hair that made her look much different, even though it was a tangled mess and hung in loose waves past her breasts, or her hollow face, or her dim blue-gray eyes, but the green cloak draped over her shoulders. The piece of fabric seemed much heavier than it truly was. She pulled the hood of her cloak down and ran her fingers through her dry hair, turning her face to the side. For some inexplicable reason, she suddenly thought that she bore no resemblance to her parents.
"Coward," she murmured to the stranger whose sullen eyes never left her own. The fire in her hair was just an ember now, and her eyes no longer reflected the sky, but the green of her cloak seemed more familiar. This was where she belonged. This room, nestled away in the Survey Corps new headquarters, was the only home she'd had in half a decade. Her old bedroom back in her home town was humbly furnished, and flowers were her decor. Now, there was no decor, no paintings of her parents on the dresser or pretty dresses folded neatly in the drawers. Instead of lace and chiffon, Nephele now garbed herself in leather and cotton. At least she had her own room now, and no longer had to share a bunk with someone like she had back in the Trainees. Her window overlooked a courtyard, where once upon a time flowers had grown in abundance, and fruit trees bared peaches and plums. Their withered carcasses were rotting and their branches were barren. Every thing was cold and dead here, and clean thanks to Levi's orders.
A sudden rapping on her door brought Nephele back to her senses. She tore her gaze from the woman in front of her and called out to the person on the other side of her door.
"I'm decent," she said, and wasn't surprised to find the Commander standing in the doorway. Levi wouldn't have knocked.
"I've come to see how well you've settled in," said Erwin, his stoic face unreadable as he stepped further into the room. He was one of the few people as of late not to look at her with scorn. Despite the protests of even his closest confidants, Erwin defended his decision in taking her into the Survey Corps.
Turning to him, Nephele drew her cloak closer to her chest. "Thank you, though I doubt that's the only reason you've come to see me," she murmured. Even though he was Commander, Nephele wasted no formalities on the man. She wasn't rude, but she wasn't obsequious either.
"No. I came to give you this." The Commander stepped over to her, his long legs crossing the distance between them in a few strides. He reached into his pocket, and Nephele could see a black leather cord clutched in his fist. She held out her hand, and he placed her mother's necklace in her palm. The metal was cold, and her fingers closed around it to give it warmth again.
"Thank you," she whispered, staring at the flower of life. When she was taken into custody, her necklace was confiscated. It was the only possession Nephele had left, and she brought her hand to her chest.
Erwin didn't waste any formalities on her either. He just gave a firm nod and changed the subject, hands clasped behind his back. "We'll be leaving a few days after the new recruits arrive for another expedition into titan territory. I'd like you to join us tonight to discuss our strategy," he explained, his tone even and polite.
The Commander's invitation caught her off guard, but Nephele didn't show her confusion. Given the mess she had gotten herself into and caused for Erwin and the rest of the Survey Corps, she was in no position to turn down his invitation. Still, she couldn't believe that the rest of his squad would be thrilled with her presence, particularly Levi, nor could she help but wonder what Erwin's intentions were to involve her in their plan.
"With all due respect, Commander, I don't think I'm," she paused, chewing on her lip. "I don't think I'm worthy of being involved in such a decision."
Much to her surprise, the Commander smiled down at her, though not down on her. She knew the difference. Erwin was much taller than Levi, and he towered over Nephele, but he was never condescending. It made her happy to be under the command of someone she respected. If she had joined the Military Police as she had originally planned, she might not have felt so inclined to feel such respect towards her superiors. Erwin Smith saw potential within Nephele that most didn't, including herself. If it wasn't for his intervention and faith in her abilities, she wouldn't be alive.
"You're one of us now, Ambrosia. You left behind your past once you put on that cloak," he told her. He was almost as still as stone if not for the steady rise and fall of his chest as he breathed, and his eyes that turned to gaze out the dusty window, seeing something that Nephele couldn't. "Levi of all people should understand your situation."
The mention of Levi was the only thing that brought a semblance of life to Nephele's eyes. She was grateful that the Commander's gaze wasn't on her face to see her sudden change in demeanor, and she struggled to keep her tone as even as his.
"Captain Ackerman isn't like me at all," she said, trying to sound emotionally detached.
"No, but he has made certain decisions in his past that have shaped the man he is today," explained Erwin as he looked at her out of the corner of his eye. By then, Nephele had regained her composure and had neatly stuffed her feelings away in the bottle of emotions that was close to overflowing, trying not to imagine Levi as he was years ago, before she even knew his name.
"I understand. I won't regret my choices."
Erwin chuckled, his smile a bit wider than before, and the way he looked at Nephele made her pulse quicken. It was like he was looking at someone he'd known for years, who he'd rode into countless battles and defiantly faced death with swords drawn. Yes, this was where she belonged. She'd follow this man into the jaws of the Colossal Titan without looking back if he ordered it.
"You're not very different from him," he murmured with a bit of bitter-sweet nostalgia in his voice. Nephele took that as a compliment. She wouldn't regret turning her back on humanity during those few moments of weakness, because if she hadn't she'd be sitting in some office in Sina, plotting fruitless revenge to avenge fading ghosts.
"These windows still have streaks on them, Ambrosia. Did you purposely neglect to wipe them, or are you just too stupid to see through a window?"
Suppressing a groan, Nephele lugged over the wooden bucket filled with sudsy water and put it on the floor. The contents sloshed and spilled on the hardwood, which Levi told her to mop up once she was finished wiping down the windows.
"Yes, sir."
She remembered that night he caught her sneaking out of the barracks and told her not to use that honorific, yet he didn't object to her usage of it this time. She stuck her hand in the mop bucket and grabbed the rag, wringing it with her hands until her knuckles turned white and not a drop spilled as Levi inspected her work. He 'tsked' and muttered incoherently under his breath, with words like "filthy" and "atrocious" being some of the only ones she could distinguish. With a sigh, Nephele shook her head as if she could shake her thoughts of the man out of her skull, and went back to work. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed how Levi was lingering. He paced back and forth, dusting surfaces that practically sparkled with cleanliness, scrutinizing every nook and cranny in search of some poor dust mite that he could wipe clean from the face of the earth. Of course, she wished that Levi's reasoning for sticking around was romantic, but she knew better than that.
"I'm not gonna run off," she assured while wiping the storage room window from top to bottom, just as he instructed her. However, she couldn't quite reach the very top of the glass even when standing on the tips of her toes. Barefooted and wearing the standard military-issued cotton trousers and button down long-sleeved shirt, she was dressed as modestly as the rest of them.
Footsteps approached, and Nephele braced herself for some kind of physical reprimanding for her impudence, but instead the only torture she received was the grating sound of wood on wood as Levi kicked a stool over to her.
"Stand on that. I won't let you get away with missing a single spot just because you're too short to reach," he instructed, his penetrating eyes now boring into her with an intense abhorrence she didn't know that even Levi was capable of. "And do not, for a single second, think that I have a sliver of respect for you. We might march beneath the same colors, but you're still not one of us." And just like that he walked away, slamming the door behind him. Nephele winced from the sound like she'd been struck, and forlornly returned to her cleaning. If only sins were as easy to clean as windows.
Levi had tasked Nephele with cleaning the entire third floor of their new headquarters, an old, drafty castle covered in generations of dust and home to all sorts of mold and insects. Much of the furniture had begun to rot, and they'd tossed most of it into a pyre for disposal. All that remained were sconces, rickety wooden tables and chairs, and some linens that the moths hadn't gotten to. For the past two days, Levi was having everyone scour every inch of the massive structure, and he'd given Nephele the brunt of the work. She didn't mind so much, because it gave her a respite from the cynical stares of her so-called comrades.
Nephele stepped onto the stool to start wiping down where she couldn't reach when the door creaked upon opening. Expecting it to be Levi returning with a vengeance to scold her, she looked over her shoulder to see Petra standing in the doorway with a broom in her hands, her mouth and nose covered with a cloth.
"I'm sorry, I didn't know anyone was cleaning in here," she said from behind the mask, bowing her head tentatively.
"No worries. I've got the whole floor," Nephele replied before continuing. She could still see Petra reflected in the glass, her image translucent. Through it, she could still see the surrounding forest.
"Really? That's not fair. I've finished cleaning my rooms, I just came to see if there was anything else I could help with."
The damp rag squeaked on the glass as Nephele moved her hand up and down, trying not to leave any streaks behind. If she made even the slightest error, Levi would have her redo the entire room. Her arms didn't even ache from keeping them above her head thanks to all of the rigorous training. "I've got the rest of this hallway to do, and then one more. If you're looking for something to occupy yourself with, I'd appreciate the help." Although she was adamant to ask for help, Nephele craved company. Lately, even her old comrades looked at her with the same disdain Levi had and muttered under their breaths things like "traitor" and "coward."
"Sure. There's not much to do in this place other than clean and listen to Hange's crazy theories," jested Petra.
"I'd much rather clean, too," agreed Nephele with a smile that Petra couldn't see. Her and Hange weren't well-acquainted yet, but that was probably because she was too busy pestering her newest test-subject: Eren.
After Nephele finished wiping down the window, she stepped off of the stool and dropped the rag back into its bucket. It made a small splash, reminding Nephele that she had to clean up the puddle of water she'd spilled. Groaning, she knelt down to ring out the dirty rag and wiped up the spill.
"You'll have to return that stool to Levi when you're finished using it," said Petra as she waited for her to finish.
"Huh?" Nephele looked back at the stool. It was a polished, square, walnut wooden stool that gave Nephele an extra foot of height.
"It's Levi's. He always uses it when he cleans since he's so short." Petra laughed.
Nodding slowly, Nephele looped her arm through the bucket's handle and picked up the stool. She carried it over to Petra and changed the subject. "How about I sweep and wipe the windows while you dust and mop?" she suggested.
"Sounds easy enough. I'll clean one side of the hall while you clean the other," she suggested.
"No, that's fine," Nephele blurted, probably a bit too quickly. "How about we just clean the rooms together? It'll go by a lot faster that way." In truth, she just wanted someone to talk to. There was nothing in particular Nephele wanted to discuss, but lately she was feeling even lonelier than she had in that cell. It'd be nice to engage in some small-talk for once. She wanted to talk about books and makeup, about their hometowns and parents and old friends. Already she was going through the dialogue in her head.
"Sure!" agreed Petra, and with a tilt of her pretty head she smiled.
…
"Why did you want to join the Military Police?" asked Petra, before blowing the dust off of an ancient tome. Trying to suppress a sneeze, her nose scrunched up.
Questions like these were commonplace in the military, and Nephele never answered them honestly for obvious reasons. Everything she was striving for dissipated and slipped through her fingers all because she was too much of a coward. Her kingdom in the clouds was hollow, and when she tried to stand on top of them she fell right through. Sometimes it feels like she's still falling.
"I wanted to avenge my mother's death," she answered honestly for the very first time. But what of her father, who probably died between the jaws of a titan? The government she so desperately wanted to topple had nothing to do with that. Biting her lip to keep herself from saying anything else, Nephele scrubbed at the windowsill with more vigor.
"It seems like thats all people think about these days," mused Petra. "Revenge."
After a few moments of silence from both of their behalves, Petra asked, "Were you hoping to catch her killer?"
Pursing her pink-stained lips, Nephele shrugged. "Something like that," she murmured. Petra didn't approach the subject any further. She put the book in her hands back on the shelf, and huffed as she stared at the mountain of volumes she had to sort through.
The words seemed too great to leave Nephele's mouth, and when she tried to swallow them it just made it harder to breathe. Finally, she was able to say, "You're the only person who doesn't seem to hate me."
Petra was taking more books off of the bookcase and dusting them when she stopped to look up at Nephele with surprise. Her brows drawn in, Petra smiled timorously, amber eyes casted to the floor.
"No one hates you," she half-heartedly assured.
"They do, Petra. I'm a traitor, and they all think that when things get messy I'm going to leave them to die." Nephele — feeling overwhelmingly contrite for abandoning her comrades and humanity in the middle of combat, and embarrassed for venting to someone she had only recently met — shook her head to shake away the thoughts.
"Will you?" With her head bowed over her work, Nephele couldn't see the change in Petra's expression, but she heard the tone of her voice lower in pitch.
Turning her head to meet her gaze, Nephele summoned all of her emotional fortitude and said in earnest, "No." Petra returned her lingering stare with a smile much more confident than her previous one. She ran a rag over the cover of a book to wipe off the dust and went back to work.
"Then there's nothing to worry about. You'll have plenty of chances to redeem yourself out on the field."
Nephele didn't find that very reassuring. "Maybe I'll only have one," she murmured sullenly, her hand stopping its rotations on the wooden sill. She'd been scrubbing at it for the past five minutes without really noticing, trying to scrub off all the blood of the squad she helplessly watched get slaughtered.
"Then you better make it count."
With a grim smirk, Nephele knelt to dampen her rag in the bucket and wrung out the excess water with more force than necessary. "Yeah, I guess so."
"You left behind your past once you joined us. The Scouts… we always have to look forward towards the future instead of turning our heads to the past. If you're so worried about what's behind you, then you won't be focused on what's in front of you."
"Thanks, Ral," was all Nephele could come up with, feeling that any response would be put to shame by the girl's uplifting words.
Maybe being in the Survey Corps wasn't going to be too bad, after all.