Elves Do It Better
Warnings: Explicit content, discussion of suicide and suicidal tendencies, violent scenes and physical injury
Disclaimer: I own nothing connected with either LotR or Twilight. They belong entirely to their respective owners.
Bella walked quickly along the corridor to Lord Elrond's chambers. She had received a summons from her host that morning to come to his study, to discuss her future.
It helped take her mind off Haldir, and the events of the night before. She couldn't believe she had let him kiss her, or worse yet, kissed him back! She didn't know him, not really, and yet she had willingly gone into his arms. Even worse, she had just run away, pulling back from his arms and his kiss, leaving him in that moonlit hallway, her heart pounding like a drum.
Just remembering that encounter sent her heart pounding, even now. She couldn't do it, not again. She was mortal, he was immortal; and so it could never work. He would tire of her, as Edward had, and she would grow old eventually. Or even if he did not tire of her, the fact remained that she would still grow old and die.
And what about home?
The thought drew Bella up short, as she paused in the corridor, her dress swirling to a halt around her feet. Today she wore a spring green gown with long trailing sleeves, and an emerald green trim around the hems and square neckline. Her hair was in its usual braid.
Bella had barely thought about home for weeks, the memories too painful to recall. But what about Charlie? Renee? Mike, Jessica, Angela, Jake? Had they noticed her disappearance? Did time even run the same between the two worlds? For a second, she allowed herself to remember Forks, the Sitka spruces, the silver thread of the Calawah river as it wove its way past the town, with its whitewashed houses nestled into the emerald green forests.
There, she had come alive and there, she had died again. Bella exhaled shakily. No, she knew there was no way back, and maybe Charlie and Renee were better off this way, without a broken, despondent shell for a daughter, and she doubted her friends would miss her that much. Jake perhaps, but not the others. They'd move on.
And so would she. So must she.
She wouldn't allow herself to fall in love with Haldir, and she would apologise to him for running away, she'd explain why she ran, but she wouldn't let him get close. He would leave for Lothlórien soon, and in any case that way lay only heartbreak. She wouldn't let her new life become tainted the same way her old life in Forks had. She already sensed she had changed too much to ever return to her old life, her old home. Bella walked with a little bit of grace now, she spoke with more refinement and she could actually play an instrument and ride a horse! Well, in a manner of speaking…
"Bella?" Arwen's gentle lilt broke the young woman out of her thoughts, and she looked up to find her sweeping up in a lavender brocaded gown, concerned eyes on her face. "Are you well?"
"Quite well, thank you, Arwen," Bella replied softly, pushing away her thoughts for later.
"Adar and my grandmother are waiting for you," she continued, and Bella thought she detected a hint of sadness in her eyes but it passed in a flash. She turned and followed her into Lord Elrond's study.
Lord Elrond was seated at his desk, burgundy robes spilling around him like a waterfall of velvet, but the Lady Galadriel sat before the desk, shining like a diamond in pure white, a silver diadem hanging low on her forehead. Her golden hair glimmered in the radiance of Rivendell.
"Alphwen, you have come," the Elven lady rose and took the mortal's hands gently in hers, as she dipped a curtsey. "None of that, no formalities here."
Bella looked up into intensely piercing blue eyes, like twin daggers except they still shone with a maternal kindness, like a mother falcon protecting her young. Bella sensed her attempt to read her again, but failed as a wry smile lit up her ageless face.
"You are a rare puzzle, young one," she murmured, releasing her and seating herself again. Elrond silently waved Bella to another chair, Arwen sinking into one beside her friend as the Lord of Rivendell turned to Bella.
"We have called you here, Bella, because we wish to discuss your future. I have tried to heal your malady, but I fear there are wounds in your soul beyond my skill to heal. You have made much progress, but I fear I can do no more," Elrond began, as the mortal tensed. What was he saying?
"I don't understand," she murmured, glancing at Arwen. The sadness had returned to her face but so had a form of resignation appeared, sitting ill on her refined features. The Lady Galadriel turned to Bella, and took her hand.
"I have proposed to my son that you come and stay with me, in Lothlórien, Alphwen. My home is beautiful and peaceful, although in another way to Rivendell. You would stay as long as you wish, and I would gladly allow you to come back to Rivendell, if you so desired," she explained, as Bella stared at her.
Leave Rivendell? Go to Lothlórien?
She would be close to Haldir. Could sge do that? Live in the same place as him, and keep her heart safe?
But should she allow her new life to stay in one place, just because of him? Bella was curious about Middle-Earth, after all Lord Elrond and Arwen had told her, and she wanted to see it for herself. Travelling to Lothlórien would mean she could see at least a part of it.
Bella glanced at her kindest and closest friend in this magical, timeless place, and she inclined her head in assent.
"I will be saddened to see you go, Alphwen, but neither I nor Adar would suggest this if we did not think it a good thing for you. I travel often to Lothlórien so we would still see each other," Arwen murmured softly, pressing her hand. Bella glanced at Lord Elrond, who smiled down at her fondly, eliciting a warm glow in her chest.
"It is your decision, young one," the Lady Galadriel remindedher quietly, and she exhaled shakily. She glanced down at her hands, one entwined with Arwen's pure one, and the other lying passively in her silken lap.
Rivendell was the only home she had known in this strange world. Should she leave it, and its safety? Should she take the risk?
'You have a long journey ahead of you, Isabella Swan, and a hard choice to make at the end of it…'
The words she had heard as she lay, delirious and dying in the forest a year before, came back, powerful her mind as she shuddered. Did the Voice mean journeying to Lothlórien? What was the choice? Could Lady Galadriel help me where Arwen and Lord Elrond could not?
'Only you can decide your fate. Only you…'
Bella looked up, resolved and sure, and met Lady Galadriel's sapphire blue eyes, merciless as knives and as soft as swan's feathers.
'Alphwen…'
"I would be honoured to come back with you to Lothlórien, my Lady," she breathed, and a joyous smile broke over Lady Galadriel's face, matched only by her own.
'Bella…'
But first she had to face Haldir.
Haldir stood grooming his horse, the long strokes he used to brush the dust from his grey coat soothing and allowing his mind to concentrate on something other than Isabella.
Why had she run from him, in that perfect moment? Why?
His strokes grew too hard, as Ernil snorted and speared him with a haughty look, curving his great neck to look round from his manger.
"Forgive me, old friend," Haldir sighed, gentling his strokes. Ernil merely butted his master's arm with his nose, whickering. The Marchwarden was on edge, and he had some right to be, but that was no excuse for losing such control and letting it show.
He was a Marchwarden of Lothlórien, a son of the Eldar Race. For millennia, he had been nothing but controlled, in control, free of the fiery emotions which devoured the lesser races.
But now…with the discovery of his Bella, his Alphwen, his control, all his ironclad discipline had disappeared. She was mortal; she was so fragile and innocent…
For centuries, he had looked down on mortals, but now he found his blood still simmering from the feel of her in his arms, the memories of her kiss eliciting a torturous tension in his muscles. He yearned to feel her in his arms again.
But why? Why had she run? Had he frightened her?
Isabella Swan, a true enigma.
Haldir felt her before he saw her. He sensed she was behind him her mind reaching for his own without even knowing it. She had no idea of the power she held within her mortal body.
Nor the power she held over him.
"Isabella," her name slipped from his lips, as he turned to see her standing just within the door of the stables, the sunlight haloing her form, making her look ethereal, almost like the Lady Galadriel herself.
Her slender body was shrouded in spring green, as nubile and fresh as a sapling. If he touched her, the thrill of the life she was imbued with would send a shock through his body. The auburn curls slipping over her shoulders glowed with an inner fire, and her dark eyes held his with an inner agony which cut him in two more effectively than any Orc blade.
"Haldir," she breathed in reply, and she moved forward. She may not be as graceful as an elleth, but her mortality held a power all its own. He could now understand why some of his people fell in love with mortals, their allure, their mystery. He sensed it was as though by loving them, his kind could come closer to the Gift of Ilúvatar, which they were denied and Men so feared.
"Haldir, I need to speak with you," she began, but his control snapped, frayed from the moment he had first seen her, outlined in the doorway by golden light. He pulled her into his arms, and the bliss he felt was more than anything the Undying Lands could offer me. "Haldir?"
He drank in the shocked sigh of his name, a question inherent within those syllables that he answered with his kiss, his body. He felt aflame around her, completely and utterly without control or the desire for it. He just needed Bella, his Bella.
"No!" she pushed him away, fighting against his strength but to little avail. Haldir felt her pain and her panic as if it were his own, so he released her but only so far. He was surprised himself to discover he had moved her back against a beam, so her body was pressed against his own. It was heaven.
But she had said no.
"Alphwen, what is it?" he asked, fighting back his desire to calm her. To his horror, he discovered tears on her pale cheek. "Tell me."
"Haldir," she began shakily. "We can't do this. I can't be with you… like this."
Inwardly, he was shaking with a mix of anger and confusion. Outwardly, he remained calm.
"Isabella, what madness is this?" he asked, forcing himself to be calm, cool. She took a shuddering breath and pulled away from him, turning to pace wildly.
"Haldir, I am to come to Lothlórien," she explained, making him start in surprise. She was to come to his home? "The Lady invited me, and I accepted. But regardless, this…us can't continue."
"Why not?" Haldir asked, "Isabella, you know the strength of the bond between us. I feel your pain, your sorrow, your fear as it is my own, and I know you feel me too. Why do you push me away?"
"Because I must!" Isabella flung around, her back to him, her auburn hair draping her back in splendour. "Because you are immortal, and I'm just an ordinary, mortal girl. I can't be with you, it would hurt us both. I will grow old, and even if you do not tire of me, I will still die. You won't…."
"Isabella," he said her name as she trembled, understanding her fear now. "I do not care."
He took her in his arms, her back his torso and held her. She relaxed for one moment, sinking into his embrace and once again he glimpsed bliss. The long line of her neck revealed itself to him, and he could not resist.
At the feel of Haldir's lips pressing against her pulse, she shivered and felt her resolution waver. How could she go to Lothlórien like this? With him so close yet so unattainable?
The pain she felt being near him yet unable to have him was swamped by the desire he could elicit in her. He knew her, knew her fears, her sorrow because of the connection they shared but…
She just couldn't. Not again, not after Edward.
She would not subject herself to that pain again.
"I can't," was all she could breathe out as she pulled herself away. "I'm sorry."
Once again, Bella left him behind, and she could sense his pain and the darkness of his anger through the bond they shared. she had always imagined Elves as such creatures of light, that they possessed no darkness inside them, but she sensed that was naïve. They held darkness within them, but did not let it rule them and so she knew Haldir would not follow her.
She had a long journey to prepare for.
She avoided going anywhere but her rooms that night, in fear of meeting Haldir again. Arwen brought everything to her room, and Bella packed it all away carefully after she had looked at them in curiosity.
Tomorrow, she would forsake the long, graceful dresses she had worn for a year and go back to wearing trousers. Elven trousers were made of soft leather, yielding and comfortable, more so than she had imagined. She had been given boots made of a similar material, moulding to her foot like water, all in a shade of dark brown. Apart from a white blouse and under tunic, decorated in grey sylvan swirls, she also now possessed a warm over tunic, with slashed sleeves and an elegant cut. The Lady Galadriel herself had given Bella one of the cloaks of the Galadhrim. It was a little long on her, but as warm and comfortable as the rest of her new clothes.
Her pack would be stowed along with her horse, when I was given one since I could not take Asfaloth. To be honest, the idea of riding the great stallion was still a little daunting, no matter how good her skills had become.
Lord Elrond himself had gifted her with a knife forged in Rivendell itself, the silver blade chased with ancient runes for protection and safety. He had told her anything more substantial would be worse than useless, if they should be attacked in the mountain passes, as she had no skill in combat.
In her pack was stowed a few packets of Elvish way bread and a small flask of miruvuor; a soft blanket and mat which folded surprisingly small. She had a spare set of clothing, a rag and a tin of salve for her boots, a book of Elvish poetry Lord Elrond had gifted to her now her Sindarin was good enough, a few mementoes from her old life in Forks and the silver dress she had worn the night Haldir found her in the gardens. And a gift from Arwen, wrapped in silk. It was so delicate, she was afraid to touch it.
It was a pendant, forged from some metal she had never seen before; shining in her palm like it exuded its own light. Arwen had called it mithril.
It was in the shape of a swan.
'May it bring you healing and good fortune, sister…'
Those had been Arwen's words to Bella when she had last seen the elleth, and she could not stop thinking about them. It was preferable to thinking about Haldir, at any rate.
After a minute, she pulled the bundle from her pack and took the pendant out. She hesitated then clasped it around her neck. It would be safe enough hidden beneath her tunics. Bella would wear it in memory of Arwen's gentle friendship.
Smiling softly at the sight of it around her neck in my mirror, Bella turned away and slipped into bed.
The next morning, she arose and dressed, feeling like she shouldn't have got up. She felt tired, unbelievably tired and she silently cursed Haldir. Her dreams had been all of him, his arms, his touch, his kiss.
She was going to kill him.
Fastening the leaf brooch of her new cloak, Bella picked up her pack and walked to the door. She looked back at the room she had called her own for a year, and sighed. She felt some grief leaving Rivendell, her only home in this still strange new world.
Bella's vision blurred but she pushed the tears away. By leaving Rivendell, she really was leaving any remainders of her old life, the old Bella, behind. She couldn't afford to be weak, to cry. She would not.
Without another look, she walked away.
Outside, the Lórien Elves were already assembled, and she stopped before Arwen and Lord Elrond on the front steps of the House, to say goodbye.
"I wish you good luck and hope on your journey east, Alphwen," he murmured, taking her hands and kissing his forehead formally. "May the Valar guard you on your path under the sun."
"And you on yours," she replied formally, before turning to Arwen, who eschewed all formality and embraced the young woman tightly.
"Take care, my sister. Come back to us soon," she breathed in Bella's ear, and she held her tightly, only too aware of a grey eyed gaze on her back.
Haldir.
"Do not fear, granddaughter. We will take especial care of your Swan Maiden," Lady Galadriel murmured beside them as they parted. "It is time to depart."
"Goodbye," Bella breathed to them all, to Lord Elrond and Arwen, to the Elves of Imladris and to Rivendell as she turned back to the grey Elves of Lothlórien.
To her new destiny.
"Since we have no horse for you, Alphwen, I thought to have you ride with Haldir," the Lady led Bella to her Marchwarden, as she mentally shivered. He looked at her coolly, with no sign of any anger or recognition at all, and she wanted to run away. Far away from him. "Never fear, my child. Haldir is an accomplished rider and warrior, he will keep you safe."
"Thank you, my lady," Bella murmured, before she left them to go to her own mount. Bella coolly inclined my head to Haldir.
"My lady Alphwen," he replied coldly, before reaching for her. Bella barely had time to gasp before she was in the saddle, and he was mounting behind her. Her balance precarious, she clung with her thighs to the stallion's flanks, before a steadying arm slid around her waist, pulling her back against a hard chest and a warm body.
"We have far to go, my lady," he muttered in her ear. "I had better hold on if I were you."
"I can ride, Haldir. You don't need to worry about me," she replied equally as coldly, as the procession moved off. She tried not to feel the steel in the muscles holding her, the thighs bracketing her own, the arm around her waist. As they passed the gates of Rivendell, he bent his head to her ear, his golden hair flying around them in the light wind.
"I will not give up. You are mine, Isabella," he whispered, and she shivered, closing her eyes as every movement of the horse forced her against him, against the physical power of his body.
The reasons why they couldn't be, didn't seem as important when faced with that.
Bella was in big trouble.