Stef looked around at five serious faces. Jesus and Mariana sat next to each other on the couch. Jesus was fidgeting nervously, and Mariana kept trying to still his hands. Jude took up the third seat on the couch. He stared at his shoes, not making eye contact. Callie sat on the floor, the most relaxed of all of them. Brandon leaned in the doorway, his denial manifesting as feigned nonchalance. The thought of him having to go through a second parental divorce made Stef even more resolved to fix things.

She and Lena hadn't chosen the best seating arrangement to communicate their message. They faced off in opposite chairs on either side of the couch. Oh well, it was too late to change things.

"Thanks for coming to our family meeting," Stef started. It felt too formal. She blew out a breath and leaned her arms onto her thighs. She looked each kid in the eye, giving them as sincere of a smile as she could manage.

"You all know Mama and I have been having some issues lately, and we're sorry we let that affect you guys. We wanted to let you know how much we love you and how important our whole family is to us. Mama and I promise we're going to work on our stuff, and we don't want you to be scared or blame yourselves. This is just something grown-ups sometimes go through, and none of it is your fault."

If Lena hadn't been so mad at Stef in general, she would have appreciated how great Stef was with the kids, how apparent her caring was for them. As it was, she just felt like the villain. Stef hadn't said anything that placed blame on Lena, but Lena felt like the kids judged her all the same. She watched them nod at Stef, then turn expectantly to her.

"Mom's right," she told them. "We love you so much, and we're sorry if we made you worry. We're not going to tell you a bunch of grown-up details, but we want to give you a chance to say anything you want to to us, or to ask us any questions."

The kids glanced around at each other, silently communicating. Callie shrugged. Mariana looked like she had a million questions but didn't know which one to ask. Finally, it was Jude who spoke.

"If you get divorced, does that mean you can't adopt Callie?"

Lena and Stef finally made eye contact. This was the elephant in the room they hadn't had the guts to bring up to each other. Stef couldn't bring herself to answer the question honestly, so she deflected.

"Mama and I are still moving ahead with Callie's adoption. We're not going to do anything to jeopardize it."

Lena knew it was irrational, but this angered her even more than Stef's good behavior the past two days. How could Stef make that guarantee - didn't she see that she couldn't make that promise? More misguided "protecting" people.

Jesus piped up before Lena could say anything. "We got more worried when you stopped fighting and just quit talking altogether - we thought it meant you had given up."

The kids would apparently make good detectives. Stef didn't give them enough credit for how much attention they paid to her and Lena. She was even more determined to shield them from the effects of their marital issues.

"Actually, that was when we committed to working on things. We just wanted to wait until we had some help," Stef replied.

"Are you going to therapy?" Mariana asked.

Lena raised an eyebrow at Stef and didn't speak.

"No, not exactly," Stef hedged. "We've ordered a book that has exercises we can do to help our relationship." Putting it that way sounded as lame as she imagined Lena believed it to be.

For some reason this made Brandon laugh. Stef wanted to chalk it up to redirected anxiety, but it still irritated her. Lena just looked smug.

"Do you have something to say, Brandon?" Stef asked.

He pulled himself together and shook his head. "Nope, sorry. I just know you're not a big reader."

Stef glared at him but let it go. "Okay, does anyone else have any questions?"

All five kids shook their heads. After what she thought was a pretty solid start, Stef had no idea how to finish this. She didn't want to repeat her party line pep talk, but it felt odd to just let things go on that note.

She looked desperately at Lena, who looked annoyed but came to her rescue.

"Things aren't going to change overnight, so if you have any questions in the future, I want you all to feel free to ask us. Whatever happens between Mom and me, we'll always be a family."

She reached over and rubbed Jude's back. He gave her a weak smile in return. "Okay, now go finish up your homework."

Stef and the kids filed out of the room, Jesus hobbling on his crutches, but Brandon lingered.

"Mama? I'm sorry I laughed. It's just that I know how Mom feels about therapy. I'm impressed you got her to agree to this book thing."

Lena appreciated Brandon's support, but she didn't feel comfortable commiserating with him about Stef's tendency to avoid talking about feelings. She also felt a twinge of guilt that he seemed to assume their issues were Stef's fault. She might want to think it, but it wasn't fair to give the kids that impression. The previous night she had insisted Stef not communicate the opposite to the kids, and she felt like Stef had been fair in her statements at the family meeting.

"It's okay. Mom and I have both let other things get in the way of our marriage and we're going to do whatever it takes to get back on track."

She turned to go, but Brandon put his hand on her arm.

"For whatever it's worth, I want you to know that you'll always be my mom. For as long as I can remember, you've been my parent, and nothing could ever change that."

Lena wanted to just accept his comment, but she had to know. Her conversation with her mother lingered in her mind.

"Even if Mom and I can't work this out?" She couldn't bring herself to say the D-word.

Brandon's brow furrowed momentarily, but he quickly responded. "I don't actually have memories of Mom and Dad when they were together. They separated when I was four, and I remember him moving out, but I just can't seem to picture when we were all living together. I remember a bit of when it was just Mom and me, but mostly, my life has had you in it."

Lena pulled Brandon into a hug. "Thank you for telling me that. I never wanted to make you feel like I was trying to take your dad's place, but I've always thought of you as my son."

She stepped back and held Brandon at arm's length, pride in her eyes.

"I know," he responded. "And I've always appreciated it. Well, I probably had my moments of being a jerk, but you've always been there for me. I know things got complicated after my dad got it together and wanted to be a parent again, and you were so gracious about it."

Brandon headed towards the stair but commented over his shoulder, "Don't let Mom screw this up. She'd be an idiot to let you go."

Lena couldn't let him leave thinking this was Stef's fault. She had been so concerned he would take Stef's side, and she was ashamed to have been so wrong.

"Brandon?" she called.

"Yeah?" He turned back towards her.

"Don't blame your mom for this. I've screwed some things up lately, and this is as much about me making amends as it is anything she's done."

Brandon looked surprised, as if all of a sudden he was taking this seriously. He just nodded and ran up the stairs two at a time.

Stef and Lena sat awkwardly next to each other at the foot of their bed. They had decided on Saturday evenings as their self-directed therapy days, since the kids all tended to be busy then. The silence was uncomfortable, and Stef took a moment to absorb how awful the situation really was. Even when they were fighting, she and Lena had never been this distant from each other. Jesus's comment about the change in their behavior had scared her. Although she and Lena had agreed to wait to address their issues, their inability to talk about anything light until then was concerning. They couldn't even pretend things were fine. Stef wasn't even entirely sure what had pushed Lena over the edge. She knew she had done questionable things without consulting Lena, but she didn't see them as deal-breakers. Vow-breakers.

At the same time, she had to acknowledge she wasn't trying all that hard to make things right. Lena pulled away, and Stef let her - that had to mean something. And not something good. Still, even thinking about the possibility of this not working wasn't something Stef allowed herself to dwell on.

"'Chapter One: Ground Rules' - I can see this is going to be a pattern," Stef commented as she opened the book. Or, THE BOOK, as she thought of it in her head. The thing that was going to determine her fate. "Most of the chapters have cutesy 'ground' references."

"Nothing wrong with a theme," Lena replied. She wasn't sure yet if she wanted to defend the book in the hope it would magically bring back her marital satisfaction or if she wanted it to fail so she could advocate for real professional help. Or leave and be able to say I tried. For the time being, she decided it was best to stick up for the book - if she joined Stef in mocking it they might both decide to give up before they even started.

"I didn't say there was anything wrong with it," Stef couldn't help clarifying.

"Fine. What are the ground rules?"

"'Number one: use active listening skills. When your partner is speaking, look into her eyes. Nod your head to show you are paying attention. Use verbal cues to encourage her to continue speaking, but don't interrupt.'"

"I know what active listening is," Lena interrupted.

Stef sighed and continued, "'Number two: use behavior-based descriptions when talking about your partner's actions - don't generalize with statements like, "you always" or "you never". Number three: name your feelings and explain them. These can be combined into "When you...I feel…because..." statements. For example, one partner might say, "When you interrupt me, I feel frustrated because you don't hear my full thought."'"

Lena grabbed the book. "Let me see that. There's no way that was the real example."

Stef looked smug. "See for yourself."

It was the real example. Lena huffed. Even the book seemed to be on Stef's side.

Stef took the book back. "'Practice now with your partner. We encourage you to use light examples so that you can learn the concept without getting into your issues.' Okay, smartypants, whatcha got?"

Lena took a deep breath. She was determined to give this a chance, so she put aside her irritation. "When you make chocolate chip pancakes, I feel happy because they're delicious."

Stef smiled, and it wasn't even forced. "Thanks. My turn - when you rub my feet I feel relaxed because foot rubbing is relaxing."

"I'm not sure tautologies count." Clearly Stef wasn't taking this seriously.

"Fine." Stef looked away but tried again. "When you rub my feet I feel relaxed because you touching me makes me feel connected to you."

Lena wasn't sure that one had quite followed the rules either, but she certainly wasn't going to correct Stef again. She studied Stef's profile, allowing some tenderness to return. If she was serious about working on their relationship, she couldn't just emotionlessly follow the rules. She had to feel the positive alongside the negative and decide which was more predominant. Lately, all she had seen were the things that bothered her about Stef, but there was so much else that Lena needed to focus on, if she were going to be fair.

Stef glanced over at Lena but couldn't read her expression. This was at least as uncomfortable as she had assumed it would be. She started reading again. "'Number four: validate your partner's feelings. Acknowledge that what she feel is real to her and don't try to rename her feelings or minimize them.' That seems doable."

"Is that it for the rules? It feels like there should be more." Lena was looking for all the guidance she could get.

Stef flipped through the book. "I think there are more instructions that are relevant to each chapter. It says these are the basics for 'fighting fair' that are fundamental to good communication as we progress. Apparently, we're supposed to practice these between now and when we tackle the next chapter. Also, we're supposed to start a journal so we can write down some of the things we might want to say but know we shouldn't."

Lena let out a short laugh. "It's nice we're allowed to channel our urges to fight dirty somewhere legitimate."

"The book says that negative feelings are healthy - see how it's validating us? - and that it's okay to express them in writing." Stef paused a moment, then continued hesitantly. "It does say it's best not to complain to friends or family members about your partner. This is apparently not healthy and can lead to -"

"I know what it can lead to," Lena admitted. She couldn't bear to hear the sentence finished. She had to appreciate that Stef didn't take this opportunity to get in an "I-told-you-so."

She changed the subject. "Should I assume there's not going to be a point at which we share our journals with each other?"

"Thankfully, no," Stef's smile was wry. She could only imagine what Lena would write about her. She definitely didn't want to see it. "We're supposed to feel safe being as honest with ourselves as possible. In fact, it says we can ceremonially burn them when we've completed our journey."

"Oh, good. We'll barbecue them in the back yard."

Stef looked at Lena, and Lena realized what her statement had implied. The hopefulness in Stef's eyes made her uncomfortable. She broke eye contact and looked back at the book.

"Right. So, is that it for chapter one?"

"Yeah, that's pretty much it. You can read it yourself if you want."

"Okay."

"Okay."

"Brandon tells me you and Lena are doing some kind of self-help couples counseling thing," Mike commented to Stef as they ate lunch on a bench near their cruiser.

"Brandon needs to keep his mouth shut," Stef grumbled as she took a bite of her hamburger. She'd like to be surprised her son would blab, but she supposed he deserved someone to talk to about it.

"Hey, don't be mad at the kid. I think he's kind of freaked out." Mike stole one of Stef's fries.

Stef whacked Mike on the arm. "He's freaked out? What about me? I didn't see this coming." Maybe that wasn't quite true - it really had been a rough few months - but Stef wasn't one to blow her problems out of proportion.

"If there's anything I can do to help, let me know. I know our family's a little unconventional, but I'm rooting for the two of you. Heck, if you guys can't make it, what hope is there for the rest of us?"

Stef had once thought the same thing about Jenna and Kelly, but they had fallen apart as slowly and quietly as Lena and she were disintegrating. You never knew what was going on under the surface. Even in your own marriage.

"Thanks, Mike. We're trying to get back on track - doing some relationship exercises and stuff like that."

"For what it's worth, it says a lot that you're trying. You and I batted around the idea of counseling, but we never ended up bothering. You and Lena have something worth fighting for."

Stef crumpled her wrapper and tossed it into a nearby trash can. "We do. I've done some dumb stuff lately, and I'm trying to be better."

Mike looked at Stef, opening his mouth as though to speak, then closing in.

"Spit it out, Mike. I'm not going to make a habit of talking with you about this, so say whatever you want to say now."

Mike sighed, then spoke. "Just make sure that as you're working on making Lena happier you don't sacrifice your own happiness in the process."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Stef's forehead wrinkled.

"I've been married to you - you're not a terrible spouse."

"Thanks, I think," Stef laughed.

Mike continued. "I'm not saying you're perfect, but I've seen how you've worked to keep your family together, and that's included doing a fair number of things Lena wanted that you weren't too sure about."

Stef took a moment to consider Mike's words. Lena was the one who brought Callie home, but it was Stef who had bent any rule she had to to keep her with them. Lena wanted a baby of her own, and Stef put aside her own concerns to make her wife happy.

"Don't twist yourself into knots chasing what Lena wants, only to find you've lost what you want."

Stef looked down. "I'm not even sure what that is anymore."

"Then that's part of your issue," Mike observed.

"Yeah, I guess it is. When did you get to be a relationship guru? This stuff is even better than our book." Stef put an arm around her ex-husband, briefly leaning her head on his shoulder.

"I've screwed up enough - I'd better be learning something each time." Mike laughed.

"Fair enough."

Stef was about to head back to the cruiser, when she heard Mike speak again. "One more piece of advice."

"Yeah?"

He glanced over at her, then stared out across the street. "It's not just me you drive nuts when you're all up in my business. I'm not always the most observant guy, but I'm pretty sure Lena would love it too if you'd back off of me."

"Message received. Loud and clear. From both of you." Replaying her conversation with Mike about the need to save someone in her head, she knew the advice applied to her as well.

"Maybe you need to think about why you were so invested in the first place. You were so busy trying to save me from Ana you -"

Stef stood up and cut him off. "All right, we're done here. I appreciate your support, but that's all the processing I've got in me for one day."

"Sure thing, partner." Mike shrugged. "Let's get back to work."

"Well, that was awful."

Lena stopped outside of Jesus and Jude's bedroom when she heard Mariana's voice. She knew she shouldn't eavesdrop, but she convinced herself it was important she keep tabs on how the kids were doing, with everything being so tense. Plus, dinner really had been awful.

"Yeah," Jesus agreed.

"What's with moms being so tense? I know we've had all kinds of drama lately, but until the past week I thought they were solid."

"Exactly. I've always assumed that being adopted meant your parents would never get divorced. Why would people who chose to be parents break up their family?"

"Moms aren't breaking up!" Mariana exclaimed. "Don't even say it. But I know what you mean. It's like we were exempt or something. When Garrett was going through his parents' divorce I thought there was no way it could happen to us. I felt badly for him, but I never even considered that our parents might ever split."

"Now, I don't know. What was all that 'when you don't pass me the mashed potatoes I feel irritated because I'm hungry' crap?"

"And then Mama was all 'I validate your irritation, but when you come home late without calling I feel frustrated because you could be dead.'"

"So weird."

Lena shook her head. She and Stef had to get a handle on themselves. It wasn't fair to the kids to put them in the middle of things. Maybe chapter two would get them started on the right track.