"Bye, Jude! Bye, Connor! Have fun!" Stef and Callie stood in the doorway, waving at the boys as Lena pulled out of the driveway.
"I can't believe Connor's dad is letting him go on a date with Jude," Callie commented.
"Well, he insisted on there being a chaperone," Stef replied. "At least he's letting Lena be the one to go with them. I don't think Jude would have gone if it had been Mr. Stevens, no matter how much he likes Connor."
Callie laughed.
"So how are you feeling about spending time with Robert this weekend? He should be here to pick you up pretty soon, right?" Stef asked. "This will be the first time you've seen him since the hearing when he signed the papers."
Callie sighed and sat down on the couch. Stef sat next to her. "Okay, I guess. It feels better knowing it's my choice to see him and that no one can force me."
"I know it may surprise you, but I'm glad you're choosing to see him. Things got a little intense when it looked like we'd lose you, and I'm sorry if it put your relationship with him in jeopardy. He's your father, and you have every right to spend time with him, as well as your sister and Jill."
Callie let out a breath. "Thank you. I'm sorry things got complicated, and I'm sorry if it messed things up between you and Lena -"
Stef cut her off. "Please don't apologize. I hate that you were caught in the middle of a fight between us and Robert, and Lena's and my issues are in no way your fault. I guess it's ironic that after being bounced around for so long you ended up in a battle between two sets of people who would do anything to have you with them. I hope you know how much we all love you, even if we've expressed it in some messed up ways."
Callie let out a laugh. "It's weird, for sure. I love you guys all too, and I just want things to settle down for awhile."
Stef laughed as well. "Fat chance, with all these teenagers in the mix. But seriously, Lena and I - and Robert, too - only want what's best for you. It's okay to still be figuring that out, and if you want to spend time at Robert's you're more than welcome to do that any time. We would never keep you from that. And Lena and I are moving forward with the next steps to adopt you - there's a hearing next week, and I think it should be the last one before finalization. We want you to feel stable and to not have to worry that anyone can take you away ever again."
Before Callie could reply, there was a knock on the door.
"I guess that's Robert." Callie stood up. "Thanks, Stef, for the talk. Everything's okay. See you tomorrow."
"Right. Good. Yeah, see you tomorrow."
Stef was relieved that Callie seemed all right, and while she couldn't bring herself to regret that her actions had made keeping Callie possible, she had to consider that perhaps she could have achieved this result without jeopardizing her marriage. What was done was done, but maybe the book would help her figure out how to do things differently next time.
Saturday morning, Stef woke up to the sensation of another hand in hers. For over ten years, this had been the norm, but in recent weeks she and Lena had barely touched at all. It seemed Lena was still asleep, and Stef considered retracting her hand. It wasn't as though Lena had done it on purpose, and if she woke up and realized it, a lovely moment might turn awkward.
"We forgot to build the pillow wall last night," Stef heard before she had a chance to make a decision.
"I guess we did," she responded, still unsure how Lena would react.
"It's kind of silly anyway, isn't it?" Lena rolled over to face Stef, dislodging their hands in the process. "I mean, it takes up so much space we're stuck over on the edge."
"Right. We shouldn't risk one of us falling out of the bed." Stef wasn't sure if further contact would be appreciated. She wanted to push the curls out of Lena's face as she would have in the past, but before she could decide, Lena was sitting up and getting out of bed.
"Okay, then," Lena agreed over her shoulder as she headed for the bathroom.
Once the door was closed, Stef flopped back onto her pillow and sighed. It was progress, and for that she was happy.
That progress seemed to slip away just a few hours later. Callie texted with the news that Robert and Jill had separated due to his infidelity. Even from her brief text, it was clear she was upset, especially considering the fact that Sophia was living with Jill, so Callie wasn't getting to see her sister.
"See what happens when you blackmail people," Lena accused Stef.
Stef put up her hands. "Wait a minute. I'm not the one who told Jill, and I'm not the one who broke my marriage vows and has to deal with the consequences. This has nothing to do with me."
"You don't think your blackmailing him contributed to this situation?"
Stef opened her mouth to deny accountability, but she paused and considered Lena's point of view.
"I don't know how or why this all came out. Maybe what I did had an impact. But think of this - what if I didn't blackmail Robert, and he got full custody of Callie? Then Jill finds out, and they split up anyway. Now Callie's living with her single dad instead of with a family. Is that the life you'd want for her?"
Lena paused as well, and she pictured what Stef described. "The ends justifies the means, huh?"
"Sometimes," Stef averred.
Both women remained unsettled the rest of the morning, recognizing but not wanting to acknowledge what this meant for Callie. She went from having two families fighting over her to two sets of parents with marital issues. Lena was still upset with Stef for her role in Robert's infidelity coming to light, and she was unnerved by the underlying message in Stef's comments about infidelity and taking responsibility. Stef was concerned that Callie would feel even more unsettled about her moms' issues if living with her father was less of a backup option.
Despite their own worries, they were able to unite for Callie when she arrived home in the afternoon. Immediately giving her a hug, they all sat down together on the couch to check in.
Stef rubbed Callie's back. "I'm so sorry, Love. I know it feels like another huge change, but Robert and Sophia - and even Jill - aren't going anywhere. They'll always be part of your life. There's a lot to adjust to, but I bet you can work it out that you and Sophia spend time with Robert together, if that's what you want."
"But he said Sophia is so mad she doesn't want to see him," Callie explained.
"So we'll invite Sophia over here. Maybe you can help her forgive your dad." Stef hated that she couldn't make this better. She checked herself before she started concocting a plan to get Robert and Jill back together, just to make Callie happy.
"That's a good idea," Lena chimed in, appreciating Stef's support of forgiveness. "Sophia is welcome any time. We'd love a chance to get to know her better."
"I'm so glad I'm living with you guys and not him." Stef could see in Callie's eyes a plea that she and Lena not follow down the same path.
Lena's smile was genuine. "We're so glad, too." She was gratified to see Callie's shoulders relax a bit. She looked over and saw Stef's mirroring smile, and she felt a sense of relief that whatever happened between the two of them, they would always put their children first.
Stef and Lena were able to maintain their better mood as they drove to the beach for their weekly session. Though they still avoided subjects like Lena's work or Mike, chatting about neutral topics didn't feel as forced as it had recently.
Stef sat in the sand and opened to chapter four. "'Grounded in the self. You may be wondering why we haven't had you address the issues you're dealing with in the present yet -'"
"You think?" Lena mumbled.
Stef shot her a look and continued. "'We believe that laying a strong foundation in your foundation' - man, when they commit to a theme, they really commit - 'will increase the likelihood of success once you do tackle what led you to consult this book in the first place. In this chapter, we want you to consider your own individual foundation. Up to now, we've asked you to consider yourself in connection to others. Now, we want you to think about yourself. Focusing on the self too soon might drive you and your partner further apart, so we believe the work you have done in previous chapters should have grounded you in your interrelatedness to those who are important to you. Within this context, you can now explore what individual fulfillment means to you.'"
Lena looked out at the ocean and pondered for a moment, while Stef took a drink from her water bottle. She had been so keen to air her grievances and hold Stef to account for her recent decisions, she hadn't taken much time to look inward. The giant boulder of guilt for having kissed Monte didn't make introspection appealing, and she wasn't looking forward to this chapter.
Stef continued, "'What do you and your partner like to do separately? Have you made the time for this recently? For some couples, separate activities may be the norm, and may be a symptom of their underlying issues. For others, there may be an enmeshment that binds them together, even as they chafe against it.' I guess they're trying to say nicely that lesbians can be co-dependent."
"Do you think we are?" Lena knew the stereotype, but she had never applied it to her and Stef.
"Honestly? Not really. I think parenting forces you to do a lot of things, if not together, in coordination. It doesn't leave a lot of time for doing things as a couple, let alone alone."
"True. I'd ask what we did before we had kids, but that time didn't exist for us."
There was a bitterness in Lena's tone Stef didn't care to explore - this wasn't the chapter for it. "Of course there was a time before kids. It's just not a time we shared. We're not supposed to be focusing on what we did alone together. It's about what we did without each other. You had hobbies, right?"
"I guess. I traveled a bit. Read a lot. Played on the Anchor Beach staff softball team."
Stef nodded. "I remember that. Brandon and I came to a few of your games. But you quit when Jesus and Mariana came along."
Lena shrugged. "They had games of their own pretty quickly. There wasn't time for me to play as well."
"I was a runner. I had to stay in shape for work, and they gave us time to do that, so I kept up a bit even after Brandon was born. But I haven't done it much in years."
Neither mentioned Stef's most recent jog. Lena felt like she had driven her wife out of the house. But perhaps there wasn't anything wrong with taking time for oneself. Sometimes it was better than staying and arguing.
"So how do we parent five kids, work on our issues as a couple, and do the things we like to do by ourselves?" Lena asked.
Stef was definitive. "I don't want to sacrifice time with the kids. We came so close to losing Callie and Jesus -"
"In more ways than one," Lena interjected, shuddering.
Stef squeezed Lena's hand as they thought about the car accident that had thankfully only broken their son's foot. "That was one of the scariest days of my life. They're going to leave the house soon enough, and I can't bear the thought of wasting any of that time."
"Agreed. Maybe we should try to put in a bit more structure. We've set aside Saturday evenings for this, since it's prime teenager socialization time. What if we had a family night during the week, where we all made sure we were free to play a game or watch a movie? We used to do that more, but now everyone's so scattered it's hard to pull them all together for more than a few minutes at a time."
"Sounds good." Stef smiled ruefully. "I don't think it'll be hard to get them to agree. They've all been on such good behavior since we told them about our issues."
"We've all had our perspective adjusted lately. So that accounts for not losing time with the kids. How do we find time for ourselves?" Lena asked.
"I could get up early and run some days. Much as I hate losing any sleep." Stef wasn't particularly keen on this idea, but she understood the need for doing something for herself.
"You could run to the beach on Saturdays and then ride home with me," Lena suggested.
"True. What would you do with your free time?"
"Probably read. I have a list of books I want to read but haven't had the chance to get to. Maybe work out in the yard a bit."
"What do you think has kept us from doing this all along?" Stef wondered aloud.
"Good question. It's not like the kids haven't been busy most Saturdays for years. I guess in the not-so-terribly-recent past we were the ones driving them all over town. Then when Brandon got his license it freed us up a bit, but there's always something to do around the house."
"Or someone to bail out of trouble," Stef pointed out.
"That, too."
"This will be good, right? The kids will see us taking care of ourselves, and that's healthy. If we can get into a habit it'll just become part of the routine."
"Exactly."
"Jesus and Brandon and Callie will be with me. Mom and Mama, you'll be on a team with Jude. That way we'll all have about the same number of years of experience on each team."
Lena knew Mariana was better than that at math, but she let it slide. She glanced at Stef, whose wink let her know she, too, understood that their daughter didn't want them on opposite Trivial Pursuit teams. It was cute.
Half an hour in, Stef and Lena's team was up three wedges to two. The kids' team was about to answer a question to tie things up.
"Oh, man! You're totally going to get this!" Jude exclaimed before he read the card. "Who won the gold medal in welterweight freestyle wrestling in the 2000 Olympics?"
Jesus was about to shout out the answer when Mariana elbowed him in the ribs.
"Uh, Jamill Kelly?" he answered with a shrug and a smirk.
"Sorry, it was Brandon Slay. How could you miss that? You have a poster of him on your wall," Jude pointed out.
"Aw, that's okay, Jesus." Brandon's back slap was as exaggerated as his sympathy.
Callie just shook her head.
Stef could hardly keep from laughing. It was sweet the kids wanted her and Lena to win. Then she sobered. Did they think she and Lena were so fragile as to fall apart if they lost the game? She chose to find it endearing and enjoy it.
She looked at Lena, who was coughing so as not to give away the joke.
From that point until 11:00, no one answered a question correctly but Jude. Callie had clearly realized that Lena and Stef were throwing the game right back at the kids, but Jesus and Mariana were so caught up in their own scheme they hadn't picked up on it. Brandon seemed amused by it all, but he was looking bored, and Stef decided it was time to put them out of their misery.
"What pitcher, whose autobiography was entitled 'Me and the Spitter,' hit his first home run the day of the first moon landing?" Mariana asked.
"Gaylord Perry!" Stef shouted.
"Seriously?" Brandon was impressed.
"He won a Cy Young with the Padres," Stef shrugged.
Jesus handed them their green wedge.
Realizing Stef was playing for real again, Lena correctly answered the next question. And the next, and the next.
"Who is the last American to win the Nobel Prize in Literature?" Callie asked.
"Toni Morrison," Lena answered for the last wedge.
Jude rolled a six, and they were in the middle.
Stef and Lena were amused as they watched the kids try to decide what category to choose. If they picked the one they really thought was hardest, their parents might not win. But if they picked an easy one, it would be obvious they were throwing the game.
Mariana finally spoke up. "They're super old, so let's go with Arts and Entertainment. They don't know anything current."
"You know this game was made in 1998, right?" Stef couldn't help asking.
"Whatever." Mariana rolled her eyes.
"Okay, for the win, what's the name of the only Fannie Flagg book to be made into a movie?" Brandon asked.
"Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe!" Stef and Lena answered in unison.
Callie and Mariana looked pleased at their parents' joy at winning, and Stef realized being on Lena's team had been a lot of fun.
Jude looked around the room and saw the smiles on everyone's faces. Lena could see the realization dawn on his face.
He looked at his siblings. "You guys were -"
They shrugged.
"And you guys knew -"
Stef and Lena grinned.
He shook his head. "This family is so weird."