The next week was as tense as the one before. Stef continued to be torn between her ego and her heart. She knew it wasn't fair to herself to be in a relationship with someone who didn't want to be with her or who couldn't accept her fully. But she couldn't imagine life without Lena, let alone one in which she and Lena still had to see each other over awkward custody exchanges.

Lena spent the week in her own head, imagining a different past, trying to decide if she wanted a chance at a future other than the one she was on track to have. There wasn't just the issue of the life she would be pursuing - there was also the question of whether or not she and Stef could get out of the unhealthy patterns they had gotten into. She saw that Stef was trying to open up more, but what would happen the next time one of their kids or Mike got into trouble? Would Stef ride off on her white horse and leave Lena behind again?

All that was put aside after a family night of putting together a 1000-piece puzzle. Even the kids were subdued, just listening to music and commenting on how difficult the sky sections were. It was Frankie's due date. Once the puzzle was finally complete, the kids each gave Stef and Lena a solemn hug and kiss and went to bed with no complaints.

Stef looked at Lena and held out her hand. She led them outside to Frankie's tree. They stood side by side in silence, with their arms around each others' waists. Lena put her head on Stef's shoulder and thought about her question from the beach. Would their relationship be in such jeopardy if Frankie had lived? It was impossible to say, but she imagined the stress of a sixth child, a helpless baby, would definitely have added to their tension. It would have added to their joy as well, no doubt, but who could say which one would have outweighed the other?

Just as she couldn't change her past by imagining a different one, Lena couldn't predict an imagined future. She told herself that Frankie's birth would have brought her and Stef closer, that the baby would have been a blessing to their whole family. But she would not let that possibility, now gone, sour her present. They were where they were, and that was that. It was her path for the future she had to figure out now.

Stef heard Lena sniff and turned to see tears streaming down her wife's face. She rubbed them away gently with her thumbs and pulled Lena to her. Letting her own tears fall, she embraced Lena tightly. There were no words to make it right, no condolences to soften the hurt. They simply grieved together, knowing the pain was both of theirs.

It was overwhelming for Stef. To finally be able to connect with Lena like this, for both of them to be this open, was cathartic. But on the heels of that thought came the one that said it could all be over soon. Lena could choose to leave. And what cold comfort would Stef's pride be if she were alone?

She dropped to her knees and pressed her forehead against Lena's belly. "We never even knew her, and yet I love her and I miss her."

She looked up at Lena, making no effort to hide her tears. Lena nodded, her own tears flowing as well.

"I do know you," Stef continued, trying to keep her voice from breaking. "And I love you, too. And if I were to lose you, missing you isn't even in the ballpark of what I would feel. I told you I would let you decide - that I wouldn't beg."

She shook her head and chuckled ruefully. "Someone told me I should make sure I think about what makes me happy, not just what makes you happy."

Lena's brow furrowed briefly - in their earliest conversation about Monte she had pressed Stef to tacitly admit she wasn't happy either, but they hadn't really discussed what it was Stef might be missing from their relationship. What if there was something insurmountable on Stef's end they hadn't explored?

Stef went on, "You know what makes me happy?"

Lena shook her head, suddenly desperate to hear the answer.

"Making you happy."

Lena's lip trembled, and she covered her mouth to hold back a sob. Was it really that simple?

"If that's my purpose, if that's what I want, why shouldn't I fight for you? Why shouldn't I plead with you not to leave? If that makes me a doormat, so be it. I'm your doormat."

Both women laughed, and the tension was broken for a moment. Lena reached down and held Stef's cheek in her hand.

Stef continued, "There's never going to be a world in which I don't hurt if you hurt. And if I've been the cause of some of that hurt lately, I'll do better. If you want to try again to have a baby, I'm all in. Just don't leave me. I'm not me without you."

Stef couldn't hold it together any longer. She buried her face in her hands and cried, letting out all the fear and pain.

There was no logical weighing of options for Lena - just the instinct to comfort the woman she loved. She knelt down with Stef and wrapped her arms around her wife. When Stef stilled, Lena lifted her chin to look into her eyes.

"Stefanie Marie Adams Foster - you're a piece of work, but you're my piece of work. I accept you - every single thing that makes you who you are, from now until the end of time. I love you."

Stef recognized Lena's wedding vows, originally spoken just feet from where they currently knelt, and felt hope for the first time in weeks.

"Really?" she asked, fresh tears escaping her eyes, this time happy ones.

"Really." Lena was sure. With a clarity she hadn't felt in months, she knew this was what she wanted - to be with Stef, always.

"Oh, thank goodness." Stef smiled and squeezed Lena's hand. "And for the record, you're still the person I've been waiting for my whole life, and I am so proud and lucky to have found you. I love you so much."

Lena appreciated the paraphrasing of Stef's own vows, touched she still had them memorized. She kissed Stef gently, trying to convey the depth of her commitment.

Soft as it was, it took Stef's breath away. Her eyes stayed closed for a moment after the kiss ended, and she took a moment to silently thank whatever it was in the universe that had allowed her prayer to be answered.

She opened her eyes and asked, "So, what now?"

Lena stood, helping Stef up in the process. "Now? Now, we go to bed and hold each other close. Saturday, we continue as we have with the book, but now we focus on how to be together in the healthiest way possible, not whether or not we should be together."

Stef took a deep breath and let it out. There was still work to do - pretending there wasn't would land them back where they started sooner or later. So they would work - together.

They went inside and changed for bed, then tossed the pillows onto the floor with a laugh.

Though they hadn't built one in a few weeks, Lena still felt the need to say it: "No more pillow walls."

"Agreed." Stef slipped into bed and held out her arms for Lena.

Lena laid her head on Stef's shoulder and wrapped her arms around her wife. Stef's arms tightened around Lena, and she tangled their legs together. Thusly cocooned, they drifted off into the most restful sleep either had had in months.

Lena awoke the next morning, now spooning a still-sleeping Stef. The cliche "a weight had been lifted" had never felt more apt. She felt more content than she had in months, the sense of anxiety and irritation no longer present. She looked at Stef and just felt love, not frustration.

She raised up on her elbow and brushed a lock of hair away from Stef's face. She kissed her wife's temple, then snuggled back down into the warmth of the covers.

Stef stirred and rolled over to face Lena. "Good morning," she said sleepily.

"It is, isn't it?" Lena couldn't help but lean over and kiss Stef, despite knowing Stef's preference for brushing her teeth prior to such activities. There had been too many missed kisses, and Lena didn't want to take them for granted anymore.

Stef didn't protest, returning Lena's kiss instinctively. After a few blissful moments, she pulled back. "Are we really okay? I mean, not totally, but better?"

She buried her head in Lena's shoulder for a moment, then looked up again. "You're not leaving?"

Lena smiled. "I'm not leaving."

Stef smiled back and kissed Lena one more time. Knowing that made the work ahead feel like something they could do alongside each other, rather than facing off opposite each other.

Lena wanted to share her sense of being on the other side of something, but she wasn't sure quite how to describe it. "I think Frankie's due date was weighing on me more than I realized."

Stef tried to roll with the seeming non sequitur. She realized Lena hadn't said a word about Frankie the night before. Congratulating herself on remembering her active listening skills, she nodded and maintained eye contact to encourage Lena to continue.

"I know I said I was okay, but I think there was a part of me that held onto the knowledge that she should still have been inside me. In trying to stuff it down, it may have come out in some other ways."

Stef wanted to say, 'Like Monte,' but she stayed silent.

"I'm not saying you and I didn't have very real issues, but I may have focused on them in order to avoid dealing with my grief," Lena went on. "I think I was depressed."

Though spoken in an understated way, it felt like a bombshell to Stef. She wasn't sure what to do with that information. Did that mean their conflict was caused by something neither she nor Lena could control? Had Stef made things worse by not seeing it, not being supportive?

"Was?" was all she could think of to respond.

"Am? Was? I'm not sure. All I know is I feel different today than yesterday. I'm not saying Frankie's due date was a magical line in the sand and, having crossed it, I'm totally better. I'll always grieve her loss and wonder what things would be like if she were with us. And it's not like there's an on/off depression switch. Maybe it's a spectrum, and I'm moving back towards the not depressed side. The work we've been doing and the conversation we had last night seem to have made a big difference."

"That's good." Stef was still processing.

Lena continued hesitantly. "I think it might be good for me to talk about this with a professional. We have employee assistance benefits at work, and even though this isn't a work-related issue, I think I could get a few free sessions this way. I could probably do it at lunch time, too, so it wouldn't take up time outside of the work day."

Stef felt terrible that she had given Lena the message that getting help was too expensive or time-consuming to pursue. Her own fears about marriage counseling shouldn't keep Lena from what she needed.

"Oh, Love, your health - mental, or physical or whatever - is more important than anything. I wouldn't tell the kids they couldn't go to the doctor if they broke their arm, even if it cost tons of money. If this is what you need, then it's worth it. Free services are great, but we'll find a way to afford anything you need."

Stef held Lena's face and kissed her. "I'm sorry if I made you feel like you couldn't take care of yourself - or us, for that matter. If counseling is what any of us needs, we should take advantage of it. If I'm allowed to come too, sometimes, maybe I could talk to your therapist as well. It's not like I handled my grief in totally healthy ways."

Lena smiled. "Sounds good. Thank you for understanding. Now, as much as I'd love to stay in bed with you all day, we'd better get up. It's a school day."

As they went through the morning routine of making lunches and getting the kids breakfast, Stef and Lena brushed against each other comfortably, no longer avoiding each other. It was like magnets that had flipped - instead of an invisible force pushing them apart when they were in the same space, they gravitated towards each other.

While it wasn't the same feeling of their old vibe, Stef considered that maybe it was even better. They were committed to working together on whatever came their way, rather than not addressing the tension that built over the previous months and even years. There was a certainty she hadn't felt in a long time. It felt good to be married and to know moving in separate directions wasn't on the table.

Lena's smile at Stef's corny jokes was genuine, not the forced laugh she mustered up even when things had been okay. She appreciated her wife and everything that made her who she was. They had chosen each other, for better or for worse, and that made the future seem like something she could handle, not something to fear.

Out of the corner of her eye, Lena could see the girls trying to silently communicate with each other. While the boys obliviously ate their cereal, Mariana and Callie were doing some sort of eyebrow raising and head nodding thing that seemed to indicate they had caught onto their parents' improved moods. It looked like they couldn't convince each other to be the one to bring it up. She decided to put them out of her misery.

"Okay, kids, here's the deal: your mom and I have been working really hard at our relationship, and it's been going really well."

Stef looked up from her coffee and couldn't help her grin. She closed the two-inch gap between her and Lena and wrapped her free arm around Lena's waist.

"That's right," she added.

Lena continued, "And in the spirit of the transparency we promised, we want to let you know that we are more committed than ever to each other and this family."

"So you're okay?" Mariana asked.

"You're not getting a divorce?" Jesus piped up.

"Yes and yes," Stef answered.

"Wow, that must have been some book," was Brandon's comment.

Stef laughed and playfully whacked him on the head. "Any other questions? Comments?"

Callie and Jude glanced at each other. Jude spoke up. "Just that we're happy. You guys are awesome parents, and we want you to stay all of our parents forever. Together."

Lena gave his shoulder a squeeze, along with Callie's, then leaned down and kissed each of their cheeks. "We love you."

She stood up. "We love all of you."

Jesus waved his hand and shoveled in one last bite of cereal. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everyone loves everyone. Now let's go to school before we're late."