The school was the picture of a 90s anime mixed oddly with American highschool stereotypes, the ones you'd see in movies and on kids cable TV. Whoever created this obviously didn't have their facts straight. Dirk supposed that was because they thought no one would notice. As he drove his incredibly shiny sportscar to school with Roxy in the passenger seat, It was clear that they were right, but the exception of him of course.

They parked and got out of the car in the small parking lot. John and Rose, as usual, were already waiting for them outside the school. They, like himself and Roxy, also shared an apartment. Dave and Jake as well. As for Jade and Jane, well, he hadn't seen either of them since getting here. Jade was supposedly pushed into home schooling and then locked up after her tenth touch up. Jane was a mystery. He had casually put the name out there once or twice, but everyone said they'd never even heard of her.

"Hey guys!" Greeted Roxy, trotting over to her friends.

Dirk sighed and followed her, looking at John who was leaning against the wall with a permanent sneer and square sunglasses. He must have been such a precious cinnamon roll for them to turn him into such a monumental douchebag. Then there was Rose, who was as dumb as could be. She had these phony cutesy mannerisms, and always tilted her head, looking at everyone with wide, glazed, violet eyes like everything was too confusing for her dumbed down little head.

Dirk contemplated what she must have been like before as he endured the pointless small talk and wandering the halls before the first bell. Most people stayed in their first class, but not them. They were cool kids, too good for the riff raff. He watched Rose, thinking her real personality was probably very smart, cunning, and caring. She was probably some sort of Goth or something too.

"Ew, don't look now, but it's that loser again." Scoffed Rose as they passed a kid sitting in the hallway. It was Jake, sporting a mop of black hair, a beaded headband, and a dirty white t-shirt with a marijuana leaf on it that read "Leglize it" in black lettering. He came to school high all the time, and it must have been messing him up because not only were drugs like that already legal here, he couldn't even spell "legalize" right. He sighed and went back to watching Rose and Roxy again. Watching them was like watching "Meangirls" on loop.

They got to their home room and school started. Dirk gritted his teeth through the tedium and tried to act like he gave a single fuck about his grades. It was just so hard, because the material they were being taught was designed to brainwash them further. Also because he had to fake his way through every social encounter. When the final bell rang he was exhausted and eager to go home. He quickly got his things from his locker when he noticed a commotion down the hall.

Go slammed his locker shut and went to check it out, only to find John beating up a very bitter and painfully dweeby Dave Strider. Anger rose up in Dirk. No. Fuck no. He didn't care that he was acting. He didn't care that Dave was a stuck up rude little pocket protecting dweeby version of himself. Nobody picked on his little bro except him.

"Hey! Yo, not cool. Leave the poor kid alone!" He shouted as he walked over to them. He glared at the guys backing John up. "Go pick on someone your own size, asshats, before I beat all your faces in."

They looked at him in fear before retreating.

John, tall, slender, captain of the football team, John, stood his ground. "Dirk? Seriously? Since when did you stand up for nerds like this?"

Dirk scoffed. "This nerd is a human being, and you have better things to be doing with your time."

John rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Have fun with your nerd." He walked off.

Dirk sighed and walked over to Dave, offering his hand to help him up. "Sorry about him."

Dave didn't accept his hand, but got up himself. "Yeah, right. Listen, I don't need charity from idiot jocks like you. I'm not just any sap ready to play into your ploy to look good in front of the teachers. Thanks anyway." He started walking off.

"But it wasn't a ploy!" Protested Dirk. "I really wanted to help."

"Well if that's true, then you're acting strangely and you should stay away from me. I don't want to be part of any questioning for any Jock's touch up."

Dirk frowned as he let Dave leave. He was probably right. That was a bad move, and he should probably avoid Dave at all costs to avoid getting found out. He really hated his life.

0o0o0o0o

In a smooth office building at dusk, a lady with short black hair perfectly styled, walked in red pumps up to a sleek, dark, glass topped table. Her red blazer and pencil skirt accentuated her curves, and her white shirt and black tie had the Better Crocker logo embroidered on them in red. Across from her, a tall troll stood, his suit black with purple pinstripes, his shirt purple, and his tie black and sporting the same logo. His horns curved above his head, and his longish hair was slicked back with a considerable amount of pomade. On his face was carefully painted clown facepaint, which their boss insisted he wear.

Their boss sat at the head of the table, her pantsuit black with a fuchsia blouse that was buttoned down a bit. Her hair was everywhere, and her horns reached the ceiling. She smirked at them with hot fuchsia lips and drummed her long fingernails on the table.

"Now what did you fish out for me?"

"I have reports for tests on Jade Harley." Said Jane, holding a manila folder.

"And I have a mustard blooded troll on his way to his tenth touch up." Said Gamzee with a dignified smirked.

The Condesce gave them a pointy toothed grin. "Excellent, my pets. Keep up the good work."