"Blossoming in the bedroom?' Should we be doing this here?" Stef looked around, as though a passing beachcomber might overhear them.
"I guess we should have read ahead for once. Oh well. If they want us to start giving each other intimate massages we'll just take things to the car." Lena gave Stef a knowing look, and Stef's expression in return could only be described as a leer.
"That was so hot," Stef breathed.
"Yeah, it was." Lena couldn't take her eyes off of Stef's. She swallowed audibly, suddenly feeling like prey about to be devoured.
"Maybe we can just skip this chapter and try a repeat of that night," Stef suggested with a lift of her eyebrow.
"Hm. Tempting. Maybe we can do both."
"Sold. Here we go. 'Once you have gotten to the root of your conflict and begun to address it, this chapter is focused on reconnecting physically. We do not buy into stereotypes about lesbian bed death, but we imagine intimacy may have been part of your conflict. Couples experiencing struggles in other areas of their lives are understandably less inclined towards physical intimacy during those times. We don't want you to work through this chapter until you feel ready - the intensity of uncovering the source of your challenges can leave you disinclined to be touched. But don't wait for your relationship to be perfect - getting intimacy back on track takes work and will have its uncomfortable moments.' Geez, they make it sound like a root canal."
"I'm sure it'll be more fun than that," Lena reassured Stef.
"Here we go with the questions: 'When did you first become intimate? What feelings did you experience?' That's easy - desperate - I felt desperate."
Lena laughed, remembering Stef's assertion she might explode if they didn't have sex. She thought about the path they took to get to that moment and realized their communication issues started at the very beginning.
"We didn't do a great job talking about sex back then - we just avoided it until we couldn't anymore," she said.
"Come on, does any new couple do a great job of it? How fun would that be? 'Darling, before we take off our clothes, could you please outline for me your favorite positions and the frequency with which you desire relations?'" Stef mocked in a terrible British accent.
Lena rolled her eyes. "Still, we could have talked at all about it before we just jumped into bed. We both made assumptions about what the other was thinking, but we never asked."
"I wouldn't say we just jumped into bed." Stef knew Lena was a little sensitive about how quickly she had sex with Gretchen and how that had factored into that relationship's issues. "We spent months getting to know each other, and there was plenty of making out and stuff before we slept together."
Lena wasn't going to give up that easily. "You have to admit you wondered what I was thinking back then, but you didn't ask. I know I did. I was so worried about overwhelming you after coming out, and I didn't want to pressure you."
Stef squeezed Lena's hand. "You're sweet. But there's no way you're going to taint the memories of that night. It was amazing. You were ridiculously hot." She leaned forward and spoke into Lena's ear. "Remember how you almost came before you were even naked?"
Lena shivered. She did remember. "You're right. That was the best first sex I've ever had."
"I should hope so," Stef murmured before pulling back.
"So our first time being intimate was fantastic, and we had gooey feelings about it. What's next?"
"'When were you last intimate? What feelings did you experience? How were they the same or different from your first time?'"
"Yikes." The mood shifted. Lena had to think about the question, which was a bad sign in and of itself.
Stef tried to soften her words, but there was no way to ask the question without sounding bitter. "Are we counting the night you told me you kissed another woman?"
Lena frowned. "We never even got to second base, so it doesn't count. Let's not use that night to assess our feelings."
Stef nodded. It would certainly skew the conversation if they delved into that. If the purpose was to get deeper into their usual intimacy issues, she could let that night go.
"Well, I think the one before that was the night of wine and applesauce," Stef remembered.
"Wow, that's not a whole lot better." Lena still wasn't over Stef faking an orgasm. At least she had the decency to admit she wasn't going to have one that night.
"Aw, come on. It wasn't that bad. I mean, it wasn't the best ever, but we were tired. And we had some good snuggles."
Stef's puppy dog eyes were not going to sway Lena. When she thought about it, that night was the perfect one to use as an example. They weren't connected, they didn't communicate, and the whole thing felt like an obligation.
"It wasn't ideal. And it felt nothing like our first time."
Stef couldn't deny that. "I wanted to want to that night. It had been awhile since we had done it, and I knew it was important to not end up like some of our friends. But I guess that's not a good reason to have sex."
Lena thought about it. "Maybe the better thing to do would have been to work on the things that would have made us want to get sweaty and naked, rather than making a halfhearted stab at it."
Stef smiled at Lena's imagery. "Like what?"
"Like talking and feeling connected in ways other than physically. Just spending time together doing something fun. Getting dressed up and going out to dinner. Going for a walk on the beach."
"Date nights or something?" Stef asked. "That's always sounded cheesy to me, but I can see now that if we don't make time for each other it won't just happen. Especially with five kids."
"We've done a good job of maintaining these Saturday evening times - let's just continue doing other things once we've finished the book," Lena suggested.
"Perfect. Here's the next question: 'What's the longest you've gone without intimacy? How does your relationship change when intimacy is more or less frequent?'"
"Wow, that's a good question - both of them. I guess we've gone a few months, right?" Lena asked.
"More than once," Stef concurred. "Those first few months of our relationship were amazing, but we certainly couldn't sustain that kind of pace once Brandon was with us full time, even though we were living together."
"And we never really came close to getting it back. Adding the twins certainly didn't make it easier to have sex."
"Poor guys. I think they spent more nights in our bed that first six months than out of it." Stef smiled at the memory of the twins appearing at their bedroom door at midnight their first night in the house, holding hands. They didn't say a word, but Stef understood how scary it was for them to sleep in a strange place. She just put them between herself and Lena, and they snuggled the children until they finally drifted off.
"We put our kids first, and I can't regret that."
"Me neither."
"So, how do you think frequency of sex - or infrequency - affects us?" Lena asked, getting back to the exercise.
Stef thought for a moment. "When we have sex, I feel really close to you the next day. It's like the hormonal high goes on past the actual event."
Lena smiled at Stef's description. "I know what you mean. And it's not just the act of having an orgasm that does it - if I'm by myself, the lingering effects aren't the same."
Stef had to pause for a moment to appreciate the image that came to mind. She didn't disagree with Lena's point, but as long as they ended together, there was no reason Lena couldn't start by herself. Then Stef could join her and...
Stef shook her head and tried to refocus. "So is it that simple? We should just have more sex, and we'd feel fantastic and connected all the time?" She was only half joking.
That sounded nice to Lena - a world where there was always ample time, and both of them were always in the mood.
"I suppose it's not realistic to have sex every day or something," Lena admitted. "But we could make it a higher priority."
Stef grinned. "Maybe we should start renting a room by the hour on Saturday evenings, once we're done with this book." She thought back to their earlier discussion. "But we just said doing it because we feel like we should doesn't really work for us. So we have to find time to do things that will make us want to have sex, and the time to actually have sex?"
Lena smirked. "Well, we could always just watch 'Breakfast on Tiffany' to speed things along."
Stef smiled. She wrapped her arms around Lena and kissed her. "This is nice - us talking about a subject that used to be a big source of conflict without getting into a fight."
Lena leaned her head on Stef's shoulder. "We'll figure it out. What matters is we both want to. I get what the book is saying - when people have other problems in their relationship, the last thing they want is to be physically intimate. And when that suffers, they don't have all of the happy feelings from sex to keep them going and the problems get bigger."
"It's sort of a chicken/egg thing," Stef observed. "If we can just have the sex, it'll help us feel closer outside of the bedroom. And if we can feel closer outside of the bedroom we'll want to have more sex."
"So it doesn't matter where we start, as long as we're working on communicating and trying to stay close to each other." This felt achievable to Lena. People talked about relationships being hard work, but in her mind, if spending time together - naked or otherwise - was such a chore then maybe it wasn't worth it. She felt positive about the prospect of prioritizing time with Stef - there was nothing burdensome about it.
"I know it's easier said than done, but yeah." Stef smiled at Lena. "We got this."
"We do."
"Deja vu," Stef observed with a raise of her eyebrow once Lena turned off the ignition.
Playing along, Lena ignored the fact that they had sat in the driveway infinitely more times without getting frisky than they had with that outcome. "Here we are again - you, me, a roomy back seat…"
"I don't know that I'd call it roomy," Stef laughed.
"Roomy enough to get the job done," Lena replied with a smirk.
"Indeed." Stef unbuckled and leaned over to kiss Lena.
Lena met her in the middle, caressing Stef's face. Things heated up quickly, hands roving, lips exploring. Stef flashed back to their first kiss - it was a different car, but she felt the same sense of wanting to remember everything. It had been so long since she felt this close to Lena, this desirous to touch her.
Stef had just bitten down gently on Lena's ear, when headlights illuminated the car. Lena pulled back with a disappointed whimper.
"Brandon's home," she stated.
"He's grounded," Stef growled, kissing Lena one last time before getting out of the car.
After an hour of talking through Brandon's latest troubles at Idyllwild, Stef finally made it to her bedroom, hoping to pick up where she and Lena left off in the car. Unfortunately, Lena was fast asleep, the lamp still on and her book still open.
Stef was touched that Lena clearly tried to stay awake. She turned off the light and slipped into bed, thankful Lena was still beside her. She spooned her wife tightly, and it was enough.
"Nice of the kids to let us have a morning alone together," Lena commented as she leaned against the counter, sipping her coffee.
"Usually Callie's up at the crack of dawn to get to work. I guess she's off today," Stef replied. She ate the last bite of her toast, then realized her mug was just about empty. She walked to the coffee pot, purposefully brushing up against Lena in the process.
"Subtle, Foster." Lena remembered Stef's initial forays into affection and realized she hadn't gotten any smoother over time.
"Hey, that's Adams Foster to you." Stef set her mug down and leaned towards Lena, her hands on the counter trapping Lena in place.
"So it is." Lena put her coffee cup on the counter as well. She threaded her fingers through Stef's hair and pulled her in for a kiss. Stef's thigh landed between Lena's.
"Mm," Lena moaned, pulling Stef closer.
Stef slid her hands down to grab Lena's ass, her squeeze bringing them together even more tightly.
"So, can I borrow your jacket or - hey, whoa, don't you guys, like, have a bedroom for that?" Mariana and Callie walked into the kitchen at just the wrong time.
Stef and Lena broke apart. Stef tried to fix her mussed hair, and Lena nonchalantly refilled her coffee cup.
"It could be worse," Callie commented with a smirk. "They could be fighting - or divorced. You should appreciate this, you know."
"Fine. Whatever. My virgin eyes just don't need to see it," Mariana huffed.
"And a good morning to you too, ladies," Stef finally recovered enough to speak.
"Not as good as it was shaping up to be," Lena muttered under her breath.
Sunday night was busy with the science project Jude forgot was due; Monday Stef had to work late; and Tuesday Mariana had a dance competition the whole family attended.
By Wednesday, Lena was feeling a lot like she had when she and Stef first got together. If they didn't have sex soon, she might literally combust. She was determined to make it happen, confirming all of the kids had done their homework, ordering pizza and eating it on paper plates so dinner went quickly, and rejecting Stef's suggestion of opening a bottle of wine - she wasn't risking anything.
Lena closed the door behind them, glancing at the clock and realizing they hadn't gone to bed this early in months.
"You think the kids suspect? That fake yawn was hardly Oscar-worthy," Stef winked at Lena as she stripped off her shirt.
Lena undressed quickly. "I don't care. Now get naked," she commanded.
"Yes Ma'am." Stef complied and slipped under the covers of their bed.
Lena joined her, covering Stef's body with her own. Her kisses were almost desperate, and Stef tried to slow things down a bit.
"You're right," Lena misinterpreted the reason Stef pulled back. "We should just get down to business."
It wasn't quite the reconnecting experience Stef had anticipated, but she supposed they had to start somewhere. There would be plenty of time in the future for more leisurely experiences.
Just as Lena started moving down her body -
"Moms, can I -"
"Knock!"
"Gross!"
"Mom, about that offer to come down and watch the kids while Stef and I go away…"