Chapter 20: Not Now, Not Ever

Bella's POV

I sat looking at my overly anxious Edward. He was most definitely not the type to want to go to a bar, but here he was looking at me anxiously awaiting my answer. "Why do you want to go?" I frowned and he shrugged.

"I just thought you'd want to spend you some time with Alice and this seemed like a good opportunity."

"Edward, did you see how those girls where dressed? I'm in jeans and a tee shirt; I'm not dressed for that kind of thing." He grimaced and crossed his arms.

"I personally think they were over and under dressed at the same time, but if you insist on matching we can find something for you in Alice's closet." He offered me his hand once more. I was hesitant because I knew he was hiding something, but the only way to figure out what it was was to oblige him in this. I took his hand and he led me to Alice's room.

After a few minutes of looking, we settled on this hunter green and black halter dress. He left me to change in privacy, and my mind began dissecting the scene that had played out in front of me earlier. Leah had most definitely changed her opinion of vampires since I'd left. She seemed almost as if she had been adopted by the Cullens.

I worked to tie my dress in the back, and thought about Edward; he seemed awfully protective of her. I needed to know why Had he begun to look at her as a sister because she hung out with them so much? The look he'd given her as she came down the stairs was not that of a brother. I had to dismiss this notion. I smirked at my reflection in Alice's mirror. This dress was really stylish. I wasn't usually a fan of dresses, but I was surprised by how much I liked it.

I stepped out of the room to see Edward placing his cell phone back into his pocket. He looked me up and down, then approached me and placed a kiss at the top of my head. "You look beautiful," he said as he took my hand. "You ready to go?" I nodded and he led me downstairs and out of the house.

We entered the bar, Mystic Sliver. It was much more than a bar it carried more of a club experience. It was dark, lit with lights of white and purple streaming across the ceiling of the building. The furniture was very modern and square; the seats, the cups and everything was square, and strategically placed. Edward scanned the room, I thought he was looking for a place for us to sit, but it was soon evident that what or who he was looking for. We quickly shuffled through the crowd to Alice, Rose, and Leah at the bar surrounded by men. Leah was in the center of it all, she was smiling and chuckling as she held a square cup up to her lips. Alice noticed as we entered the bar and approached them. She placed a smile on her face, but for some reason I had a feeling she wasn't displaying her true emotion.

"Hey," I said, hoping that I was loud enough to be heard over the music playing.

"Hi Bella, Edward, what brings you down here? I thought you had plans." Rose asked with an air of indifference as she passed Leah another drink.

"We decided that are plans weren't as interesting as what you had planned so we decided to join you," Edward explained. I sidled closer to him. It suddenly felt like he was the only person that wanted me there.

"Cool the more the merrier!" Alice said as she pulled me into one of her famous hugs. She patted my back a few times then released me. "You wouldn't want a drink would you? These guys have been very accommodating and I'm afraid Leah can't drink them all."

"No, I'm fine, thanks." I turned my attention to Leah, who was staring daggers into me. She didn't seem very happy. Was she scowling at me or was she just observing me very closely? "Hey Leah," I muttered softly. She tapped her glass and nodded.

"Hi Bella," she said dryly. It seemed like she didn't want to talk to me, or even look at me for that matter. I knew that before I'd left, she didn't like me because of my involve me with the 'cold ones', but now she was just as much a fan as I was, or it seemed that was the case to me. Why did she still hate me?

"I didn't know you liked to drink?" I attempted to make small talk, she narrowed her eyes at me and then glanced at Edward.

"No, I don't usually drink, but right now..." She paused and tilted her head back to drain the glass in her hand. "Right now, I could use another." She turned around and placed her glass on the bar, just as she did another guy bought a drink and placed it in her hand. She murmured a thank you before taking a sip.

"She's just nervous about the upcoming events," Alice chirped understandingly as she wrapped her arm around Leah.

"No, I'm not!" Leah shrugged herself out of Alice's grasp. She gave Edward another knowing look and then tossed her head. "I've gotta pee" She called over her shoulder and left us all, disappearing in the crowd as she ventured toward the bathrooms on the other side of the bar.

Edward's POV

I was glad that when we arrived that Leah was just propped up on the bar with my sisters. Even though there were men surrounding them, she didn't seem fazed. She was trying to get drunk, trying to escape. We need to talk… just once, and maybe then we could figure whatever this is between us. I watched now as she ran away from me. She was forever running, but it probably didn't help that I'd brought Bella and disrupted her evening. I couldn't see any way around bringing her. I was still so confused by the situation, but I knew that if I could just get Leah to talk to me and really let me understand where her head was at, then maybe it would help me out of the limbo state I felt I was in. After making conversation with my sisters and Bella for a few minutes I excused myself to find Leah. I found her and approached her just as she appeared in front of the ladies' restroom. I quickly grabbed her arm and ushered her into the coat room a couple doors down.

"What the hell!" She yelled as she pushed me away from her. I released my grip on her. I reached behind me and locked the door, then stood in front of it.

"We need to talk, now." I spoke gently, using the good old seduction method. I'd tried this in play with Leah before, but this time I really needed it to work. She gazed at me with confusion on her face for a second, and then snorted and turned her back on me.

"Your Jedi mind tricks don't work on our kind stupid. How many times do I have to tell you that?" She crossed her arms and sighed. "What do you want from me, Edo?" She slurred slightly as she asked the question. "You want me to say it? You want me to say what you already know? I have feelings for you stupid! I care… I care so much, but it doesn't matter because Bella's back." She turned to me with a single tear running down her face.

"I care for you too Leah. I do." I approached her to take her in my arms and hold her. She took several urgent steps, backing away from me.

"I'm not- I don't want this! I don't want this conversation between the two of us. I don't want you to tell me how much you care for me only to explain that we'll always be friends because you love Bella. I've heard this speech before and we will not be friends, ever again. I don't want your lies, Edward Cullen!" I started to refute what she was saying but she snapped. "I WILL NOT BE YOUR JACOB! I WON'T LET YOU BREAK MY HEART! I DON'T KNOW HOW MANY TIMES I CAN HANDLE BEING BROKEN… SO STOP!" She dropped to her knees as she sobbed. "Just stop!"

"Leah, no. Don't do this," I whispered as I kneeled before her. This time she allowed me to gather her into my arms. For the first time in a very long time, I felt complete. I was sad that I'd made her feel this way, but elated to hold her.

"It's going to be okay," I whispered, a breath away from her ear as I rubbed her back in a circular motion. Her tears began to slow as I continued to hold her. After a few moments she raised her head from my shoulder and looked at me with soft, red, and vulnerable eyes.

"Edward," she breathed; she smoothed her hand along my jaw line and led my lips to hers. I allowed it to happen; the thing that if I were allowed to dream, would've haunted my subconscious. I allowed this kiss to express all of my passion in a way I'd never done with anyone. I cradled her face with both my hands while she shifted her hands until she gripped possessively at the bottom of my shirt.

Her heartbeat accelerated and her want for me filled my nostrils. It was such a head delicious scent. I groaned wanting, needing to be closer to that aroma. I lowered my hands making sure to slowly caress the sides of her body, all the while our kisses stayed intense, our tongues telling the tale that we were trying to keep a secret. My hands rested on the bottom of her dress, my hands began to deftly lift the little black dress over her bottom. "Edward?" I couldn't tell if she was calling me or begging me, but it didn't matter, just hearing her voice excited me further.

I gently leaned her backward until her back was against the black carpet on the closet floor. I watched as her body squirmed with want. I would've never thought that I'd be doing something like this, but there was no indecision in my mind. As I watched Leah my eyes fixated on hers, her eyes shimmered with lustful intoxication as she slowly caressed the outside of my thigh with her red stilettos. As I was entranced by her, I deftly undid my pants. I placed strategic kisses along her collarbone and jaw line.

"Leah," I whispered and then sucked on her earlobe and she leaned into the feel of it. Her body jerked as she placed her hands on my shoulders, then slowly moved her left hand down the contour of my back. She caressed me lazily as I smoothed my hands down her body; they ended up at her center toying with it over her blue panties. The thoughts she was sending me confessed her thrill with my touch and how much she had missed me. With almost every move, and every touch I gave her, she gave me another thought of love or approval. Within only a few moments, I could take the excitement no longer; I moved her blue panties to the side and entered her. This was my first experience, but the knowledge of Leah's desires made pleasing her easy, and to have Leah as my first - I felt like a very lucky man. As we moved together I had to wonder why it had taken me so long to surrender to the sensation of lust. This moment had to be fate; I couldn't see being with anybody else but Leah, not now, not ever.